Is my girlfriend's temper bad or am I just too sensitive?

[visionz]

Hi there,

I feel like I need to decide whether or not to continue the relationship with my girlfriend of about one year. We've been living together for about 9 months and we get into a lot of little fights over me disliking her nagging/yelling, and her thinking that I'm being too sensitive. For example, I usually wash the dishes by hand (no dishwasher) and she thinks that I'm too slow and criticizes/yells at me for that. I sometimes forget to turn off the bathroom light and she criticizes/yells at me too.

She has some habits that I don't like as well (e.g. leaving clothes lying around the apartment), but I usually tell her nicely.

Is my girlfriend's temper bad or am I just too sensitive?

Thanks!

Your girlfriend's temper is bad

You are too sensitive

All of the above

[blackjep]

Subtle unresolved issues she seems to have. Consider the relationships she had with significant others. There may be abusive patterns of behavior she is copying and they are normal to her. She is a perfectionist and a critic for reasons. Or she just resents the living arrangements. The situation is complex. as your side is the only side we hear. She is not acting in a vacuum. If you think she is controlling and domineering talk with her...not to her. Be patient. Be kind. If you love her make a relationship based on respect. Is she healthy? The insurance industry concludes that women are more ill in the modern age. Maybe she has a temper. If she smokes or drinks the brain cells will be damaged. Do you go out and spend time together? Do you do anything romantic? She thinks that your are the insensitive one. She has needs she wants you to see. She wants your sensitivity. Maybe she cannot explain. Take the initiative and ask her if anything is bothering her. What about her past lovers and how she was treated? Is that a factor? Consider if she was abused or humiliated or rejected. She is angry. But you need to walk the talk. You love her? Prove it by standing at her side. Hope you are happy.

[Anonymous]

My wife and me had issues in this department as well. We talked about it, especially mutual respect.

I suggest Shaunti Feldhahn's books "For men only" and "For women only". My wife and me found them very helpful. You can't apply everything 1:1, of course, but they have very helpful tips in there.

[LJHam]

People who criticize others regularly are greatly upset with themselves. They feel so powerless in their lives, the only way they know to feel any kind of power is to pick at others.

You wash dishes too slow? So what? At least you're washing them, that's more than can be said for a lot of people.

Forgetting to turn lights out, that's wasteful and I wouldn't care for it, but it's not worth fighting over.

Remember when you feel an argument coming on, it takes two to fight. Refuse to participate in the yelling and criticizing. If you can't say something respectful and constructive, then don't say anything at all. If she continues, remove yourself from the area. Go in a different room or leave the house.

[LJHam]

Thanks for BA. Good luck to you.

[harveykinkle]

I think this will be a life long issue if you stay together. My mom did this to my dad. Like you he tried to help out but it wasn't done good enough. He (understandably) got jaded figuring that if it wasn't ever good enough why bother and stopped doing things and it made everything worse.

People who do that generally don't stop. If it's upsetting you you could try to calmly discuss it with her but it might not change.

She's not using the word "sensitive" correctly. I think you're in the right here.

[bunny_luv]

it sounds like she's over reacting and I would just sit her down and tell her point blank how you feel with her yelling/nagging at you. sometimes people don't want to admit their poor behavior (especially to their boyfriend/girlfriend) and as painful as it can be sometimes we need to hear it. take care and I hope you two can come to an understanding.

[TheoryOfAvarice]

She has a bad temper.

People who go out of their way to yell at someone for doing something they deem as wrong, while doing nothing constructive to correct it, are just lazy and not all that enjoyable to be around.

What's the point in yelling at you for forgetting to turn a light off? When she could simply do it herself in two seconds, and remind you about it later in a less criticizing manner.

She needs to chill out.

[kangaru]

Based on what you described she seem to be impatient and not so even temper. I dislike nags so I can empathise and yelling is a no no ..she can talk nicely wo having the need to raise her voice.

[Libra89]

shes very tempermental I find and this may/ can lead to abuse - careful with this one. Instead of her yelling at u, why doesn't she comunicate nicely with u?

[vdsfsdv]

Tell her it ain't that serious and to turn off the lights herself. Tell her to take a chill pill lol ;*

[palek]

Whenever she yells or nags you just whistle very softly and calmly and ignore her altogether.

[COCOCHANEL]

sounds like my mom ... I hated the way she treated my dad.

[222fallguy2]

I would need more details but is she honestly YELLING at you for leaving the light on?

[whiteknight01]

She needs to go to church lol! Sounds like she has a really bad temper.

[tiredofwaiting]

She definitely has a nasty temper.

[Anonymous]

She has a bad temper