I got a cold today, can you tell me something funny or amusing to make me smile? If so what is it?

Question

RebelinSteel · Accepted Answer

hope you feel a bit better.

A man goes into a bar with his small pet newt called Tiny. “A pint for me and a half for Tiny, please,” he says to the landlord.

The landlord asks, “Why do you name him Tiny?”

The man replies, “Because he’s my newt.”

A shy guy goes into a pub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

She responds by yelling, at the top of her voice, “NO! I will not sleep with you!”

Everyone at the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is extremely embarrassed and slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologises. She smiles and says quietly, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a psychology student and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

To this, the man responds at the top of his voice, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN £800?”

Q: How do you know when you're really ugly?
A: Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers," she said. "That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the trousers in this relationship." With that she flipped him her knickers and said: "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your knickers!" She replied: "That's right... and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

A young man strides into a chemist and asks for a packet of condoms. The pharmacist replies: 'They come in packs of three, nine, or 12. Which would you like?' 'Well,' the young man begins confidently, 'I've been seeing this girl and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going away for the weekend.

Once she has seen what I'm like in the sack, I reckon she'll want me all the time. So you'd better give me a packet of 12.' The pharmacist hands over the condoms, and the young man leaves, all puffed up and proud. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. Before they begin, however, he suddenly asks if they can say grace. The family agrees, but is taken aback when the young man continues praying silently for several minutes, once the grace has finished. Eventually, his girlfriend leans over and whispers, 'You never told me you were so religious.' The young man leans back and whispers, 'You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.'

GuyAnswersGirls123 · Accepted Answer

I figured out how to solve global warming yesterday:

KittygosMeoWW · Accepted Answer

lol I used to call in sick to places I didn’t work at in high school with my friends… I got fired from a job I never had.

mandyfire98 · Accepted Answer

✌️👋🤗

Jessica405 · Answer

Nursery rhyme Humpty dumpty sat on a wall Humpty dumpty had a great fall All the kings horses and all the kings men Couldn't give a damn

KittyKat90210 · Answer

I hope you feel better quickly! :) I know that wasn't funny, but I wanted to say it

Wiredone · Answer

Where does a waitress with one leg work?  Ihop

WhiteSteve · Answer

You sure you aren’t just Drake-sick? That had you all out of order😂😂😂

Fuentes · Answer

Wanting to have someone make u laugh is SuS lol

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

I just stepped in dog shit and it made me think of you

jennyPuss · Answer

my german shepherd got loose and he started chasing the nieghbor's chihuahua who is in heat.

Charliefretz329 · Answer

A man bought a sailboat and took it out on the ocean. He got into a bad storm and called the Coast Guard for help. Coast Guard asked what is your current position he said, laying on the deck crying.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Sometimes I can't see where the pokemon are farting.

Slapmynuts · Answer

I went golfing today and didn't hit anything! The only set a balls I hit were when I stepped on a rake!🤪

strawberrypancake · Answer

where does a boat go when its sick? to the dock😂

exitseven · Answer

Q:What do you call a bunch of pigs competing in athletic events? A: The Olyimpigs

DaBiggestBird · Answer

Why can’t atoms be trusted?

rigmarole · Answer

Nope.

riverrat3 · Answer

You always put the left shoe on last

I got a cold today, can you tell me something funny or amusing to make me smile? If so what is it?

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