My friend keeps asking very personal questions, does this mean anything?

[lottierose]

My friend, whenever we talk (especially via text) will ask me questions about guys I've been with and basically focuses a lot of the conversation on what either of has done sexually in the past or is interested in in the future.

He is a lot more experienced than me, and he does know this. We have had a mildly flirty friendship for ages, but nothing ever came from that. This focus on sex when we talk is quite new. I'm not really sure I like purely this convo as I feel a bit intimidated by his experience.

Basically, I was wondering firstly if this means anything? Or if its just guy banter with a friend? I'm a bit confused by it.

Also, seen as when we do talk about sex, we don't talk about much else during that chat. Is there a way I can steer it to have an actual conversation alongside that?

Thanks

[kholland65]

It's one of two things.

The first and least likely is that he's just some totally scummy, perverted, and creeper of a guy that has no filter and will be sexual with anyone and at anytime.

The second and most likely answer is that he's sizing you up for sex. In other words, he is wanting to have sex with you and by asking you these questions about your past, he trying to figure out if you would be willing. Basically is he doing detective work to figure if you are more of a prude or a chick that's DTF (down to f***).

You might be thinking, that this is also unlikely since he's a long time friend, but I've got news for you. Assuming the girl is attractive, most guys wouldn't hesitate to get in their female friends pants given the opportunity. Most guys are secretly attracted to or would at the very least want to have sex with at least one of their female friends. A girl being a friend doesn't really shut off our attraction to them like it does for girls.

This is why you have some many conflicts regarding these types of relationships. The girl flirts with her guy friend, thinking its all in good fun, because he must understand like her, that they are both friends. However, he doesn't understand this because to him, friends are not off limits. He assumes she is interested because of her flirting, and starts to ramp up his own. The girl denies any wrong doing or that anything is going on because again, she is in denial. She knows that there is no way he can be making a move on her because in her mind it is understood that they are just friends. All of a sudden he goes in for the kill and she freaks out, sometimes getting angry at the guy that he would put their friendship in jeopardy. The guy then gets mad because he feels used, manipulated, and lead on.

This situation is exactly what is happening to you. Your mild flirting in the past gave him reason to think that you might be a bit attracted to him. As a result, he feels he has a chance and has begun making his move forward. At the moment he is testing the waters, and it would appear that he's not looking to date you, just have sex with you or become FWB's.

[lottierose]

He is a very flirty person naturally, with everyone really. I used to be very attracted to him when we first became good friends, but I figured we were in a happy plateau now. I probably agree with you that this is just a sexual interest, rather than romantic, but what exactly makes you say that? (from an outsiders point of view) Thanks for the good advice btw

[kholland65]

I'm not really sure exactly why other that I just sorta know based on knowing how guys think and I've seen friends do similar things. It's also strange that a guy would just randomly have sexual conversations with a girl whom he has no interest in having some sort of sexual contact with. Maybe if its in a group setting and the topic comes up, but I've never seen a guy individually just start texting a girl or talking to a girl about her sex life, because normally that's not acceptable.

[kholland65]

The fact that he is breaking a societal norm by actually asking you stuff that other guys just keep in their head, he's likely trying to accomplish something. The more aggressive guys that I've known will do similar things. They plant sexual ideas into a girls head or asking sexual questions to both discern if she's sexualy adventurous (aka will say yes), or to maybe get her thinking about it to eventually say yes. Basically he's steering the relationship from platonic to sexual. He wants an FWB

[lottierose]

We are v. close, & I don't have an issue talking about this stuff with him (& I suppose that could be why he doesn't see it as weird asking, but I think you're more right that he's just interested in sexual stuff) I don't know if he's like this with other people/girls that much, especially because quite a few of his female friends are intensely flirty anyway.

If you're right, & this is just for a FWB kind of thing, what should I say to steer away from that? I know I would get emotionally involved :P

[kholland65]

It is possible that you guys are just so close and comfortable that he's using you a female sounding board for his questions. Kinda like the guys on this site. But I don't know enough about the two of you to say for sure. If he is in fact trying to move into a FWB, I suggest you just be nice, but honest with him. Just let him know next time he mentions sexual stuff, that its making you uncomfortable and that you rather not talk about that stuff anymore with him.

[lottierose]

Haha, that's a good point. He is into these convos, and as friends I guess yeah, that's an easy explanation :D I have let him know that, mainly cause I feel a bit intimidated cause I'm quite inexperienced and (he says) he really isn't. He didn't really seem to understand much :P Thanks for the good advice btw

[bozolozerhead]

My very good guy friend and I have never had any romantic interest towards one another. Zero. We're purely platonic but most of the time our conversations are very sexual. We talk about his sexual past all the time (I'm a virgin and we're both 18) and it's completely normal. He always says we should have sex (don't know if he's joking or not but guys don't need to have any feelings towards you to have sex with you) but I just ignore it and don't make anything of it simply because I have no feelings for him and I know 110% that he doesn't have any feelings for me either.

It's just a very fun conversation to have because you don't overanalyze anything and get to know the "male brain" without involving any romantic feelings or interest. If you have feelings for him I suggest taking one step further by steering the conversation towards HIM and yourself and not his sexual past or yours. Perhaps you could ask, "with all this sexual experience and you still haven't met the right girl for you to be completely committed to?" or something like that. Only if you have feelings for him though. If you don't, then don't worry about it.

Take something from all your conversations because you definitely won't have those kinds of conversations with a guy you truly like or love. You can find out from your friend what guys like or don't like either sexually or romantically without having to worry what your friend thinks of you because you really could care less. I'm the same - I learnt so much from my guy friend yet we've never engaged in any sexual contact with each other. Good luck! :)

[lottierose]

That's a very good point, and the male mind has always been a mystery :P He has starting talking a bit about all this in "us" terms, but I'm not sure if he counts that as flirting or just flirty banter still. I don't have feelings for him at the minute, but I really used to and I can't say I won't in the future. Thanks :)

[3v3lAngel]

I think he's at least sexually attracted to you.. typically guys avoid sex talk with a girl they're not interested in. He may have been curious about you all along but if he's not dropping the subject his hormones must be raging for the attention ;p

[lottierose]

Haha, its always those darn hormones fault. Thanks for the good advice