Boyfriend shaved beard, I hate it?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend doesn't have a very big beard. But it was just getting a little bushy and he goes and "accidentally" shaves it. The problem is that he doesn't look good without a beard. When we met he had some beard and that's all I'm used to. We made an agreement that he wouldn't shave his beard if I didn't get a piercing on my gentitals.

When I saw his lack of beard I started crying, I know that sounds horrible but I was disappointed and shocked to see it. What should I do? I don't want him to shave his beard again.

For anyone who says this is superficial: Get a grip. He wouldn't like it if I shaved my head, or my eyebrows, or plucked all my eyelashes out. I think couples should be able to keep certain aspects of their appearance the way their partner likes, to a certain degree.

[Levin]

If his attractiveness is so reliant on something so trivial, then something is not quite right. And bear in mind, I don't say this in judgement, I'm just genuinely curious to know what is taking place. I started shaving my head, some I don't know, five years ago; and there are women who flat out don't like it, and wouldn't consider dating me. They are perfectly entitled of course. So I remember one incident that stuck in my mind. I saw some girl from high school, who I had not seen since I was 16, I was say, 22 at the time, to give a rough estimate. And she said something along the lines of, "grow your hair back, you used to look so much more attractive." I thought this was a pretty vacuous and voluble comment. Firstly, she is not the arbiter of attractiveness, it's a largely subjective comment. Secondly, who I was back then is totally irrelevant. That person is dead (forgive me for sounding overly dramatic); he no longer exists! All that remains is the person who I am now. And it also ties in to what is love. Is love the purely superficial societal version that we all take to be love. What is love. Love is, I accept this person as they are, without wishing to change them? Or is it desire, I have a set list of rigid requirements in my mind, and I'll dismiss, say hurtful things and ride roughshod in quest of this mental list. Please don't dichotomise, I'm not saying we shouldn't have requirements: we have to be practical too.

It would just seem, being practical, that a few strands of hair growing from a face or scalp should play very little role in terms of the whole. The whole which contains other aspects of physical attractiveness, and also inward beauty.

To answer your question. If I like a girl, I couldn't care one iota if she was to shave her head. It may seem idealistic and falsely pious; I'm being totally honest. I'm not saying it wouldn't deviate from an ideal, but I'd still find her attractive and want to be with her.

[Dumbassgenius]

vacuous, voluble, arbiter, dichotomise

Thank you for teaching me four new words.

[Asker]

I still find my boyfriend attractive and want to be with him, but he wouldn't like it if I got a short haircut and he admits it. If I cut my hair short I would understand his disappointment 100% and if he DIDN'T find anything wrong with it I'd be worried.

[heavensgift2girls]

I get it. I would be upset if my girl cut her hair short. It may have been that he really did accidentally shaved too much and it looked terrible, and thought it would be better to start all over. As long as he is planning to grow it back, I would just consider it an accident. Sometimes life throws us curve balls, and we just have to deal with it. Other times life throws our partners curve balls and we have to deal with it as well.

He might have not realized it meant that much to you, and done it on purpose, but I would still try and give him the benefit of the doubt, as long as he grows it back to make you happy.

If he keeps shaving despite what you want, then you will have to decide whether or not you still want to date him. He is allowed to do whatever he wants with his body, but that is a two way street, and you don't have to remain with a guy that isn't willing to put in the upkeep to make himself attractive to you.

[Asker]

Wow, you have read my mind. I feel that way exactly! It IS his body and he can do whatever he wants, but it is a two way street and I agreed to not get the piercing if he didn't shave his beard. I was willing to make an effort.

[Michelle86]

I'm in this EXACT same boat. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 4 months, when I met him he had a little bit of a beard, more of a scruff, first time he shaved it my throat sank into my stomach and I went quiet, didn't know what to say or do. He's shaved it maybe 3 times since we've been dating, he knows I don't like it, but he doesn't know that I'm not attracted to him without it. I'd say with a beard my attraction level is a 9, without... maybe a 4? I don't know how to tell him this, it feels like such a mean thing to say, or if I even should tell him. I know it's a problem, I just don't know what to do about it and how to approach it. How did you tell your boyfriend?

[chaii]

I myself love my boyfriends beard "his calico face hair" , if he randomly shaved it off agreement or not I'd be upset. He knows besides his personality and quirks, that I love his beard and man bun. Also like a lot of men say "I'm not shaving , I look like a girl/ 14 year old boy without my beard"

You have a right to be upset, some men love their woman's curves/ hair/ legs and so on. if she stopped taking care of her self she'd lose the physical attraction he had for her. And he wouldn't be pleased.

Anyways, consulting your partner when you want to make a physical change is a must. The last thing you want is for him or her to dislike the change. (Unless its for health reason's)

I have no clue how old this post is, I made an account just to comment ahaha

[Asker]

Thanks. :) This question is one of my more recent ones at about a year old. Now whenever he accidentally shaves it I say nothing and wait for it to grow back, thankfully he hasn't permanently kept it shaved.

[swiftsaver602]

I think some of your examples might be a bit extreme (shaving your eyebrows, plucking your eyelashes out) but I could definitely see it if you got your hair cut really short or something and your guy didn't find it attractive.

My boyfriend is the same way…he wouldn't like it if I cut my hair short, so I don't.

"I think couples should be able to keep certain aspects of their appearance the way their partner likes, to a certain degree." I agree, not because it's selfish, but because both partners agree to it and want to do it for their partner's sake.

[Asker]

I concur with everything you said.

[iloveyoursmile]

I'm sorry but that's waaaaaaay too superficial

I mean you cried because of that , seriously?!

what would you do if he went blind

grow up ,I don't wanna be mean , I can understand you being fed up or whatsoever but crying is a bit extreme

you seriously need to grow up

just tell him not to shave it again tada

[Asker]

We made a bargain: he doesn't shave his beard I don't get a genital piercing. He stated BEFORE he shaved that if I got a genital piercing he wouldn't have sex with me. So this is a two way street.

[Ashnicoleu]

She’s having a personal issue with a little change in her partner and she’s acknowledging it and seeking advice. That’s already a great step.

Being shocked by change is natural and not superficial. You can still love a person and be unnerved by the change. Some of you guys need a grip on reality. You can’t control what you’re attracted to but you can control how you act.

My boyfriend shaved his beard. I was attracted to his beard and tattoos when we first started dating. And he was attracted to my always changing hair and tattoos as well. So the shave was shocking! His face structure changed and it took time for me to feel comfortable again. I told him it wasn’t my favorite look but I’ll go with whatever he wants, because it’s his face and I still love the man that he is. He agreed it wasn’t his favorite either so it’s gonna grow back. Easy peasy.

To be fair, I do include him in the process of my haircuts or lifestyle changes because we are a partnership and I do care about how he feels as well. It’s a two way street and you should be able to communicate with your partner about how you feel. In a healthy way of course, I should add.

[Ashnicoleu]

I would like to add that immediately crying (if you were being literal) is a bit too far and may wanna work on coping skills. It’ll make life a bit easier love.

[Jonny_]

Tell him, probably just the best you can do about it. I do think it's odd that you feel like that, I don't think it makes a gigantic difference to how guys look. It is superficial, but people are superficial...

[Asker]

Well he asked me why I was crying and I asked him why he shaved it and that I didn't like it and it didn't look good on him and now he's upset with me because he says I'm being mean.

[Jonny_]

Still shouldn't be a problem unless he decides he doesn't want to grow it back and you can't accept that. Other than that it's just a waiting game.

[catguy]

you cried about it? wow! grow the hell up please!

[koibito]

Talk to him again about it. It's his body and normally I'd say he can do what he want with it, but both of you made an agreement. So he has to honour his side of the bargain.

[Asker]

Yes! If we wouldn't have made an agreement I wouldn't have been so upset but I feel he didn't hold his end of the bargain and I've wanted the genital piercing for a long, long time but I agreed not to get it FOR HIM.

[koibito]

Although I did say that, but don't get too riled up about it! Say it jokingly, that since he did not honour, he should now allow you to do what you want (i.e. get that genital piercing). And you could tease him that he has to offer something as valuable in exchange as a new bargain if he doesn't want that.

[bubblez05]

erm, I'm sure if you accidently dyed your hair yellow, you wouldn't like your boyfriend cryied for that.

Grow up there more importants things, do you like how he treats you, is he good for you?

If both answers are yes, you don't have to be worried of a beard that will grow in a short time!

[Asker]

If I cut my hair short my boyfriend would be very disappointed and I would understand 100%.

[catguy]

"He wouldn't like it if I shaved my head, or my eyebrows, or plucked all my eyelashes out."

These are extreme and ludicrous examples. shaving your facial hair off is not. you either love him for what he is or you don't.

[Asker]

He would be upset if I cut my hair like Miley Cyrus' no?

[catguy]

I don't know him, so I don't know if he would or not. but if a girl I was with really wanted to do that I would be OK with it

[Asker]

Well good for you man.

[Ashnicoleu]

Expecting human beings to change what they’re attracted to isn’t exactly that easy. You can still love and care for the person and be unnerved by the change. That’s just realistic.

[Mesonfielde]

I do think it is superficial because this essentislly means you don't accept his natural face. I would be extremely disappointed if my girlfriend thought that way.

[curiousnorway]

Some men prefer their girlfriend keeping her hair long and the same way some women prefer their boyfriend having facial hair since she thinks he would be more attractive with it.

[Dumbassgenius]

What's wrong with his chin, does it retract into his neck? He must be severely deformed if you started to cry when you saw him without a beard.

[Asker]

When his beard is shaved he looks 15 years older than he is and he's already over 10 years older than me.

[AUTiger7222]

That's weird because normally beards make guys look older.

[Theguyoverthere]

Offer to trim it for him. He may be accidentally shaving it because he messes up during the trimming.

[Asker]

Yes that's what happened. Great idea, thanks!

[Koldhearted]

I find it absolutely hilarious you're comparing the shaving of a beard to being insane.

[Asker]

Don't understand your answer.

[BayHarborButcher]

All you can do is mention that you liked it.

[Hamburgers]

Seriously, grow up.