My brother sexually abused me when I was 6 and he was 20, I’ve started to think I should tell my family, or should I leave it?

[Anonymous]

My brother started to sexually assault me at a young age, I was 6 when it started, he used to sneak in my bedroom at night and I would wake up with him touching me inappropriately, I didn’t know what to do so I use to run in the bathroom and lock myself in there, this went on for years until he moved out. He’s 14 years older than me

I wanted to tell my family however I always felt like I couldn’t as my mother passed away and my other brother passed away in a car accident so my dad was going through a horrible time throughout my childhood, and then my dad got diagnosed with cancer.

Now I’m 27 and I’ve started to realise it has really affected me, I have problems sleeping constantly, I’m never settled due to anxiety, I decided to move 400 miles away from my family, I miss them so much especially my dad and sister but I’m now getting married (never told my partner about this).
I don’t speak to my brother who molested me, it disgusts me but I can’t help but feel guilty for not speaking to him, he says he has severe depression and suicidal so I feel like if I tell anyone about this he will do something and I don’t want to lose another family member.

any advice would be appreciated

[teamvic]

Well firstly, fuck him why would you feel bad for someone who did those things to you?

I will say though, if you did tell your family, if they believed you, they'd probably all hate him and there's a good chance he might kill himself

I think you should tell him but that's just because I don't like the dude but since you don't want him to kill himself, unfortunately, then I dont see how you could tell anyone

So it seems your only path is to leave it. And I know it doesn't sound good but like. What other good choice do you have really?🤔

If you tell your family, then they'll all Hate him. Deservingly so. Maybe he has depression because of the things he did to you. Maybe not, but it might play a part.

I will say, don't feel bad for the dude. You live with things that bother you because of his ass. Just because he's family doesn't mean you should feel bad or forgive him. You wouldn't forgive him if he wasn't family. If you ask me. He never was your family

I dont know I think you should tell them because he doesn't deserve to live but I know it's your " family" so who am I to say who should live or die

But based off of what you said, and how you don't want to risk him killing himself. Then I don't see how you could tell them

At the very least, in the event your family believes you. Because there is a chance they don't. For whatever reason. But if they do, at minimum they stop talking to him. Which either way he loses his family anyway

[Asker]

Thanks for the input!

I’m going to a therapist so I’ll bring it up with her

[Finchie40]

I am so sorry to hear this happened to you , I was molested as well by my Mom’s best friend when I was 9 years old and it continued until I was 11 when my parents decided to move to another town far away , my mom didn’t see her friend anymore after that , I never said a word , because my molester threatened me and I was scared. For years I kept my mouth shut and buried it as much as I could , until I found out my molester eventually passed away , when I was 18 years old I finally confessed to my parents on what happened. My parents were devastated that I didn’t say anything all that time. I honestly didn’t think it affected me , cuz I somewhat enjoyed it. As years went by , I finally came across an article about being a boy that was molested by an older woman just a few years ago and shockingly everything I read hit the nail right on the head about how it did affect me , without realizing it did from all the things I experienced in my life time. So by you talking about this now is actually a good thing , it said to talk about it as much as possible to close friends or others that been molested , so please feel free to inbox me I can give you some advice on what you should do here on out. Don’t blame yourself for what happened to you , you were a child and you had no clue what to do , I can give you some advice , you aren’t alone

[4ngelic]

if this is real and not some type of attention seeking (like the amount of people on this site that say shit..). then duhh do something about it. tell everything, sue him etc and if he kills himself whatever. dont care about an incesteous pedo, his feelings dont matter. all that matters is getting justice and making him pay. besides do you really think that if he touched you up (his own sister) at 6, he didn't ever do any other type of criminal sex behavior? like best case scenario he just watched cp, worst case scenario he's done and maybe even still doing this to other little girls. so not just for you but also for other potential past victims, and also to avoid future victims, you should do something about it. honestly also if you have slight love for this asshole left, kill it. he doesn't deserve any love, empathy, compassion, at all. at 20 you know what you're doing, and if he did this to you he clearly didn't love you then and probably doesn't now aways. so fuck his feelings

[supercutebutt]

I have learned that EVERY person on planet Earth is dealing with some sort of trauma in their life, even your brother. What he did wasn't right but you 100% need to get past it. You are only hurting yourself by obsessing over something that can't be changed. So you can either talk to a professional or put it behind you on your own. It's actually easier than you think. Living life as a victim never helped anyone. Focus on the present and the future. :)

[FunkyMonkee]

You SHOULD'VE told them when it was happening but, I was 14 when I got molested by my next door neighbor and never told anyone (but a friend) about that until I was in my 40's or early `50's! Then, I found out he also got my brother and oldest sister! I DID tell my parents about the guy (around the same time as the molestation) I caught beating off over my head one night around 3:00 a. m. while I was sleeping on the porch swing!
As for your issue, it MIGHT just be that the reason he's suicidal is BECAUSE of what he did to you. A kind of remorse. Is he seeing a shrink? If not, he should! Do you know if he was doing it for sexual reasons (as in, incest) or was it just a thing where he had no other female access in his life, at the time, and was just kind of exploring; just wanted to know what one of those felt like? I've heard of other guys like that. They had no girlfriend and it was looking like they never would and just wanted to feel what it was like to touch one one of those. Cousin or little sister was available so, they took the risk. Maybe, if you can get up the courage to do so, you can ask him face to face someday to find out why he was doing it and what his intentions were. It might even take a weight off both of you and clear up some air between you.
It might not be an emotional tie-in with your situation but, my brother was falsely accused twice of child molestation and he eventually jumped off a bridge because of of how it fucked up his life.
As for dad's cancer, there are nearly 400 known natural cures. I used two of them to cure mom's cancer and she had it BAD!! I wish I had known about those cures before it killed dad!! He might still be alive, today!! Both parents were under a LOT of stress over my brothers arrests and that's how they both got cancer. That's probably what's causing your dads cancer.

[JoePro_]

As someone in the mental health field and as someone who went through sexual abuse as a child at the hands of his own father, I recommend finding a therapist to help you sort through your feeling and figure out what the right steps are to emotional and mental freedom from this. I know the stress and anxiety and depression that's tied to being a victim of sexual abuse. That's why I recommend a professional who can help you navigate your thoughts and emotions. Most health insurances cover mental health. State and private. I would call a local mental health clinic, which appears to have good reviews, and see what they can do for you. It'll all be outpatient, unless you think you're a danger to yourself. And if they can't help you based on your insurance or some other issue, they'll be able to redirect you to a clinic that will. Best of luck. Let me know if you have any questions.

[Flatmanlewis]

This sadly is a realm I know too much about. Somebody very close to me investigates child sex crimes and prosecutes them. 100% if he did it once he’s doing it still. He will do it again. You have an opportunity to protect future girls and children.


This will not be easy. You will lose some family members who would rather believe you are mistaken or a liar than he is the worst thing any adult can be which is a sexual predator of children.


Start by telling your partner, then work through the particulars of notifying the police. It will almost always start with a patrol officer taking an initial report and eventually being contacted by a specialist investigator or detective. Don’t say anything to anybody else yet and sure not to your brother.

[superchan2011]

Well I can't really advise you on if you should tell your family or not as they may either hate your brother or they may depending on how they are try to minimize what he did to you and treat you like you still need to forgive him because he's family. That was my experience when I finally told my parents about my sister molesting me when I was 4. and I can tell you it doesn't help to hear that when you're struggling with the aftermath of a trauma like that still to this day. But I will advise you to seek out therapy if you haven't already and you can afford it. As a therapist will let you talk out your trauma without judgement or biases.

[Surely]

As the saying goes. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can understand your feelings and pain. Your future husband should know about your past abuse. It would probably help him understand you better and your therapist might want to include him in the sessions. As for telling your sickly father. It might affect his health knowing what happened to you under his watch. As far as your brother is concerned. Tell him to take a long walk on a short pier with alligators!
You owe him nothing!

[IslaTheWitch]

I would start with therapy to solve the problems you have. Tell your family when you will be past your therapy, when you will know how to deal with your brother's denial.

[Peridot25]

First of all, who cares if he’s off this world for good? This planet would be better off without sickos like him around. And second, maybe you should speak up. Monsters like that deserve severe consequences.

[NewgodOmega]

Your problem your life your choice
Do what you think you should

[JayBones]

My little sister was molested by our uncle. She never told anyone until I was getting married because she didn't want him there. He went missing a few weeks later so he did not attend and she never had to see him again.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yeah you should tell. You're not the only one he's done it to.

[nawtee_me]

Talk to a therapist for your own mental health. You need to get better before you marry or you risk bringing that into your marriage and your husband to be doesn’t deserve that.

[OddBeMe]

Eeesh. You dad prob thinks you hate him. I would tell. Then file a police report. Because he’s still doing it.

Probably with his wife’s or gf’s kid. Only reason he’s with them probably.

[Drumlin2001]

Talk to your family, talk to your fiancé, talk to the police.

[genericname85]

i mean that sucks. but what exactly do you hope for as the outcome of you talking about it?

[DagonbroughtMehere]

He burned the bridge with You many years ago, You have no reason to hold back on Him now.

[slatyb]

Please talk to a therapist about this.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Definitely tell your family the dastardly has to be held accountable for his actions

[jimmy2]

God bless you honey
Please move on I know it's hard but it's best too

[laly520]

u can sue him n tell family