If you're in a long distance relationship then you know how hard it is going through it. The high and lows of being with them. Trying to make it all work out. Making plans on when y'all could meet up in real life. Trying to get to know them at the same time and getting over the physical barrier of it all. The whole nine yards. Just in case any of y'all are new to this type of relationship, you're probably really wanting to know how to make it all work and survive it. Well fear not; I shall share my wisdom of what all I've learned from my LDR.
At the moment I'm in a LDR with my boyfriend of over 3yrs. I live on the east coast of the USA, and he lives in Portugal. We met off an online game called "Grand Fantasia. "This relationship me and him have. Has been the longest relationship I've had in my entire life. I know most people probably look down on anyone who hasn't physically met yet. Even more if it was offline. Well along with the tips I will give I'll explain why this is the best thing for me. So now on to the tips!
- TRUST- This is one of the huge musts you need to have for the LDR to survive. I know you need trust in every relationship. With a LDR trust sometimes is harder to have. Your not with that person physically and so you don't always know what they are doing. The other person could easily hide facts about what they are doing compared to being with them physically. So this is why trust is extremely important. If you both don't trust each other the relationship will crash and burn.
- VERBAL COMUNICATION- Not only do you have to work harder with getting to talk and see them on video chat. The most important part of comunication is being honest and telling each other EVERYTHING that is going on in your life. Well you don't have to tell every tiny detail. Make sure they know 100% how your feeling and if your doubting anything. Never hide any important information from them. In physical relationships you don't have to verbally communicate as much. Since your able to communicate more with body language. In a LDR you don't have that type of communication. So verbal is very important.
- BEING COMFORTABLE- If you feel any negative feelings with them when your in a call. Feel weird talking about certain things, showing them certain things, etc . That's going to put strain on the relationship. You need to feel comfortable with them. Always be 100% yourself no matter how weird, lame, goofy, icky, mean, etc you are. Always be yourself with them and they need to always be their self with you. When your comfortable with them all the time no matter what. It takes off a lot of the stress that would be there if y'all didn't feel comfortable. It really helps to make the relationship be very chilled, relaxed, and in harmony.
- LACK OF BEING PHYSICAL- This one to everyone is obvious. Yes the lack of phyiscal contact does make you sad once in a while. Wishing you could be right next to them in their embrace. Wanting to kiss, hug, poke, and have sex with. Having to make it work without any of that is hard. Since all y'all really have is just talking and what y'all see on video chats.
The good side of not having any phsical contact: If you're like me and suck at not rushing into things and letting the phsical part cloud your mind. Not having those does help improve yourself with the rushing. You don't have any physical body parts to distract you from getting to know them. No distractions phyiscally to stop y'all from talking a lot about each other. Not having the physical part does make having a deeper connection with your partner so much easier and deeper than with a physical relationship.
- KNOWING WHAT IT'S LIKE WITHOUT THEM- I think this part is a huge downside to a relationship where y'all are phyiscally together. You don't truly know what it's like having to live without the other person. Having to figure ways on how to communicate, having all that extra time since they aren't there, lack of physical attachment, etc . So in most relationships physically most people don't know what they have until they lose them. Sadly when that happens they can't really get that person back. It ends up being to late to save the relationship.
In a LDR you know what it's like to live your everyday life without them. You know the struggles of not letting your saddness get to you from how much you miss them. Which in turn it can make y'alls bond much stronger than most relationships. Since y'all are facing the ultimate test when it comes to being in a relationship. Seeing how much you truly care about that person to keep waiting untill they are back or y'all can finally see each other in person. Testing how far your willing to go to be with them in the end.
- TIME ZONE- Depending on how much of a time gap is between y'all. It could either make the LDR much easier or it could make it harder. Me and my boyfriend have a 5 hour difference. Since he's in college he's really busy during the day. So the 5 hour difference makes our LDR much easier. It makes time for communicating and video chatting easier. So memorize y'alls times so that y'all will know what time is best for y'all to try and talk/video chat.
- ENTERTAINMENT- Knowing how y'all can spend time together can be tricky. I know some days with my boyfriend. We have issues thinking on what to talk about or say. So in those times it's good to have movies, tv shows, games, etc. Find what y'all both love and enjoy. When ever me and my boyfriend are going to watch something or listen. We do a count down of ready, set, play. That way we both start the videos/songs at the same time. With video games one thing I found that i've loved the most to play with my boyfriend. When we started Final Fantasy 12. There were some leveling and items we needed that would be super annoying and time consuming to do alone. So we would keep sending back and forth the data of the game with what we had been able to do for that day on it. I loved that interaction because it felt like we were both playing together. Just becuase you can't be with that person physically doesn't mean y'all can't do fun things together.
- CULTURAL DIFFERENCE- If your LDR is like mine and y'all are in 2 different countries. It really makes the relationship very interesting. Since you are both getting to know what it's like for the other living there. You can record videos and send to the other person of places around where you live so they can see it as well. My boyfriend has a USB drive type internet so when he would go visit some family members. He was able to still be in a Skype video call with me. So I was able to see around the road and his village while walking home. It was amazing getting to see it even though I can't see it with my own eyes personally yet.
We also will make videos when the other one is gone or asleep. Like when it snowed where I live. I recorded a video of what it looked like outside. I acted goofy and other things. He showed me a video he made in an old house around where he lives. Just doing stuff like that really deepens your bond together when your not able to be there physically.
- HAVEN'T MET IN PERSON- If y'all are like how my LDR is and haven't met physically yet. That doesn't mean it's a doomed relationship. You will have a lot of people say, "how can you trust them if you haven't seen them? That's not a real relationship! How can you tell if you really love them but haven't met in real life?" Differen't stuff like that. Well they can all shut it because they don't know what they are talking about. Unless they have gone through an LDR like that then they have no grounds to stand on. Sometimes not meeting them in person yet makes an LDR much easier to get through. Since you don't know what it will be like touching them. You won't be so sad and not have those kinds of memories of touching them haunting you. I've been in a LDR before this one were I did meet up with the person for 2 weeks then I had to come back home. It was the most painful heartbreaking pain I've ever felt when I had to leave. So not seeing my current boyfriend physically yet doesn't bother me really. Since I know the second I see him phyiscally. I want to have the choice of being able to stay with him and not be forced to leave again.
- SELF IMPROVEMENT- In a LDR your having to face what your the most insecure about. Like jealous, envy, lonelyness, clingy, dependent, etc. You're having to face all of it. Facing them is super hard when you've never had to face that kind of challenge. For me I have abandonment issues. The first year of being with my boyfriend was the hardest. Since I suck at dealing with people leaving and not knowing when they will come back. I would freak out a lot when my boyfriend would be gone majority of the day with family, friends, school, etc and I didn't know when he would be back. I would worry he might not come back and just leave me. Which was an illogical mind set but I've had people just leave me before. I was scared of that happening again. Now I've really improved on that illogical fear. Plus I used to be to clingy and bad at not telling my boyfriend, "I love spending time with you but I'm wanting to do _____ and I can't do that while talking to you." After a while I really improved on that as well. So LDR are good to help self improve on what you really suck at in relationships.
So far that is all the huge points I can think of atm. If y'all want any specific kinds of tips. Please ask and I will help as much as I possibly can to the best of my ability. I hope my tips have helped some of you with your #LongDistanceRelationships. If you have any experience of being in a LDR please leave some details about it in the comments. :)
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