Why do people class me as extremely attractive but I only attract men who want to sleep with me or no one at all?

Question

i feel kind of unlovable since (got played badly once for sex, left me bad) and i usually don’t feel respected by men.

i either get comments on my body or just sexual things i feel disgusted at.

all my other friends are in respectful relationships and i kinda feel like a virgin whore.

i’ve only kissed one guy in my life (i was nearly blackout drunk so i don’t even know if that counts)

sometimes i don’t even get guys attention at all and i feel unattractive most days, and other days i feel too attractive.

i know i’m an awkward person, i’m very shy, i live in a country were i don’t totally dominate the language (i still have an accent and i stumble on words) i have social anxiety even though i can kind of put on a character and i have like 3 friends.

i feel very unhappy with my romantic life since i’ve never had a boyfriend before and i feel like no one cares about my personality, or think it’s boring and that i don’t matter in that way.

what do i do?

RavVid · Accepted Answer

People generally take you as you present yourself because it is easier to do that. The way you dress is part of the way you present. If you are presenting sexual value that is going to be how you are taken.

I did see you say that you are not changing away from short skirts, tight tops and long nails. I think that is a mistake. If I saw you, I would think you were dressed for male attention and presenting sexual value. You would be one of the girls I automatically filter out as not of interest. I am more interested in a girlfriend than a girl for the night.

Dressed that way most guys would assume you are looking for sex with some justification because when girls are looking for sex that is how they dress. That puts you outside the girlfriend category and quite likely we will think you more likely to cheat. OK for the bed tonight but not for the long term.

There can be quite a mismatched between what girls think are sexy and guys think is sexy. Fishnet stockings are a classic - girls think they are sexy but guys know they aren't. Short skirts have been around for 60 years. Our grandmas wore them for god's sake.

I will be more attracted to women who dress femininely. Like a sundress or a longish skirt. It is more sensuous which I value. Clothing like that tends to highlight the movement of a woman's body

Quite possibly your personality reflects your short skirts and your repartee reflects a desire to be sexy.

You say you don't want to change to obtain what you are saying you want but other girls are obtaining guys respect and you are not. So you have to consider that you need to change what you are doing and part of that is how you dress.

Guys here are telling you this and we are expert in what we find attractive in girls and what we look for in a girlfriend. I'm not being harsh, just giving to you straight. Another suggested older guys are more relationship oriented and that is true.

Inbox · Accepted Answer

Just like how women put men into nice guys (good only for long term dating), bad boys (one night stands, friends with benefits, and dating, etc)…men do the exact same thing when determining to put you in the girlfriend or only for sex category.

Contrary to modern day Feminist ranting, how you dress, act, and past sexual history all determines your sexual market value in a male’s eyes.

For example, today I picked up 2 pretty girls and will be going out with them because they have kind eyes and don’t dress provocatively. You can be attractive, but if you have a bitchy personality, I’m avoiding you.

Do you give off a mean or cold type of look when men look or speak with you? Do you dress sexually or conservatively? Not all men are the same, but for me, how a woman dresses tells me a lot about her. If she is attractive, has a good body, but dresses conservatively, I’m DEFINITELY going to go and talk to her. All that remains at that point is to see if she has a warm personality and interested back in me.

Once we’re on a date, we learn more about each other and see where things go from there. Lastly, it could very well be location/demographics of where you’re meeting these guys you don’t like. I don’t drink, smoke, or party and I only meet girls during the day time (parks, grocery stores, Barnes and Noble, Starbucks, etc) and they’re usually stable girls. Night time is a big no no for me because women are usually bitchy (their walls are up because they’re expecting men to approach) and odds are they’re not stable women.

Hope this helps 😁

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

A language barrier is a giant stumbling block. But what country are you from and where are you living? Is there some stereotype about women from your country being "loose"? This could be part of the problem. And that makes two big issues for you.

If you're TOO good-looking, maybe these men think you're only up for sex?

And, let's face it, at 24, men are walking horndogs, in general. So it's not exactly you. It's the age of men you're dealing with too. Aha. A THIRD problem.

Where are you meeting these men? THrough friends? Friends know what you're looking for. Let them help you meet better guys. Maybe you should look for a guy a few years older than you. Say 27 or 28. By that time, they're a bit more serious and are evaluating women for more then sex alone.

Talk to a counselor about your anxiety issues. You may need some medication to help you feel better. But take your time and take a deep breath. None of this is unsolvable. Good luck.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Accepted Answer

I do attract men who always want sex too…  I just want someone to love me.  I understand your pain. I’d much rather be called cute than sexy, however, I think people think I am sexier than cuter.

AviatorTom · Answer

That's pretty much what "extremely attractive" means...

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Tough to say without seeing what you're like as a person.

I once dated a woman I thought was incredibly sweet but had a similar sort of experience with men that you're complaining about. I found her physically attractive, but she wasn't like... oh lawd. She was the epitome of the girl next door, wall flower that had her glow up type of lady. I just really couldn't figure out what was going on, because she was sharp as hell, she looked good, and generally seemed like she had a polite, mild, gentle and feminine demeanor about her. I spoke with this lady for like 9 months online (we didn't start off romantic) before we met for our date.

Anywho, it wasn't until I went on the date and interacted with her in person in a romantic setting that I IMMEDIATELY figured out why she was scraping the bottom of the barrel with men; in person, she's a frigid, uptight, condescending bitch that oozes a vibe like she thinks everything is beneath her. I have no idea how much of that is intentional versus how much is just her thinking that's how people act.

The funniest part of all that is I know she has some awareness that she's doing it, because she straightened right TF up when she realized that I am exactly the person I claimed to be.

RingOfFire · Answer

First, calm down and take a deep breath. You have a lot of fears. But you also have a lot of time to work things through. You are young and at an age where it is normal to have many doubts and not understand everything. Take it one step at a time. The answers will come. I think you should focus on relaxing first. You don't need to solve all of this overnight. Live your life, do things that you enjoy, listen to the birds and smell the flowers. The answers will come. And so will the relationships.

aceleon · Answer

sorry girl but this is the harsh reality of life what we call relationships is only good when they are good if they are not good they are shit, so i can't tell you what to feel but i can tell you what i go with

fuck relationships life is hard enough alone, detect the reasons that makes you feel unattractive sometimes and get rid of them first make peace with yourself then if you still want a relationship then let it be the tommorrow's you's problem.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

What you shouldn't do is blame yourself, the world is running on the wrong influences and it was unfortunate that you got used by a guy that didn't have your best interest in mind but I can assure you good guys exist, they just blend in very well cause there's no tags to stand a guy out, if it helps I'll say that your soul seems very pure but the best things in life are never easy to get, keep seeking, at some point you'll find it. 👍💯

Likes2drive · Answer

The guy that are asking you out for sex probably the only ones bold enough to ask you out. I usually want more than that in a lasting relationship, but beautiful woman intimidate me

LiamJHayden · Answer

Which "people?" There are over 8 billion on the planet.

RedInnocent68 · Answer

Because you are. That’s kind of what attractive means.

barn_stormer · Answer

you're not extremely attractive. you have a weird face and fat arms.

CoolCatMar1 · Answer

U kinda look like Alexa Demie

Anonymous · Answer

Are you boring though?

Why do people class me as extremely attractive but I only attract men who want to sleep with me or no one at all?

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