I remember I went to college for writing and I was convinced my education would help me be the next big author in my favorite genres of fiction. I thought I would be able to write the novel of the century that would be so fantastic that every publishing company would be begging to have it and send me royalties. Then I learned about the actual business of publishing, how so many young hopefuls like who I was at the time would send in their manuscripts only to end up in what’s commonly known as the “slush pile” and likely never even be looked at for months, maybe even years after submission, I learned about the finer minutia of finding ways to get your foot in the door, how critical literary agents were, and in my senior year of college I was regretting my major. I ended up finishing the year with that degree, amazing how I came away with a C+ on my final thesis. I felt dejected and lost a lot of drive and I just resigned myself to a future without that writing career I wanted.
These days, I’m falling back in love with it. You get so caught up in the idea of making money, that nothing you do is worth anything unless it’s making you rich, that you forget how fun it can be. And as much as I’d still like to write that novel of the century, that’s something that takes a lot of work. For now, I’m just happy writing out my daydreams and fanfiction and it’s nice to share it with others and see them enjoy it too.
Definitely affordability is the primary reason. I feel like I didn’t have the richest parents to allow me time to “figure out” what I wanted to do with my life or place me on any path so I was rushed to choose a career. I feel like the jobs I’ve worked and that career and everything it took to get those were just side tracks and didn’t allow me to bloom into my fullest self or work at my highest capacity. It took time and mental energy and a whole bunch away from the usual self reflections I enjoyed, daydreaming/brainstorming and investing time, money, and effort into more passion-filled ventures.
I like to still think I retained a lot of it. I still work on a variety of projects and like to create things in general. However, my drive to create isn't quite what it used to be when I was younger.
One of the positive effects I've found from studying about Stoicism and psychotherapeutic techniques is that I've really mellowed down. It takes a great deal to upset or anger me these days and I'm just overall a far more cheerful and positive person.
However, I have seemed to lost my burning passion for creativity in the process of mellowing down. I think a lot of my artistic and creative drive when I was younger was actually a lot of negative emotions like rage, resentment, loneliness, and a desire to prove everyone wrong. It was very fiery and passionate that way. Especially that desire to prove everyone wrong was one of my strongest motivators that had me pushing myself so hard against maximum resistance, stubbornly trying to smash through the metaphorical brick walls for the simple reason to prove others wrong that my attempts were futile and actually succeeding through sheer stubbornness.
Now that I no longer have this burning passion, I just create things here and there for simple amusement and governed by little more than curiosity. I'm a lot happier and content as a result, but actually discontentment might have been my ultimate source of creative ambition when I was younger.
I'm no longer a tortured soul, if you will, and I think being a tortured soul is how many people find their greatest creative drives, like Michaelangelo who literally deformed his back painting the Sistine Chapel. He was the prime example of a tortured artist and my most monumental creative efforts came from being similarly tortured like him. Now that I am no longer such a tortured soul, I find my creative drive is no longer so powerful; it's whimsical and driven by curiosity, not fiery and governed by discontent.
I always liked to write short stories and published a book in 2021.
To be honest, it's not that I lack ideas, I simply don't have the time, with work, children and all the family stuff. Sounds crazy that three years ago I had none of that.
What little time I have for myself, I rarely bother to sit down and write.
failure due to the western education system of my country India which was set up by britishers due to that I lost my typing skills in which I was perfect and my gaming skills too now the only skill I have is to understand Manga & Anime perfectly deeper as compared to my life and humans
For me it´s mainly the third because I currently feel bombarded with information and I don´t know how to escape from it mixed with the first one. I´m not bold enough to just do it because to me there seem so many obstacles that keep me from working out my ideas.
When my boyfriend died suddenly 4 months ago. A psychologist once told me that when a person is depressed, the first thing that shuts down is the creative part of that person's brain. It's the frontal lobe on the right side of the brain 🧠
My sister is dying. The bitch is my favorite of 4 mean fe fi fo males. I haven't transportation to go see her since the bank took my car 6 months after getting run over being kinda hurt. A sister and a Duke niece both drove past my house today to go see her. I found out when one texedcme a pic of a puzzle they had just finished oy, joy, a beautiful huge puzzle. I asked who's in the mask. Well I recognized her then it was Lynn ate up with chemo. Oh, I told the other sister, it's so nice y'all visiting. I am always to busy sitting around the house twiddling my fucking thumbs. She said well I call and sometimes come and see her. You can call me you know. Naturally I told her I wouldn't ask you for a crumb if I was starving. You all have a nice fucking day.
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