Guys should take the initiative, right?

[Anonymous]

I read and always heard that guys should try more and take the first step .. that guys like to try hard and not get everything easily. Is this true?

I'm dating one now, and I'm affectionate but it was him who first say he's in love, he calls me first etc..

Now he didn't write to me since yesterday and I wonder if I am doing well waiting for him to message me first?

If he really likes me he will do it anyway right?

[Anonymous]

I won't lie, it's nice when guys take the initiative, but mostly because then I'm not the one having to put myself out there.

But let's also be honest- girls tend to take the less obvious initiative of just "happening" to be where we know a guy hangs out or finding some way to cross paths with the guy we like. Girls do this a lot- I spent the better part of my breaks between classes this week playing the wing man, walking a different building with a friend looking for the guy she likes, trying to "accidentally" run into them.

And me, if I really like a guy, I'll take the initiative and ask him to hang out, get a coffee, see a movie etc. If I have his number and I'm going out on a weekend to someplace he sometimes hangs out, I'll text him and ask him to meet me.

That's not to say I'm immune to playing the waiting game- I'm not going to always be the one to text first- if a guy doesn't sometimes take the initiative, I tend to stop trying. I figure it has to be 50/50...

If you're actually dating the guy- why should you have to wait for him to message you? Why are you still playing the game when you're together? Only time I'll admit to doing this is if he's dealing with something and asked for space or if he's upset with me for something- I figure he'll get in touch with me when he's ready.

[JSmuve]

If you really liked the guy perhaps you'd text him eh. Since you haven't, you don't really like him and he'd do well to move on. (Women's logic).

Pull on your big girl pants and text him ffs. Guys don't always like a challenge, particularly if they don't know it's a challenge. If we don't know you like us, then what we may construe as you 'playing hard to get' and wanting us to 'be the man' might wind up being harrassment since you weren't really interested . And no guy ever wants to be labelled as a harrasser of girls so we assume you're not interested and don't initiate anything. Then you think we're not interested. See how these silly little games work. Everyone loses because you have unrealistic expectations of yourself and him. So, text him or end it with him ffs.

[Konnour]

The driver starts first, yes but before that there shall be the green light.

[Brando]

Yes, you need to also take initiative with things. No guy is completely content with a girl that just sits and waits to be pampered all the time. It's flattering for you to be called, texted, flirted with, etc...the same is true for guys. We like the feeling of a girl taking initiative just as much as you like it. Having to flirt with you then ask for something in return has hardly the effect that a flirt is supposed to.

[Symorg]

Do what feels right. If going up to him, grabbing his tie (so to speak) and dragging him into the bedroom is what you want to do, then do it. Leave all the social stigma at the door. Guys do not 'prefer' to have to do all the work, that's just silly. Be a woman, be confident, and don't be afraid to pursue your man, it is not a turn off.

[Anonymous]

"If he really likes me he will do it anyway right?"

Don't ever assume that.

Too many girls have failed to realize that the guy is giving them a chance to show their interest, and they just sit back and do nothing. And then when the guy goes away, they think "What the hell? I guess he didn't like me."

[Symorg]

Exactly! look at that first sentence, now think of it from a man's point of view. We don't want to think like rapists for god's sake. Only guys who could care less about trampling all over your feelings will just 'do it anyway' no matter what 'it' is. Don't put us in that position if you can help it.

[chocofrog1]

Haha I have always had this mentality - "Oh, looks as though he wasn't interested enough to ask me out etc". I had always thought that until I realized that I will never get the guy I like because he would be too shy to make a move and ask me out. These days, I feel, guys are too use to girls making all the moves and are afraid to ask a girl out - on a date. I don't see guys too afraid to make a move in the sense - kiss her etc, but asking out seems to be a huge deal. Am I wrong?

[Opinion Owner]

Some young guys seem to have trouble with it, yeah. (The asking out part)

But Symorg is completely right with his comparison to rape - the idea that if I really like a girl, I'm going to *do* *it* anyway, is just abhorrant to most men.

As Louis CK says "I'm not going to rape you, just on the off chance you're into that."

[martyfellow]

Times are changing!

A girl who doesn't respond, doesn't take some initiative, is taking the chance the guy will think she's not interested at all. Once ina while you'll have to be the one to make the contact in these modern times!

[cavmanier]

Actually if a girl doesn't act pretty equally interested and responsive to me I will either keep things very casual or even more likely I'd lose interest. I don't want a game from someone I want who they are and how the feel, I'm not 21 though.

[Out4Sushi]

this is the year 2012, why can't you just take the initiative and stop finding excuses to mask your shyness in taking the first step, if you don't dare to take that first step then just admit it and learn how to change yourself to be a better person

[Anonymous]

anyone can initiate first if they want to. as long as nobody is being too selfish I think naturally people can see which one in which condition should initiate first.

you are not living in the US after all. I am not surprised why guys are more expected but why not try sometime?

[phonezoo]

No, guys shouldn't always be the first one, but on occasion he should at least do some of the initiating. The problem with when men do it is that we tend to be too aggressive about it

[Anonymous]

...and if you really liked him too, you wouldn't always make him do it

[Moloch]

No, guys should not take the initiative.

[Anonymous]

that does not apply to all guys

[Anonymous]

50/60-guys