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Why am I attracted to my cousin?

To begin with, I have lost track of how many cousins I have in total. I was in touch with my maternal cousins until when I was a 5 year old boy. But that’s a question for some other time. Soon, my family shifted to another state for better living. And I got completely disconnected from all of them. Life continued until one of my female cousins whom I knew as a kid, and her mother came to stay with us for a tour of the city. All I knew about her is her name and that her father left their family and ran away, leaving her mother alone with three kids. Now, she is a 26 year old attractive female. She was quite friendly from the beginning and we went to several places to visit. In one of our conversations, she told me that she didn’t have a boyfriend ever. Which was almost impossible for me to believe. During all of the trips, she held my hands wherever we went and always stayed together except when we were asleep. She would tell me that I look more handsome in-person than in my photos. And I told her that she is indeed very beautiful.

As for myself, I am a 22 year old male and never had a girlfriend nor had anything physical my entire life. That could be because of my upbringing, as my parents are one of the strictest I’ve ever seen and I am not kidding. For instance, I had very limited access to a smartphone, television or even a computer with access to internet till I was 18.

For some reason, I felt that she was everything I have been looking for in a partner. And I did have the guilt. Even when we were sitting in-front of our parents, she kept touching my hands and hair. And our parents also didn’t bother. Cuz we’re family! She seemed like a joyful and carefree adult like in the movies. Life would be easier if there was a person like her with me. Her vacation came to an end and we went back to our lives. I would look at our pictures here and then to remind me of her. It’s been a year since then and I am still trying to find a partner.
Am I a weirdo?
Am I overthinking?
It’s ok to think like that.
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Why am I attracted to my cousin?
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