Is it worth getting involved with a girl who has a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Sad to say this, but she's pretty much the first girl who has ever shown interest in me. She thinks I'm so funny, has that "gleam" when she sees me, invites me to eat, hang out with her friends. But then I was so unsure of the whole situation that I distanced myself from her. Now I haven't really talked to her in 3 or 4 weeks though she's said "hi", "bye" and still smiles and all that stuff in that time.

So now I feel like I kind of ruined my opportunity by not doing anything/making a move in these three/four weeks; then again, she has a boyfriend and this could all be in my head. But also, then again, if her interest is real, I don't want to ruin it, though I may have already.

Updates

+1 y

ok, she's finally single now. apparently she had that boyfriend for a long time.

[Phoenix52]

If she has a boyfriend, she's keeping you around as a potential BACK-UP plan incase she splits up with him. I've known girls who made the choice to split with their boyfriends in which they invited me out. Too bad I was oblivious to it, otherwise I'd be in a relationship with one of them right now.

So what can you do? One of the following:

1. Stay away from her - if you want this girl badly, it may be your best interest to just stay distant and discreet with her. See her once a month, ask how she's doing and hint questions at her current relationship statistics. This is the INDIRECT method of keeping tabs with her. Although you do want her, you'll be hunting for another girl.

2. Put her in the friend zone and keep hanging out with her. Although you do give her power in noting that you're 2nd in line to her boyfriend, you're willing to wait until she becomes single again.

3. The next time you see her, make the move. Escalate by isolating her, kissing her, and let her know that you want her as a sexual partner as soon as possible. However, in doing so, you're putting pressure on her to choose you or the boyfriend. If she just wants to be friends, be courteous and say 'that's fine, I have no problem being friends'. This DIRECT move will save you time because she'll let you know how she currently feels. You should have NO PROBLEM being friends with her, because there's OTHER GIRLS available who are waiting for a guy like you. So get out there in the field, and go find the girl you want.

Become her boyfriend/ stay her friend/ stay distant with her as an acquaintance. Pick your path and see how she responds.

If you don't know how to 'game' girls, start reading material. Trust me, it'll HELP you big time and you'll never feel like sh*t over a girl again. One big step in gaming women is learning how to control your emotions so you'll never take anything too seriously again.

[jpeterman]

And a new player is born ;)

[anthony8x]

Boyfriends only matter if the girl makes them matter. If you have enough game and she's kind of on the rocks with her boy or doesn't have the best relationship with him you can get her. I wouldn't suggest dating her though because that shows she isn't a very loyal person and she might do the same to you eventually.

Best advice unless your just planning on bagging her STAY AWAY. It will save you and her both sometime.

With that being said, there are plenty of girls! Just open your mouth and speak to them they don't bite well, some do haha. If you don't have game look up a guy named David Deangelo and sign up for his weekly newsletter that will help you out and get you started on how to start meeting and attracting girls.

Random tips:

1.Always hold eye contact with women while talking to them.

2. Don't be afraid to crash and burn with a girl there will always be more to take her place.

3. Don't change who you are for a girl if she doesn't like you for who you are it's not worth it.

4. Be confident in yourself or at least try to fake it. Girls hate insecure guys.

5.There is a fine line between confident and cocky/arrogant. Girls love confidence but the hate cocky/arrogance. So find the line.

6. Pick up an interesting hobby.

7. DON'T BE AFRAID TO FAIL (just in case I didn't make that clear enough in tip 3)

8. DON'T BE AFRAID TO FAIL (hopefully you get my point)

9. Don't be overly nice to girls or else you come off as "friend" material.

Feel free to shoot me a message if you want more tips man. Always a pleasure to help out a fellow male.

[Asker]

I like to write. How can I use that to my advantage when it comes to girls?

[anthony8x]

Well if you like to write, then I would suggest working on song writing and looking into getting an acoustic guitar and learning a couple chords. That way you could make up your own songs. Girls would eat that up. Or you could write poems that you know might pull on the heart strings of a girl you like, and non nonchalantly have her "critique" for you. If I were you though I would def go with music, you can never go wrong with music.

[nickel]

Girls are tricky. I've been the girl in that situation before where I had a crush on a friend despite the fact that I was dating another guy. The problem is emotions don't always make sense... just because you are off the market, your heart doesn't stop being touched by other people.

I think what you did might have been for the best. She obviously likes this guy if a month after you stop talking to her she is still with him (added to the time before you stopped talking to her). She may or may not have recognized that she was flirting and everything with you because sometimes we don't realize how transparent we are, and we will deny our feelings. So she probably liked you both but probably didn't have the strength to walk away from you. If you would have made a move and she is really committed to the guy, you would be an asshole and ruin the friendship (and any future chance). If she would have went with it, she would blame you later for putting her in an area she doesn't want to be in (It would make her a liar and a cheater and while she may enjoy it at the beginning, she might come to be resentful later). I think if I were you I would tell her that you started liking her as more than a friend and that you didn't trust yourself to be around her without trying to (hold her/kiss her/whatever). This will let her know why you are being distant as well as letting her know that you like her back, that way if they do break up, she will know she still has you (whereas right now she may think that she did something wrong and wouldn't date you afterwards).

[CuddlyCarla]

What kind of a person pursues someone in a relationship? I'm sure you are lonely and hurting, but seriously. It gives credibility to the saying "Hurt people hurt people". Just because someone gives you a friendly gaze and says a few words to you doesn't mean they want anything to do with you in a romantic way. What you are perceiving as interest may well be friendliness. Girls can be friends with boys, you know. If she's any girl worth pursuing, she won't two-time her boyfriend. And if you made a move on her and she did, that means she'd do it to you, too. Your loneliness is no excuse or invitation to ruin someone else's relationship. Hold on to your sense of morality, that's what is going to end up interesting the opposite sex about a person.

[Zeno_]

What's morality worth if you suffer in the mean time? Surely, if this man can affect her in a romantic way then the relationship is flawed so maybe its not meant to be. And if he has no effect on her then there is nothing to worry about. Show some compassion!

[emmabee11]

Noo... I can't believe you would even consider that, cheating is bad very very bad, it only causes too much turmoil, she will brake your heart if you even consider helping her cheat like that. Your doing the right thing, jsut keep your distance from her and don't hang out with her, remind her she has a boyfriend and she can only like one guy at a time. You haven't ruined any oppurtinity whatsoever, she is taken so there is no chance with her, don't stoop that low OK like a lot of people these days because it wouldn't make you a very good person helping her cheat. She is with someone so you have to respect that and look for another girl.

[HenryK]

Be careful, if she's all smiley and flirty around you when she has a boyfriend, that can be trouble...

I would never be with a girl who goes behind her boyfriend's back to be with me.

Don't break the code of man... Don't mess with another man's girl.

Keep talking to her, stay connected, but find someone else.

If you think you sparked her attention, you can spark others. Just be confident in yourself and keep trying! You'll get the hang of it sooner or later :)

Confidence overshadows initial appearances, while creating curiosity.

[Dan2287]

I think she's just being friendly but who knows. In my opinion, id just remain friends with her and keep doing what you were doing before. You did not ruin her relationship with her boyfriend - they are still together and if you just stay friends with her there's nothing wrong with that. Who knows, one day she may break up with her boyfriend and give you an opportunity then, or maybe you can meet some of her single friends and she can put in a good word for you. If you like her, as long as you don't deliberately interfere in her current relationship, keep on seeing her and talking to her

[DJKlaasJan]

dude trust me, definitely be "THAT GUY", who goes and takes some other dude's wifey. If she's being all nice to you that's her fault, she should know you're a man and have your needs so go ahead and get your d**k wet son. The Boyfriend doesn't need to know what's going on with you, its none of his business lol. Tell her straight up that if her Boyfriend wasn't so nice to let you hit on her, you would've taken her on a date already xD. You're actually doing a good thing by limiting contact cos now she's probs going crazy over you but just doesn't wnt her Boyfriend to know...hahaha JK but seriously though don't get involved with her, you're setting yourself up for an EPIC fail and if you DONT want to be "THAT" guy so I suggest you just be friends if you can take it or back away completely for a future chance.

[kreuz]

I think you can remain good friends. Don't expect to grow this into a relationship. You are young and will meet many nice girls. Look somewhere else for a girlfriend, and be patient.

Another advice: Just be yourself, cool and fun-loving. If you are fun to hang out with, girls will eventually notice. Let it be a friendship, and enjoy yourself. When the sparks do start happening, you will know and can make the move.

It is safer to start on with someone who is not already committed. Much less complicated and much less headaches!

[fleenitch]

This coming from a guy who's seen this. Sounds like you've always been in the friend zone, even when you thought she was interested. Sorry man. My reasoning on this is because yes she asked you to hang out, and enjoyed your company... but even when you didn't talk to her for 4 weeks, she still smiles at you. That's a sign that means she wasn't necessarily taken aback by the fact that you haven't talked. If she had actually LIKED you like you want her to, she would've been angry that you haven't talked in weeks, not still happy. She probably wants to still be friends though, and that's always a good start if you want to be her boyfriend someday. Most relationships don't last forever, so if you're her friend before they break up, you'll be there when they do, and she'll see that and might actually be interested after that. Just be her friend, but definitely talk to her soon.

Best of luck man.

[Anonymous]

Hey Question Asker, I know you're looking for advice but, even though I don't have any advice for you, I just wanted to let you know that I can empathize with you. I'm in a similar situation. I have a guy who is already committed to someone else who has made it crystal clear that he's interested in me. I'm interested in him too. He's been trying to pursue me but, I know I don't have the conscious to know that I'd be with a guy who's committed. Regardless, I'm torn about this situation and I'm sure you are too. Anyway, sorry for rambling & being no help to you.

[Chanel22]

Same situation for me!

[Opinion Owner]

Ugh. Isn't it confusing?

[timberlake]

Same!

[Opinion Owner]

Damn girl...you two? :-(

[el3ctric]

I honestly don't think you should go for her. Imagine if you were in the boyfriends shoes,your girl interested in another guy and if you did end up with her,wouldn't you worry that she might be off with some other guy.There is plenty of girls out there,she's in the wrong if she wants to cheat.

[sirbeastly]

Just think, if one girl finds you funny and good company, others will. You were right not to make a move as it proves you are honorable. If her interest is real, its up to her to break up with her boyfriend before expecting you to make the moves. If anything, at least you have gained a friend.

[TwistedLogic]

Best answer, plus she doesn't sound like the dating type.

[MrsDistraction]

Think of it this way hun, if you try and get with her when she has a boyfriend and cheats to be with you, who says she won't do the same thing with you? And if you really like her then tell her that, of course if you haven't already. Explain to her that you want to be with her but can't pursue and e thing until she is single, if she's still interested. and if you don't know if she's interested, ask her. you may have the fear of rejection, but if you don't ask her you will never know. hope this helps hun! and GOOD LUCK!

XoXo

~*~Mrs. Distraction~*~

[Guacamole]

Like most things in life, it''s not all or nothing. Be friendly and flirty with her and if she is interested and breaks up with her BF, then she'll logically turn to you. In the meantime, just enjoy the "relationship" for what it is and keep your radar on for other girls that interest you.

[ap1100]

I would say most things in life AREN'T all or nothing.

[gopro]

they are all or nothing like there is only two choices in life all=good nothing=bad... when you talk to other girls and be friendly it will drive her nuts...

[purplefanatic91]

I would tell her how you feel and see if she feels the same ways, but let her kno you don't want to play games if you are really serious about her, and that the only way you could see anything between you guys is if she was single. communication is always best but at the same time be careful cause ther are a lot of girls that just like to mess with ppls heads

[DishLady]

No. According to someone I know who is in that position, it is a frustrating and futile process.

Romantic interest and friendship are not the same thing. She sounds like she wants to be your friend.

Keep looking and you'll find a girl who is interested in you -- and not involved in someone else...

[DishLady]

So you'll just wait for a girl forever until she's free. You see that this sends the girl a message about what you're willing to put up with, and the low value you have for yourself (over her). She'll know that she can basically do whatever she wants and you will be the faithful companion...which is unfair to you, as I suspect you're worth more than that. We all are.

[Xo-Lindsay-oX]

Just settle as friends for now as it's all you can do, I know you have feelings for her but you'll have to hold them back. In the friendship gain trust with her and a good relationship, and heaven forbid she breaks up with her boyfriend you're there to support her and she might develop feelings for you, only time can tell I'm afraid. And like someone said if you two were to get involved with each other and she cheated on him with you, it'd ruin your trust for the future.

[avenavio]

Yeah...don't get involved. Unless you want a fling or want to help her ruin her relationship. Not all relationships that start while someone is in a relationship already are doomed but the majority of them are, because that person has not confronted the reasons their relationship was failing in the first place and will bring those problems, PLUS trust issues, to the next relationship.

[DoctorSex]

DUDE...Common, mandem code...dont p*ss on another mans turf unless your looking to move in for good...if you genuinely want this girl as your own then do it...but it seems more to me that your simply misconstruding the situation...shes probably just a friendly character.

[jimmyjim]

I was in this situation a few years back a really liked this girl but she was taken I stayed friends with her and hung out with her when she asked. about 3 weeks into doing this I felt as though I was being a idiot because it was going no where, but she introduced me to one of her friends and after that I got chatting to her friend and we ended up dating for 2 and a half years

so maybe try it out if she thinks you a nice guy she will more than likely put in a good name to her friends about you then interest will come flying in

[manaja]

Hi , no don't bother, if she's the only one that has really shown you interest , my advice is look for someone single , because she'l already know how you feel by the way you are with her

Look for someone single. If she is unhappy with the guy she's with, she should leave him, because youl end up the fall guy and it hurts when they dump you, it will hurt more if she's the only one who has shown interest in you, leave her be and forget her, hope this helps...oh and I've been there and done that several times , my current girlfriend was single when we met , its a lot easier.

[Memoryfalls]

As long as she has a boyfriend I don't think she can expect you to open up to her romantically. However, it can't hurt to be nice to a girl, that is nice to you. ;) So I say call her up or text her and return the favour in some way, like taking her out to the movies or a coffee. But beware you most likely get stuck in the friends' zone, but there is always that risk when dealing with a girl that has already a bf...so it's staying friends or moving on.

[Nikie]

Just sounds like a friendly girl, it's tough when girls don't pay you much mind and they're very friendly. Hey, just stay friends with her and you don't know what could happen if she ends up breaking up with he girlfriend. I suppose, at the least, it could be a decent rebound that could blossom into something.

(And trust me, when girls become friends with you, that isn't the end of the story; it can go further, it just depends on the girl)

[Tamikaze]

You did not ruin anything. I realize how powerful it is to have someone pay attention to you the way she has, but she has a boyfriend and she likely sees you as a friend, not as a potential replacement for her boyfriend. Girls can and do see guys as friends without ever considering that guy as boyfriend material. It is best that you continue to distance yourself as it would be unlikely you could go back to trying to be friends without constantly hoping that she wants more.