After being clean and sober for some time, what made you want to go back to smoking and drinking?

Awhile back (months ago) when I met my long distance boyfriend. I decided to become clean from smoking, cause of his culture and family beliefs. That I wanted to change myself for him and become healthy, so we could have a good future together.

In the beginning it was great, cause he was my opioid and distraction from my toxic life with my family. Ex: My mom and I were hardly talking and not arguing. My brother and I were getting along. I was more relaxed.

Till something shifted in our long distance relationship. My boyfriend was hardly texting me and calling me. That he was hanging out with his buddies and the plans we made to talk to each other, he would forget. I confronted to him about this and begged him for us to talk it out. But, he wasn’t interested.

I felt like I smothering him and didn’t want to drive him away. That I wanted focus on my mental and emotional health. That I paid for therapy and was doing yoga 🧘🏻‍♀️. Then he saw I was losing weight and dropped hints during our conversation, that he doesn’t like skinny girls. I still stuck to my guns of making myself healthy.

Till just recently, I caught my boyfriend chatting with naked girls. I called him out on it, only for him to not care about my feelings while defending the naked girls and calling them his friends. This broke my heart 💔. And we have stopped talking to each other and I’ve just shut down from life.

I became numb and went back to eating junk food cause of stress eating. Then I visited my mom to talk. Only for the conversation to become about her and the toxic of her and my dad marriage. Which lead to yelling and arguing and me walking out to heal. But I didn’t heal, my mom dropped responsibilities on me to save her from her marriage and to help her move out of the house. It was stressful and she was guilt tripping me to help her move into my place.

It has been a stressful 2 weeks for me. Now I feel like going back to smoking to numb my pain just to deal and put up with my life
After being clean and sober for some time, what made you want to go back to smoking and drinking?
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