GAG asked what burning questions you had for relationship expert Elizabeth Stone and you guys answered in a big way! We got tons of responses from the community, but before we get to the question let me tell you about our expert.
Elizabeth is one of the many experts who writes for AttractTheOne.com — a website dedicated sharing smart, blunt advice about love, breakups, relationship conflict and romance.
On top of writing articles about dating and relationships for the site Elizabeth also has a weekly "Ask Elizabeth" column, where she answers personalized questions from her readers about relationships. Below you will find the best questions from our community. Elizabeth was happy to answer them all! **Some of the questions were rephrased for clarity**
1. Do women cheat more than men? (Asked by Anon)
No. It’s about even between men and women.
2. Why are people afraid of commitment? (Asked by @cl_517)
Commitment brings up a lot of fear for people. Since you cut off your other options when you commit to one person, lots of people feel like they’ll be missing out on something— even if they can’t pin point exactly what that is. It’s easy to think that the grass will be greener with someone else, when in reality they might have an awesome relationship already.
3. How do I deal with double standards in the dating world? (Asked by @justanothergager)
Double standards frankly suck, but if you stay true to yourself and what you want in your life, things will turn out well in the end.
People get tripped up when they try to be someone they aren’t because of a perception that they have about society. Dating well is about finding someone who fits who you are and what you already want rather than fitting yourself into a rigid mold.
4. What do you think of traditional gender roles when it comes to dating? (Asked by @xHoneyxBeex)
People should aim to have complete relationships that work for them on an emotional, spiritual and physical level. Some people are cut out for traditional gender roles and some aren’t. The most important thing is to identify who you are and what you want— then select a partner who fits you.
5. Why do couples go through each other’s phones? Lack of trust? (Asked by @Klaatu51)
Yes. Mainly lack of trust and insecurity.
6. Why should girls refrain from being sexually promiscuous? How does this decrease their value (fair or unfair) in the eyes of men choosing them later as wives/partners? (Asked by @HereForTheDay)
Women should use their bodies however they choose.
7. How do you make a relationship work long term? (Asked by @Roadcruiser1)
Compromise, communication and commitment, in equal measures.
8. How can you get rid of jealousy in a relationship? (Asked by @emerald77)
Jealousy operates in a spectrum from small and benign to serious and relationship-ending. If you’re feeling jealous, it’s a good idea to carefully think through your reasons before reacting and potentially damaging the relationship. Is your partner intentionally trying to make you feel jealous or are they going about their normal day?
Sometimes having a non-accusatory, frank talk about feeling a little jealous can bring a couple closer because one of them simply needs reassurance. If your partner is jealous of something happening on your end, talking it through non-judgmentally and providing that reassurance (instead of getting defensive) can helpful to get to the bottom of it.
In the case of severe jealousy — if you or your partner is so jealous that one of you has become controlling of the other— that is a red flag of serious and potential abuse down the road.
9. My boyfriend is moving. How will distance affect out relationship? (Asked by @snowangle)
Having regular sex will become a challenge. Long distance can be a huge strain on a relationship— so regular communication is key. Couples also have greater success when both people try to at least touch base once a day.
10. If a woman doesn’t like approaching men and she isn’t getting any of the interest from someone she desires, what should she do? (Asked by @RationalLioness)
First, she should consider whether or not the man in question actually knows she exists. Has she already put herself out there? Or has she tried in some way but he hasn’t responded?
If he doesn’t know she exists yet, the oldest way is for her to smile, flirt, and put herself in his path so he can notice her and make the next move. Usually, women signal that they are interested in having a man approach them with more subtle flirtation and then it’s up to the man to pick up on the signals and take it further. I’d start with this.
If he knows she exists but hasn’t actually made a move one way or another, it’s time for her to forget him or put herself on the line.
At some point, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I always like to think about the worse case scenario. Most men won’t be outright rude to a woman who approaches them, even if they aren’t interested— since they know intimately how getting rejected feels. So he’s not likely to laugh at her, he’s more likely to just not offer up further opportunities to hang out. That really isn’t that scary when you break it down.
A simple, “Hi, I’m __(your name)___” then starting a conversation and being open to something should he suggest it goes a long way. Then, she can flirt a little and see if he takes it anywhere. If he doesn’t ask her out or try to get her phone number at that point, it’s time for her to back off.
11. Can you fall in love with someone you have never met? (Asked by Anon)
Yes. Particularly when people meet over the internet.
12. What are your thoughts on women sleeping with a guy on the first date? (Asked by @gagTake)
It is a woman’s choice to use her body however she chooses.
13. Finally, do you believe in “the one”? (Asked by @gagTake)
I believe that people come into our lives at different times to teach us things. Someone can fit us like a puzzle piece at a given time, but people grow and change over time. The one for you might have been right at one point and then a different person might be better later on.
Message from Elizabeth:
Thanks for letting me add my voice to this conversation! :)