Is it normal for a boyfriend to tease you in a mean but playful way?

[Anonymous]

For example, he will say things that from anyone else would hurt you, but because he says them and then laughs, you know he is just joking. My guy does that, and once I told him it upset me, and he was actually really surprised. He said he was sure I'd know he was just joking the whole time, mostly out of boredom, and he never meant to hurt my feelings. I just feel like he almost feel TOO comfortable with me lol. Tells me everything and is super honest. I like that, but is it normal for him to be mean or tease me with mean comments, just as a joke? Any guys here do that? If so, why do you do it? My boyfriend says it's because he adores me so much that he likes to tease me, because he knows I can't take being bullied like that and he thinks it's funny. Girls, any of you have bf's like that? Does. him being mean but in a playful way means he doesn't really love me or care about hurting my feelings?

[ilovelegs]

No it is not normal for a boyfriend to tease you in a mean but playful way. There is always some meaning in that type of teasing but it's covered up or buttered up as if it's a joke. There are some guys that don't seem to know the difference between being serious or joking. I doubt he's starting to feel too comfortable with you... but he might. However, that type of joking that hurts a person right off and then the person laughs is a total disregard for the person he does that to and is very disrespectful. I'm sure you'd never do that to him. No couple in a serious relationship where they really care for their partner would ever do that type of thing. He is being very mean to you especially if it's in front of any other person. You need to tell him to just stop that and that you don't appreciate his joking that way because it hurts you. That's not playful and I'd say he doesn't seriously love you as much as you think he does. Nor does he seriously adore you because if he did that would never happen. How easy would it be for you to do that to him? If you really do love him and you think he really does love you, then it should be very easy to have a nice conversation with him about that, and one that he'd appreciate knowing your true feelings. Do that soon because you want him to know that every time he does that he's hurting you, and ask him if that's what he wants to do. Time for him to grow up and stop his childish behavior because he could very well be a very nice person and great boyfriend for you. Good luck!

[Asker]

Thanks for the long comment, much appreciated! The thing is though that he does not really say mean things that are directed AT me, he will just act in a mean way. For example, he will be cold and answer me with 1-liners on the phone. Or just speak in a tone of voice that makes me feel like he is mad. I just feel like when he has a bad day or is in bad mood, he kinda takes it out on me because he knows I will take it and still love him. Is that normal? I feel like I do that to my mom sometimes.

[ilovelegs]

You're so welcome! :) But to answer your comment, I don't think it's normal for a boyfriend to ever make his girlfriend feel uncomfortable by what he says to her on any kind of regular basis. It's different what we might take out on our parents than it is what we might say to our boyfriend/girlfriend. It's like if your dad acted that way towards your mom you'd definitely know it wasn't right. He should never take out his bad day on you unless he had an extreme bad day. He needs to be nice.

[martyfellow]

It means he is pretty insensitive, for sure. He doesn't understand what hurts you and why.

You need to have a serious talk and explain why it hurts, and see if he stops. Otherwise, you're just letting him control you by hurting you, and that is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship..the surest sign, in fact.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

That's called being passive aggressive and mean spirited. Would it be OK if a girl did that? No. then why would it be acceptable for your boyfriend to?

What if I walked up to you and said for example "Yeah that dress doesn't make you look fat or anything" with a smile, and then when you got mad I laughed and said "Just kidding!". You would think I was a mean girl and a bitch. Well that's what your boyfriend is. Do you really want to be with someone like that?

[Asker]

You make a good point, I never make fun of him or say anything that I feel could hurt his feelings. I think this is only because I am way more mature than him (I am 3 years older, but am WAY more mature than my age). He is only 22 and I think still has those immature habits. I am trying to kind of mold him to be more considerate, and most of the time he is and he is very sweet and caring and says very nice things. It's just that sometimes he has a bad day and says mean stuff.

[hhH2traveler]

You should tell him that you dont like him being mean to you in a playful way, you love him being honest and telling you eveything, but not that, unless he believes it, in which case he should talk to you more delicately and nit as blunt.