Why don't relationships last these days?

[MikeyTheRebel]

I've come to find that many relationships seem to fizzle out after a period of time, while some might last for a few months others might last for a few years. But why do they come to an end? I don't have a concrete answer myself but I'd like to speculate on some of the reasons to why they might not last.

1. The couple built a relationship on a weak foundation

If you started a relationship on a weak foundation it's bound to crumble eventually. Though both sides might try to hold out and extend the date, it's almost inevitable. There needs to be a strong foundation from the beginning, make sure there's solid trust and that you both know what you want from the relationship.

2. Social Media

People that put their relationship and/or their relationship issues all over social media open themselves up to outside influences that are unnecessary. I can't even count how many times I've seen people post about their relationships problems like social media is a diary. Why not just talk it out with your partner? To me it seems like your just vying for attention. Comments from other social media users aren't going to help, plus they'll see that there's a break in your relationship and some people like to take advantage of that.

3. Compatiblity

Now this one is a little bit more complicated and most people can't really tell from the start if their compatible or not. Sometimes it seems as if they're perfectly matched at first but as the relationship stretches on, perks about your significant other start to show that you weren't aware of before. Now you can try to work this one out by compromising or you can let it tear both of you apart.

In the end it will be revealed whether or not the relationship will last, but don't let uncertainty stop you from entering a relationship. After all that's the point of one, not knowing where it will take you. It can be either a learning experience or it can grow to be something beautiful that stands the test of time. Nowadays I see a lot of relationships ending almost as soon as they started, marriages falling apart, people falling out of love, etc. I think if people took the time to work out their problems, more relationships would last.

[Creole_Flavor]

I agree with all of your points. I also think that people don't have faith in love in general they set themselves up to fail going into relationships with a negative mindset. A lot of people have expectations that are not realistic and they pick a partner based on what I feel are stupid things like where a person lives or grew up, what they like to watch on tv or listen to on the radio, what college they went to or how many degrees they have. The important things don't matter anymore like the way a person carries themselves and treats others, if they have compassion, what goals and values they have, whether they can carry on an intelligent conversation. Everyone is driven by sex and money they only care about who they can bang and for how long and who they can use to get ahead in life. Relationships are not about using people its about building and growing together, loving and cherishing each moment with a person and getting to know a person deeply, learning how to go through things etc. It's a lot of work and let's face it people don't want to do it or they want to half ass it and receive all the benefits of a relationship but not willing to give anything. People are settling for fuck buddies if that is your thing then more power to you but a lot of people are in these situationships and they want more but they stay in these unfulfilled situations instead of pursuing something fulfilling and when they do pursue a relationship they want it with someone that does not want the same thing. People need to stop wasting their time waiting around for someone to get on the same page if they are not in the same book close it and move on. I see too many one sided situations they aren't even qualified to be called relationships. A lot of things can be prevented if people use their brain and date smartly but people are not even dating any more there is no courting which is important these days more people need to get to know each other and lurking through their social media accounts does not count lol I mean really take the time to get to know someone before you enter a relationship. We also need to stop letting other people's experiences and media dictate our relationships. We need to stop letting our own past experiences affect our relationships. It's sad that every relationship that I have ever been in I had to be held accountable for what some one else did before I came along and I gave them a clean slate :( paranoia can prevent any relationship growing.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

I would also say, people want things now and if they cannot have them they move on instead of fixing the issue; and the expectations upon each partner. For instance I just asked the question of if a relationship is meant to be 50/50 then why do (some) girls expect their partner to text or call first... makes no sense.

[MikeyTheRebel]

Yea I agree, the relationship can't lean on just one person.

[Glue-Sniffer]

It's 50/50 but the texting thing, as a girl you want to feel desired. And if a girl starts texting first there's always this question on her mind whether the guy actually liked her enough to pursue her if she hadn't made the first move. It'll drive us crazy... And then there's this thing that we don't want to seem needy and desperate even if we feel really lonely so we wait for the guy to text us first.

[MikeyTheRebel]

@Glue-Sniffer I've been hearing that lately, would you say that's especially true with shy girls?

[Glue-Sniffer]

The normal rules don't apply to shy girls. She will never make the first move... Not until she is 100% sure about the whole situation. Even if she is crazily in love with the guy she is more than likely to ignore him or just act indifferent and awkward. If you give your contact address to a shy girl and ask her to call you/ text you, she'll be sitting there for days typing a message and deleteing it over and over again but she'll never hit the send button. You have to do all the work... It's not because she doesn't like you or is lazy, it's because she feels insecure...

[MikeyTheRebel]

@Glue-Sniffer Hmmm Ok lol, I ask because there's this girl I like and she's shy. I've been texting her for the past week and she's been responding, it seems like she's more open now but she never texts me first. Only exception was her telling me happy birthday last month. My close friend tells me that with a girl like her I have to take my time and keep going at it.

[R3d_Anonymous]

Yep, that's certainly a factor. Now we have these things called "red flags", which are basically designed to immediately cause someone to lose interest the second something about the other person is imperfect. And naturally, those with more options have this power, to a greater extent. Those who practically have no options are essentially screwed, unless they try ultra-hard to eradicate any potential red flags about them, which most realize is insanely exhausting and just not worth it, so most just develop a "fuck it" attitude and find something else they are really into and slowly start to disregard dating...

[Sara413]

Today or yesterday, reality has always been that MOST of your romantic relationships are going to fail at some point. Not every relationship is going to work out - if that was the case, we'd all end up married to our high school sweetheart.

I think every generation has it's own unique struggles in a variety of realms, including that of relationships; but I don't think that people today have a uniquely more difficult time maintaining relationships than generations before us.

In fact, the divorce rate over the past couple of decades has been in significant decline. Probably because people are being pickier about who they marry, waiting longer, and getting their shit together as individuals before taking that jump.

Dating has definitely changed, and social media plays a part in that, but I think that for the most part it's not our ability to connect that has changed, it's just HOW we connect. People still seem to be finding romantic partners and going through break ups and meeting new ones and getting married, just like every other generation before.

[Sara413]

All of that said, I agree with you that it's stupid to put every detail about your relationship on social media, and that people need to put the effort into making their relationships last. But only if the relationship is really worth saving. I think a lot of people give up when they shouldn't, but just as many, if not more, people try to salvage things that they'd be better off letting go of.

Once you're married, you should put the work and effort into keeping the marriage intact - you made a vow, so keep it - but people need to be picky about who they're marrying... don't just marry whomever you happen to be in a relationship with when you hit the age that you decided you should be married at... don't marry someone because you've been together for four years for no other reason than "we haven't had a reason to break up... and now it's four years later and I guess the next step is to get married".

[MikeyTheRebel]

Wow, you made some really good points. Thanks for your opinion, I'll definitely keep in mind what you said about being picky with marriage. I don't think that's something people should take lightly.

[R3d_Anonymous]

"... - if that was the case, we'd all up married to our high school sweetheart."

Except people that can't manage to get a girlfriend or boyfriend in high school... you know 16.1% of the population in the United States... in which I fall...

[R3d_Anonymous]

But actually that would be even worse, because hen we really would be at risk for being forever alone...

[Sara413]

@R3d_Anonymous you missed the point... if it makes you feel any better, I never had a boyfriend in high school either. All I was saying is that if most relationships DIDN'T fail, we'd all end up married to our first bf/gf...

[musical_mck7]

I agree (along with others) that social media is one of the main contributions that ruins a relationship.

I also think that just texting and not spending face-to-face, quality time with the person you want to know better is a contribution because in our generation today, girls are always talking about how "He's not texting me back within a day. He must not care about me anymore" or "He hasn't responded within five minutes. He must not be interested." or something like that.

Our generation today is also caught up with technology. Plus, with social media, young couples of all ages expect there to be a wcw or mcm and if they aren't the wcw or mcm, then that must mean that they're relationship isn't official or the person that they want to know isn't committed to them. ((This is what I think. It's all opinion, and I'm not meaning to offend anyone.))

Some people even start a relationship just to make others jealous, and people are being used and I think that that's another contribution to why relationships are falling apart because one person thinks that their love is real, and the other is faking it all along either to make the other person happy or to make an ex-gf/bf jealous.

[LightUp]

Was I the only one who thought it was because today men and women are both pursuing their career (among other things) more than relationships?
buying a car
People are free to do a lot of things these days. Everybody loves to be independent. Today its possible more than ever , specially for women. Nobody has to live by traditional Societies standards. It's no longer considered wrong to stay single , not to have kids etc , at least for some western countries. The east is still (well maybe not japan) following traditional Lives...

Everybody is trying to succeed in school and their job so they earn money. More people are concerned about building a house , buying a car etc than getting married.

People are becoming more and more distant... Social media barely helps. It only helps for you to communicate with people you already know. Very hard to build relationships with people you don't know with social media...

[R3d_Anonymous]

Now I remember why I stopped posting here (no offense to you author). Content in abundance that essentially all implies that I am screwed in dating and should just stick to care only about chess (which is slowly what I have transformed into doing after being unable, for over a year, to get anything going, and in general practically being hideous to girls and for my whole life so far).

Actually for the last couple of months I was actively posting here, I was mostly resigned, but couldn't find anything to distract myself with (which had been a problem for a long time). Then I rediscovered chess...

So to all the other guys out there in my situation, if you need something to nullify your pain of either being an obsolete dating prospect (like me) or any heartbreak you've gone through, definitely take a look at getting into tournament chess. Great mental distraction. Girls too... I mean (we really need more female players).

[R3d_Anonymous]

And so can show you, I tried to be resourceful as I could... the other problem is that my household dynamic isn't really right either for this kind of thing, with my overbearing and strict parents, that I am also doing my best to change. I've just collapsed temporarily, maybe in a year or two when I am out of this town and house I can start to hope more or perhaps if I succeed in altering this household dynamic and am able to get something going...

[FidemMeam]

You're really young there is a lot of potential for change in your life. Dating as a high schooler is nothing like dating as an adult... just have fun playing chess for now.

[MikeyTheRebel]

Damn bro, hope it gets better for you. Dating isn't easy for anyone bro, even if they make it look that way.

[MikeyTheRebel]

Even people that are actively dating have problems, a lot of people would rather stay single until they meet the right one. But it's good that you're occupying yourself, good luck to you.

[R3d_Anonymous]

lol why downvotes?

[godfatherfan]

Because young people are not willing to go through the hard times and work through things. They bail at the first tough patch.
It also comes down to Family origins. If the person grew up in a divorced home and was taught that you never do all you can to work through things, then they understand from a young age that you just give up instead of fighting for your family.
You should do whatever possible to keep your family together. Nobody put a gun to either persons head and forced them to get married. So you chose this, you should live with your decisions. Unless there is physical abuse.

[BiffWebster]

its that obsession with hooking up. Dating a person, you kinda cannot see yourself marrying, but hope some day that will change.

Hooking up is great, but its a very big reason as to why so many people keep returning to the single label, and then two months later finding the Love of their life Again.

-_- its pathetic really. These are the same people that try to give relationship advice

[Anonymous]

Relationships Do Last. The ones that don't are because one or both of the people involved are shit filled self-centered jackasses, who only care about their needs & wants. If you want your relationship to last it will, but both individuals have to be willing to put in the work, not excuses.

[Albinoninja66]

If I followed this advice I would be in an unhappy relationship right now.

[LightUp]

@op very true

@Albinoninja66

actually a relationship requires compromise. If you are self - centered good luck having girfriend past the 6 month mark

[koko124]

Contraception.

100 years ago, contraception was very expensive and unreliable. When people fucked, there was a very good chance that the woman would have a baby.

This means that people got married before having sex, or ended up getting married right after pregnancy occurred. Women were much less casual about sex because it carried more risks.

Today's easy and effective birth control and abortion means that nobody has to worry about pregnancy, which means that there is less incentive for a long term relationship to develop between two people.

Today's culture is also far more accepting of divorcing or breaking up with your partner.

[Ladyegg67]

I agree with divorce being more accepting now. As for birth control being a reason I have met a lot of divorced couples who have children. Most of them went off birth control to start a family. Now I have been married for over 23yrs. Been together 28yrs we never had children and the only other couple I know still married to there original partner never wanted children. Sadly all the couples I know are on 1st, 2nd and some 4th marriages. Most of them divorced over money issues. But every culture is different.

[Bonnie12I27I12]

i do think that money and working is an issue. you work all day then get home tired af. you say a quick hello then go shower, eat, then sleep bc you're so tired. then on the weekends you wanna catch up with your friends or take care of yourself and relax

[Anonymous]

I'd say it's about finding the right one and being committed to them and such. When you truly love someone, it's different and it seems like most people don't believe in real love and growing old together. I think it's a common wish though. The only reason why I'm not with the love of my life is because we lost contact and if we didn't lose contact I KNOW we'd still be together now and it's been over 2 years. Everyone's experience is different, every relationship is different, every situation is different. But in my case, there was no actual break up because neither of us wanted to break up or said anything about it or anything. And we've ran into each other and we totally have chemistry and everything.

[VonHoffer]

One of the main reasons is sex and only sex. Lots of guys want sex out of a girl and that's it. Then as soon as the girl's virginity is gone, they leave her and take another girl's virginity. They keep going till they get an STD. That's why God wants us to save sex for marriage and make marriage to be for the rest of your life!

[Albinoninja66]

Are you a feminist?

[VonHoffer]

No, I just want to wait until I'm married. Sex before marriage is a slap in the face to God. Sex within' marriage and marriage for life is the will of God.

[sailorjupiter]

i agree with social media affected the relationship
it's so unnecessarily to put everything on social media, just to prove your love
coz some people is just not into that much, we're not exposed our love and love to keep it in private, but most people look at it as a threat, like we're hiding something from each other. the truth is it's not like that.

that's the difference between today's relationship vs previous relationship, love is not depending on social media!

[Anonymous]

At age 24, I am scared for this generation. Here are my thoughts as to why relationships don't last.

-People rush into things and don't think about what is best for them.

-Thanks to social media, relationships are now giant "fads" and people just like to change their relationship statuses to get attention.

-People are too busy with their cell phones and don't pay attention to things around them (this has happened to me a lot). For example, I tried to have a nice dinner with a girl, and she was on her phone a majority of the time.

-This is a NOW society. If people cannot get something NOW, they don't mind cheating on their partner to get it. For example, I knew this girl and she was not ready to have a threesome with her boyfriend, but she hinted to him that it could be a possibility in the future. Instead of waiting, he went to a bar, met a lesbian couple that wanted a threesome with a guy and cheated on her... just to get his threesome.

[miserybusiness]

*changes FB relationship status to single for fun*
*goes to sleep*
*wakes up to discover 50 voicemail messages, 20 text messages, 3 emails and 1 handwritten letter*

[Queen_naki5]

Lmfao!!!

[LonelyLillie13]

Its just looks, yes they are important but so is compatibility. People just skip the assessment and jump in with lust and eventually they get comfortable and drive each other crazy.

[Anonymous]

My biggest issue is actually trying to get one started, maybe it's because I've met a lot of the women I've dated off dating sites and there's so much more competition, but I've had countless amount of times where I'd meet women off of them, have 1-4 good dates and then they'd disappear without explanation. Some have given an explanation but a lot haven't.

Do you think online dating is a good thing but also a bad thing?

[MikeyTheRebel]

I'd say you should probably try meeting girls in places other than online, not to say that you can't continue using online as backup if you wish. Just don't use it as a primary source. In my experience my past online relationships never worked out, maybe because I was a young teen who knows but I feel like it's much better to meet them in person first and evaluate from there. Online people can put on a lot of fronts and act like someone they're not. Good luck :)

[characterdeelaa]

I used online as a primary source and for the most part it was a waste of time. My luck in person has been MUCH higher.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah there is a lot of bullshit involved with online dating, especially the ones who will talk to you but are just looking for attention and have no intention of meeting anyone.

[Opinion Owner]

Me and my brother talked and he said he thinks online dating is dumb because it focuses on the relationship more than the person. Do you agree?

[MikeyTheRebel]

Yea because online, you know you're talking to that person for the sole intention of dating. In person you actually try to get to know them and find out if they may like you or not then you go on dates to see if you're compatible as a couple. In person it feels like more of a journey. Just my opinion.

[KHaskins]

Something to factor in is that we live in a culture of instant gratification, and that carries over here. People are quick to break up instead of putting in the effort to resolve their issues.

[Prof_Don]

Attention spans are weaker now... people of both genders tend to bail and quit on a relationship, because another shiny new sexy prospect is presented to them!

[Ghassan]

Because nobody these days know what's the real reason to find a partner in life. They want someone who's like what they imagine or someone that has this or that and that means almost all the time a relationship that is fun, but relationships aren't for fun. It's about Proliferation and product more human that are raised and educated to mend the world and make it a better place in a way that pleases god.

''this is just my opinion''

[kingoficeolation]

I don't think relationships are always shorter these days, I think the middle ground's just been taken out. Most last very little time, true, but those that survive nowadays can often last much much longer.