Why does nobody ever flirt with me?

[Anonymous]

All my friends, housemates, sorority sisters are intertwined in romantical relationships, whether that's a serious relationship for over years, a bootycall, a crush or a FWB, etc... But my "lovelife" has been a total bore for 2,5 years, after a horrible BU. I've had a friends with benefits relationship with some guy, whom I saw tonight at a party for the first time in 4 months, but it didn't hurt me that much. I just don't understand. I am social, ambitious, creative, I have many friends, interests and hobbies and I consider myself avaragely attractive.

I have a very laid-back and down to earth attitude, but I am a cheerfull and happy person :), I mean, I always see the bright side of things, and if I don't, I keep it to myself. My friends describe me as cute, loving, funny and pretty. So... why don't anyone ever flirts with me? Sometimes I feel like I should be lucky when some random guy at a party grabs my butt..

I am sick of being in love with a guy who all of sudden seems to have a girlfriend, or not being in love at all! It gives me the feeling of being a total undesirable. So much, that I am starting to doubt my appearances. I am not slim, but also not really chubby or anything. My hair and skin are healthy. Sorry for this total incoherent story. I just feel frustrated and it just makes me feell so bad. How can I turn this around?

Updates

+1 y

Hi guys,


Thanks for your (in most cases) friendly answers! :). I appreciate you all taking the time to read and answer me. However, I will not post a picture of myself, for the simple reason that I don't want anyone to recognize me. Sorry!


Oh and I feel like I have to answer the comments about my weight, I don't have fatrolls or anything like that, no double chin whatsoever. Thank you.

[madhatters4]

i think there are few things that couldn't be at play here.

1) your break up (as happened with me) could really be affecting how you interact with people. whether I knew it or not the "scars" from that relationship absolutely played a part in my inability to flirt with or be really open with girls and I imagine they sense that sort of cold shoulder

2) 2.5 years really isn't that long of a time. as I've seen on this site and even experienced myself there are plenty of people who have significantly longer without relationships. heck the other day there was a post from a girl who was 25 and had NEVER had a relationship

3) you mentioned that you have friends with benefits situations. so I guess what you really want is a relationship rather than a casual sex thing because otherwise it would seem that some guys are flirting with you, but perhaps not to the extent you want.

I think perhaps you should just re-evaluate your situation. ARe you doing things to put yourself in a position to be approached by the types of guys you would like to be with. Try not to compare yourself to others as that more often than not just leads to feelings of inadequacy. You are you and you should thusly only really compare yourself in that aspect. Everyone is different, wants different things and does things differently on different timelines

[kmetoo]

Hi, coming from the other side of the fence, flirting comes first from eye contact AND then a smile. Do you initiate a firt or waiting for it? If I look at a girl and she immediately looks away then no dice. If I find a cute girl looking at me and I catch her eye, I look for a smile. First question I ask before engaging a conversation, was she looking at me because I was making an ass of myself!

So, do you smile at a guy which is checking you out, or are you busy having a good time with your friends and not paying attention to the room (guys)? If you are there to meet someone, expand your field of view. You seem to have it all, fun, laughs, pretty... there should be nothing holding you back except technique!

For the butt pinching thing lol, you might be too classy and intelligent, any guy approaching you in an inappropriate manner might get put in his place. Not a bad thing, consider the alternative guys hit on you because you're easy. Don't worry about love, it will hit you when you are least expecting it!

[Asker]

Thank you for your honest and kind and truthful reply. You don't know me, but everything you say is right! I do put poeple on their spot often. For example yesterday, I spilled beer over my skirt and legs and some guy immediately tried to "clean me up" by just putting his hands on my legs and up my skirt and I replied: "What the f*** are you doing, get your hands of me." I tend to be a little to assertive in stead of cute and coy. Maybe that's the problem :).

[no_bs]

Stop looking around at what others have and focus on what you want to do with your life. If your main objective is to find a boyfriend, make it your job-away-from-work. Learn seduction techniques, dress well, and go out looking for guys.

If, however, you have other goals, focus on those, and you'll find a guy while just living your life. You say you're not slim, but perhaps you've been meaning to get in shape and just "haven't had any time lately." Maybe there are books you've always wanted to read, or clubs and activities you've missed out on, because you're focused on having someone to experience life with instead of just experiencing it.

When you put your house in order in terms of mental and physical health, as well as building lasting and healthy relationships with your friends and family, people tend to gravitate to you all on their own. So, don't focus on why guys don't flirt with you because that just puts you in a non-flirty mood. Focus on how you want to make your life better overall, and I guarantee you guys will be falling into your lap.

[dazed15]

i'll add, that for me anyway, 'action' comes my when I'm not looking for it. sometimes when I don't want it.

[no_bs]

strangest thing, innit

[Arrowdynamics]

WOW. Reading this makes it sound as thou you are damn near perfect, so why do you feel undesirable. If all these attributes are true about you, you may seem a little unapproachable to a lot of guys.Unless you give a guy some kind of sign you're interested in him, a pretty girl who was has got her shyt together can be a little scary to fellas. I'm not saying stop being you or stop doing things you like, I'm saying maybe you should flirt first. just to break the ice. A wink, bottom lip bite, that sexy finger wave girls do, something to make a guy think you want him. Or maybe you're so caught up with people not flirting with you you're missing the guy whoes stareing right at you.

[Asker]

Wow just thank you, that is really nice. I get this reply: you should start flirting a lot, so I might just try it ha ha :).

[emptypackofsmokes]

Without seeing a picture, I won't be able to help much BUT it sounds like your sorority sisters are outgunning you. Perhaps their confidence outshines your own. I've known a few frat guys in my life and I can tell you for sure that they would go for the outgoing/social ringleader or the easiest couple sisters every time. Occasionally they'd end up having a deep conversation with one of the sisters & start dating. Your best bet is to be that girl. Be cool. Get into some cool music like Joy Division or My Bloody Valentine & be all about. Figure out how you can be cooler and go full throttle. Be your own unique version of sexy and OWN IT. Good luck!

[Abhijit3101]

It is most likely that you are serious in nature and introvert - not expressing your feelings nicely. One reason I doubt this is - you have asked for the solution as Anonymous User - hiding your identity. Be open and tell your likings and dislikes - somebody will be looking just for your invitation.

[MrInnuendo]

It DOES NOT matter if you weight a little more at all. Look at her - link . She's considered being a little chubby. But with the attitude she has, I wouldn't mind. Or for example her - link . She was considered being fat, but that is one of the sexiest women I can think off. One reason: she's not the prettiest, but she's simply oozing sexuality.

Being sexy & flirtatious has nothing to do with being pretty & slim. I know girls who are considered being both, but have such dead eyes you can't look at them.

[posted]

"not really chubby" either you've got rolls(turn off) or you're insecure and average.

It goes both ways, sitting there and complaining "no guys APPROACH ME and flirt with me" is like me sitting here and bitching about not making any money.

If you want a relationship approach someone or make the first move.

[lavalamp87]

dude, chicks are a lot more sensitive about approaching a stranger, just think about how many hours a girl spends on her looks vs a guy. telling a girl to "toughen up" and just do it is def not the right thing to say.

[Asker]

Hahaha noooo I don't have rolls or whatever! :P

[posted]

Thats a double standard, plenty of guys are too nervous to approach a girl. Supporting a double standard, with no evidence to back it up is definitely not the right thing to do.

So in your mind, girl can't ask out guys and all of the guys who are too shy to ask out a girl, like quite a few girls are with guys, are totally screwed. I have seen plenty of girls ask out guys, sitting there and expecting things to happen won't get you anywhere in life.

[au7an]

This is an easy question to answer.

You are probably gorgeous with an stunning personality and lets face it, us blokes have serious self esteem issues. We always flirt with girls we think we can get. Those that we mentally believe are too good for us, we don't even bother trying. Why humiliate yourself. No way.

One day you will meet "the one" and you will do anything for each other.

[jmowen]

Maybe you're like Eva Mendes in Hitch?

https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=jUdwCQ8t_R0

:p

And yes, I watch Hitch, don't judge me!

What you need to do is initiate things with guys. Yeah, it should be the guy who does that but if you really want to hook up with a guy, you'll need to do the initiating. It's better than waiting around and you'll probably meet a few guys who you will be interested in and it will be reciprocated.

[Anonymous1023]

I'm sure that that is not the case, your probably very good looking but maybe your looking for the wrong kind of guys. The other thing you could do is make the first move, if your depending solely on people coming to you it's probably not going to work out so well.

[lavalamp87]

well, in my case I don't even talk to girls I like, which is pretty common for guys I think. Guys don't talk to girls they like, and then the few guys that do (who are usually a**holes) get all the girls because they at least have the guts to talk to them. And that means a lot of cool dudes are alone and the girls think they don't even like them, which sucks for everyone.

[martyfellow]

I'd try to get into a different circle socially. Do volunteer work, or join a club for people with some of your interests.

You don't 'fit in' with the crowd you're frequenting now!

[RaskolnikovRo]

Maybe it's as simple as: You're lacking eye contact with people, or showing off a non-positive energy. Smile more often, be kind and friendly ;)

[Mionysus]

Hey, baby, did it hurt when you fell?...from heaven.

Do you come to this place often?

Whats your name, what's your sign?

[no_bs]

...soon as he buy that wine, I just creep up from behind, and ask you what your interests are, who you be with, things that make you smile, what numbers to dial - you gon' be here for a while? I'm gon' call my crew, you gon' call your crew, we can rendezvous at the bar around two...

[theblondeguy]

u might just be TOO attractive and people are nervous to approach u

post a pic then take it down real quick :D

[daemonpoet]

Maybe you give the impression that you are taken, or that people are assuming that you don't want to date. The other opinions are that your friends make you seem unfit for dating when they talk about you to everyone.

[Zapjap]

Do you ever initiate flirting with guys? maybe that's why?

[Anonymous]

Okay, a WHOLE lot of different things COULD be going on here. First things first: how do you look? Linking a picture showing your full body would help here.

[Opinion Owner]

Leave off your face then. No one will recognize just your body.

[Anonymous]

You're going to have to post a pic, if you want to eliminate looks from reasons, haha.

[Opinion Owner]

Not only that, but for girls--if you want to be hit on, get asked out, you have to work as well. Be inviting. Do *you* flirt?

[lavalamp87]

post a pic to total strangers.. wait this is coming from a guy answering anonymous? lol the irony

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not the one asking a style question or why girls won't hit on me. ;)

[Funnycoolnerdy]

I would flirt with you ; )

[joeybe]

Hey. How you doin? ;)