Tips for the oblivious guy

[Anonymous]

What are some tips you would give to a guy who's utterly oblivious to the flirting/interest of women? The guy of guy who general interprets every interaction as merely innocent/friendly.

In other words, what are some of your favorite ways to convey interest without saying it?

[ashleybeans]

Hmm... 1. She is smiling a lot. She is flirting.. flirting can be acting OVER interested... rehashing what you've said before like "Oh my gosh! I know you like Halo 3 so I'm going to this Halo Three thing.. waht do you think about that or "wanna come along?"... If she mentions anything you've mentioned before she's trying to be cutesy and she's hinting that she likes you...

If she is obviously paying attention to only you... If you're in a group of friends and she keeps on talking to you or asking questions she probably likes you.. if she looks at you and smiles...

If she... tries calling you (this is a big one) or asking you to go out somewhere... If she makes an obvious move lol (obviously).. she definitely likes you!

Now some girls are perfectly fine with being friends and they treat their guy friends like their boyfriends I guess? lol like they can be friend any guy and not like like them so you sometimes can't tell but if a girl doesn't have lots of guy friends.. and she's paying like extra special attention to you she may like you but just because a girl says hi or something could mean she's just being nice and doesn't wanna seem rude.. but if she's making an effort to be a part of your life or you be a part of hers she probably likes you

[PonyCar]

I'm more direct than most people I know, but I make it really (verbally) obvious when I'm interested in someone. I ask about things like:

-Their schedule (seeing if dating would work between our work schedules & such)

- Interests (in a more detailed & thorough way than usual)

- Religion & belief system (this is a biggie because I'm agnostic & generally run in terror when I find out someone's an evangelist)

- Views on important issues (usually I'll just remain superficially conversational, but if I'm interested in someone, I'll push to get their true opinion on certain issues because I'm testing for compatibility)

In general, I'm investigating compatibility in various areas. This means being more personal than usual & not stopping at the superficial level of conversation. If the compatibility is high, chances of a good relationship are also high.

Other methods I've used include:

- Contact: When I'm interested, I'll make it a point to sit/be closer to the person at social events or in public.

- Gifts

- Personal time: Spending more of it talking to/hanging out with them than average (you have to know the person's average to use this one though)

- Compliments

[LilyB]

Since every girl is different I'll give you the way I would flirt. I'm not much of a hair toucher

BUT I do laugh even when the guy's joke is not really funny, and once I'm comfortable with the guy I will try to have some physical contact. When a girl laughs and reaches for your arm or shoulder or w.e its a pretty good sign she's interested ( unless this is a person you've known for a very very long time)

Strange but true, is eye contact. A girl might not give you eye contact but if you want to give it a try she will respond, keeping it for 5 seconds give or take,I usually give eye contact once or twice through out the conversation, and at some point give eye contact and hold it for 3 seconds while smiling. Not a huge smile just a gentle one.

Sometimes the best way to know if she's interested is by giving her some space to show it ON PURPOSE and see if she'll take the space to respond.

[pavlove]

One thing is to watch a girl's actions. For instance, if there are plenty of open seats and she CHOOSES one very close to you that means she likes you. For us men, we might simply choose a seat near a girl because we like where it is relative to a teacher or its the first one we saw. But women TEND to be more strategic and thoughtful when it comes to that. Of course, this is not guaranteed, but it is pretty effective.

Another thing, which is perhaps more proactive, is to test them. Ask them for something small like a pencil. If they comply easily, it draws out their affections. The test will be relative to what you're testing for so a smile would be for if she's mild amiable with you a personal question is if she's into you boyfriendish level and a palm reading/massage is for if she's sexually interested in you which of course is the sweet spot lol

Other than that talking to her friends is always a route.

[ashtonm]

If you drop the conversation, she picks it up.

She texts you before you text her.

She texts in the morning

Her stomach touches yours during a hug vs. friendly hug vs. handshake

But for the most part, I like to push and see how she reacts to my subtle advances. It's always what she does, not what she says.

[toulouse]

i don't flirt., and I probably assume hen a guy is flirting he's just talking to me. I rarely puck up on 'flirting' if I like a guy and I'm not ready to tell him. or ask him out. I usually look him in the eye a lot more than usual and I pay attention to things he says--which I do with guy friends, but if I like him, I don't talk much.

which is opposite of she talks a lot or laughs at your jokes etc. I don't laugh, or talk., I become very serious. because I uncomfortable, because I'm attracted to him and I don't like feeling controlled by my feelings. so really everyone is definitely different.

[Anonymous]

Some signs of flirting from girls is if she touches your arm while she's laughing, smiles and laughs a lot and will laugh at your joke even if it's not that funny, might ask for help with something that she could ask ANYBODY for help with or that she doesn't really need help with. That sort of thing. It's kind of hard to explain, because when I flirt I usually don't mean to, it just sort of happens. Plus I'm like the girl version of you so I'm kind of clueless with guys flirting too, sorry. Complimenting and also playfully hitting a guy is how girls flirt too. Also a lot of girls will look at a guy that they're interested in and when he sees her looking at him, she'll sort of blush and smile, then look away.

[cariec]

I would honestly say be confident in yourself and be playful. You don't have to outright say you're interested in a girl, if you want to gauge her reaction first, but definitely make it somewhat obvious (or else she'll think you just want to be friends!).

Smile at her, laugh, try to compliment her (but! do so in a fun and light way, don't get too worked up and nervous about it in your own head, just say it like its no big deal!) and try to hug her goodbye, and if you guys are close enough be a little touchy with her (like touching her hair or arms, etc.)

[Asker]

I meant what should I be looking out for from her?

[cariec]

OH! hahaa ooops :P

Well, in that case...

She'll be smiling a LOT, also laughing a lot. She'll probably look at you a lot, try to talk to you/keep you attention, that's honestly about it! At some point you'll have to take a leap of faith ha ha

[Anonymous5124]

They will think you are creepy though! That is why I hide my interest. I don't want girls to think I am a creep.

[cariec]

No they won't! You have to have more confidence, if you don't act like its a big deal the girl won't think it is either. Also, If she isn't interested its also not a problem! As long as you don't keep pursuing her once she's given you the hint, she won't think you're creepy at all.

[JOSHisAdude]

This is really helpful thanks :)

[phil2]

look for dating tips on YouTube videos

1. if she stares a lot at you and smile then go up to her and say hey... I'm new here so what's there to do?

2. if she laughs at everything you say then, maybe smile and tell her that she has a good sense of humor and you love that in a woman

3. if she is touching you a lot then you should return the favor

stuff like that

[htarmort14]

The smile, laugh, telling jokes, and being nice. However, I do that to everyone.

When I tell a secret to you about myself, I really like you or I like you as a friend that I trust you can keep a secret.

[stardazzleblonde]

Personally, I can't help but to fuss with my hair when I'm around a guy I like. For some reason I start to slur my words and start giggling around guys I'm attracted to also... Embarrassing..

[maiez]

I don't know of any tips to show interest, but I do know that by practicing talking to girls will help you tremendously

[Asker]

That's not the issue. I talk pretty openly. I actually unknowingly flirt pretty often. The most common thing I hear from my buddies when it comes to women is "what the? dude she was totally into you." and I had no idea.

[maiez]

just by flirting and enjoying a conversation is how you can show interest. But it sounds like you have trouble noticing the opposite way

[Asker]

That's what the question was. Tips for a guy who's oblivious. I was asking how other people convey their interest without saying it so I can get an idea what I'm supposed to be picking up on that I'm clearly not.

[maiez]

oh I thought.. OK. She will be comfortable to talk about most topics you throw at her, she will be engaged in conversation a lot, and she will be looking at you. If you can look at her pupils, its a psychological theory that when someone is attracted to another their pupils dilate.

[Anonymous]

Since most guys tend to be oblivious to attention directed at them, try being with a friend who is better at spotting flirtatious moves. Also, work on being LESS oblivious in general.

[Anonymous]

I'd say the same oblivious girl will find you too and you'll fall madly in love... :)

[Anonymous]

Stop thinking and just start saying