Am I just as bad for letting wrong things happen to others?

[Anonymous]

Till this day my former school friend (let's call him John) won't forgive me. We haven't spoken since our Sophomore year of HS. This is what his reply was:

Shelly2002,

Anyone can say sorry but what have done to make a difference? Even now you're the same coward from HS that let your so called friends harass me. You failed me. You failed others. They pulled my pants down, others were laughing and you stood there, did nothing. You'll always be a coward. Nothing has changed. Are you speaking up against bullying, against injustice, against harassment made by your gender, helping the poor people, doing services for the community, etc? Exactly what I thought. You're just like them, exactly like the others. I thought you were different but you're not. I'm wasting time here. Till I see changes, goodbye.

I never bullied anyone nor joined in. I'm only guilty of not saying anything out of fear of being obstracized, become a target, be ridiculed or get attacked. I just to follow my friends but never joined in the bullying nor laughed. Personally I've never agreed with what my friends did at the time nor any type of injustice happening to others. I'm only guilty of doing nothing, of never speaking up because well I just didn't want to become involved. Am I just as bad as them?

Updates

9 mo

Though the part about him saying I haven't contribute anything to the community is right though. Nope, all I've been doing is minding my business and not speaking up against the wrong.

[ohsheeT]

When I was in high school there was a kid that lived a block away from me
he's a little bit slower than most people but he would ride my bus each and every day
one day walking to the hallways I see a crowd of people they're all yelling and screaming and I just kind of Walk on By

out of the corner of my eye I see it's the kid his name is JT being picked on
I stopped I turned and I thought to myself if I let this happen

I'm just as bad I might as well have been the guy bullying him I push my way through the crowd I push the guy that was bullying him up against the wall and I told him never touch my friend again or I would kick his ass and that goes for all your f****** friends

the next day I see another crowd and I'm curious I see JT in the crowd but now this bully has one of JT's friends up against the wall I walked over there and I grabbed a hold of the guy and I slammed him into the wall and I said look

all you f****** here to think you're going to bully my friends it's not going to happen you and you and you and you I ever catch you bullying anybody again I'm not going to stop I'm just going to start swinging and beat the f*** out of you all of a sudden I had JT and five of his friends that he used to hang out with

We're now all my best friend. The only reason why I did what I did is because those kids could not defend themselves at all they were scared to death

Your friend is wrong he can say whatever he wants to say for whatever reasons but he needs to be honest with you he froze up because he was scared he was going to get his ass kicked why wouldn't you feel the same thing it's ridiculous

I have been in the wrong places at the right time many times I have had my ass beat I've had my head bashed in asphalt because I spoke out
The guy slap the girl I mean hard and there was no way I was going to allow that to happen I was drunk the guy punched me in the face I went down and then he bashed my head into the asphalt

A month later I went to a kegger up in the hills and who's sitting right there dude is he went to UNR he was a Golden glove boxer

I was with my same friend that I was with the night and I got my face bashed in and I said here I go I had not been drinking I didn't give a f*** that guy went a little bit overboard passing my head into the asphalt as many times as he did I walked straight up to the guy and I said remember me and I hit him square in the nose and he went down and he just sat I mean he was dazed and I turned around and I walked away the guy never came after me and I thank God for it

If you would have felt you could have done anything to help the guy I'm sure you would have done it but he cannot blame you because he wasn't Man enough to stand up for himself because he was scared he was going to get his ass kicked so f****** what get your ass kicked at least you're trying I think he is totally wrong I think he's just as bad as the bullies for picking on you for saying the things that he did because he's not mad enough and because he was got embarrassed that's what it's all about his embarrassment don't allow him to bully you because that's all he's doing he's manipulating you and he's bullying you trying to blame it on you when it's his own fault for not being man enough to get himself out of it at least try come on

[ohsheeT]

And when I say at least try come on what I mean I'm talking about him not you you did the right thing I wouldn't have wanted you to say one word because I wouldn't want retaliation on you because of something that you did to try to protect me

[Asker]

The thing is I could've reported it and simply told them it isn't right bullying others. I did absolutely nothing. This is what he's disappointed in. It wasn't just him getting bullied, a couple others (including other girls too) too and I let it happen.

[ohsheeT]

Okay so we can look at it 20 different ways I look at it this way right now it was yesterday there's nothing you can do about it today so now what

[Mynameisbobby]

If you don't speak up when you see someone is being bullied you are just as bad as the bullies are. I can't stand bullys most bullys are just cowards, you stand up to them and they back down. If you don't believe in bullying you should have stood up for your "friend ". No matter what others thought or did.

[Sour-rose]

Honestly, i think not. Shoot my car tires if you find me and want to really badly but i believe we will do what feels right, or not. Either way, it will shape us. Like how we wonder "why god? Why would you let this happen?" Well if all good things happen or good things happen to us, how will we be able to grow if there is no negative to our lives. So this mofo is probably bitter but hey, we all could have done something when we see a bad thing but that time... we didn't. Best thing to do is just move on with it and remember next time you see it happen, you could actually do something.

[Asker]

I think he feels betrayed. I was his good friend at the time and did nothing. I didn't even report it, nothing.

[Sour-rose]

Well oof for him. But he'll get over it and not talk to you... or get over it and forgive you. 🤷‍♀️Either way, no reason to cry over the past. The past is done with.

[MissBoogus]

He obviously feels betrayed and still hasn’t healed. If he had healed he would understand that he just needs to move on, and you’re not someone he can blame. You can only apologize but there is not really much else you can DO if he’s not reciprocating. He’s not even giving you a chance to make up for anything based of that message. He’s hurting still and he’s just spreading the hurt.

[strateguy632]

that accusation is wrong. you did not do it, he should express his frustration without blaming someone innocent. and in school if you protest bully you become a new target. no options.

[Asker]

Yes I was afraid of that. Even now, I don't get involved speaking against any crazy organization either so fear of then getting attacked myself. They think it's easy just speaking out against it and problem solved.
I'm sure it can be done but there are risks too.

[Avicenna]

Given you age, I don't see how someone could say that. I understand why he's angry, but it's definitely not the same thing.

[Asker]

I thought he would understand me more. It's not easy going against a popular crowd doing the wrong. That's just as hard as trying to go against any extreme organization full of zealots. It's so hard. Even if you do the right thing and stand up for the victims, you yourself are taking a risk of being targeted as a result.

[RavVid]

He sees it that way and you don't get a vote. Sorry. It is his judgement call.

[In_Trance]

Yeah