Is being gay a choice?

[Ellie-V]

Updates

+1 y

I didn’t choose to like tities 😋❤️

[aa180]

I doubt that. If I "tried" to be gay, I'd fail miserably. And if a gay guy "tried" to be straight, he'd also fail miserably.

It's like, you can't choose which foods you like and which you don't, it's automatically determined by your taste buds and you simply react to it. If you don't like the taste of a certain food, there's nothing you can do to change that. You can't alter yourself to enjoy it, the bad taste you experience is fixed and set into place regardless of your free will.

[RolandCuthbert]

Not many of GaG's gay community are chiming in. I am not gay. So I don't really have any idea.

[RolandCuthbert]

I didn't know you were gay. But again, I am not. And at GaG, there aren't many gay people who talk about their experience.

[Ellie-V]

I’m not gay, I identify as pansexual.

[RolandCuthbert]

I can't even begin to understand that term.

But it doesn't look like this is the place to learn.

Interesting.

[Ellie-V]

If you care to understand I could explain it to you, it’s not a difficult concept

[RolandCuthbert]

A lot of people talk about what is difficult and what is not. Of course that is based upon assumptions.

Again, I am willing to listen. But don't pretend it will be easy for me to understand.

[Ellie-V]

It just means I am attracted to people regardless of their biology or how they identify. The watered down simplification of this is called bisexuality. This term in inaccurate when describing myself because most bisexuals are not open to the transgender/non-binary community.

[RolandCuthbert]

I don't know why you think this would be simple for people outside of your group identity to understand.

So first, what do you mean by "not open to the transgender or non-binary community"?

Do you mean that bisexuals claim not to be attracted to transgenders?

[Ellie-V]

Yes, most of them aren’t willing to entertain a sexual or romantic relationship with them. It’s not something they will broadcast but that is the truth. If it wasn’t then a separate term would not be needed.

[RolandCuthbert]

Do you think most of those who identify as bisexual would agree with your assessment?

[Ellie-V]

Yes.

[RolandCuthbert]

I dunno. I tend to shy away from folks who try to speak on behalf of groups they admit to not being a member of.

Though I must admit it makes a certain type of sense.

My next question is, do you believe you were born pansexual?

[Ellie-V]

I don’t speak on behalf of bisexuals. I’m just giving you lgbt+ textbook definitions. And most of the community agree with the separated labels. If they didn’t they wouldn’t exist.

And no I was not born pansexual.

[RolandCuthbert]

Well, again, you just stated what you believe most bisexuals would say or how they would define their identify.
That is your choice not mine.

As for you not being born a pansexual at what age did you make this discovery? Is this a pre-determined choice or something you simply cannot control when you reached a certain age?

[Ellie-V]

I made the discovery around 16 or 17. As for the second question it’s a little bit of both.
I always knew that I liked girls more than guys and there’s nothing that could have changed that. But as I started to learn more about the lgbt+ I realized that I am attracted to everyone regardless of their sexuality or identity. I do believe that in my particular case it was a choice to broaden my mind when it comes to romantic relationships. But it was an easy choice since it’s just in my nature to love unconditionally.

[RolandCuthbert]

I am not here to judge you. Just asking questions and as you can see, a person outside of your group identity rarely could understand your life as you see it.

Like for me, you are talking about "loving" someone. How do you know you just don't like sex with different people? Maybe that is different than actually being in love.

I have watched Karley Sciortino's show and read some of her articles to try to get some insight.

But as an outsider, I don't think someone like her is capable of loving a person. I think she loves sex and loves many different kinds of sex. But being dedicated to one person doesn't seem to be her deal.

Not judging. Just commenting. Again, I don't understand the lifestyle. I don't know if I ever will. But I will try. I had to deal with a bit of a surprise when a young fella I mentored revealed that he was gay. It hurt me that he felt he couldn't come to me first and talk.

[Ellie-V]

I never had the impression you were judging me.
And yeah I understand the difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. I’ve never had sex with a transgender lady but I’m fully aware that I had feelings for her.

[RolandCuthbert]

So are those feeling similar to what I feel for my fiancee? If we could not have sex for the rest of our lives, I would not leave her side.

I love that woman.

[Ellie-V]

That’s nice ☺️
And I don’t really care for sex generally so fortunately my feelings are not clouded by arousal

[RolandCuthbert]

Hmmm. . . that's interesting.

From the outside, it seems as if so much of the identity is driven by sex. Not really by genuine feelings for one another. But again, I am an outsider.

[Ellie-V]

I personally cannot imagine how something like pansexuality can be driven by sex when most discover it by connecting with others emotionally

[RolandCuthbert]

That's the thing. From the outside, it looks like there is little emotional connection.

In the news, you hear about Miley Cyrus, Janelle Monae, etc. by the way, I have only heard of women being pansexual. Those are the examples, I know of. And their statements or expressions about themselves is usually about sex.

Perhaps that is just because they are entertainers. I am not saying you identify with their experience. I know all about being blamed for having certain views based upon my group membership. Just sayin', these are the examples that exist, easily referenced.

Maybe in your specific experience, that isn't true. But there isn't much out in the media that shows what the "true" experience is like, if one can make that claim. GaG isn't a place where folks share and learn about different experiences.

They mostly just smack each around with all that they do not know.

[Ellie-V]

Celebrities and media do not fairly represent anyone... except for straight white people.

[RolandCuthbert]

Hmmmm. . .

Well, I think I can agree with that to some extent. But thanks for sharing a bit. I think this is the first time I have actually learned something in an exchange with someone here at GaG.

[Ellie-V]

No problem ☺️ Thank you for being civil.

[LittleBird_]

For some people no, they are naturally gay. I don't have a problem with those If they are congenitally gay, I just want them to not to live their gay lives in public explicitly.
For some other people, yes, they are affected by the LGBT community around and they think they are gay just because "it sounds cool" or they had traumas in the past or no one from the opposite gender likes them. Most of the gays I know are like the second one and I neither have sympathy nor respect for them.

[EclipseoftheHeart]

I don't think God creates anyone gay as it is an abomination to him. I really don't know why some people are gay. Maybe it has to do with chemicals in our environment, like in our food, water, or air, that interacts with our bodies or brains. You know it is stuff in our environment as girls are reaching puberty earlier and getting big boobs when still in grade school. So what else does it do to us?

[TheRealQuestion]

Plastic. A certain by-product of producing plastic is chemically identical to estrogen, it is absorbed through the skin when you come in contact with plastic, and almost everything is made of plastic these days, if i challenged you to go one day without touching anything with plastic in it, you wouldn't be able to do anything.

Humans are being dosed with trace amounts of estrogen every day since birth.

I suspect it would be a contributing cause of "man boobs" as well as some of the things you mentioned.

[EclipseoftheHeart]

@TheRealQuestion Yes, it is hard to find any store bought food not in cans or in plastic. Our convenience is dooming us.

[LingyRolls]

I think it can be. It can also be more "baked in" from the start. Psychology has shown time and again that sexuality is malleable. That's why there's so much gay sex in prison with men that otherwise would most likely never have done stuff with another guy.

[spartan55]

I don't remember the day in elementary school where I was asked to choose if I like boys or girls. What? Neither do you? That's because we don't choose. I've always known I like girls... never had to choose.

[yasii]

I can't remember ever choosing to be straight and I'm sure most people can't either. So why would anyone think Gays choose to be gay?

[Royalsarcasist]

No not at all we are all born on a spectrum of gayness haha

[Soremain]

Of course not. If I could choose, I'd flip on asexual mode always when I'm alone. See a girl, flip on straight mode and approach her and just as she's about to reject me flip on asexual mode again and don't get disappointed.

[THenny]

Hahahaha

[humanearth]

No I don't think it is a choice. It what makes you go GaGA and start drooling when you see them walking. Like 24 is the perfect age for experimentation. Try it. Ask yourself "What am I attracted to boys, girls, or both?"

[WhatTheHellAmy2]

I’d say one cannot choose who to be attracted to.

But I think people can un-gay themselves

[PokerPlayer]

What do you think about girls in college who just do it to experiment though? I think some people are open to trying it even if they don't really feel an attraction.

[WhatTheHellAmy2]

@PokerPlayer that’s me. I ungay myself. I’m married now.

But I do feel attraction or admiration for some girls

[Ellie-V]

How can you reverse homosexuality?

[SjE78]

no it isn't we are all born different, we all grow different no one chooses to be straight, bi, gay or whatever

[Kaneki05]

No unless if your bi cause then you might just choose to only go after guys and like guys. Or the otherway around.

Then gender change is choice for sure.

[HomoFuge]

No it is not a choice. I don't believe people are born gay but just sort of end up developing that way, which is not anything they can control.

[gothgirl997]

I think it has to do with the way one was bought up to a certain degree and their social environment, interests etc.

[abc3643]

No, it is not. You have as much choice of being gay as you do in choosing your fingerprints.

[BeMuse]

I don't know how, but there are those dudes that do gay porn for the extra money. So I guess on some level it’s a choice for some people.

[BrianMerritt]

Feeling sexual urges is a natural bodily reaction,
but actually taking the action to have gay sex, that's a very conscious choice.

[Ellie-V]

It’s a conscious choice to have straight sex as well, yes?

[BrianMerritt]

Obviously

[BrianMerritt]

What are you getting at?

[Alice2398]

No I don't believe its a choice but I see it as a choice to come out and openly date the same sex

[MrMansonsPocketPssy]

Of course not. You're born like that or you aren't.
xx
~ Mrs Manson

[TheFlak38]

Yes I bet the gay in the Middle East chose to become gay and risk his life and get beheaded if that certain "nature" of his gets discovered.

[AynonOMouse]

Actions are a choice. If it isn't then people shouldn't get blamed for being murderers either.

[janna_jcb]

You can not act on it and still be gay, so it is not a choice

[Ellie-V]

You don’t have to have gay sex to be gay. Like you don’t have to have straight sex to know you’re straight.

[PrettyRegular]

It's hard to explain what it is. It just feels so weird, that some people love the same gender. I guess they wouldn't like to be like that, if they would have a choice. It's a bit sad.

[Anonymous]

No just like being straight isn't a choice. I didn't choose to be straight, I just am.

[inmensus]

No, it isn't. If it was a choice, I'm sure no one would purposely put themselves in a situation where they're discriminated...

[TheLorde]

No, but we can choose to rise up against the government to stop them putting chemicals in the water that turn the friggin frogs gay.

[loser_boy]

NO.. obviously how much of a dingus do you have to believe it's a choice. Done believe me try forcing yourself to be gay..

[PrincessGrail]

No. Neither is being bi or pan.

[Ellie-V]

I don’t think sexuality is a choice

[PrincessGrail]

Agreed

[Tim-loves-it]

I don't know.. I know if I ever get divorced, Im going that way.

[Shydude91]

No, i can't help being attracted to girls, not getting any is a different story though lol

[CheckPlease]

Na its just like being straight us a choice.

[MlleCake]

Not in my experience.

[Wakingup]

Definitely is I think just like being straight

[Bluemax]

For most, no. For some, yes.

[jacquesvol]

When did you decide to be straight? Why?

[jacquesvol]

in my opinion , only bisexuals have the choice between living straight or living gay or living bisexual

[Ellie-V]

I’ve never been straight

[truthbeknown]

Yes. I choose not to be gay.

[Drumlin2001]

No. you dont choose your sexuality.

[Philyouup]

No more than the color of your skin.

[Philyouup]

No you were not. You were blessed. Likening titties is a blessing.

[Philyouup]

Among other tasty bits.

[Ellie-V]

What 😂😂😂

[Philyouup]

😉😊

[MyExperience]

I dint think you choose what your sexuality is.

[SarahVanRensburg]

Yes it is.

[Ellie-V]

Why do homosexuals choose to be that way?

[motownplayer2000]

I’d say 90-96% of the actions you do is a choice.

[Iamagoodguy]

I believe it's genetics

[Elizabeth00]

No cause who choose a lift time of harassment.

[Saphi]

It's whatever you want it to be

[SunnyCaliGirl]

It’s a very deep topic

[Ninakaran]

Maybe I don't know. I am not a psychologist.

[loser_boy]

Lol why would someone choose to be gay?

[NightOwl8801]

There's nothing wrong with that

[janna_jcb]

No it is not.

[Aphrodite8789]

Yes it really is

[Ellie-V]

How is it a choice in your opinion?

[Aphrodite8789]

It is a choice because people are choosing to go after the same sex

[Ellie-V]

So do straight people choose to be straight?

[Aphrodite8789]

Yepp

[Ellie-V]

That’s cool. So why do they choose to be straight?

[Aphrodite8789]

Actually it’s kinda different. We are built to find the opposite sex attractive

[Ellie-V]

So are gay people built to find the same sex attractive as well?

[Aphrodite8789]

Obviously not, as they are the same sex, not the opposite sex.

[Ellie-V]

Well then why would someone choose to be gay when they are naturally displeased emotionally/psychologically/physically with the opposite sex? And knowing the social backlash they may or may not face, why would someone choose to put themselves through adversity?

[Aphrodite8789]

I never said they would naturally be displeased. Doesn’t change the fact that everyone guy or girl is attracted to the opposite sex.

[Ellie-V]

So what you’re saying is gay people are attracted to the opposite sex?

[Aphrodite8789]

Of course I don’t even think it’s possible for someone to be fully gay. They all think someone of the opposite sex is attractive.

[Ellie-V]

Acknowledging beauty doesn’t mean you empathize with it romantically or sexually

[Aphrodite8789]

You are gay?

[Ellie-V]

No I’m not

[Aphrodite8789]

Everyone is attracted to the opposite sex. It’s biologically impossible not to be.

[Ellie-V]

Maybe somewhat but not enough to want to have sex or a relationship

[Aphrodite8789]

Being gay is a choice.

[Ellie-V]

Okay

[RedThread]

Lmao this exchange.. Yikes.

[reptocarl]

I think it is

[Ellie-V]

Why do homosexuals choose to be gay?

[reptocarl]

Don’t know

[Lyndsielee666]

Definitely not

[z3lda]

No it's not.

[сэргэн]

Nobody chooses their sexual orientation.

[Slim57]

No you just are or aren't

[carameltwin]

No -_-

[RyanAmaral]

Nope.

[Gedaria]

In most cases no !!!

[Gedaria]

A lot of cases it's what a person is born with , not a lot of control !!!

[BethanyS97]

No its not

[Evan94]

No it's not

[Muhammad1999]

Yes it is

[ChiPaPa]

Nope.

[ChiPaPa]

That's great sparky

[esotericstory]

yeah

[FrenchyRomain]

no it is not