Be Clear With Your Intentions and Create Real Relationships
Many, many times I hear that girls always go for the "bad boys" or the "jerks". The reality is that it isn't how they are "bad" or a "jerk that makes them attracted to them, but it's more of the confidence they are attracted to, which is what a lot of guys are lacking(or they don't display it like they should because of fear). It's a woman's dream to be with someone who's a true gentlemen, someone who is happy with himself and has a drive whether it means being the best paper airplane maker in the world, to working at NASA and exploring the depths of the universe. Many times, good/nice guys end up being a sort of doormat while displaying the qualities that a woman wants, and that forces the woman to be more of a man than a woman. This also leads to a woman being manipulative, which is forced to come into play when a guy is being a pushover. This usually leads into false friendships when both parties want something entirely different than one another, and that usually leads to either a manipulative behaviors on both sides. This myTake is based off of my life experiences, I have been apart of it, and I have watched it happen many times.
Stop letting yourself be a doormat/pushover
Express What you want and show how confident you are.
This is probably the main reason why most nice/good guys fail. What they do is they become a sort of "girl friend" to the woman they're interested in. Instead of trying to set a date or try to figure out a time where they can hang out, they usually end up spending hours and hours on the phone trying to get to know someone, which ends up degrading attraction over time. You ruin the mystery, women don't have the time to worry about you, and you're creating a relationship over the phone instead of in person. They also display attention seeking behaviors or being weak, which includes: Always calling/texting, Never allowing the attraction to grow(men don't realize that women fall for you slowly over time), Pressuring women, Always seeking approval, Displaying too much affection, and Opening up with your feelings(never, ever, do this). Society has taught guys that you should keep pusuing until the woman falls in your arms, but psychologically, attraction does not work that way. Stop following a false reality, and focus on the reality that's given to you. You also need to realize that you're pursuing too much, which is actually an unattractive trait(women like to pursue, you can't ignore reality). Treat all people as equals. Let me ask you something. Do you constantly blow up your guy friends, or even family member's phones? If the answer is no, then why are you doing this to the women that you're interested in? It doesn't matter whether you're a nerd or the biggest meathead on the planet. You need to have drive, or a goal(even if it means being the best lemonade stand owner you can be), and be happy with yourself in order to get the women you want. A lot of guys lack this, and it's one of the primary reasons why you see guys going "Wow, how did a guy like him get a girl like that?". It's because they have the ambition that you lack, and you don't display the confidence that women crave. Guys also agree with everything a woman is saying, being a "yes man" so to speak. When you do this, there's no challenge or intellectual converstion going on, and you're being predictable. Stop trying to change yourself for someone, and be the person who you were born as. If you have a bunch of empty gaps in your personality that you can improve on, stop saying you'll never change and make changes. You're displaying arrogance by not trying to better yourself, and this is yet another unattractive quality. As have the passion and drive to become a better person than you are today. Guys usually make a lot of the wrong choices, and it ends up with you becoming a doormat where the woman dumps all of their problems on you. You become the shoulder to cry on, and instead of of telling her that you're not interested in being her friend and want something more, you stick around in hopes that she'll come to her senses, which rarely works. This is both manipulative on both sides, which we will get into on the next topic.
Both men and woman engage in manipulative and false friendships.
Whether it be the guy or the girl who wants more, this usually always leads to a false friendship. This usually leads into one or both sides being manipulative because they aren't being clear with what they want. It's usually that one person knows the other is interested in them, and they use that to their advantage without even realizing it(leading someone on). I'll continue on and explain in the most common scenarios, but this goes both ways. It's usually the guy who becomes friends with a girl in hopes that she'll realize that he's the perfect person for her. This is a false friendship in which the guy isn't even being her friend, but he's sticking around in hopes of being with her one day. It's also pretty scary that someone is being nice to one person and putting them on a pedestal as if they're a queen, and then they get mad/upset when they don't want to be with them. You're being manipulative by being "fake", and you're you're leading the woman to believe that you're a friend when you're actually not. Guys out there, treat all people the same. Another great example of a false friendship is the woman leading the guy on, or being too vague when letting a guy down easy while still keeping them around, leading him to false hope. In this sense, a woman is being manipulative since she knows that the guy wants more, but intentionally/unintentionally uses that to her advantage. She will maybe have him fix her things, keep him around for the attention, talk about her love interests or her sexual past to them. In this sense, it's both parties faults. The guy is being a doormat/pushover, a weak person that is unattractive to women which allows her to be manipulative. On the other hand, the woman is aware of the guys feelings towards her, which demeans the woman as a person. Instead of the woman straying away from the guy who's interested in her, she chooses to keep him around for whatever reason. You will hear that a woman doesn't want to straight out say "I'm not interested, sorry" because they don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Let me tell you this. Do you really think the guy doesn't catch on to the things you're doing? You were hurting his feelings the entire time, and you're just make it worse. I know you're asking, "Then why is he still around? He could have left". He's scared to leave, scared of being alone, and doesn't have any other options or just has a case of "oneitis". It's that, or they are hoping that you will change their mind(which isn't reality), or that they don't know how to let somebody go since they want you so badly. As for guys, you're making the woman uncomfortable by pursuing her too much, which allows her to settle into the mindset of "I hope he'll get the hint. He's so nice, I don't want to hurt his feelings". Both sides need to stop demeaning themselves, state their true intentions, and show what's truly best for eachother.
Have a meaningful relationship. Have a meaningful friendship.
Part ways if things aren't mutual.
Both parties need to stop delaying what they want, and go for the things they want. If you're a man or woman and you both know there will be nothing more than a friendship, then continue to be there for one another. Set boundaries for yourselves, make your intentions clear, and allow yourselves to have a true friendship. A friendship where you guys can be there for one another, like a relative that would hope nothing for the best for you. Create a meaningful romantic relationship where both parties know what they want. A partner in crime where they one person couldn't do a task on their own without the other. Someone that will be there for the guy/girl in rough times, and can show their true affection for one another. Don't allow arguements to ensue, and do nothing but take the appropriate actions(which means sitting down and talking about it) to solve problems. Be in that happy relationship that everyone craves, and set an example for society. If things aren't mutual and both parties are aware, then you need to walk away and never look back. It's one of the hardest things to do, but you'll only end up hurting yourselves and the other person if you allow yourself to continue. Be clear with your intentions from the get go, and either save yourselves from a world of hurt, or allow for something between two opposing genders to blossom into the relationship that everyone deserves.