Do you think that guys should make the first move?

Question

I am quite shy and likely socially awkward (or something akin to that) and I can't really imagine making a first move. The closest I got was asking a mutual friend to mention my name and 'test the waters' and she like told the girl that I liked her and she told me that the girl was interested in someone else who she later ended up dating.
Anyway, will I really have to put myself out there more to start a relationship? I know that it's only rejection but I really hate putting myself out there and I think that girls should make the first move if they're interested and are more confident than the guy but I don't usually see that happen (with people I know, people I don't know who talk about their stories, in movies and such).
So I wanted to know what most people think about initiation and showing that you're romantically interested.

loofah · Accepted Answer

Either side can and should make the first move, but you have to realize it seems the way it is because of traditional impact. Even modern Disney channel and Nickelodeon almost always shows the boys asking the girls out while the girls make more effort than boys on looking pretty. When you grow up seeing that, it affects your real life action. Even in Harry Potter, Ron said something like "it's one thing if a bloke goes without a date, but when a girl does it's really sad." Traditionally, for girls, the rejection is not being asked and even not being noticed. Traditionally, for boys, the rejection is being rejected when asking.

There definitely are girls and women who will make the first move, and I will be honest with you... you might end up waiting or disappointed unless you find the courage to try, because it is how it is. More recently, some things have been changing. Like more and more people split the bills when dating. And more girls and women do ask men out. But there's still a discrepancy. Do recognize that even with a discrepancy, most girls will flirt clearly if they're interested. It's scary, I'm sorry... I know, rejection is always scary. Especially for shy folks! But remember, we ALL will face rejection at some points in our lives, and we will ALL do the rejecting at some points in our lives. Imagine a girl you weren't attracted to coming up to you and asking you out. You may have to reject sometimes too!

For your best chance, I'd recommend trying to find that courage to ask someone out. I would say the same thing to women who haven't had luck in the dating scene as well, but I know guys have more pressure with this. We've only got one life to live. We are the sex we are. We can wait around or try. And as hard as rejection is, life goes on. We're resilient creatures. And then finding someone worth it after any rejection will make that first rejection worth it. If that made any sense lol.

talias288 · Accepted Answer

You're just trying the pass the buck. Listen, most people, guys OR girls don't have the confidence. Be different! It puts you at a HUGE advantage over others.

If you approach every person with the goal of having a fun conversation, there isn't as much pressure! Besides, you don't even know if they're good enough for YOU. Get good at asking questions and making people laugh. Most importantly BE YOURSELF. I can think of a million conversation starters, based on the environment you're in:

Eating: Walk past table. 'What you eating? That looks good, I think Imma get that.'
Movies: Tap on shoulder. 'What you gonna watch? Maybe I'll watch that.'
Grocery Store: Turn around. 'Hey, you wanna get in front? You don't have that much. I probably should be like you, don't know why I end up buyin so much stuff. [Comment on anything they have - ooh I love chocolate, etc man I need to get some of that too, oh does that product work well/you've tried it? bla blabla']

For the record, I have tried the above suggestions and they work. When you approach someone indirectly, rather than commenting on their appearance, talk about other stuff. Then they can let their guard down and relax. Everyone, especially girls love to talk about themselves. So draw them out/ask their opinions... If things go well, be like 'Wow you're so cool, you got facebook/email/? Here I'll text you my number, so i can invite you next time we hang out.'

Oh, and just because you approach a lot of people, doesn't mean you'll be 100% successful, but you will get results and loads of experience. Just keep trying. It's not easy for anyone, whether they're attractive, smooth, or totally funny or whatever. Everybody gets rejected a LOT more than you think.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I was told by my uncle to add and talk to a young man he worked with, but I refused at the time because it was completely out of my comfort zone. At the next family gathering he had mentioned it again and I said that I would think about it. Later in the night I was snoping around on his facebook and I showed my cousin who ended up adding him for me. I have never been happier in a relationship and dated someone for three years.
I don't think that it matters who approaches who but I think that it is good to step out of your shell and take chances. If it weren't for my cousin I would have never went along with talking to someone I have never met. You are missing out on so much if you don't push yourself and feel discomfort. "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."
I am not at all saying that you won't ever find anyone if you don't make the first move but you will be letting a lot of awesopeople pass you by. I struggle with any social situation and have social anxiety so I can relate. It is just something that you have to continue to work on. :)

MaskedSanity · Accepted Answer

The person that's interested should pursue.

We live in a society where, unfortunately, women still expect to be approached. It's slowly getting better, but if you rely on a girl to ask you out, chances are you'll end up alone.

How do you expect to achieve or attain something, if you don't do anything about it?

Should women approach more? Absolutely.
Should you sit on your arse in hopes that one will?
Probably not.

https://i.imgflip.com/ga2j6.jpg

rjroy3 · Accepted Answer

I don't know about "should", but the reality is if you're not a total dime piece and girls aren't throwing themselves at you.. you pretty much have to lol. Even girls that like you might have hangups about it and rather than initiate they'll leave the door open for you to do the opening.

The only time I'll say someone "should" be the one to initiate is if they really want someone and it's not coming on it's own. For lack of a better phrase, "the pussy's not coming to you. You gotta go out and get the pussy".

JSmuve · Accepted Answer

Most girls will say yes.
Most guys will be mixed on this.

At the end of the day, approaching puts you in the driver's seat because you're in control of the types of girls you interact with. As scary, inconvenient, and time consuming as it is, that's a pretty big benefit.

XRabbitHeartX · Answer

I think it should come from both sides! Both parties need to do their part in helping the other with initiating. For example, if a girl is going to expect a guy to ask her out first she should still give out clear signs that she is interested and wants to be asked out. If a girl wants to ask a guy out then he should also make a effort to bring across the idea that he is interested. It should always be give and take. That is the key to a balanced and healthy relationship or friendship.

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

I don't think it really matters who makes the first move, although it is more common for the guy to. Although I am also shy and socially awkward, I kind of notice when others are too and when they are too afraid to make the first move, so I have done it myself before and everything worked out fine. Not everyone is like that though, so you will still want to try to drop some subtle hints that you are interested.

InconspicuousBox · Answer

I think whoever is less shy should try to make the first move. However, you also have to realize that by trying to avoid making the first move completely, you might up missing out on people you might have had an amazing relationship with, and that applies to both sexes. If you really like them, you should try asking them out or telling them how you fell--not because you're the guy, but because relationships don't start themselves. Someone has to do something or nothing will change, and you can't always rely on the person you like making the first move, especially since they don't even know that you like them. If you want something, you have to go for it. You can't be passive in your own life.

devilish-cutie · Answer

I have no problem approaching a guy if he shows an interest in me and try to make me feel good when we interact; I can feel if a person is into me. Then if the guy is shy I can understand cause I'm brave and I am more than daring to make a move. However, I am very attracted to guys that are brave enough as me. But I wouldn't mind approaching if the guy is shy and I really like him. I have approached guys before.
But I would give you an advice: think of approaching as approaching your people you wanna be friends with. With friends it doesn't matter who approached or who asked who out first. It was most important that 2 people felt some kind of connection and wanted to spend time together and get to know better. Too much preassure is put on romantic relationships about every single thing you do. It should be more casual like with friends.

redeyemindtricks · Answer

This comes down to definitions.

In terms of literally taking literal physical action? On the dude.

But OMGOMGOMG WE SOOOO DO ALL THE THINGS FIRST.
In terms of GIVING ALL THE SIGNALS.

really y'all.

We give y'all, like, 400,000 green lights. And like 500 worker people with orange flags waving you through. "making the first move" is just driving through the intersection, LOL.

boobookittyfuqk · Answer

I was always too shy to make the first move but somehow I WAS ALWAYS THE ONE DOING SO. Until my current boyfriend. He's the one who asked to go on a date, he's the one who put a flower in my hair, he's the one who grabbed my hand, he's the one who danced with me on a deserted road, he's the one who kissed me. It was really different for me, but it was very attractive to see his confidence so high. He totally scored strong points. And on our first date I was trying to have sex with him, and he respectfully declined and said he respects women too much. MORE BIG POINTS! I love him so much

lumos · Answer

Nobody *should* do anything they're uncomfortable with. So if you don't want to approach, you don't have to. However (this applies to both boys and girls) this does not mean that you're entitled to having other people approach you. Either they will or they won't. If you want to ensure that you get to know people, you're just better off doing it yourself instead of relying on others doing it for you.

AlphaAussie · Answer

No, no, no. Women have a thing called hypergamy, or a desire to find a mate socially higher than they are; to marry upwards. Concentrate on the things that make you closer to being the top 5% of men. Study hard, work out, seek leadership opportunities. Most of all, be strong. Don't ask a friend to find out if a girl likes you, go right to her, tell her why you think she is special and assumptive close. Eg - I'd like to see, X, at the movies and I think you'd like that film too, I will pick you up Saturday and we can see it together. If she tests you, oh I've already seen it, stay strong, yeah, but you haven't seen it with me, so you haven't had the whole experience yet. Stay confident and imply it's no biggie if she says no. Never apologise for asking a girl out.

TheHooptyMiata · Answer

Just approach, man. I have a motto - 29 failures and a success, is a success. By that I mean it doesn't matter how many girls reject you, one will be DTF.

Stop thinking about relationships. Don't even think about that shit until you're 30. Just get pussy. I'm not saying you can't lie about wanting a relationship just to get laid,. but don't actually get with a girl. It's a waste of effort, all they wanna do is change who you are and tell you how to live and generally be huge pains is the ass.

Anon, be a player. It'll boost that confidence of yours.

Anonymous · Answer

I, like you, am incredibly shy and unfortunately I have a very low confidence in myself. So for me, there would be no way I would ask a guy out mostly for my big fear of rejection. I would want him to come to me (and even then I'd probably be terrified and die from nervousness and of him actually talking to me. More than anything I'd be surprised) I don't know if its like this for other girls but it's like this for me and I know I sound like a huge wimp but its just cz I'm extremely shy when it comes to guys. So with me they'd have to do all the work of starting a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Obviously it would be nice for men if less than the current 84% of girls (as judged by gag as of this moment) did not feel that it should preferably be the guy doing the initiating part.

Thing is, the one taking that step is the one that can get rejected and the one being approached is the one who gets the flattery. Obviously people want that. Who doesn't?

Can't very well fault girls for not wanting to give it up.

Reality of the matter though: If you like someone, go for it. Your odds are insanely better if you do go for it. If you're shy you can still take a breath, scuttle your ass over there and say hello. You are physically capable of that. Trust me. Not a single one of us likes putting ourselves out there. Some of us just get thick enough skin that we don't care anymore.

Anonymous · Answer

Well first of all you do have to get to know the person. If you are just a stranger , she won't really know what's up. But it would be a problem if both of you are shy. Saying hi makes a difference though. If she's confident she will most likely open up to you. You will never know if someone likes you until you talk to them. I would say go for it just say hi. Let's see how that goes. I wish you the best. Go get that girl! remember you both have to be exchanging conversations. If you see that she is not approaching you after you approached her I would say to look for a girl that appreciates your approach and seems interested in you.

JohnnyBananas · Answer

If you like the person, you should take initiative. Why torture yourself? You ask them to a date or a casual "hang out" and see where things lead that way you can get a feel on whether they like you back or if you actually like them on a deeper level.

Anonymous · Answer

If you can't make the first move then start radiating signals. Let her notice you. It'll be hard for her but little easier way for a shy person like you.
I am same. I don't approach. I can notice other girls giving signals to other friends and stuff but I fail to pick up any kind of readings from the girl I like. I can approach people when I want to but I fail to do so with the girl I like. Anyway so I started giving hints without realising it. Whole fking world noticed except that girl!

I still try to approach. I reach to the end point and fail to do so at last moment. I keep trying my best and also hope that she'll do same.

Try to approach, if you can't then it's okay. It won't make you a loser or anything bad. But don't sit around, try. Slowly but try; it's better than sitting around and regretting later.

LaFemmeFatale · Answer

I don't think that only guys are supposed to make the first move but I want them to do so. I have met many guys who liked me but were shy. I think everything is easier when you overcome it and come and tell me you like me, I appreciate that rather than looking and dreaming from distant. Sometimes girls seem to be confident but they are not ready to come and tell guys about their feelings.

thatkaruguy · Answer

i say no or sometimes.

realistically speaking girls pretty much have a monopoly on dating therefore it would make more sense for them to do the approaching and not guys. it would be easier for everybody because they could pick the guy they want instead of waiting long period of time denying guys they dont want.

DivaMonae · Answer

Not necessarily times aren't what they once were and if a female is brave enough to do it more power to her.

However I'm not one of those girls. I'm not more confident than the guy and we'll just end up wondering what of because I just can't bring myself to do it and apparently neither can he.

AnynomousGirl · Answer

Hi
I think it's totally fine for girls to ask guys out. I asked my last boyfriend out and it was great lol (then again, i love control)
However, when two people don't know each other so well I think it's better for the guy to ask first, it gives the impression of being confident and it's usually sexy. Don't worry too much of you seem nervous because that can be cute too. I've learned that if you believe in yourself others do too. Good luck :)

GoldenSunshine · Answer

I think whoever wants to make the first move should regardless of gender

Watermelonoma · Answer

if you wait for girls to approach you, will end up being alone. Girls are too timid a creature to do anything remotely resembling approaching the opposite sex. Only a tiny fraction do it, and even amongst them, a lot of em give up when they see how hard it is and revert back to tradition. So yeah, i'd probably get to work on that shyness and self confidence if you're interested in dating women

FakeName123 · Answer

Mostly yes. Though I think girls should on the other hand make themselves approachable. Aka not always being surrounded by 5 people, eye-contact, smiling, etc.

Anyway, what you are talking about is something you should overcome. Learn to engage yourself with people. Social skills aren't something you are born with, but it's a skill as many other which you practice and train. Yes, you probably will end up making an idiot out of yourself occasionally - but so what? Just go for it.

the_rake · Answer

I said 'sometimes' because both genders should be willing to chip in if they are interested. actually I prefer to make the first move myself... feels more manly. But there's probably lots of men out there that would benefit if women were more willing to initiate and lots of women who think its sexist to tell the woman she has to wait.

Balcazaurus · Answer

In your case, you ought to learn to step out of your comfort zone. It might and could very well hurt, but you will learn from that and hopefully not become a bitter person.

I've learned to take initiative and to just start something. Where it could go? Who knows? But at least I'm trying.

All you have to do is try. And to mean it.

Girls like that.

RachelBrigs · Answer

I think whoever feels comfortable doing it should. That said, if the guy doesn't make a move at all I assume he isn't interested, cause at least in my experience most guys will unless they're super shy

Anonymous · Answer

I voted Yes, but depends on what first move, now if I like him it's ok to ask him for a coffee or hangout but I will never tell him I love him or date me, I'll show him friendship and show him I'm a little interested but not very obvious
Anyhow if that guy so cocky I won't even look at him

RedThread · Answer

If you really want someone or something in life you have to pursue it regardless of gender. If you don't then someone else will.

So I guess it's up to you which type of person you want to be. If you're comfortable waiting on the sidelines for a possibility then by all means continue.

Mesonfielde · Answer

If you want to get something, then you'll have to work for it.

In this case, if you want to establish a relationship so badly, you probably should make the first move.

It helps if you know that the girl actually kinda likes you, though.

Anonymous · Answer

It depends on the kind of guy it is though. Some guys like being in a type of control and making the first move makes them feel like a man in my view lol. So if I am ready for a guy to make a move I will say something quite direct so they can feel like the sexual aggressor by the being the first to make the physical move even though by words I initiated it. Not all men need or want to always be the sexual aggressor.
So it honestly depends on the kind of man you are dealing with

Minxxie · Answer

I prefer to make the first move so I think it should be a person's choice based on who they are.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes! Just pay attention to the cues she gives. Does she glance at you often. Does she smile at you? Shyness can be overcome, just gotta try. Most girls won't approach you only a select few. But usually those girls are either needy or clingy 0.0
If you don't approach some girls may feel like your not interested in them enough. But you being insecure or fearful of rejection should not be a roadblock for you to pursue women.

diehard64 · Answer

It shouldn't matter who makes the first move. If you are interested make a move. Awesome that you admit to you're shyness but bro, you can't expect someone to make a move on you if you won't make a move on them.

Shy_Steve · Answer

You cannot expect someone who is Shy to make the first move, That's just ridiculous.

The Person with the most Confidence should do it, But most Girls simply won't do it because they expect the Guy to do it.

How is going to do it if he is Shy, It's Ridiculous.

elektrik_nathan · Answer

the guy making the first move is the result of society, not of reality. a girl can make a move on a guy. but people may look at her weird because society has an unwritten and breakable rule that the guy has to make the first move.

9mfeo · Answer

I think putting the onus on one party to do a thing is foolish. It doesn't *have* to be only the man's responsibility or only the woman's responsibility (to use a heteronormative example).

Anonymous · Answer

not really woman are as capable as men in many aspects and love shouldn't be an exception. I am shy and i usually prefer that guys come to me but some guys are very shy or very respectful that doesn't want to approach the girl even if they have very strong feelings for her so girls can do the first move.

sean1234 · Answer

Do you think that guys should make the first move? -Yes. If you're hungry, you can't have someone else eat for you. You have to do it yourself.

Azara · Answer

No I do not., I never have. i think its demeaning to Women and unrealistic pressure for men.   in my opinion, these poll results are disappointingly irrational and pathetic.

Queeniiebee · Answer

I'm quite shy so I'd probably want him to make the move. I guess if I've been in a few relationships before i might be okay at asking the guy first. Id prefer to get to know him first

ThisDudeHere · Answer

I just think that anyone who's genuinely interested should make the move, regardless of whether they have a hole or a protrusion between their legs.

Anonymous · Answer

Men don't normally make the first move. Women signal to the guy that she wants to be approached with her body language, and then the guy approaches. If he just walks up and makes the first move, most women will get creeped out.

ShaeNielson · Answer

I think everyone should make the first move. I do it myself, if I see something I like Im not gonna let it get away without at least trying.

SakuraChii · Answer

I'm surprised with the poll, I think it shouldn't matter.

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes. Sometimes the girl should. I sometimes know if the guy likes me, so I'm surprised when they ask me out. If I like the guy, I'll ask him out.

BertMacklinFBI · Answer

i think anyone should make a move if they want something to happen *drop the mic*

SoNotIt · Answer

I think guys know what they want and hence it is better for them to ask a girl out since you men can pursue well.

SilenRose · Answer

Yes guys should initiate. But sometimes a girl should if she really likes the guy.

Inuyasha · Answer

Get muscles so the girls will be more likely to approach you first.

RaggaMon · Answer

Fuck that, I have never made the first move and I haven't ever been single for too long.

QuestionMan · Answer

No it feels so great when women do it. Us guys could use the ego boost.

Yanoa_Yanza · Answer

This is the only rule to me in regards of Who makes the first move... Who ever Wants it the most, makes the first move

bluenose1872 · Answer

Who dares wins in this world. It doesn't have to feel good just do it.

Words_and_Wisdom · Answer

It should be equal. Men and women should make the first move.

capncool · Answer

Usually yes, but if the girl wants to make the first move then nothing should stop her

WeeGeeTheSecond · Answer

Until most women figure out that they can also make the 1st move (which is fucking never) i believe we will have to make the first move.

dtweed96 · Answer

Um not really regularly the guy does but the girl throws charm to make a guy come to them so think of that how a girl make the 1st move

astrOnaut01 · Answer

Gender is irrelevant, in respect to who should initiate. If you're interested then go for it.

xxcchhllaauu · Answer

there's no point in making a move if your dick is small somethings aren't talked about tho best to ignore things out of your control right ,

Anonymous · Answer

I usually let the girls make the first move, that's almost a sure sign she's interested. My current girlfriend texted me first for like a week every day.

Anonymous · Answer

Approaching a guy never works for me, and I'm seen as desperate or easy.

MyMintFrappe · Answer

I don't think they should. But I hope they do...

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