4 Reasons Why friends with benefits Relationship is a Bad Idea (Page 2)
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I've never done it. Not against it but I think it can be weird, especially later. My boyfriend had friends with benefits years ago with an actual friend. He got into a serious relationship and it stopped but 3 years later when they split he he was back to friends with benefits with this girl, even though he'd hardly seen her for years. Unlike a relationship it never really had an end. I've met her and I like her but there's this small voice in the back of my head asking if the attraction really has gone. Before getting together with me he'd been living away for 10 years and hardly seen her though they stayed in touch. Now they're local again. If it had been a one-off or they'd broken up in the traditional sense I wouldn't be wondering...
A good relationship, is based off a fundamental framework of shared belief's, the greater your beliefs, the better the relationship.
continue an effort into finding people who share the way you see the world, and who would want to share the world with you for you.
Anything else is futile waste of effort, in the context of general relationship's, especially romantic one's.
Sex is an act of love that should be done between two participant's that love each other, and are thereby married.
... Because love is totally equal to marriage. (Sarcasm)
@blue_sun
It's all preference, to each his own.
You just stated your opinion as fact. You can't do that. That's not okay.
@blue_sun My opinion is fact within my social complex, other opinion's that are opposing to the contemporary opinion's that I hold, are alien.
Fair enough, but none-the-less, stating your opinion as fact can be dangerous to yourself and others.
@blue_sun
Yes that can be the case, but it is circumstantially based, I will attempt to generally clarify that my statement's are indeed preference based.
:)
Thank you.
@blue_sun No, opinions can't be dangerous unless you're in the middle east. Each person has their own rules they are guided by in life. I believe we all should follow some religious views. That doesn't mean I am right, but I am not afraid to boast my opinion to someone who questions me.
Unless you're talking about how soccer sucks in Europe, opinions aren't dangerous. That is kind of the idea behind having a democratic society. Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion and voice it.
@schnipdip I'm not saying it's bad to have opinions. That's totally fine, and in fact, I encourage it.
However, it is not okay to state your opinions as verifiable fact.
@schnipdip
I agree about the religious views.
Today's world, people run amuck without any framework for their belief's and or moral's. There must be a generalized consensus of good and bad updated and interrupted on a collectively individual basis, evolving as the culture evolves and becomes more enlightened.
It important for creating a positive society.
@blue_sun The funny thing about facts is there are no truths in the universe...
@schnipdip Sure there are. None of us know anything for sure, except mathematicians. They know.
You don't have to be committed to religion. I think having a good foundation for the teachings of religion can make your life happier. Granted some people give into temptation and the Bible talked about that saying you shouldn't give into it. That temptation is basically the devil telling you to commit sin.
My opinion on sex varies. I believe sex inside of a committed relationship is fine with the intention of marriage. However, anything outside of a relationship is 'bad'. Am I wrong? To me, no. However a lot of people on this site will disagree with my views and a lot of people will agree. There are a lot of things I like to express in my opinions and I hold them as facts if I have done enough research to back up my opinion. Therefore giving my opinion more weight as it has 'numbers' behind it.
@blue_sun That's not even true. The only thing we are 100% certain of is we exist. That's it. I don't know if you exist. I don't know if this computer I am using to type on exists. The only thing I am certain of is my own existence because I have my own thoughts.
The famous, "I think therefore I am" by Descartes. Which, ironically, he was also a mathematician.
So we don't know if facts really do exist, but we do know opinions exist because they are formations from our thoughts.
@schnipdip Within our perceived reality, it is most practical to live with the assumption that the majority of things that we observe are real in some form or another.
In our percieved reality, there are things that we refer to as facts. These are things which can be proven one way or another within the structure of what we can observe, for instance, that gravity pulls things together.
There are also things that we refer to as opinions. These are things which can not be proven one way or another, such as if a friends with benefits relationship is a good idea.
In the reality that we live in, it can be dangerous to refer to our opinions as facts, as people may follow our thoughts in a way that does not apply to themselves.
@blue_sun Ahh yes, perceived reality. The thing about perception is everyone's perception is different. So yes, we can define tangible things as 'facts'. However, anything that is intangible can be left open for debate. There is the "law of gravity", but what it it was actually something different? Someone might believe we are being held to earth by the magnetic field the earth produces. Some might believe the gods are holding us down like Atlas.
We can claim something as 'fact' if we can are able to physically see it. So we can identify the color 'red' as "red". These are perceptual facts because we are able to "touch" them.
It's kind of like saying UFO's exist and they come from a planet called Kleptune. I might be right, I might be wrong. You can't prove I'm right and you can't prove I'm wrong. To me I am right and to many others I am right. My opinion doesn't hurt or affect anyone else unless they choose to believe what I say. If there is no "fact" then you can't be wrong /..
@blue_sun... since everything is left open to interpretation.
@schnipdip Okay, look, I love the philosophy and shit, but I think you're missing my point.
@blue_sun Hahaha, no I see your point. I'm just saying you can't dismiss an opinion because it hasn't been proven a fact yet.
@schnipdip I'm not saying to dismiss opinions, I'm saying that you shouldn't state them as if they are already fact. Opinions can be proven as fact, but it is dangerous as a society to present opinions as if they are fact.
@blue_sun I agree. Again, it depends on the background knowledge behind that opinion. Saying love doesn't exist is an opinion. One that many people follow and many people believe is fact. They continue to promote this belief.
I think you're more focused on cult behavior and the spreading of false ideologies.
Like I said before, I will continue to promote what I believe is true about relationships to other people. They can choose to believe me or not. My opinion on relationships isn't fact. This is usually why there is a guider/ruler/leader. They help keep everything uniform and in motion. You see it in the muslim community where they don't have a central leader. Everything is discombobulated within their community and there isn't a set belief the religion is supposed to follow, like the Catholic church.
@schnipdip Yes, that is a big thing. I'm very disturbed by the complete indoctrination from birth that happens to most children of religious people.
I personally think being fuck buddies could work... IF you're not using it as a way to replace relationship and/or motivated by low self-esteem.
Of course, hook-ups aren't for everybody. Just as marriage and relationships aren't for everybody.
Marriage is for everybody, except for celibate people.
@Punkbuster107 No it's not. If it was, 50% of marriages wouldn't end in divorce and adultery wouldn't be so rampant.
You have confused "what is" with "what is meant to be".
@Punkbuster107 Casual English, please. I don't understand your riddle, sir.
Marriage is meant to be a gift for anyone and everyone who wants it. It I's unnecessary to have more than one sexual partner for life, and it is entirely possible to be satisfied with one spouse for life. If everyone would, a great deal of our conflict, pain, and confusion would not exist.
The fact that people are able to develop addictions and other behavioral disorders which make it impossible for them to function correctly in the context of a healthy exclusive marriage does not mean marriage was not meant for those people, it means the world has chewed them up and spit them out as something different than they were meant to be.
"What is" is not the same as "what is meant to be".
This is bullshit.
You certainly can and should have boundaries in a friends with benefits relationship.
You wrote this from the position that guy only wants sex, and girl wants more. What if the girl only wants sex too? Yeah, some girls just want to get laid without judgement and strings attached.
As long as you are true to yourself, you won't have issues.
Woah who said I am coming from that angle. Girls use men as meat also. This is for both men and women. Be true to yourself and know what situation you are getting yourself into. If this is what you want then go for it, however it usually doesn't end well. Some people say it does but a lot of people say it doesn't.
Those are the people that aren't being true to themselves.
The best way to be in a friends with benefits relationship is to be in 3 of them, the problems always happen when you are exclusive friends with benefits, those are the people that can't handle it... If you can't fuck more than one person, then look for a relationship, not for friends with benefits.
I've never had a friends with benefits. The concept of it has always seemed depressing.
This is a great MyTake! Everything you said holds true for about 90% of people. Friends with benefits only works out well when both partners understand the following: 1) becoming adept at managing your emotions is one of the greatest gifts you could ever give yourself 2) sex is not the same as love 3) friends with benefits partnerships should never be used as a crutch during a low point in your life and 4) just enjoy it and don't attach so many strings.
I've not had a friends with benefits relationship so no not everyone has had one. Not that I've never had sex but no friends with benefits relationship.
That being said, I would imagine it depends on the individuals involved in a friends with benefits relationship for it to be deemed good or not. For example, one of my friends is in a friends with benefits type with a MARRIED woman for the past year and at first it was just fuck buddies nothing more, but she is getting attached to him and the weird part is, she got upset my friend ran into his ex on Valentine's day despite that she is married.
I had a friends with benefits that was amazing. Neither of us wanted a relationship with the other, neither of us developed romantic feelings. I used her for sex as much as she used me for sex. It was mutually beneficial. It ended when a friend of hers wanted to try and pursue me, she bowed out so her friend could have a chance. No hard feelings.
I don't exactly agree with this. Of course it's not for everyone, but at the start of this take you said that it never ends in a happy ending. Just because it didn't work out for you, it doesn't mean that it never does. I've had a friends with benefits in the past and it worked out fine between us. No one got attached and there were no feelings involved. I haven't spoken to him in years but I have no regrets.
I've never had a relationship not based on some level of mutual affection, even if we were both with other people at the time. We knew we'd always love each other, even if we weren't going to be together, so we didn't have undue expectations and no one got hurt, except for those other people we were both with...
I think the biggest thing, is that for girls (although we deny this) it is hard for us not to get attached to the guys we have sex with. Girls don't like to be used and it really is not okay for girls to be having sex with guys who don't give two shits about them. You can deny it all you want, but girls always need more.
the poster did a nice job of not making this about gender,. and the responders did a nice job of keeping it non biased... your post is disappointing. its a;so projecting. you dont know all women or what they want or how they feel about sex, nor do you know how men feel or get hurt.
you're also making a claim that women can't possibly be in control of their sex life,.
friends with benefits doesn't mean getting treated like shit. thats a decision anyone in any relationship is going to have to deal with. is my partner respecting me. not like people dont get treated like shit in all tropes of relationships.
if friends with benefits members real;y dont want a relationship or are ok either way and communicate honestly then no one is getting treated like shit. and women can think for themselves, they dont need a proxy from gag. though it might make you feel temporarily prophetic,.
This is stupid. Sex is just a biological act. No need to turn it into a lifetime drama. Its a way to have fun and work off some stress. Why invest so much emotion and feeling? Relationships are ovverated anyways--people put way too much effort into something that is intended to lead to sex anyways. its all about sex in the end--if it wasn't all about sex in the end then it would just be a friendship. Sex is what turns friendship into romance. SO yeah, no need to go over the top here.
i disagree.. cuddling (physical affection) and deep honest communication, and attraction, and a desire for romance, turns friendship into romance... sex finishes it off after there's trust.
or sex on its own can be casual but it is not in itself romantic. which involves intimate feelings.
i DO agree however sex does not need t o be over dramatized. just do it if you want to dont if you dont, but call it by what it iS and nothing more and no one will be hurt.
Not every friends with benefits relationship has one wanting more than sex. Those are the ones that go sour. It's foolish to ever settle for less of a commitment than you actually want, whether it be a regular boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or friends with benefits. many do start and end friends with benefits relationships without drama. The key is to enter it with someone you DO NOT have feelings for. And that is an actual FRIEND, not someone looking to use you for just sex.
more than sex and commitment are not the same at all. commitment does not create intimacy it just creates limitations.
intimacy is state of mind with the person not about relationship rules. you can have very profound deep experiences and not be committed. intimacy being about commitment... thats just a hall mark card., really depends upon what people want individually. not everyone wants a paper cutter relationship,. foist mean they want fluff.
@azara what does that have to do with my opinion?
Look, if you're heartbroken out of a friend with benefit, well you're just stupid. It means that you couldn't handle the thing properly.
Though I'm not a big fan of such types of aquentices, I don't think the idea of having a friend with benefit is false. It's just a deal of having sex, nothing more.
And about being used, sex is mutual, why would you think that you're being used? Besides technically, everybody uses everybody, at least fundementally in all sorts of relationships.
I don't understand something.. you say "you give and give and give" .. but aren't you taking as well? Aren't you enjoying the sex as well? Women say they love sex just as much as guys do if not more.. then why do you feel like you're giving more than you're taking? Why do you feel like you're doing someone a favor and not getting anything out of it? It's incredibly confusing.
I say that because eventually all you do is give. You eventually regardless female or not you realize you catch feelings (some people say this doesn't happen but it ALMOST 90% of the time DOES HAPPEN). I use that term because really you give and what do you get? You get someone who is not wanting a relationship and wanting to just have sex with you when they find it convenient (this usually happens after you catch feelings) and they then turn to you wondering why you're acting like this but really... You both are to blame 1. you for not being honest with yourself and 2. them for the simple fact that they don't walk away when it's too late..
I agree 100% I currently have a friends with benefits. Honestly, it makes me really upset and I know I have to end it because I know he will never look at me more than a hook up.
It's tough but girl you have to do it. You'll be happy in the end knowing you ended it.
And friends with benefits kinda ruin dating online because now I can't go online with some guy wanting a hook-up what happen to love? or getting to know someone with fucking them?
To date online now is harder. You need to be careful to 1. not be catfished 2. make sure that they are 100% committed to you and 3. make sure you and them understand eventually you both will meet in the future. It's hard to be in long distance when you don't have the physical needs of a relationship (one that is serious). I personally wouldn't go online for dating, just do you and eventually the right one will come, don't go looking for it because you'll get what you want but not in the way you wanted it.
Exactly I give up online dating for these reasons.
Yep and no point going online to find love. Love starts with a "Hello" face to face not online
Well some people are lucky that they found love online but I am tired of hiding behind a computer I want to see the guy face to see if he means what he means.
Yep I agree with you 100%
No no no. Online is the best in so many ways. You do realize that you will not be able to tell the difference if a guy wants you or wants to hook up with you in real life.
This is coming from a guy who is in an online relationship now - LDR to be exact. I met her on a dating site.
Trust me, girls have it 100 times easier.
We know that we have it easier but still with my failures online I decide I want to try real life instead and see where I end up.
"We all have been a friends with benefits and have had a friends with benefits"
Wait, did I miss the memo?
this is completely wrong; its clearly from a girl's point of view; what out anything u said would call a friend; im not sure how friendship works for u but my friends dont shit on me or use me like you suggested; as far as friends with benefits goes that shit is cool u just have to take break when one of the people has found someone that they might actually want to be in a relationship; the best thing about friends with benefits is that you can have one and not feel bad when u say no because they're you're friend; that being said you also shouldn't all yourself to shit on; if they're trying to shit on you like that then they clearly not your friend
friends with benefits works when there is a definite expiration date. I was in another country for a while and had a friends with benefits that ended when I left. We were friendly with each other he was respectful enough. There were some minor issues but nothing like we had feelings for each other and someone ended up broken hearted or hurt, but I think it worked because it had a definite end. We had fun and I have no regrets :)