This week GAG had pleasure of sitting down with wonderful author, On-Air Personality and relationship expert — Andrea Syrtash. She has appeared on The View, The Today Show, ABC News and more to talk about her books and give dating advice.
Andrea has contributed to over a dozen relationship advice books and has written a few of her own including; “He's Just Not Your Type (And That's a Good Thing)” and “It's Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked.”
In “It's Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date” Andrea and co-writer Jeff Wilser discuss many of the popular “rules” of the dating world. Should you follow these rules? Andrea and Jeff say don't trust the rules; trust yourself.
In our interview Andrea addresses why she thinks guys wait a few days after a date to text you back, her thoughts about having sex on a first date, common mistakes we make during the dating process and if her advice has truly worked for her!
1. What is one dating rule you absolutely hate?
Andrea Syrtash: I'm not a fan of any rules since they keep us in our heads and out of our hearts. Rules are black and white and love is not linear. Anyway...I don't like the rule that women should never show interest or make the first move. That's just not true according to hundreds of men I've interviewed. If a guy is interested, he's interested! Of course you don't want to come on *too strong; but showing interest is appreciated by most men."
2. It's 2015, why do men still wait two days to text me after a date?
AS: This rule is ridiculous! I think in this case they're trying to come off cool and not too eager; but they don't realize a number of women will move on if they guy doesn't seem excited or doesn't put forth effort to pursue...
3. Why do you think there's a stigma about sleeping with a guy on the first date?
AS: When you think about it, it's pretty sexist to put this rule on women and not men. And it's hypocritical for a dude to say he'd lose respect after hooking up with a woman when he was there, too! Thankfully, this rule is pretty outdated. For my last book, my co-author and I teamed up with Cosmo magazine and did a nation-wide survey about sex on the first date. The majority of women polled said they'd never do it because a guy would lose respect and interest and the majority of men polled said that that's a myth - if they're interested, they're interested - and when a woman has sex or gets naked is not a deal breaker. That said, I'd encourage women (and men!) to wait if having sex too soon makes them too anxious or doesn't align with their values.
4. Most women have a rule about not sleeping with a guy on the first date, why is okay to break it?
AS: It's only okay to break it if it feels right to the individual woman to break it. Listen, I don't think it's okay if the girl is 14 years old and doesn't necessarily think about the consequences of her actions...but I'm addressing an adult audience. With two consenting adults, there shouldn't be such a stigma around sex. Don't break the rule if you feel uncomfortable hooking up too soon. But - if you want to have sex and it's mutual, don't think you've sabotaged anything. I've interviewed hundreds of couples who have hooked up on date one to be able to debunk this rule and know it's not a deal-breaker.
5. Are there any dating rules you live by?
AS: My only real dating rule is to pay attention to your instinct as much as possible. Your instinct should override any rules you read. Bottom line: don't trust rules - trust yourself. If your gut feeling is that something isn't right or you're uncomfortable, you should listen to that...
6. Do you think men are really intimated by strong women who have amazing jobs? Or is that an excuse they use when they don't want to see you anymore
AS: That's either an excuse or you're dealing with an insecure guy. If a guy breaks up with you for having a good job, be thankful you learned about this early into your relationship. A good match will want to see and help you succeed.
7. What is the most common mistake men and women make when dating?
AS: I believe it's a basic human need for all of us to feel seen, heard and valued. So - we need to listen better! Also, I think most of us aren't present in dating. We're 100 steps ahead wondering, "would my parents like him?" "what will my friends think" etc. The only thing you have to ask yourself on a first date is: Am I having fun now? Am I curious to learn more." Stay present!
8. If you could give one piece of advice to singles everywhere what would it be?
AS: Date someone you would want to be with if nobody else was looking." (This is how you'll make authentic decisions in love.)
9. Do you believe there is only one person out there for everyone?
AS: I don't think there's one person. I think we learn and grow through various relationships. Don't feel pressured into thinking there's 'the ONE' The hope is you find a great one who brings out your best..."
10. Lastly, has your expert relationship advice worked for you?
AS: I think so! I've been happily married for close to a decade. I had to break my pattern and go outside my comfort zone to find love. I often say that you can't have intimacy without vulnerability. Once I got off the paper checklist and out of my head, I found a good solid relationship.