Relationships

"Its not what happens to you in life..."

"Its not what happens to you in life..."



Such a lovely topic this is....I think we have all witnessed our fair share of our friends being hurt, and in turn us feeling that exact kind of pain...


My father always told me during hard breakups or bad apples, as I would sob restlessly over people that never quite made it: "It's not what happens to you in life, it's what you do afterward that counts." I didn't know that the phrase he leant me would stay with me for this long. He told me that about 5 years ago...and every morning I wake up, I sing it in my head. It gives a sense of hope for the UP's that are going to occur in life.


A very close friend of mine, who unfortunantely had the displeasure of being involved with the very people Mom's and Dad's warn against, went through some of the worst things I could imagine could happening in her developing years as an adolescent. At the age of 15, she was very angry... all the time; she never fit in and had a temper like no other. Her parents, worrying about her anger took her to someone she could talk to, and began taking them with her to their local gym to sweat out some of the extra aggression. I went to the same gym, so I of course would accompany her and swim laps while she ran inside the gym. One particular night, she runs out while I'm swimming my laps, and tells me with the most excitement I've seen in her eyes in years "Oh my god! There is this guy that I've seen a couple times, he is so great! Ahh!" She was totally on cloud nine. I asked her how old this guy was...she told me "I dunno? Maybe 17?" I sighed, and continued my laps.


A few weeks later, she invites me over for dinner at her house, (she has no siblings, but I guess I'd be the closest thing to a younger sister) and she asks her parents if she can go on a date with said 17 yo guy. Her parents were reluctant to say yes because of the age difference, and even more reluctant to say no because of her years of being slumped and depressed over past-petty-heartbreaks. They turned to me, while talking to my friend and said "Okay, you can go, but he has to pick you up and the door, and meet us; Do you think you can go with her? (my mom's friend asks, looking at me)" wait...huh? "Uhm...don't you think that might be extremely...HORRIBLY awkward?!" my friend looks at me with puppy-dog eyes, even though I know she's none too thrilled with me being the designated cock-block for the evening. I shrug "sure...why not?"


The date goes well, and she is on cloud nine with this guy. The weeks turn to months, and they are entering their steady dating phase...they are now....bum bum bummmmm defined. Until he pulls the wool over her eyes and tells her he doesn't like her, and that he never did...and even worse...that he "didn't even know her..." This kind of sceanrio carries on for 5 years of my dear friends life. He begins to be verbally abusive, and threatens her daily. She finally leaves him...


Only to flee into another man's arms... Now...I'm not sure which one of these men are worse...the first love of her life, or the one who got her into smoking weed. Now, lets not make this a talk about drugs. I don't care for the various arguments on it "coming from the earth.." like all drugs...lets get back to the subject matter. Over the next year, she is put into a different situation...a situation of someone forcing themselves on her....


She was broken, and seemingly left alone. She had me, but she was left alone with her thoughts...as well as regrets. Coming to present time, she has moved on and matured greatly. Working hard, attending school...she has it made. She meets another fellow, who is very strapping, and great. Their relationship lasts for 6 months before he starts sobbing after they make love one evening...


She told me at that moment she almost wanted to laugh. (she has a sense of humor...what can I say?!) He told her he doesn't "love her" and he knows that she "loves him." She stands up, gets dressed and says "Well, I'm sorry to hear that. It was nice knowing you." He is confused. "Wait, don't leave!" He tried chasing after her when she held her hand up and told him not to follow her. She left him standing in his darkened room with his head hung. He had been cheating on her during their relationship. She didn't want to know the details.


I could clearly see what had unfolded in front of me. Look at how fucking strong she has become....she cried on the night it happened, but was up the next morning ready to go. Was it because she had seemingly been through worst throughout her journey of heartbreaks? Or has she simply seen her time and memories as something precious. Maybe she held onto the words I gave to her from my father....


"It's not what happens to you in life, but what you do afterward that counts..."

"Its not what happens to you in life..."
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