My Boyfriend goes into "Blind Rage" when he's mad and says hurtful insults to me non-stop for hours on end. What should I do?

[PINKPINKPINK]

This isn't my first time posting about this sadly. My boyfriend & I have been together for more than 1 year & 1/2 & he's nice on some days, but he gets into these dark moods that can last for weeks. He hates everything from his job to his family to his pets & is very negative a lot of the time. I tried to help him out with at least the job part & he doesn't do anything about it. It takes the smallest things to put him in a bad mood & a lot of the time, I feel like he tries to create drama so he can fight. I have asked him many times to please be careful with his words when he fights. He literally insults me nonstop for hours on end and it continues on the next day & week. By insults, he has no filter at all & says the most hurtful things ever, such as I'm a "liar no matter what", I'm "fucked up" and has recently said that he wishes "my first child will hate me"! This will go on for 3-4 hours and if I hang up the phone, he will call me a bad girlfriend for ignoring him & play the victim. I often wonder why is he's dating me if the thinks all this horrible stuff about me? Am I just his emotional punching bag? Nothing is ever good enough for him ever! If I forget to suggest to take pictures at an event, I'm the "bad guy" and he makes sure I pay for the price by ruining the date, being moody about it for the next week before he lashes out. It's like he expects me to be a mind reader, while he stays quiet. He's allowed to be mean but if I say anything close to the things he says, I'm punished for it. He texted me earlier (after us not talking for 2 weeks), is obviously in a better mood, and playing dumb. I'm so exhausted from asking him not to be mean during fights and he laughs on top of that like it's funny. Honestly, should I just leave this relationship? I don't know what to do. I did my part by addressing this to him many times yet he continues to do it. The worse part is he always promises not to do it yet always does it. Help please :(!

Updates

+1 y

Update: I asked him if he seriously believes everything is fine from all the things he said & his response was "I don't think everything is OK but I'm not going to go on for the rest of my life being upset about what me & you said to each other in anger". He literally made it a "WE" thing when in fact it was a "HIM" thing & 100% "HIM" lashing out in anger. You're all right. This is hopeless & things won't get better. Thank you all very much for your opinions. I know what I need to do now.

[the_boss]

I'm ashamed to say this but I was this guy when I was 18 years old. Not for as long as your guy but it doesn't matter. 1 second, 1 minute, an hour it's still all hell. I see your 27. Picture this. Imagine posting this same thing when you're 40 years old. Does this give you a reality slap? It should. Really really hard. And the worst part, if you keep allowing it, or not doing anything about it... it WILL continue. Because he will notice you are allowing it, not doing anything about it. I sure did. We males know really well when someone is weak, and if that person messes with us, we'll fight back. Unfortunately, the sad part, you love him. But is love treating you right? I bet this is not the kind of love you were looking for huh... DO SOMETHING about it. Girl... you're in charge of your life... not him. Don't give him the power to change. All your doing is that, giving him the power of WHEN. You need to get that back for yourself, not for him. I recommend you immediately leaving him. Move in with your parents or someone safe because it's going to get really bumpy. I hope you don't have kids with this person, it's all that more difficult. But yeah this guy if he's 27 ... for him to change... loooonngggg shot. It's going to take more than you. It's going to take at least him, him honestly devoted, seriously wanting to change. For your security, safety, and mental well being... let him work on himself to better this because no one deserves this, especially you because you're asking for help. So your personal emotional abuse, because this is what the situation is.

[the_boss]

I meant For your personal emotional abuse, because this is what the situation is. I hope you have a happier relationship/life.

[OPBinYYC]

Walk... wait no RUN away. Abuse, unless your a masochistic woman who wants to deal with someone with mental instability (he may be sociopathic or have a personality disorder and need psychotherapy). But most women seem to like guys who treat them like sh*t, so you will probably stay and complain to the next respectable truly 'nice guy' that he was an as*hole but won't date that guy and seek the next abusive guy. Well try to find a guy that's a nice person but bad boy (in the bedroom or assertive but not abusive or mean). Seriously this will save you years in life, also if you can't walk away seek counseling (not that it will help as he's got deep seeded issues). So in the end you know that it's wrong what he does to you (you're a caretaker to a narcissist) but you have low self esteem and your trying to rectify or relive a childhood scenario where you are seeking approval (maybe from dad or mom) as he may be similar to one of them. That's a honest opinion, like it, don't like it, whatever you choose but in the end you will just be looking back (as I have with a abusive female narcissist with borderline personality disorder) saying wtf why didn't I leave years ago. Up to you for you know what to do but are too afraid perhaps to do it because you fear you will never find someone to love you for who you truly are... wait do you know who you TRULY are, if you did you wouldn't put up with that crap.

[RJGraveyTrain]

Get out.

This guy keeps you around for one reason: to use you as an emotional punching bag because you allow the behavior to continue. You don't do anything but ask him not to, and when he laughs at you, you continue to let it happen.

It's time to put your fucking foot down, woman.

Given his clearly unstable nature this is one of those moments where I say a text breakup is ideal. Send him a long message telling him exactly why you're leaving and then cut off contact. I'm serious. This is one of those cases that I would not even bother to suggest you try and fix. Get out before you waste any more of your youth on this idiot.

[itsagirlthing900]

My dad has this problem and it doesn't get better. Im sure you love him but you need to leave because if you dont you might just marry the man and find yourself 15 years from now trying to explain to your crying child that yeah your dad is a dick but he does other things for us too. Trust me it isn't a happy situation like im sure you are finding out.

[datgirl]

Hoesntly you are not his mother to have to water down his tantrums, and console him and just feed into his negativity. Get the hell our of there. Don't stay for another second. He is taking you for granted. Leave right now. If I were you I would leave without telling him cause he seems dangerous.

[Mesonfielde]

That's what they call EMOTIONAL ABUSE

[lucasnabizada]

Just talk to him first before considering anything... And I mean sit down around a table and talk... don't raise your voice or anything.
Just tell him that honestly his temper is his problem.. That it's no longer acceptable, and that you're not ready to accept it any longer. And that you deserve better than that. And that if there's no hope he makes an effort, or if he ever starts again then you will leave him.
Perhaps a guy only sees clearly when he realizes what he has to lose... But he has to believe it

[NearlyNapping]

Leave him. He was serious issues and it's not going to be sorted out any time soon, maybe not ever. His problems are his own, and he shouldn't be with you or anyone else.

As for you, in the future you need to learn to stand up for yourself and don't take shit from people.

[slatyb]

What you should do is get away from this guy. He's not boyfriend material until he gets his anger under control, which could be never. Most people wouldn't have lasted a week with him. You need to get some boundaries and some self-esteem. Considering a therapist before you get involved with another guy with anger problems.

[Cosytoasty]

You should be very wary of going from emotional punching bag to a real one... He sounds like a classic sociopath, hot headed and blames everyone else for things.

[RandyDandy]

That description screams, "toxic relationship." This is not healthy at all and you shouldn't continue to subject yourself to this verbal and emotional abuse. I wouldn't even consider giving this relationship another shot, this is so far beyond the realm of "let's try to work this out."

[Rcjh1987]

Yikes I would leave faster than you could say the words... that's not healthy at all he's mentally abusive

[selmo93]

Leave! It's not going to change and it's only going to get worse. Technically that's emotional abuse...

[nojokecarmichael]

He's sounds kind of like a narcissist. Just leave him before this potentially turns physical. Why be with someone who puts you down consistently?

[aficionado]

His temper is HIS problem, you don't have to deal with it.

Yet another example of girls being attracted like magnets to jerks.

[lime_rampljuset]

Leave him, you don't want to see the next step of "blind rage"

[Hammer_of_Thor]

You need to leave this relationship, he is a danger to you and anyone around you

[SatyricLord]

He's never going to stop. People like him never change.

[Jessie1123]

Easy. Dump him, you deserve better. A relationship should make you feel happy.

[OmerJK92]

ask his to see a therapist he's depressed, if he refused you should leave him.

[Marttinez]

Why are you still with him?

[reixun]

🏃💨 Get out of there.

[adrianalima0]

Break up with the fucker.

[Jayded1]

You need to move on, he is poison in your life.

[abc3643]

Leave ASAP!

[ihateheroicleishin]

dump him

[Anonymous]

Break up.

[SuitAndTie1986]

Tldr. Shit happens.