Would a guy hold off on romance to get to know a gal first?

[DishLady]

Piggybacking off @MissSunshine2 's question (https://www.girlsaskguys.com/dating/q5452200-how-can-you-tell-if-a-man-is-truly-serious-about-you-in-a#new?), do guys hold off on romantic gestures and overtures to get to know a girl... to take the time to be friends first? I know I do that to an extent if I like a guy, however in my case I know right off if I feel something, then take 3-4 months of interaction to see whether I like him as more than just a friend.

[OlderAndWiser]

I tend to follow my feelings into a relationship. I don't have a plan for protecting myself by holding back. If I feel a spark with a woman, I'm open about how I feel and try to not play any games with manipulating the image I am projecting. I also don't fall in love in three weeks or propose after two months.

Other people have strategies for how they manage such things and I'm sure many guys do exactly as you have suggested.

[DishLady]

Not manipulation, but caution, I guess. Some guys seem to hide behind "being picky" or "being players" when really you see they're on the awkward side, have no game and aren't behaving either like friends or like romantic partners in the day-to-day interaction, yet they expect that sort of space to be waiting for them when they are with a gal they like. I don't get it.

[ohsheeT]

Well i would hope so I mean you have to know that person well before you can do anything you have to be friends before you can do anything you could be compatible with everything except for one major thing and you might not know that major thing until a year down the road I'm not saying you have to wait a year that you have to know each other

[DishLady]

I'm just used to guys being more expressive from the get-go and one fellow was on and off, which I found odd. I, meanwhile, am consistently reserved till I know what the guy's intentions are.

[ohsheeT]

I can say this I have met girls that I liked and of course I wanted to make love have sex whatever but I have to really stop and think about things because that sex and that whatever that turns into a relationship and you have to ask yourself will it last because I'd like the person and I want to be friends with her but I also want to get in her pants and what outweighs what a relationship and a relationship ends that's no more friendship but a friendship will last forever so yes you have to get to know not only that person but you have to be honest with yourself and what do you really want in this relationship you might get what you want in that moment but the Indian outcome if you're not honest with yourself might be no more friendship ever

[DishLady]

I also take longer to deliberate if the guy is "from my circle" (like someone's brother/cousin within my friends circle).

[ohsheeT]

I hope so. For me i run from those people lol or those types of dates

[_Jenny_]

@DishLady you heard it said “Fools Rush In”

[MrOracle]

I would say that doing that was rare in the past but it's become more common over the last 10-15 years. Vetting has become much more important since overall values and expectations between men and women have diverged. It's not in either person's interests to rush if they are looking for a serious relationship.

[Finchie40]

Yes, that’s pretty much what I do when I meet a girl I am interested in, basically to get to know her as a friend first instead of jumping right to romance , in my opinion nit’s better to do because every girl I rushed into a romantic relationship with all eventually turned to shit because we weren’t looking at the big picture with each other

[ArrowheadSW]

I think it is a great idea to get to know someone first, before taking it to the romantic level. Make sure you have common life goals and similar values, etc. I have not always done this in the past, but overall it is best to get to know someone before being intimate. The flip side to this is a person might end up being frustrated that it didn't lead to sex, if they find out the person isn't all that compatible and they chose to not pursue the relationship further.

[exitseven]

Each relationship has been different. One was like getting some weird pheromone thing where I fell hard and fast. I was friends with another one for a couple of months before it started to get serious and others in between.

[worldscolide]

It's a case by case situation for me. My wife was the aggressor in our relationship. Prior relationships there was always some romance at the beginning, but it was always there to prove Intent, to say I want a relationship, not a friendship.

[spartan55]

Wow, three or four months is glacial speed for me. It never takes that long for me to figure out if I'm interested.

Sidenote: @DishLady is firing off questions at a prolific rate today!

[HollyK21]

I wish more people understood and/or agreed with this — it does not take excess months to know if you’re interested in giving someone a chance! If you’re 6-7+ months into a connection with no title or sense of direction, then it’s pretty clear it’s not going anywhere. Maybe that type of common sense comes with age or experience lol I don’t know😂

[DishLady]

Lol. I like to move slow. After that four-month marker I'll know whether things can move faster or just cool off into random friendship zone (or less).

[DishLady]

@HollyK21 Yes, exactly.

[FrodoSkywalker007]

It's the best idea to get to know someone before committing to something more serious. Relationships can be a significant investment and have a chance to create terrible circumstances if not handled appropriately. Jumping in too fast could lead to disaster for all parties involved.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't ever try or attempt to be friends with a girl first. It overcomplicates things and seems unnecessary. I would try and learn more basic detail before approaching.

[Shy_Steve]

Why would we want to hold anything off if we like her?

For us Guys getting to know you while being romantic makes us like you even more.

[spartan55]

I don't get holding off either, just makes no sense. You're either in or out.

[Shy_Steve]

@spartan55

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Don't think so if hold off might not be there when decide

[DishLady]

I don't understand what you wrote.

[Staximus]

It can happen, it depends on the guy