Relationship Expert Elizabeth Stone Answers Your Questions!

GAG asked what burning questions you had for relationship expert Elizabeth Stone and you guys answered in a big way! We got tons of responses from the community, but before we get to the question let me tell you about our expert.

Elizabeth is one of the many experts who writes for AttractTheOne.com — a website dedicated sharing smart, blunt advice about love, breakups, relationship conflict and romance.

On top of writing articles about dating and relationships for the site Elizabeth also has a weekly "Ask Elizabeth" column, where she answers personalized questions from her readers about relationships.

Relationship Expert Elizabeth Stone Answers Your Questions!
Below you will find the best questions from our community. Elizabeth was happy to answer them all! **Some of the questions were rephrased for clarity**

1. Do women cheat more than men? (Asked by Anon)

No. It’s about even between men and women.


2. Why are people afraid of commitment? (Asked by @cl_517)

Commitment brings up a lot of fear for people. Since you cut off your other options when you commit to one person, lots of people feel like they’ll be missing out on something— even if they can’t pin point exactly what that is. It’s easy to think that the grass will be greener with someone else, when in reality they might have an awesome relationship already.


3. How do I deal with double standards in the dating world? (Asked by @justanothergager)

Double standards frankly suck, but if you stay true to yourself and what you want in your life, things will turn out well in the end.

People get tripped up when they try to be someone they aren’t because of a perception that they have about society. Dating well is about finding someone who fits who you are and what you already want rather than fitting yourself into a rigid mold.


4. What do you think of traditional gender roles when it comes to dating? (Asked by @xHoneyxBeex)

People should aim to have complete relationships that work for them on an emotional, spiritual and physical level. Some people are cut out for traditional gender roles and some aren’t. The most important thing is to identify who you are and what you want— then select a partner who fits you.


5. Why do couples go through each other’s phones? Lack of trust? (Asked by @Klaatu51)

Yes. Mainly lack of trust and insecurity.


6. Why should girls refrain from being sexually promiscuous? How does this decrease their value (fair or unfair) in the eyes of men choosing them later as wives/partners? (Asked by @HereForTheDay)

Women should use their bodies however they choose.


7. How do you make a relationship work long term? (Asked by @Roadcruiser1)

Compromise, communication and commitment, in equal measures.


8. How can you get rid of jealousy in a relationship? (Asked by @emerald77)

Jealousy operates in a spectrum from small and benign to serious and relationship-ending. If you’re feeling jealous, it’s a good idea to carefully think through your reasons before reacting and potentially damaging the relationship. Is your partner intentionally trying to make you feel jealous or are they going about their normal day?

Sometimes having a non-accusatory, frank talk about feeling a little jealous can bring a couple closer because one of them simply needs reassurance. If your partner is jealous of something happening on your end, talking it through non-judgmentally and providing that reassurance (instead of getting defensive) can helpful to get to the bottom of it.

In the case of severe jealousy — if you or your partner is so jealous that one of you has become controlling of the other— that is a red flag of serious and potential abuse down the road.


9. My boyfriend is moving. How will distance affect out relationship? (Asked by @snowangle)

Having regular sex will become a challenge. Long distance can be a huge strain on a relationship— so regular communication is key. Couples also have greater success when both people try to at least touch base once a day.


10. If a woman doesn’t like approaching men and she isn’t getting any of the interest from someone she desires, what should she do? (Asked by @RationalLioness)

First, she should consider whether or not the man in question actually knows she exists. Has she already put herself out there? Or has she tried in some way but he hasn’t responded?

If he doesn’t know she exists yet, the oldest way is for her to smile, flirt, and put herself in his path so he can notice her and make the next move. Usually, women signal that they are interested in having a man approach them with more subtle flirtation and then it’s up to the man to pick up on the signals and take it further. I’d start with this.

If he knows she exists but hasn’t actually made a move one way or another, it’s time for her to forget him or put herself on the line.

At some point, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I always like to think about the worse case scenario. Most men won’t be outright rude to a woman who approaches them, even if they aren’t interested— since they know intimately how getting rejected feels. So he’s not likely to laugh at her, he’s more likely to just not offer up further opportunities to hang out. That really isn’t that scary when you break it down.

A simple, “Hi, I’m __(your name)___” then starting a conversation and being open to something should he suggest it goes a long way. Then, she can flirt a little and see if he takes it anywhere. If he doesn’t ask her out or try to get her phone number at that point, it’s time for her to back off.


11. Can you fall in love with someone you have never met? (Asked by Anon)

Yes. Particularly when people meet over the internet.


12. What are your thoughts on women sleeping with a guy on the first date? (Asked by @gagTake)

It is a woman’s choice to use her body however she chooses.


13. Finally, do you believe in “the one”? (Asked by @gagTake)

I believe that people come into our lives at different times to teach us things. Someone can fit us like a puzzle piece at a given time, but people grow and change over time. The one for you might have been right at one point and then a different person might be better later on.


Message from Elizabeth:

Thanks for letting me add my voice to this conversation! :)
Best,
Elizabeth Stone
AttractTheOne.com

--

For more on Elizabeth check out her articles and follow her on Twitter!

Relationship Expert Elizabeth Stone Answers Your Questions!
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Most Helpful Girl

  • RationalLioness
    Great variety of questions and great answer to mine. I personally won't ever approach a dude though... even if it means I'm alone. If he's not interested, of COURSE he shouldn't approach me or even notice me (I'll get the hint).

    But if he's interested and he doesn't approach, that's not sexy and I'm not going to make the move. It will always be a black stain no matter how amazing this guy is because he lacked the confidence or felt insecure about approaching.

    ... Why can't there just be a Build-A-Man for women who want one? (Joking for me. But I saw a woman SERIOUSLY ask a question about it... and I loved it :D).
    Is this still revelant?
    • 9mfeo

      Lmao. Build-a-man workshop.

    • RBD12

      I agree... I don't approach.. my signs are pretty easy to pick up on... I'd hope lol

Most Helpful Guy

  • Anonymous
    "Women should use their bodies however they choose"

    and at the same time expect a man to accept you as a wife because of the fact that your were a promiscuous women who had one night stands and had partners like a 30 or 50 or 100?

    Sorry thats not gonna happen... cause most men don't like to think of women like that becoming their wifes... or gfs... a women like that is mostly goona cheat and wh*** around... she can not be trusted.. at all

    We all have our own preferences...
    So you can have whatever number or partners you want or be all promiscuous... But don't expect us to make you our gfs or wives...
    Is this still revelant?
    • I hope your understand its the same for many women as well.

    • Anonymous

      @RationalLioness - ofcourse its the same for the woman too 😊 i have seen many women rejecting a guy because of his high number!!!

    • Azara

      a woman chooses her boyfriend husband-same as a man. you dont 'make' here anything. and obviously she's not going to want you if you and her have such divergent views on sexuality. so stop threatening. no one cares.

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

622
  • PeachSunset
    Aww guys, instead of being like "Why is she an expert", "This is poorly written", "I knew all of this already"
    She really can do better than most people!!! Love, although it may be the most beautiful thing, is also EXTREMELY confusing for first timers, or even for people who have had a history of relationships.
    Personally, she meant nothing bad/sexist or was pinpointing anyone in this and this info helped me
    So please give her some credit lol!
  • Pedantic
    A lot of this sounds like "if you like it, do it." (#2, #3, #4, #12)

    Well I'm a fan of freedom of choice and all that too. Those are not bad positions philosophically per se, but the effects of some of those actions are real. I think taking a detailed look at potential consequences (even if it is your right of choice), even if it may or may not happen, would give the reader a more thorough understanding of engaging in the stated behavior.
  • Roostah
    Why do women pull back on sex once they get comfortable in the relationship?
  • Tdieseler
    Oh she's good, she's pretty good. A little repetitive but wise nonetheless.. But relationships are like technology, there's a newer version everyday. You've got to keep up mate lol
  • Abe90
    Something that I always wondered is, is it not really good for an individual if they haven't been dating for several years now? An estimation of about 5 years or more. Can that effect an individual to cause problems in a future relationship because they haven't been giving themselves to another person and allowing themselves to grow?
    • 9mfeo

      Short answer: maybe.

    • live4love

      Well I haven't had a boyfriend in 20 years so...

  • serp777
    Relationship expert my left nut. More like ego expert, or con website expert. Tell us how you convince people to give you money for useless advice.
  • snowangle
    Thanks for answering my question (number 9) but what I actually asked was "my boyfriend and I are moving in TOGETHER, how will that affect our relationship?" ;)
  • PT1911
    Hmph...

    >relationship expert

    Top kek, so you've dated every person on the planet and know what makes everyone click?
  • 9mfeo
    They've been picking relationship experts I don't totally hate lately. Imagine that.
  • abundantlyrich
    Inter es ting answers. People put too much rules for themselves in dating.
  • Nathand
    she thought i was in love with her after I took her virginity. How is it my fault that she choose to open her legs?
  • callofdutydoggie
    Do you have a boyfreind and if do. Where is his favorite part of your body, example like your bare belly. Thanks
  • RomanEmperor
    Why is she an "expert"? Never heard of her and looks like a kid.
  • Roadcruiser1
    Thank you G. A. G. for your response to my question so nice yeah. :P.
  • Klaatu51
    thanks 4 da mention :D
  • WorthlessVirgin
    I'm still a virgin.
  • Not_Helping
    I am enlightened!
  • justanothergager
    thank you gag=)
  • GoldCobra
    Ask her where I can find a girl
  • CatLikeTheif
    where can I find her?
  • Anonymous
    What should you do when someone is hot and cold towards you? I. e. Greets you with a big warm smile one day, pretends you are invisible the next, rushes away from you, etc..
  • Anonymous
    Thanks Captain Obvious
  • Anonymous
    Question 6. Regarding women and promiscuity.

    That answer is poorly written. " girls can do whatever they want with their bodies". While the idea is noble in the sense that it counters slut shaming and etc by narrow minded ignorant views. It is also some very poor advice in a sex crazed confused world.
  • Anonymous
    "Women should use their bodies however they choose." this "expert" doesn't understand appropriate pragmatics and rudimentary biology.
  • Anonymous
    Men can be rude when they reject a woman too. I agree with a lot of things that you've said but not that. If a man finds the woman to be unattractive, they don't mind being rude, even if they've been rejected. In fact, I know of one who uses that to justify his rudeness. He says women have been cruel to him, so why shouldn't he be?
    • Radon

      I been told to fuck off and I was not rude in my approach (I was at "hi, you alright?"), should I say ALL women are rude when they reject because they want to justify their rudeness?

  • Anonymous
    I AM A TRUE RELATIONSHIP EXPERT --

    "but if you stay true to yourself and what you want in your life, things will turn out well in the end."

    WTF? This is meaningless and without proof. This woman is a complete idiot. Marriages are arranged by parents or based on sexual attraction, after which the father of the woman gives her away because women are supposed to be property. Her husband is her lord and master and she must obey his every command. A woman's place is in submission. If she misbehaves, her husband has the right to take any disciplinary action he feels is required.

    She does not get called by her first name. If he wants anything, it's "woman get me this" "woman do that". jk lol
    • Anonymous

      Women are different from men and must be kept in check. Stop trying to promote these liberal ideas. All men must exercise control over their women. Even physically weak men must strive to oppress their women. lol jk :P

    • Anonymous

      Women should be seen and not heard.

      ok I'm going to shut up now ! XD

    • I find this interesting because I've never heard it put like this before but I think before the industrial revolution this is how people really thought. I know it stilll exists in some places today, but do you mind me asking if this was a cultural thing taught by your culture/ family and if so what culture are these ideals from, minus the "jks"?

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    Nice answers
    I wold like to know to answers for my questions if you don't mind.
    What is your opinion on girls who always think man have to make the first move and if a man don't do it and never approach? And why many girls in many countries think in this same way?
    Why many girls says men have to pay in the dates?
  • Anonymous
    You completely dismissed number 6 and didn't even address it.

    Yes, women can do whatever they want with their bodies. They can sleep with 200 men if it makes them feel good inside. HOWEVER, actions have consequences. You can't expect all men to not care if you slept with that many guys. The same goes for men who sleep around, too.

    It's like freedom of speech. You can spew all the hate speech you want, but don't expect me to like you afterwards.
    • Anonymous

      Not a lot of men want to marry an openly promiscuous woman. You can be promiscuous if you want to, but don't EXPECT men to approve of it when they are looking to settle down with a monogamous woman. "You lie in the bed you make."

    • Anonymous

      For the record, I'm not a hypocrite. I'm only going to have sex with one woman in my lifetime when we get married, and I'm her only man as well.

    • Scrambled

      she did address it. You went off on another tangent. To compare sleeping around with hate speech is stupid. Hate speech puts something, or people down. sleeping around doesn't! Its ironic how you are guilty of hate speech by using that example to passive aggressively attack those who choose to sleep around.

    • Show All
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