Waiting on the sidelines when a girl has a boyfriend. Should I?

[Anonymous]

Is it worth it or will I just end up heartbroken and have wasted a bunch of time in the end?

[Winteredrose5162]

If you'd want to date her then there must be really great qualities to her. You should always want to surround yourself with great and nice people right? Don't be the cheerleader on the sideline waiting for your team to win. Never do that. You'll find yourself dropping everything for a girl you might not have a chance with and you'll miss out on other girls. I wouldn't suggest dropping contact nor would I suggest being her friend. I think the best option is to become her acquaintance-friend. If she ever cries about her boyfriend to you then I think you should say, "I'm sorry, but at one point I had feelings for you. I don't think I'd be the best person to ask for advice since I would have been biased in the past and these feelings could resurface."

However, don't continue yearning for her. Try to move on. Keep her in your life because one day she could be a really good friend. Until you have no feelings for her, I'd suggest being acquaintance-friends. If you're not trying for her but hanging out every now and then then you'll eventually lose interest in her...most likely. Then when you do then you can move closer as a friend. Now if you continue to be her friend while you do like her then you risk the friend zone before you feel like a true friend, the you will be mad at her when she didn't do anything wrong.

I did this with my boyfriend. I was an acquaintance-friend with him for 4 years. I only got close when I felt my feelings dying for him but I'd put a bit of distance between us if I saw that my feelings were growing. He did like me those 4 years...but I would never compromise a friendship with feelings. I always told myself if they are worth dating then they are worth keeping in your life as a friend and not trying to get them to date you.

I also like a guy who liked another girl. She liked him as well. Instead of ruining it (they entrusted their feelings to me) I ended up playing cupid to them! I kept both their friendships and never regretted it.

Sometimes the selfless thing is best for everyone. :)

Good luck!

[stupidstupidme]

It's purely circumstantial... she could be really in love with him or it could be another fling. If you're college age, the latter is more likely. If you're working, the relationship is more likely long-term.

If you're not even close enough to her to know how long she's had a boyfriend, I don't think you should be rushing into any conclusions yet. How do you even know you'll like her in the long run?

But if you're really determined like her, all I can say is just keep flirting with her and see if she reciprocates. If she does, it probably means she isn't /that/ into her current boyfriend. (Or she's kind of promiscuous, in which case you probably shouldn't want her anyway...) But don't wait. Keep playing the field but show her your interest.

[DanteSparda]

No bro..not worthy... I went through the same situation as you are right now...

the girl was manipulative...

but I walked away

Many guys somehow believe that if they put up with a woman's bad behavior long enough, that she will eventually see how much he loves her, and will love and respect him equally in return. Unfortunately, this is a totally misguided notion dude.

Most women want a fun, self-confident guy, who respects himself, and who doesn't need her to have a good time. Once a woman knows you can't live without her, and will put up with any selfish or bad behavior she dishes out, your chances of keeping her challenged and interested in you goes right out the window.

Not only should you respect other people, but you should demand the same degree of respect for yourself. You should never put up with any kind disrespect from anyone, especially a person you are in a relationship with. You will have a much better chance of keeping a woman interested in you if you stand up yourself, than if you allow her to walk all over you.

Just remember that there are 3 billion women on the planet. If the woman you are with starts displaying negative, or disrespective behavior towards you, be willing to walk away. If you do, it's very possible she will chase after you with new found respect. A respect she will never have for you if you can't respect yourself enough to leave.

hope this helped :)

[bobair]

If you're sitting around waiting for "your turn" with her then what does that say about your VAULE?

A guy with value doesn't sit around waiting while other men date the girl he likes. That's a guy who doesn't value his own time. And if you don't value your own time then she won't either.

Instead you need to move on ASAP and meet other girls more worthy of your efforts.

Value yourself FIRST, then worry about finding someone worth getting to know.

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

[crazybastard]

nah man I've been through that. its not even worth thinking about it. move on. you'll end up hurt, frustrated and all that non pleasant stuff

[stardazzleblonde]

how long has she had a boyfriend?

[Asker]

beats me. Not sure how to ask that question.

[stardazzleblonde]

if she's in a long term relationship then dont