My boyfriend hasn't been in a sexual mood lately, how do I help him get into a sexual mood?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. When we first met he told me that he has a low sex drive and that he can go months with out it sometimes. So I knew going into the relationship that it would be a possibility I guess I didn't think it would happen until later down the line. In the beginning we were having sex pretty frequently so I didn't think much about what he said previously about his lower sex drive. He would show enthusiasm and he tried things I wanted to do. But since his grandparents died last year the amount of sex we have has went down. Currently it has been 3.5 months since we had sex. I do not need or want sex every day but sometimes I would like it. I try not to take it personally but I start thinking about how he did this and that with his ex's but lately shows me no enthusiasm. He says that lack of sex has been a complaint in all his relationships. I guess I think about oh you had sex here or tried this sexual thing why can't you do this with me or try this with me. I try not to take it to heart but it makes me feel rejected or that he's not attracted to me. I have talked to him about it and I told him how I feel. He said it's not anything I'm doing wrong and there's no one else. He is a good guy and he treats me well, the sex thing is the only thing we have been struggling with lately. I don't want to give up on him due to one thing when he makes me feel loved in all other areas. He's the first man I've dated that I actually feel he cares about me. He has so many qualities that I love and appreciate and I can't see myself with anyone else. When I told him how I feel about the lack of sex lately he said he just hasn't been in the mood. He said he will try to do it the next time we see each other. Should I not say anything else about it? Should I just give it time? What can I do to help? How can I help get him into the mood?

[richardcory]

Some people have a low sex drive or are even asexual. Its often as unchanging as sexual orientation. A big mismatch in sexual interest in a relationship can be really miserable. Talk to him - find out if there is a level of sexuality that will make you both happy. This isn't going to get better on its own.

[Summeroflove]

Not make it all about sex. If someone doesn’t want sex. Leave them be. Forcing sex = RAPE

[In_Trance]

Figure out why he hasn't. You can't plan a solution without knowing the cause

[Asker]

I ask him, he says he just hasn't been in the mood. I should dig deeper?

[In_Trance]

If he doesn't want to talk about it, I don't see how you can go any deeper.

[Asker]

He said he has always had a lower sex drive. He was abused as a child and I think that plays a part. He said he finds himself needing to have a drink to get in touch with his sexual side.

[In_Trance]

Ok... so what else do you need to know at this point?

[Asker]

What I need to know is how I can help him. I stated that in the question.

[In_Trance]

Again, if he doesn't want to talk about it, there's nothing you can do.
Secondly, given his history, unless you're a certified therapist, you can't help him

[Emanon25]

He’s probably hangs out with someone.

[Asker]

I don't think he hangs out with anyone.

[Emanon25]

Hopefully not

[Emanon25]

Can you do or follow please

[Jamie05rhs]

Just suck his cock.

[Asker]

I guess I will just have to take it? lol I have sucked it and he loves that. I want to have intercourse though. Maybe next time I'll just suck it then jump on top of him.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yeah. That's what you have to do - haha. Take advantage of the moment.