Yesterday I cleaned with my boyfriend his apartment which belonged to his grandparents that passed away and found lots of memories. As his parents were divorced when he was a kid, he said that this made him relived all bad experiences. I could feel he was feeling low so I asked him to cook dinner and he called his father to join us. After his father left, we started talking about substance abuse and how he has been lacking self-control when going out because he has not dealt with his parent's divorce. I was kind of harsh with him about that because the last time he went out he returned the next day afternoon, shaking from alcohol and substances. I helped him sober up but we haven't talked about it until yesterday. He got hurt and disappointed with me he said, then we talked about it a bit more and had sex. I apologized to him for my harsh tone and he said he only needed a hug cause finding his father's stuff was hard for him. Today I texted him and checked how he was feeling, he called me and we talked. I asked him if I can take him on dinner tonight since he's been cooking for us all the time. He said he'd rather be alone now and needs some days to process the whole thing but assured me this is not because of our conversation he just wants to not meet with anybody. I feel this is my fault cause before we had this conversation he was full of energy and happy to have me around until I shared my thoughts about him throwing his life away and that he can talk to his father about the stuff that bother him. The thing is that I respect he wants time alone thus I won't push him, not sure if it would be a good idea to grab some sushi and visit him but then I don't want to invade his space- he already said that I was being invasive with my questions last night but I think is because he was angry with me. Any feedback?
Boyfriend not in the mood?
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Let's say you go to the store or something. Maybe let him know that you're out and if he wants you can get something for him and swing by on the way back home. You can lie and not be out, but say you are and ask if he wants you to get him anything. Then you have a reason to visit and he won't be mad if you do.
It would not be a good idea to get him the sushi and go see him. Give him space and time. Patience.
yes I tend to agree with you, cause I'd also not like it if somebody would come visit when I stated I needed to be alone. On the other hand, I know that during Christmas he gets moody is more difficult period for him and I dont want him to go through it alone
Although I agree with you in a general sense, I think if you go over now the message that you send is that you don't respect his space or what he says. Give it a few days.
yes, that is true.
If decades later he isn’t “dealing” with parents divorce it sounds like an excuse to drink to me.