4 Reasons Why friends with benefits Relationship is a Bad Idea

[Anonymous]

Guilty as charged. We all have been a friends with benefits and have had a friends with benefits, however no matter what it never ends with a happy ending. Someone will always want someone more, someone will always end up sleeping with other people and someone will have their heart broken. These are my 4 top reasons why being and why having a friends with benefits is always ALWAYS a bad idea.

1. No Boundaries

Think of your worth. You set no boundaries, you set no rules and that’s how they will treat you ALWAYS. The fact that you start with no boundaries will lead to a very VERY unhealthy relationship and if they ask you out tomorrow night, you reply back with no (for a good reason) they will simply call up some next person. You will naturally meet someone who will make you happy in a healthy way so why waste time on a relationship with no boundaries when you will be in one eventually that will have boundaries and respect?

2. Selling Yourself Short

You are just a piece of meat. You are nothing more but sex. You are a body that they can have a fun time with and then say bye too without a care. Your sex is just fucking, there is no emotion. They don’t call you daily, they don’t wish you well. They manipulate you thinking they care only to end up having what they want (they will ALWAYS) come first. If this is how you’d like to be treated then go for it, however know that you will ALWAYS be a body that they can use for a good pump/ rub and nothing else.

3. You Hurt Yourself Emotionally

Think about this. You commit to a person who doesn’t give a shit about you and eventually you catch feelings. You are torturing yourself being with someone who isn’t with you. We as humans need that emotional stability and to lack that in a relationship you long for and know you will never have (except for at night when they call you) that can make you sick. It’s a health risk so really think about what you’re about to do because it will hurt you mentally.

4. Heartbreak

You become attached, they don’t want you, they slept with other people and BOOM heartbreak happens. They think you are obsessed or they just don’t understand your emotional needs so they leave you. You not only emotionally hurt yourself but now have hurt your heart. You give yourself when you sleep with someone and to constantly give, give and give to someone in a friends with benefits relationship to realize they don’t want you will not only set for major disappointment but also set you for an emotional breakdown trying to put whatever imaginary pieces together that you thought were there.

Alright so let me know what you think. Tell me if friends with benefits relationship is a good thing, if it works for you (how does it work for you?) and also if you’ve had a negative impact from a friends with benefits relationship. Also inbox me (message me) if you’d like for me to talk about a topic and post it on here. Much love guys/ ladies, thank you and god bless :) <3

[lumos]

The issue here is that you're assuming one of the people want something more. Of course shit will hit the fan if person A wants more than person B can offer. In that case it's pretty obvious that a friends with benefits thing won't work. But if the people involved are aware of the boundaries and don't have any feelings for each other, it could definitely work out. Sex is not meaningless without emotions. And you're using each other equally so technically you're not "just a piece of meat". The point of being friends with benefits is that you get each other off and have a fun friendship. No strings attached. That's that. It doesn't have to be complicated and it doesn't have to end in heartbreak, as long as you keep your emotions in check and don't enter it with the wrong motives (hoping it'll turn into something more).

[croxy]

Thank you.

[Azara]

i agree except the keeping emotions in check. i think if it gets to that point that you feel like your emotions are a disease or enemy, you should break it off., friends with benefits should be fun. if you can't feel whatever you feel then its not working.

people are so obsessed with the notion of not feeling. but we feel in everything we do. just some feelings are not appropriate for some situations,. in which case we should be honest and remove ourselves instead of trying to fit our feelings to the situation. very unhealthy.

[desidoll]

This ^

[meatballs21]

I have to disagree, all of the issues you raise are only issues if you are unable to separate emotions from sex. This doesn’t make friends with benefits a bad thing, it makes you as an individual bad at friends with benefits.

I have had several FWBs and encountered none of these problems. Why? Because we both entered into it knowing what it was, and even made a little set of rules to avoid any misunderstandings. The end result for all of these was a lot of fun and no drama or unrequited feelings.

[Heyyakk]

Lucky. It's really a relationship for emotionally stable people

[OlderAndWiser]

I agree with all of your points. I think friends with benefits is something that people do when they are not being honest with themselves and they think they can "ease into" a relationship with someone else. It rarely works.

[GreatnessPersonified]

I always thought it was a unofficial relationship. It's like they aren't trying to give themselves the title of "couple," but are doing all the motions of a "couple."

[OlderAndWiser]

@GreatnessPersonified Yes, at least one of the partners has that attitude; sometimes, both partners. The problem is that the couple aren't being honest with themselves or each other about their expectations and this leads to them doing things that upset or greatly disturb their partner. I find that the lack of directness in relationships seems rampant, at least among users of this site.

[GreatnessPersonified]

Lack of directness is the folly of all interactions.

[OlderAndWiser]

@GreatnessPersonified Indeed!

[Bittybittyboopboop]

You aren't describing a friends with benefits. You're describing a fuck buddy. Fuckbuddyship is where you barely know the other person's last name but you can recite the exact specifications of their cock. A friendss-with-benefits is, oddly enough, your FRIEND. Whom you occasionally mash genitalia with for funsies.

friends with benefits can work out if the both of you are honest with yourselves. Are you someone who can just have sex without feeling the need to have the person be committed to you? Or do you need a boundary in place like monogamy just to feel comfortable? If so, that's completely fine. But it means that you're going to feel upset and possibly cheap when the other person doesn't fill that need. Are you doing this because you want the person as more than friends but you're willing to settle hoping it turns into something more? Yes? Well that's fucking stupid. Fuck off. You aren't being honest with yourself and you aren't being honest with the other person so you're taking the pussys way out. Don't do that. You're going to hurt everyone.

That being said, you're presuming a lot of the people who are planning on engaging in a "FWBship" the way you're describing it. I consider myself a person that can do a friends with benefits properly, and I feel kind of insulted tbh. Being one of a sexual roster doesn't affect my value as a person because the only person's validation I need is my own. I don't need that emotional connection. I just need a decent person that isn't going to explicitly make me feel like a used kleeenex. Someone who cares about my pleasure just as much as their own. If they aren't that person, you shouldn't be fucking them anyway, they're gonna be a shit lay.

It basically boils down to being able to separate that post-coital endorphan wave from your actual emotions, and being honest with yourself and the other person and being able to differentiate a craving for a person's sex vs a craving for that person's intimacy. If you can't do that, don'tt be a friend-with-benefits, and DEFINITELY don'tt be a fuck buddy.

[Azara]

i agree except the las part. i dont see any problem with having intimacy,. it makes sex much better,. intimacy does not mean commitment. they are not the same thing.

plenty of people are perfectly happy to have deep intimate friendships and deep intimater friendships with sex. commitment is not necessary for everyone, but that does not mean everything has to remain superficial. i think with sex its good to be in the moment and thinking about separating thinking from feeling which is an illusion bc feeling is pre thought, just makes the hole ordeal neurotic. i know people pride themselves on separating this feeling from that, but its all mental masturbation. you're either comfortable in a situation, or you're not. and it takes all kinds.. there's no one way to be comfortable. and as you pointed out if you're not feeling good get out. or more eloquently 'fuck off'' ;-)

[AmericanPoet]

It's good to see more and more people be honest about this Cosmo/Sex in the City created silliness. I never understood why women allowed this behavior.

Here is a guy's take:

I can fuck a girl without having to work for it, when I want it, no questions asked? AWESOME!!

And if I'm good I have 2 or 3 at any given time and a random hook up now and then with a stranger... even AWESOMER!!

I can even cheat on my GF/Wife with no fear!!!

I have always believed that women who do the friends with benefits thing are at that moment an emotional wreck. Something has messed them up that they have so little self esteem that I can prey on them and they knowingly allow it.

Now from the woman's view I don't get this. Wait around for the guy to call. Wait for him to have time, do the deed and he bolts. Other than leaving $100 on the nightstand...

Here is a dose of reality, guys who do this (like I have) are doing this will several girls. Think about this... on one occasion a fucked a girl in the morning, got a BJ from one around Happy Hour and then met another girl for a late night bang session. I know... nasty right?

I guess what I am trying to say is that we (men) are predators, you (women) are prey. If you want to give up that pussy for free, I will take it but do not expect me to respect you are treat you as anything more than a place to leave my sperm.

And that is the heart of this rant, self respect. If you do not respect yourself, no one will. Every girl I have known who has done the friends with benefits has been hurt, given a disease, turned out to be "the other woman", etc and they never ended up with the guy like in the movies.

[Sdavis2604]

Will you take a look at MyTake: "guys only want one thing" And tell me what you think. And if you a free with MyTake, tell what you think as a man. Because it's along the lines of what you just wrote and I feel you will agree with it. I'm getting slot of negativity on it because I have the same views as you've just written here.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to have to disagree. This has nothing to do with friends with benefits. This is about having a fuck buddy... and person A decides they want their fuck buddy to become more than a fuck buddy and person B wants the relationship to remain just fuck buddies.

Friends with benefits works out perfectly fine when you are actually friends with benefits. You were friends before anything sexual started and decided to take it to the next level. Friends will let the other person know their intentions. If I'm in a friends with benefits then I let my friend know that I am only willing to be in a friends with benefits relationship if I have every intent on eventually becoming my friends boyfriend. And she must feel the same way. If not, then we won't be friends with benefits. And that's what a true friends with benefits is. Friends first and foremost... who just happened to do things on the side. What you're describing is nothing more than fuck buddies... You even said, "You are just a piece of meat. You are nothing more but sex. You are a body that they can have a fun time with and then say bye too without a care. Your sex is just fucking, there is no emotion. They don’t call you daily, they don’t wish you well. They manipulate you thinking they care only to end up having what they want (they will ALWAYS) come first". A friend will never do that, but a fuck buddy would.

[abzence]

On one side you have the "pointless, meaningless, emotionless, don't give a damn - sex" and on the other I assume an idea about some romantic, committed, loving relationship.

There's no rule that you can't care about your friend with benefits. (What happened to the friend part?) There's no rules against actually feeling love in that kind of set up. Love and relationships doesn't have to set up or dictated in a certain way.

friends with benefits is not a certain doom just like a committed "normal" relationship is not a free ticket to cloud number nine.

I believe the road to happiness is openness and honesty, not how your relationship status.

People who get hurt in friends with benefit relationship are people who are dishonest, who pretend that that is all they want when they actually want or hope for more. It's lite playing football and complain that you got tackled really hard. Don't play football if you can't accept the concept, it's as simple as that.

Just be honest with yourself and the people around you, problem solved. Some people can handle it, some can't. And if you can't, then just stay away from it.

[moistycakes]

Every single one of my friends with benefits relationships have worked out perfectly. I think if you are both on the same page and understand the type of relationship it can work out well.
1. No boundaries
I don't feel as though I sell myself short. If I enter into a friends with benefits relationship that's what I want at that current point. If I no longer want it, I stop it. My worth isn't defined by that type of relationship. Some people and sometimes you don't want a relationship, you want company and sex. (maybe that's just me).
2. Selling Yourself Short
If I willingly enter into friends with benefits I'm not looking for someone to text me good night and ask me my life story and buy me chocolates and dinner. I'm looking for sex casually. That's the entire point. I'm more than a slab of meat because I say so, and I determine that. I won't enter into that relationship with a dickhead or a manipulative person.
3. You Hurt Yourself Emotionally
No I don't. I can turn my emotions off when it comes to sex, which is what keeps you from getting hurt. You shouldn't be in that type of relationship if you can't handle it, some people can't.
4. Heartbreak
Again, no emotional attachment so no heartbreak. Plus, heartbreak happens in romantic relationships as well.
I lost my virginity to a close friend and we have been on/off friends with benefits ever since. If one of us gets in a relationship or has an interest in someone we stop. I make it work because I know what I want and how to get it without the negative side effects. I think it can go horribly wrong with the wrong type of person. I wouldn't have that kind of relationship with a manipulative person because that erases the friends part of friends with benefits. I've never had a negative experience because I know myself well and where I draw the line and I know how to navigate the friends with benefits relationship and the partner I'm with.

[Azara]

i agree with your post except the turning emotions off. no one does that. emotions are everywhere. you're probably just wisely choosing guys you dont feel thatch romance for. sex doesn't lead to attachment, you have to have a connection in the first place plus be in an open mind set. but thats thinking not emotion. you're just using your emotions in a lustful rather than romantic way., they are still 'on'.

i also think a person can share very emotional deep profound moments with someone IN the moment and not feel the need to become bound. it just depends on what you're into. persona;ally no matter how fluid a relationship i find if its shallow its bring. i dont care about commitment but i like depth:) and it doesn't cause heart break. i think that happens when people go in secretly wanting more, or want more at some point and dont admit it. but not feeling in itself. like traveling. you can go to amazing places fall in love and still go home in good mental shape:)

[krash2002]

Your take on the whole scenario is as if one party is fully taking advantage of the other. Why is coming to an agreement to just have sex such a filthy vulgar thing to do? As long as both parties are willing to come to an understanding of what the terms are. Then it can definitely work out.

I've had a few FWB's in the past, and none of which turned out to be disastrous in any way. We both just understood what FWB's would entail, and took the time to communicate before entering such an agreement. Once we both accepted our situation for what it was. It become quite enjoyable, and would last for as long as it could. At which point, if things were to be changed. Then the person who was to change the terms would speak honestly about his/hers reasoning to do so.

A perfect example is during my time with a friends with benefits of the past. We had been sleeping with one another for almost 5 months. Then she started going back on dates again. To which she spoke honestly about wanting to get back into the dating world, I understood, and we went out separate ways. None of which caused any kind of drama as I ran into her a year later, we smiled, hugged, and chatted for a tad about the past year, and went back to our own lives.

[Anonymous]

It Only Does Not Work When Both People Are Not Emotionally Able To Have Friends With Benefits.
I Had A Friends With Benefits 20 Years Ago, It Was Her Idea.
She Layed Down Her Thoughts On How It Could Work, I Layed Down Mine.
We Were Great Friends, We Both Did Not Want A Relationship With Anyone At The Time, But We Wanted Sex, She Suggested We Fuck Each Other.
We Hung With Each Other A Few Times A Week, We Talked About Everything With Each Other, When We Wanted Sex, We Fucked, It Was Never Now Go Home.
We Had Great Sex, And No One Ever Felt Guilty Or Got Hurt. If We Fucked Someone Else, We Talked About It And No One Got Jealous.
Even When We Stopped Fucking About 2 Years Later, We Still Hung Out, Supported Each Other As We Both Found Someone To Date.
20 Years Later We Are Still Best Friends, We're Both Happily Married To Someone Else.
Neither Of Us Ever Got Our Feelings Hurt, Because We Always Communicated And Were Honest With Each Other From Day 1.
Yes, Friends With Benefits Can Work, Where Everyone Is Happy.

[ImSoSozzled]

I have had one friend with benefits and it was perfect. We spent the night with each other about once a week, watched movies, laughed, had fun, and there was no drama. Then we both ended up getting in relationships at the exact same time, and that was the end of it.

There's no reason it can't work as long as the two of you are upfront about what you want. If you can't handle sex without getting attached, yeah it's probably not for you, but I disagree with the premise that it "ALWAYS" has to end badly for someone.

[rjroy3]

Well I've had 2 successful friends with benefits relationships work out for me. So I know they can work lol. People just seem to not understand that it's supposed to be temporary, not long term. It's basically having a regular sex partner while you both stay in the dating game. So when you meet someone that you want to be with exclusively you tell your friends with benefits that you found someone and can't do it anymore. So it's cool between you two. If it doesn't work out, then you let them know and if they are still single and up for it the friends with benefits is back on.

If you understand what it is and use it as such then you won't have a problem. But if you lie to them or yourself going in, then yes there will be problems just like you would in any type of relationship. Be honest about your intentions and what you want. No one needs to get hurt.

[9mfeo]

I think that if you go into it with clear boundaries and no expectations of it turning into anything serious that it can work.

Not everyone wants the emotional commitment of a relationship. The narrative of "if you have sex with someone, you'll get feelings for the and they'll hurt you so only have sex with people you're dating" is so tired. I don't want a relationship right now, casual or serious. I shouldn't have to have some mook's opinion based on anecdotal evidence forced down my throat because they *want* what I don't.

[Punkbuster107]

I think the "friends with benefits" movement is one of the most destructive things to happen in first world societies in a long time. The reasons you stated are all good ones, and others also.

The only part I disagree with is the "we've all done it" part in thr first paragraph. Learning from your own mistakes isn't the only way to learn. Casual sex has major drawbacks, and our parents/grandparents have been warning us for years.

[myTake Owner]

Tis true. I learned and am happy with the relationship I am in. friends with benefits relationships are just wrong, should never happen in the beginning either you want to be with someone or not don't waste their time.

[NatashaJ]

I agree I don't know why this generation is just thirsty like water foundations I feel like I'm living in the wrong generation because I can't find love in this generation.

[Punkbuster107]

@NatashaJ

Your young, you still have plenty of time to meet a propper gent.

[Punkbuster107]

You're*

[Cherrymelon]

I totally agree with your way of thinking. I think this kind of relationship is for immature people, and for sure it's a waste of time...

[Anonymous]

My friends with benefits relationships always worked for me because
responding to 1:
I didn't mind them calling up someone else, as I've had other people to call up as well. We mutually agreed to this relationship so there are no hurt feelings if they make that move.
2. I look at them as a piece of meat too. All I want them is for sex. So this hurts me in no way. If a guy can be a playa so can a woman.
3. I don't get emotionally hurt because I strictly look at this as just a good time and nothing more.
4. Same answer as number 3.
I have rules that allow me to not catch feelings.

[myTake Owner]

Glad it works for you.

[Opinion Owner]

People that go into this having high hopes for something to potentially come out of it, are the ones to get hurt.
People that spend endless nights chit-chatting with their friends with benefits or cuddling in eachothers arms (having conversations) are the ones more likely to get hurt.
After the sex... I'm out and call me when u want it again.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks <3
It doesn't work for every one.
I have my own set of rules that allow me to not fall victim to getting hurt or fall in too deep.

[Metlahaed]

Yes! I like you..

[Opinion Owner]

:D I expected more negativity. But thanks! I appreciate that.

[schnipdip]

To be honest that seems like a very shallow life.

[Opinion Owner]

How so? I am just meeting my needs and so is the other person until we are both ready for a relationship whether it be with eachother or someone else

[genuinlysensitive]

You are 100% correct. Accept for the "we have all had fwb" Maybe all you girls have, but not all us guys. friends with benefits, not only sells yourself short emotionally, but sexually as well. Even those who do those types of relationships admit that sex is better and more often in a healthy relationship. So if its just about sex wtf would anyone trade better quality, and more frequency for less on both counts? I don't know the only thing I can think of is they are emotionally stunted individuals.

[Anonymous]

What ever happened to real love?

I'm glad i dated a girl before all this became widespread. What a journey it was :)

I courted her, it was so romantic and we fell deeply in love disconnected from the rest of the world, it was so amazing.

Almost like we were in a continuous dance through life. Both at each others side in perfect harmony. Caring and loving unconditionally.

That kind of love is what we need to chase. Sex can leave you happy for a while but true love can last a lifetime. What happened to that kind of love? What happened? *cries a tear

[BelleGirl21]

Agreed

[NatashaJ]

I know! now a days I notice when I am trying to find someone most of these guys just want sex and they can't get it in their dense head that not all girls want hook ups, friends with benefits etc etc.

[Opinion Owner]

@BelleGirl21 thank you

@NatashaJ thank you, i know what you mean, i don't know why guys have turned out this way, my fathers generation was never like this. I wish i knew what to say. When i was courting my girl it was so special, sex was not even on my mind, i just wanted to be in her company listening to her talk and begin the process of falling in love with her heart and not her body. I feel sorry for this generation out there as i think they miss out on the best part of love, real love. :)

[Opinion Owner]

#BelleGirl21

#NatashaJ

[Poppykate]

Wow, I couldn't agree more!

[Tanuron]

Nice to hear someone not glorify friends with benefit thing, keep hearing how good it supposedly is all the time, but know would never work for me. Which yes naturally, never had friends with benefits nor never been interested in such. Would just be bad for me in too many ways.

[Anonymous]

My own experience with friends with benefits situations is however casual I feel about the situation going in, I always get emotionally attached. It's a difficult place to be in, as I have an extremely high sex drive and sex with strangers is not something that has ever appealed to me, so friends with benefits arrangements with existing guy friends always seemed to make sense. However, I always get attached, so I've basically decided that I just have to avoid sex outside relationships altogether, even friends with benefits, as I don't want to end up becoming attached to someone who only sees me as a piece of meat.

[Bandit74]

I think fwbs is generally a better deal for guys than it is for girls. Sure there are girls who can handle it but going off all of the questions on gag where girls are asking how to get their fuckbuddies to want more, I'd say girls are much more likely to fall for their friends with benefits than guys are.

The guy ends up getting a consistent supply of sex without having to wait for it or pay to take her on dates. He doesn't have to make any longterm commitment or emotional investment. Additionally the girl often ends up falling for him so he gets the option of it turning into more.

There's nothing that a guy gets in a relationship that he doesn't also get in a fwbs scenario, only difference is he gets it sooner and with less effort. So I could argue that fwbs is actually a better deal than a relationship... for guys anyways.

[bryon]

I have always avoided the friends with benefits scene for the very reasons you pointed out. I just never got into the sleeping with someone I didn't have an emotional attraction to , but if that feeling isn't reciprocated then it's all one sided and that's where hurt feeling begin ; no thanks. In a mutual relationship there is still the possibility or hurt feelings and bruised egos but nothing compared to A completely one sided love afair provides. Very much liked your take on this

[14jan97]

I'm sorry but just no. I couldn't agree less haha. I've had them and they're a ton of fun. I always set the no rules boundaries and it was a ton of fun. Who cares if you or the other person sleeps with someone else at the same time? The point is to have your sexual needs met and they all worked extremely well for me. It didn't matter when I was in my state, I could just swing past a guy's place I knew, have some fun, and then go home.

[Survive]

Are you the one to initiate it?

[14jan97]

@Survive sometimes yes, other times no 👍🏼

[Survive]

Cool !! But say you meet a random guy in public and find him nice and cute. How would you hint to him, if you are the one to initiate it?

[14jan97]

@Survive it's always been with someone online haha

[Survive]

oh ok :)) But if you were to meet a nice and cute guy in public, do you have a rough idea on how you would act?

[14jan97]

@Survive the same as if you were interested in them romantically, however you'd show different intentions

[Survive]

Would you hint to the guy to figure out OR tell him directly?