Why are girls with scumbag guys?

i don't get this I always see these girls that are gorgeous with guys that are either scumbags are guys that treat them like sh*t. Why?

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why is everyone thinking this is me complaining about me not getting a hot girl that's no it at all. damn I'm just wondering why these hot girls are with these douchebag boyfriends that treat them like sh*t

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Another "nice guys finish last" complaining session? T_T

    How can you call another guy a scumbag without knowing him, unless you saw him doing something like beating his girlfriend, which I highly doubt?

    If you're so disturbed by the fact that "gorgeous girls are with scumbags", why don't you get up and be the one guy who's not a scumbag who goes out with a gorgeous girl? (See, it's funny cause there are actually loads of decent guys who go out with gorgeous girls, but you'd probably call them scumbags too just because they're with a girl you find hot.)

    As for the few girls who do go out with legit scumbags (yes, "few" - most relationships aren't abusive or unhealthy...), well, they got unlucky and went out with them thinking they were decent guys. If they stayed with the guys anyway after they showed their true scumbag sides, it's because they got stuck in there and told themselves the guys were still nice.

    I can't believe how many guys here are actually agreeing with you, and being praised for calling women stupid... f***ing ridiculous... if you're putting all women down like that, YOU'RE the scumbag. (Well, not really. That was for emphasis. You're probably a decent guy. Most guys are decent if you get to know them. But this is a scumbag side of you.)

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    • * rolls eyes * Another belly-rubber post.

    • @Update: Well, you clearly don't get hot girls. If you did, you'd be calling yourself a scumbag too. If you did, you wouldn't care about whether or not hot girls are with scumbags, because you'd just be happy with what you had. That's why it's obvious you're upset (i.e. complaining) by your supposed observation that gorgeous girls just get with scumbags.

      And no, I'm not someone who gets hot girls. I just don't give a sh*t and don't criticize others just because I'm jealous of them.

    • Agree 100% with this answer.

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  • OK this took me a long time to understand plus there's lots of people who disagree with me, but what they fail to understand is that NOT ALL GIRLS ARE LIKE THIS, but I am telling you a surprising amount of them are.

    Here's the short story - girls like being treated like sh*t. Especially hot girls. The way this works is that hot girls get a lot of attention from guys, and so they're used to always being treated nicely and stuff. And so they get bored of this. In comes the douchebag, who ISN'T nice with her, and she is surprised by this. So this "game" starts in which the girl will try making this "douchebag" guy like her, because if she manages to do this it'll sort of "boost" her ego or something. I dunno, don't ask me how this makes sense. Girls are WEIRD, OK? All I know is that I've seen this happen oh-so-many times. Plus if you notice this explains why a lot of girls like the "mysterious" type guys. Guess what - the "mysterious" guys are guys who stick to their own and don't pay much attention to the girl either. Notice any similarities? This is also why they don't seem to like nice guys.

    There's also this other theory which is true in some cases and it sort of ties in with the previous one, and it's that girls like "fixing" guys. So they'll see a douchebag or a really sh*tty guy, and they'll try making him into a "nice" guy. That's not really how they see it though. I've heard this theory and what I think happens is that the girl will get with this douchebag guy because "liek ZOMG he's so hot xoxox", and then after a while though he'll want that same guy to start treating her nicely. Except he won't, because he's an ass. But the girl won't leave though because she'll still want to try fixing him or something as part of some project. I DON'T KNOW WHY! ;___; All I know is that there are PLENTY of girls who are unable to leave their boyfriend who abuses them either physical and/or verbally. So yeah, there you go. >__>

    Last but not least there's this other theory which I kind of don't like, that says that douchebags are better at "protecting" and "getting things", and this is something that is attractive to girls. So like, imagine out in the while jungle, if you're with a big, mean, scary person who, it kind of gives you the feeling of safety. Except it's dumb because you don't have to be an a**hole to everyone in order to protect your girl or get her things, yet oddly enough a lot of girls don't seem to see that, because I think all this sh*t happens on a subconscious level and they don't even realize. That's why you get a lot of girls saying they don't know what they want in a guy, or they'll say what they want, but then end up with someone that's the complete opposite. That's because it's SUBCONSCIOUS!

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  • I hate to be blunt but it's because they're stupid. They don't know what they're getting themselves into. And they probably fall for their cheesy come ons. A lot of girls can be fooled by 'scumbags' pretty easy.

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  • Scumbags or jerks generally have more confidence, which means two things:

    1) They ask a much higher number of girls, or attempt to get with a much higher number of girls, than what would be considered a "shy nice guy".

    2) Confidence is attractive and visible at the time, being an a**hole isn't, until later.

    Alternative? Be a confident nice guy. Stereotypes suck, so break them.

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    • If I wanted to break stereotypes, I'd say "Be you, and stop being a total prick."

      That tends to work. :D

  • One, because those guys are attractive, and attractive girls typically care about attractiveness above all other qualities.

    Also, often times a guy will act nice in the beginning in order to reel a girl in. But after a while he'll start to change and she'll not want to let him go because she remembers how good he used to be and she thinks she can make him that way again.

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  • Because scumbag guys are not afraid to ask the girl out & they make the girl feel special.

    I wish more nice guys could rise up & ask other nice girls out...

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    • So what your saying is all guys need to be scumbags to get a date? I guess if there's a girl I like I should just go up to her and say hi whore how's it going. And FYI do you have any idea how hard or nervous a guy gets when he approaches a girl? I don't think you do.

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    • I know that.. thank you.

    • not always that simple

  • Ah, a question with no real answer. Some may have very low self-esteem and expect that it is a normal way to be treated by a guy. Others may have had bad experiences in relationships, or seen it in their families. There is always the possibility that they find these guys "dangerous" and "exciting".

    Frankly, it might be that the guys who are self-obsessed jerks with no nerve or shame are the ones that dare ask them out in the first place.

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  • i don't know all the reasons , this is pretty common . you do see a lot of girls with such guys when you look around at who there actually dating .

    i meet a girl last year who was dating a guy who sold drugs which I didn't know at the time , she told me he had his own business . only did I find out later what exactly that business was .

    either she was just plain dumb and had no idea what he was doing or she was in on the whole operation , who knows

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    • She better get out of that relationship quickly, because if he uses her as a scapegoat after he gets arrested, she could be spending the rest of her life in prison for his crime. There are stories about this, Google it. Alternately, persuade the government to repeal the War on Drugs or at least the Drug Conspiracy law, where people can "accidentally" get convicted and sentenced for a longer time than true scumbags like rapists and these guys who beat women.

    • i forgot to mention I found out he was dealing drugs when an article about it was in the paper . he got arrested and charged with trafficking and did get some prison time maybe a year or so . I think they might of broke up but not sure and haven't spoke to her in a while

    • I hope she didn't get time because women always seem to get prison time for drug crimes they didn't do that is comparable to first-degree murder.

  • A lot of genuinely kind, good-looking guys don't take initiative and ask them out.

    On the other hand, perhaps the girls were told they were fat and ugly when they were little. Maybe their parents tell them they have a personality/mental flaw that dictates it isn't fair for them to be with "mentally healthy" people. Perhaps emotional abuse was modeled in the home. So, their self-esteem is so low, they settle for what they can get.

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  • They don't start out as scum bags. They pretend to be sweet and caring and loving guys then when she falls for the guy he is pretending to be he starts to take on his true traits and she keeps hoping that he will 'become' the nice guy again. It will never happen but she keeps hoping so she stays. Well until he dumps her or she smartens up and realize that she deserves better and he will never be the guy she wants him to be.

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  • All the others (except the one who is defending these guys) have good reasons, but I have one too that seems to apply to all the girls in Boston. They (the ones in Boston anyway) only care about looks (and money, and many of them age too) and the "shy guys" are not as aesthetically attractive as the abusive guys.

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  • Pending the girl is emotionally healthy:

    The girl finds him sexy and fun...and sees the "treating like sh*t" factor as a negative that she will "tolerate".

    Because, well...subconsciously or not...she finds being "treated like sh*t" as a fair trade-off for the pros of being sexy and fun.

    ---

    To be fair, there are guys that are the same way with girls; will date a girl that's sexy and fun, and will tolerate being "treated like sh*t".

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  • Hahaha o course this question gets the most answers.. Girls getting defensive and guys just bashin away

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    • ya honestly this hole topic is pissing me off I wish I could close it. every time I log in there is just more people to bitch about this question

    • F*** I know eh ha ha so annoying

  • It seems a lot of girls also like that homeless, unemployed-Loser look. The hip hop culture As really contaminated everything. Many women pay for the food, drive the car, hold down a job, while the boyfriend does nothing and mooch off the girl. But I guess as long as he has his hat tilted to side just right and his name-brand hoody that's all that matters.

    I also see a lot of beautiful females with BETA-MALES, wimpy half-men who can;t even hammer a nail straight.

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    • The beta male trend is typically because they treat the woman better (and not just in the beginning when they're trying to land her) and are less likely to stray. Many would prefer the alpha male who also treats them well and won't cheat, but they're pretty hard to come by.

  • Three words my friend Women are idiots. And those that say their not into scumbags, jerks, douche bags are either 1) To afraid to admit it or 20 Are in denial.

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    • agree and thumb up .

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    • I've seen a lot of great men putting up with a lot of sh*t from their women... so in your logic, men are idiots too. Welcome to the human race.

    • GoldgunsGirls I know you'll see this just shut up. I just love how you act and pretend you know everything there is to know. No one cares.

  • Not all hot girls have a brain. This might explain.

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  • There are a bunch of answers to this, but the simplest is, in the short run, how nice someone is is not a major factor in whether people will date them.

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  • Girls are a complicated species.

    Yeah, I don't have an answer for you because I don't understand it myself.

    I would rather be with someone who treats me right than an a**hole, but maybe that's just me.

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  • Well I'm not going to repeat what everyone's said.

    https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=xfeys7Jfnx8

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  • this is what happens, its pure statistical mathematics:

    -Most men(and women) are actually either bad or damaging

    -Most men have poor skils.

    -Men that are good are scarce

    -Men that know how to produce attraction in women are also scarce

    -obviously men that are both good and know how to produce attraction. and most of the time those are already taken.

    *most of the time women prefer men that knows how to produce attraction and excitment in them over those that are good but unskillfull.

    *also those guys that women like, know how to fool them into thinking they are good.

    we guys have a similar problem, usually we idolize women that look very good.

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    • I'd thumb this up twice if I was able to do so

    • haha thanks...i forget to add that many of those"nice guys" are just nice because they lack the power to do bad things... there is a quote I don't know from whom: "to test a man give him power" in this case power over women, how many guys(or women) can behave entirely good when they get power over the other sex? I suspect many cannot either due to evilness or not knowing how to manage it properly .

  • It's not that they are with guys who are "scumbags", but rather they are attracted to guys who they believe to be a "challenge". These type of guy show just the right amount of interest (not too much). These guys normally have a very busy life, and though they may seem to treat the girl bad; really, they are treating her they way she wants to be treated. The difference is, they don't let the girl become the center of their lives until they marry them. The type of guys you speak of don't take a hit if a girl turns them down. They take rejection as a game, because they don't see girls as the "prize", but instead they see themselves as the prize.

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  • There is a problem onboth sides of the relationship. A guys who treats a partner like that has serious issues, most likely he saw this kind of behavior growing up. The ladies who take this kind of crap I still don't understand why.. I have a couple of friends that do and One says that she feels guilty that she can't help them to see the light and be a better person. THe other one says that he will snap out of it. I mean seriously?

    We all feel that a person can change and see things different and live a different and productive life but A girl that stays with a scumbag will not see the change...

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  • Girls say the same thing about guys. "Why are all the good guys off with sh*t girls?"

    Maybe we should ask why people are making decisions not in their own best interest and go from there.

    But I think it's because sexual/romantic attraction has to be there before emotional attraction can take over, and we'll settle for the few who meet that first roadblock because many people can't imagine much better without feeling like they themselves would become the weakest link between the two. Not so much out of trying to be better than someone else, but just trying not to feel like the expendable one.

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  • Because they don't think they deserve to be happy

    Because they think it's the best they can get

    Beats the hell outta me!

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  • They're gets things done and is fun to be around. Unlike the nice shy guys who think, maybe if I do this she will notice me kind of attitude.

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  • Because even though those guys have more flaws, they also have more strengths:

    They are assertive, confident, and have no fear approaching women. They go after what they want, whereas many of the nicer guys would be too scared to get themselves into the door. They know how to tease and banter. They offer a challenge that keeps women on their toes. They offer a degree of unpredictability that keeps women guessing.

    The good thing is that you can have all of these traits without being a scumbag.

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    • Last sentence is spot-on...you don't have to be a scumbag in order to have the collection of social tools outlined in this answer.

      In fact, the guys with this collection of social tools, WITHOUT being a scumbag...are called "dream men".

      Every "nice guy" should aim to be a "dream man". :)

  • becouse they are dumb ass a rock that can't see a good thing when its in front of them they think from there privets and NOT there head

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  • No answers for this - girls don't even know half the things they do

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  • Cus they got SWAG

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  • Bad self esteem.

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  • I don't notice this as being something ONLY happening with one gender.

    I, sometimes, see *people* with significant others that don't quite deserve them.

    It happens.

    I will say this though - by just seeing them in public briefly, you can't possibly get an authentic impression of who they are, man OR woman. Sometimes when you see someone acting shi*ty to someone else, it may be a REaction, not an action. By being an outsider, you can easliy misinterpret what's going on. That "gorgeous girl" may have just been a total cry-baby or a controlling bi*ch to HIM, and you're only seeing how he acts towards her AFTER that.

    This is a common assumption by men, sadly. Those "gorgeous girls" you see may be handfuls themselves. You can't assume they're not getting what they deserve at that moment just because they're gorgeous, haha!

    Again, flip the genders in that scenario, and I still feel the same.

    Assumptions are often wrong.

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  • Hmmm, it depends if your talking about the "good girls love bad boys" sterotype.

    I don't know what some girls are thinking, I mean, their boyfriends are jackasses to her friends! Whatever, just glad I got a waterpolo sweetheart with me, not some behind the lockers stoner or something.

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  • Because they come off as cocky and more importantly, confident. People who cplain about this tend to be neither.

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    • harsh but true right here...confident people don't complain about other confident people being confident and getting "success" in the dating world

  • Because those are the type of guys that are more likely to acquire girls. Most good guys are too afraid to even approach a girl. Girls simply choose from the guy(s) that want them.

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    • I concur. This is a HUGE factor here; funny how the "bad" guys pretend to be good, and get the girl.

      But the majority of the genuinely good guys are too afraid to approach the girl, and don't get the girl.

      Don't let those imposters steal your girls!

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    • Also some guys that "finish last" or rather don't finish at all will automatically think they're a "good guy" just because they finish last. It doesn't work like that some guys that finish last are not anywhere near being a good guy.

    • And also not ALL gorgeous girls have a lot of guys to choose from. If she is shy, reclusive, or intimidating she most likely doesn't have many love interests to choose from.

  • I was with a guy like this because when we first met he wasn't like that at all. He was the complete opposite. With a little time, things started changing and I thought the changes in him were because of something I was doing wrong, so I started trying harder and giving him the benefit of the doubt because he was such a nice guy when I met him. How could he have suddenly changed? Very easily. A lot of guys like this are good at putting on a show to get the girl. Then their true colors come out. They're very manipulative. If you've never been manipulated, you have no idea how confusing and twisted things can become. Certain guys are just so good at making girls feel like things are their fault. That's why we stay.

    It's a matter of not being naive or too trusting. It's not that we're stupid, we just need to open our eyes a little wider.

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  • Because they aren’t boring.

    Though the a**hole creates an emotional roller coaster of drama with his girlfriend, and she likes the high points.The uncertainty of which it’s going to be does create some excitement in her life.

    Here’s what you need to get about women: in order to be sexually turned on,

    women need to tune into their emotions instead of their logic. The guys are also persistent. They are sexually aggressive, unlike the nice guys who are sexually passive.

    However, it’s not all good for them. The types of women who go for jerks are

    mainly those who have low self-esteem, depression and other emotional issues. Such

    women often act weird and insecure when it comes to relationships, so they’re really not the

    kind of women a well-adjusted man would want to go for in any case. The good news is that

    there is a higher level of men yet, whom whom I call the alpha males, who induce positive emotions within women with no real negatives. You can learn more here: link

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    • Yeah, basically they're fun and sexier... even though they suck lol.

    • Haha they suck but they make you think and are more unpredictable than clingy needy losers

    • I see that Kristy-S is owning up to, and understanding how the subconscious works...too bad there are SO MANY MORE girls are still in denial of subconsciously being drawn to douchebags. :-X

  • I don't know but I can tell you by experience that being a jerk to a girl makes her respect you more.There's this girl whom I have been nice to and she just treats me poorly, calls me names and is a total bitch. One day I got fed up with it and I answered back, she started crying and telling me to leave her alone, so I did. I few days after, we werent talking and she started "crap", I told her I was done arguing with her and leave her alone. So she started "so you are going to ignore me and not deal with me?" She loves my attention and gets jealous when I give it to other girls, so even after making her cry she is giving me all her attention. Why does it work? I don't know, but it does

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    • I'll never forget I was living with a girl and she asked me to give her a ride somewhere and I said NO, and she had a panic attack-breakdown, she ran out in the street crying and yelling and even knocked on the neigbors door and told them how much of a bad person I am because I wouldn't give her a ride. It was clearly the first time anybody ever said NO to her. It was awesome. Walk yourself to school or work for once you spoiled brat.

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    • what a stupid ^&*^&* I don't understand why some girls act like that than get all pissy when it is returned

    • I concur with you, and SO MANY GIRLS don't want to admit it...being a jerk, does get you more respect overall.

      Im sure that you're not an ass ALL the time...but when the situation calls for some stark emotionally-frazzling words/action, and you can deliver that to said party, then that gives you respect for sure.

      What many people consider being an a**hole, to us, is simply not tolerating immature, selfish, behavior at our expense.

  • I'm so glad I'm not into scumbags! lol

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  • Because they approached the

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    • I concur. This is a HUGE factor here; funny how the "bad" guys pretend to be good, and get the girl.

      But the majority of the genuinely good guys are too afraid to approach the girl, and don't get the girl.

      Don't let those imposters steal your girls!

  • its doubtful that all the couples your speaking off apply to the 'she's an vapid idiot and he's a abusive douchebag' storyline your trying to spin here. if your wondering why you can't get a hot girl maybe you should focus more on yourself and how these girls perceive you. if you come off as a nerd that doesn't like the mainstream stuff like 'swag', then yeah, the 'hott' girls won't talk to you. start dressing like MGK or w/e rapper/whatever is popular where you are and I'm sure the 'hott' girls will talk to you. or just be yourself and you'll meet a girl that shares your interest and you could have an actual conversation with. its pretty much up to you.

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    • Agreed with the first half. Disagreed with the second half. You don't have to like mainstream stuff to get hot girls. Just be yourself and be friendly and confident (and preferably attractive, which most people can be if they try), and you'll have a good shot at it no matter what your tastes are. Opposites do attract.

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    • the the 2nd part of this was me being sarcastic because this guy was generalizing girls so much in his question. I obviously don't think all girls want a guy that looks like mgk that doesn't make sense.

    • Oh hahaha okay. That's good. :P

  • These type of gals are attention seekers with either no brains or just grew up with those people around so don't take notice of them and focus on your own life. Those girls aren't worth it.

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  • Because they'd rather have sex with those guys than with guys like you.

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    • That was cold. And you might be one of those guys too, in that case I hope you rot in prison where guys like you belong.

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    • You call him cold and then you tell him to rot in prison?

    • That's what I'm sayin'! Plus, I was just giving an honest answer to the question.

  • Being gorgeous automatically makes her high quality and worthy of getting better? Guys that actually get girls, realize that it takes a lot more than a pretty face. Those girls may have terrible personalities, and thus can only get the scumbags. Whereas higher quality guys are picking the higher quality girls. Just because you think a girl is high quality based on looks alone, doesn't mean other guys do. Some can do better.

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  • Not all Guy who date pretty girls are scumbags.if you don't know the guy you can't just say he's a scumbag or a jerk just cause he's dating the girl you want.and besides plenty of ugly girls are dating guys who treat them badly

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    • hey I'm not saying that just because he's dating a beautiful girl he's a scumbag. just I see guys in public with girls that from what I see are scumbags by how they act, dress, and treat their girlfriend.

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    • I agree wholeheartedly with the anon. You don't know these guys. How can you say they're scumbags?

      What sorts of things do you see these guys doing to their girlfriends in public? Beating them? Swearing at them and telling them off? I highly doubt you can actually tell anything about a guy's personality just from watching him in public. What's probably going through your mind is just "man, if I was with that hot chick I'd treat her so much better than he looks like he does..."

    • Gold sun girls took the words right out of my mouth

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