Women Want Nice/Good Guys, Not Pushovers! Men and Women Create False Friendships.

Women Want Nice/Good Guys, Not Pushovers. Men and Women Create False Friendships. Be Clear With Your Intentions and Create Real Relationships.

Be Clear With Your Intentions and Create Real Relationships

Many, many times I hear that girls always go for the "bad boys" or the "jerks". The reality is that it isn't how they are "bad" or a "jerk that makes them attracted to them, but it's more of the confidence they are attracted to, which is what a lot of guys are lacking(or they don't display it like they should because of fear). It's a woman's dream to be with someone who's a true gentlemen, someone who is happy with himself and has a drive whether it means being the best paper airplane maker in the world, to working at NASA and exploring the depths of the universe. Many times, good/nice guys end up being a sort of doormat while displaying the qualities that a woman wants, and that forces the woman to be more of a man than a woman. This also leads to a woman being manipulative, which is forced to come into play when a guy is being a pushover. This usually leads into false friendships when both parties want something entirely different than one another, and that usually leads to either a manipulative behaviors on both sides. This myTake is based off of my life experiences, I have been apart of it, and I have watched it happen many times.

Women Want Nice/Good Guys, Not Pushovers! Men and Women Create False Friendships.

Stop letting yourself be a doormat/pushover

Express What you want and show how confident you are.

This is probably the main reason why most nice/good guys fail. What they do is they become a sort of "girl friend" to the woman they're interested in. Instead of trying to set a date or try to figure out a time where they can hang out, they usually end up spending hours and hours on the phone trying to get to know someone, which ends up degrading attraction over time. You ruin the mystery, women don't have the time to worry about you, and you're creating a relationship over the phone instead of in person. They also display attention seeking behaviors or being weak, which includes: Always calling/texting, Never allowing the attraction to grow(men don't realize that women fall for you slowly over time), Pressuring women, Always seeking approval, Displaying too much affection, and Opening up with your feelings(never, ever, do this). Society has taught guys that you should keep pusuing until the woman falls in your arms, but psychologically, attraction does not work that way. Stop following a false reality, and focus on the reality that's given to you. You also need to realize that you're pursuing too much, which is actually an unattractive trait(women like to pursue, you can't ignore reality). Treat all people as equals. Let me ask you something. Do you constantly blow up your guy friends, or even family member's phones? If the answer is no, then why are you doing this to the women that you're interested in? It doesn't matter whether you're a nerd or the biggest meathead on the planet. You need to have drive, or a goal(even if it means being the best lemonade stand owner you can be), and be happy with yourself in order to get the women you want. A lot of guys lack this, and it's one of the primary reasons why you see guys going "Wow, how did a guy like him get a girl like that?". It's because they have the ambition that you lack, and you don't display the confidence that women crave. Guys also agree with everything a woman is saying, being a "yes man" so to speak. When you do this, there's no challenge or intellectual converstion going on, and you're being predictable. Stop trying to change yourself for someone, and be the person who you were born as. If you have a bunch of empty gaps in your personality that you can improve on, stop saying you'll never change and make changes. You're displaying arrogance by not trying to better yourself, and this is yet another unattractive quality. As have the passion and drive to become a better person than you are today. Guys usually make a lot of the wrong choices, and it ends up with you becoming a doormat where the woman dumps all of their problems on you. You become the shoulder to cry on, and instead of of telling her that you're not interested in being her friend and want something more, you stick around in hopes that she'll come to her senses, which rarely works. This is both manipulative on both sides, which we will get into on the next topic.

Women Want Nice/Good Guys, Not Pushovers! Men and Women Create False Friendships.

Both men and woman engage in manipulative and false friendships.

Whether it be the guy or the girl who wants more, this usually always leads to a false friendship. This usually leads into one or both sides being manipulative because they aren't being clear with what they want. It's usually that one person knows the other is interested in them, and they use that to their advantage without even realizing it(leading someone on). I'll continue on and explain in the most common scenarios, but this goes both ways. It's usually the guy who becomes friends with a girl in hopes that she'll realize that he's the perfect person for her. This is a false friendship in which the guy isn't even being her friend, but he's sticking around in hopes of being with her one day. It's also pretty scary that someone is being nice to one person and putting them on a pedestal as if they're a queen, and then they get mad/upset when they don't want to be with them. You're being manipulative by being "fake", and you're you're leading the woman to believe that you're a friend when you're actually not. Guys out there, treat all people the same. Another great example of a false friendship is the woman leading the guy on, or being too vague when letting a guy down easy while still keeping them around, leading him to false hope. In this sense, a woman is being manipulative since she knows that the guy wants more, but intentionally/unintentionally uses that to her advantage. She will maybe have him fix her things, keep him around for the attention, talk about her love interests or her sexual past to them. In this sense, it's both parties faults. The guy is being a doormat/pushover, a weak person that is unattractive to women which allows her to be manipulative. On the other hand, the woman is aware of the guys feelings towards her, which demeans the woman as a person. Instead of the woman straying away from the guy who's interested in her, she chooses to keep him around for whatever reason. You will hear that a woman doesn't want to straight out say "I'm not interested, sorry" because they don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Let me tell you this. Do you really think the guy doesn't catch on to the things you're doing? You were hurting his feelings the entire time, and you're just make it worse. I know you're asking, "Then why is he still around? He could have left". He's scared to leave, scared of being alone, and doesn't have any other options or just has a case of "oneitis". It's that, or they are hoping that you will change their mind(which isn't reality), or that they don't know how to let somebody go since they want you so badly. As for guys, you're making the woman uncomfortable by pursuing her too much, which allows her to settle into the mindset of "I hope he'll get the hint. He's so nice, I don't want to hurt his feelings". Both sides need to stop demeaning themselves, state their true intentions, and show what's truly best for eachother.

Women Want Nice/Good Guys, Not Pushovers! Men and Women Create False Friendships.

Have a meaningful relationship. Have a meaningful friendship.

Part ways if things aren't mutual.

Both parties need to stop delaying what they want, and go for the things they want. If you're a man or woman and you both know there will be nothing more than a friendship, then continue to be there for one another. Set boundaries for yourselves, make your intentions clear, and allow yourselves to have a true friendship. A friendship where you guys can be there for one another, like a relative that would hope nothing for the best for you. Create a meaningful romantic relationship where both parties know what they want. A partner in crime where they one person couldn't do a task on their own without the other. Someone that will be there for the guy/girl in rough times, and can show their true affection for one another. Don't allow arguements to ensue, and do nothing but take the appropriate actions(which means sitting down and talking about it) to solve problems. Be in that happy relationship that everyone craves, and set an example for society. If things aren't mutual and both parties are aware, then you need to walk away and never look back. It's one of the hardest things to do, but you'll only end up hurting yourselves and the other person if you allow yourself to continue. Be clear with your intentions from the get go, and either save yourselves from a world of hurt, or allow for something between two opposing genders to blossom into the relationship that everyone deserves.

Women Want Nice/Good Guys, Not Pushovers! Men and Women Create False Friendships.
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Anonymous
    "Instead of trying to set a date or try to figure out a time where they can hang out, they usually end up spending hours and hours on the phone trying to get to know someone, which ends up degrading attraction over time. You ruin the mystery, women don't have the time to worry about you, and you're creating a relationship over the phone instead of in person."

    The thing is, long-distance relationships where people communicate mostly by the phone or Internet can and do happen though. So there's got to be a way to create, rather than degrade, attraction when you are interested in a person who lives a long distance away from you.

    The other thing that I wonder is, isn't it possible to re-set a person's image of you? Like if you met a girl who was really great and you could have flowing conversations for hours with her no problem, but you weren't the best version of yourself that you could be (weren't confident, weren't happy with yourself, were kind of lost in life and not really going for anything, too much affection/being too open with feelings, and so on).

    Wouldn't going away for a while, changing, and coming back give you another chance if you can demonstrate that you're different now?
    Is this still revelant?
    • Attraction grows slowly over time as far as long distance relationships go. There should always be a balance of them coming to see you, and you going to see them. The same principles apply whether you're cross country or maybe states apart.

      It does give you another chance, but you should only focus on making yourself happy and not using it as a means to get someone back. You have to remember, it's the woman that changes the terms of a relationship, not the guy. Even if you were a million times better, she'll never give another chance if her feelings aren't there. Logically she should go back with you. Women aren't logical beings, so they choose to be with someone based on their emotions or "feelings".

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeahno12
    Totally agreed. Great take!
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • godfatherfan
    LOL... I had to stop after just a couple of paragraphs. Wow your so full of shit and wrong it is pathetic. "Opening up with your feelings (never, ever, do this)" ? really? WRONG... It is one of the BEST things you can do and will create a much stronger bond and make you look a lot more sensitive.
    I will assume the rest of the shit you wrong is just as bad.
    • Showing that you care and opening up with your feelings are two different things man. Showing that you care and being supportive creates a stronger bond, not smothering your feelings over someone. If you don't agree with me that's fine, but don't say I'm full of crap when I'm simply stating what works for me. I could take shots at you, but there's no need.

  • KidanisCortes
    Soo what about guys like me who don't text or seek for approval from the girls I like and still dont get the girl? hahaha I say it and I will ALWAYS say it its all about how you look.

    If she doesn't find you physically appealing you're not gonna get anywhere no matter how much confidence, money or pwhatever other trait you got if you are and ugly dude you are not even getting the foot in the door :)
    • same for guys if he dosent like my look he won't be interested . by the way u look great so if this thing has been happening a lot i doubt its cause ur looks

    • Yeah it sbenn happening a lot and girls call me ugly maybe its agood pic but if and ugly girl offers a guy a blowjob or something he might let her but if an ugly guy ask a girl for a blowjob he'd probably go to jail hahaha

    • Physical attractiveness is a factor, but it's confidence is usually what shines through. I had an ex who was very pretty, and she wanted to get with someone that was ugly (she said he wasn't the best looking person) and HE rejected her. It's all about how you carry yourself man. If you keep that way of thinking you'll never get anywhere. Not every woman is going to want you, and it becomes apparent when you get rejected literally hundreds of times.

    • Show All
  • Someguy17
    Good take. Confidence is everything when it comes to attracting women. My experience may be a bit different on male/female relationships though. I tend to form very deep connections with women in and out of sexual relationships. I have a lot of really good male friends, but I tend to connect on a deeper level with women because they bring a lot of things into my life that I don't already possess.

    I'm extremely confident, ambitious, and have been very successful in my job and in my personal relationships. Women tend to bring humanity and and empathy into my life and it makes me into a more complete/better person. My friendships with men tend to be filled with competitiveness and while fun, that is something I already provide into my own existence in spades.

    I will concede that I have slept with 4/5 of my really close female friends. Two of them started out as dating relationships, fizzled out, and then settled into great friendships. The other two have always been friends and we were just comfortable enough that it happend. In all four cases there has been very clear communication about where we both stood, and hurt feelings have been avoided.
  • strtoper
    "They also display attention seeking behaviors or being weak, which includes: [...] Opening up with your feelings"

    Wow, really? I stopped reading after this point. Opening up is the opposite of "being weak", it requires huge mental effort for most people. If my current boyfriend didn't open up to me, we'd never date because I wouldn't have known he liked me and the bond just wouldn't have been strong enough for us to keep going.
    • When I say "opening up", I mean by barfing and smothering your feelings all over someone. Don't act like this is what you want/need, because it isn't. If he's showing that he cares about you, that's completely different (probably how you interpret "opening up with your feelings").

    • strtoper

      My guy doesn't just show he cares about me, he says things like "I love you so much, I'm so lucky to have you, I think you're amazing" etc, almost every day. We also often discuss our problems (not as in "relationship problems", just everyday life problems, how this or that event made him or me feel) and support each other. Is that what you meant by "opening up"?

    • Not that's not what I meant. Those are things you're supposed to do in a relationship. " I mean by barfing and smothering your feelings all over someone."

  • IsntitIronic
    Confidence is the power to say "No." It means not giving yourself away too easily, not being overly enthusiastic to do something, not setting your schedule around every girl that comes along into your life (aka being a little unavailable at first), and don't just be a yes-man for no other reason than to be "nice".
    It means having some value and respect in yourself, rather than trying to please people by being what you think they want you to be. Ideally, you want to be nice but be able to hold your ground and say "no" to things that don't help you. It's the most powerful mindset to be able to be someone first in order to find someone to be with.
  • Meesterlijk
    This is the most helpfull podcast I've ever come across. It explains any question a guy has about dating and life. It's only 19 minutes long (though I decided to buy the book as well. It was that good.) I don't want to advertise or anything, it just really helped me out on every subject I ever came across at GaG. And it'll help you too. www.artofmanliness.com/.../
  • lonerider
    Nice myTake. Not sexist, not assuming. Justified for both the genders.
  • skeptic007
    lol you're gonna be alone not too be mean I know it sounds wrong but lying is the best way you really think these people care or want to care go study the statistics of what you're talking about,
    • I'm simply stating what works. Simply apply what I've said and you'll see what mean. As far as being alone, I have an active dating life and great friends, so I'm pretty cool where I stand.

    • skeptic007

      go study trust me

  • Anonymous
    My ex girlfriend was always more of a man than a woman because of her hatred for her dad and the responsibilities she took on as a young teenager. She became the man of her house full of women and as such she inhibited this male dominance, attitude and lack of feminine traits. She had to, to make sure her family survived as her mum was an extremely weak person. When I met her, to be able to date her I had to understand that I would be a doormat so to speak. I subconsciously agreed to it thinking (silly old me) and hoping over time that as our relationship grew she would be able to focus more on the relationship and let go of past grievances and focus on her own life. That our love for one another would stop her from ever taking my goodwill and understanding nature for granted. Yes I was in love and stupidly naïve :)
    I was a pushover, I won't deny that but that was a necessity for her, for me to be able to understand things and scenarios that most men just wouldn't have put up with. If I hadn't of done so my ex girlfriend would have ended it. Now that says a lot about me, that I was willing to do that when in fact I should have realised this wasn't a woman to have a relationship with. In fact our relationship ended because I stopped understanding and dealing with situations that in truth should not have been a part of our relationship, she couldn't understand why I was annoyed all the time that she would put everything ahead of our relationship etc, as such it ended. The point I am trying to make is some women due to circumstance or even past hurt need a man to be understanding to the point of being a doormat for them to even be able to date. I am not saying it is right, certainly not and I certainly wouldn't advise anyone to even attempt to date someone like that because in truth especially in my past relationship the writing was on the wall the first month we met. I just didn't want to see it and ultimately it left me with nearly 5 years of being someone's option.