As a young woman who has had many dating experiences, probably more negative than positive, as I am still a bachelorette, I have done a lot of self-reflection and reflection of my dating experiences and past choices in men.
This hasn't always been easy. It's been a long process. I tried to think long and hard of what a balance would be between what I am drawn to (which has usually been bad for me), what I really need, and what I can look for to find a happy medium.
I am a sensitive, emotional, intelligent, deep, intuitive, passionate, kind woman. I am filled with sensuality but it doesn't come out to everyone. I have always been told that I am wise for my years and the older men seemed to like me at work, told me I am an "old soul."
So it's hard. I'm usually drawn to "bad boys" because my dad is kind of like that, it's what I am used to, except I don't believe he was cruel in his youth the way some of these men I have encountered are. I am drawn to the free spirit, the guy who does his own thing, goes for what he wants. The bad boy is exciting. He is sexual and pasionate. He is also a heartbreaker. And I realized...what I really want and need is strength. Strength is like the perfect medium wedged between two kinds of weakness. I was associating the wrong things with strength and power. Because really, at their core, the true bad boy heartbreakers are not so different than the "nice guys" who complain about getting friend zoned.
They both are acting in ways that show a sense of weakness.
Now let me clarify, we ALL have weaknesses. I have plenty of flaws myself.
When I talk about strength, I talk about the following:
A strong person is defined by integrity, independence, and reslience. A strong person is not swayed by weak drives such as pettiness, dependence, and jealousy.
He is a leader, not a follower, but he doesn't need a following. He makes commitments to keep them. He realizes the validity of other people and doesn't try to control or dominate them in some sense or another. He fulfills his responsibilities. He doesn't bum around. He has true confidence, not arrogance. This means that he believes in himself. He goes after what he wants and doesn't whine and mope about women. He is truthful and communicative. He basically believes in what is good, moral, just, and fair. He has a sense of logic, he isn't swayed by his weak impulses and emotions. He isn't the "nice boy" who is scared to face life and is filled with anger and resentment. He isn't the "bad boy" who is really just hiding behind a facade of power, who uses people to feel powerful and acts like a selfish child.
A person like this is a rare gem and hard to find. But this is what ideal is. True integrity and that is strength to me.
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