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I have cheated. However, I am not a cheater! (Page 3)
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Everyone is going pretty harsh on you but that's the truth. I understand the murder analogy is similar in a sense, but cheating isn't as wrong killing for sure.
They check your criminal record for a lot of jobs, and obviously if you've done something serious, they'll be wary of you.
Same case for relationships, if you're potential boyfriend or girlfriend finds out you've cheated in the past, they might not even take you seriously, or be very cautious with you.
It may not define you, but it could happen again, and you'll shrug it off as another "mistake"
Thanks for your input, anon xx
... tell that to the millions of girls that think that just because it was done once, it will be done forever. its good to see someone writing an article against that because its usually guys that get this flak.
It happened, it slipped. its past.
TBH... according to my theory, if you cheated, Something with your SO made you do so. and it was just once. You, my friend, are not a cheat-er. you just cheated cuz you felt cheated already.
SO=90%
You=10%
Hahah, well that's an interesting theory! Message me if you'd like to talk more. You seem interesting! Thanks for the comment, lovely! xx
you should have seen what happened when i said this out loud lol... in a question
Offff course you would agree. From one cheater to the next huh?
@CHARismatic110 cheat-er is a continuous thing honey, cheating one time, doesn't make a person a cheat-er..., just mean you cheat-ed. you know what, next time you make a spelling error, how bout we just resign you as being dumb-er lol... how will that make you feel. None of us here is saying that she was right. She knows cheating is bad, so do i. but sometimes, people drive you to make these things. I know why people cheat. maybe you see black and white, but good for you. some people see gray.
As for my down voters... you don't even have the nerve to say what you have in mind you lily-livered cowards. You know Im fuckin right... just stay in the background and judge, where you belong, because none of you have as much guts as this girl who has admitted her wrong, and can't step up. Irritating trolls. i bet a good 80% of you have been cheated on... probably for good reason... cuz ur wusses.
ugh... i hate this dry spell... i need a bottle @CHARismatic110 my irritation side is showing.
I reread my opinion, and i still stand by it regardless... but I would say this. there is a reason why that stupid phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" came up... its not always good to go outside to fill a void. Talking helps... and if worst comes to the worst, leave them. what im saying is... try not to do it again... you slipped..."we are only human" right?
You're obviously not a caring and compassionate woman if you could cheat on your boyfriend, no matter how horny or vulnerable you were. And you obviously didn't love him in the first place if you could even be seduced by another guy.
Yikes, if myself or my boyfriend even SPOKE to an unknown member of the opposite sex for too long we'd have trouble. Let alone being alone in a car with them. We're like that. It works for us.
Cudos for fessing up, though.
Exactly like me and my fiance. That would not work! We don't have friends of the opposite gender (we didn't have any before we got together, and we won't have any in the future). That works for us. We just aren't comfortable with the idea of being alone with the opposite gender. Very old-fashioned in that way. I think it's morally wrong, even if you aren't doing anything bad. It's not about trust, at all.
However, just because I'm like that, doesn't mean I expect others to be, too.
I do find it odd that someone would be alone in a car with someone else, but if that's okay in your relationship, then so be it.
People make mistakes. I'm glad that you think you know my character by this one myTake about my past and my hurtful choices. Thanks for your comment, xx
If you kill someone, you are going to be defined as a murderer, whether you 'refuse' to be defined that way, or not!
You can call it a 'mistake', but as I read it, no one forced you to pull over on that road and make out. You weren't trying to read a map and started cuddling by 'mistake.'
I'm sorry, but you don't get to decide how you are 'defined.' Your actions make that decision for you.
agreed. if your relationship was going downhill, you should address it and determine the fate of your relationship before doing anything else with anyone else. if you aren't happy fix it or break up.
Same
I am encouraged that you are not letting your past dictate your future. Though I do think it is important to remember that while you may not be a cheater, you were a cheater. This is like how an alcoholic is always an alcoholic or loosing virginity. It means that we have found an area in which we have less strength and must thus plan with extra caution or care. (I may not have cheated but I've definatly made my fair share of mistakes) Having said that, I fully believe that you have taken full ownership of your past and that you are using it as a stepping stone to make your life better, which in my opinion makes you one of the best people around! Keep being awesome!
in my opinion, you get only one case of cheating to call a mistake. It makes sense then, because you can claim you didn't know how it would affect you, and you thus didn't know how not "worth it" it would be.
It doesn't necessarily mean your significant other at the time must forgive you, though. He or she is perfectly justified in breaking up with you for that mistake. But future boyfriends/girlfriends shouldn't hold it against you, as long as you continue to acknowledge that it was something you do not want to repeat.
However, if you cheat twice, you are a cheater for life, in my opinion, because it means you either liked it the first time, or forgot that it was not as satisfying as you had hoped. Which means nothing will prevent you from forgetting again.
Stop being so rude to her. Yes, she has made a mistake and she knows it very well and that's alao why she wrote this myTake, so maybe instead of saying "I've killed someone but I'm not a killer" you should say something like "I appriciate your courage to tell your story yet knowing most of the comments would probably judge you, and I'm glad you've learned a lesson."
If that was your myTake I'm sure you'd want to be judged and have negative comments on something you've spent time and thought on (Sarcasm- I know you wouldn't want that 😡)
Honestly i wouldn't give a flying frank if I was secure in my decision. The only reason why people constantly defend themselves against being judged is because they aren't secure in what they do if you honest;y were past it or secure in what you did you wouldn't care if someone judged you. I don't care when people judge me because I'm secure in every decision i make so I couldn't care less about someone's worthless opinion about my life.
@asiag299 I agree, but you can tell it's still very painful to her
I'm not saying cheating is right, in fact, I really hate cheaters and anything close to them. But a real cheater won't say it breaks his hearts to say what he has done, he'd just continue to cheat to make himself feel good. It's not the case, though.
It's painful yet she still calls it a mistake when it was a choice i won't believe she's sorry for it until she owns up to her actions by admitting that it was a choice a wrong choice but still a choice nonetheless.
@asiag299 A choice that was a mistake. It was wrong, it was pathetic. I don't need some random person on GAG to evaluate my choices and my mistakes. Thank you for commenting xx
No you don't get to call a wrong choice a mistake just because you were wrong. You made the decision knowingly. You knew that cheating wasn't good and yet you still participated. Missing an exit on the interstate is a mistake. Mispronouncing someone's name is a mistake. Something done unintentionally or unknowingly is a mistake. You knew what you were doing and you were fully aware of his intentions when he rubbed your thigh and your intentions were to take it further instead of stopping it. Therefore no it was not a mistake it was a choice so accept it for what it was a bad choice. Stop trying to offset the blame by calling it a mistake.
Also let it be shown that you put yourself up for evaluation when you posted this myTake so deal with it duh
@asiag299 I'm not interested in hearing what you have to say. Stop pretending like you're all high and mighty. You don't know me, and this has nothing to do with you. Thank you for commenting xx
You don't care what others say and yet you're on gag that makes so much sense. NOT you sound like an idiot to be honest. I may act high and mighty as you put it but at least i'm not a cheater :)
@asiag299 Well, I may have cheated, but at least I'm not condescending and judgmental. Step off your high horse, you might be able to put things into perspective a bit easier. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop leaving nasty comments on almost every single post made on this myTake... It's a bit concerning how you're so obsessed with his topic :/ Anyways, have a great day, sweetheart. xx
No thanks i quite like the view from my high horse :) The world needs to stop being so sensitive anyways. Is me writing this stuff really getting to you that bad? You poor girl -_- I comment where I please mostly to better understand others view points but just because I want to understand someone else's view point doesn't mean I'll change mine.
I don't quite like your antagonizing use of sweetheart either but you have a nice day as well cheater. xoxo
Good lord this is really how the next generation thinks? You don't get to decide how you're defined kid, everybody else does. Sure you can do things to try and influence their opinions of you but ultimately THEY decide.
This little ramble of yours should only make people of character look even further down on you, being a cheater is bad enough, but being arrogant enough to believe you can decide what people think of you is insulting.
There's no justifying cheating. None. Nada. If you cheat ed, you're a cheater. Sorry to burst your bubble honey, but we are all defined by, the things we do/did. A Person who likes those of the same sex are gays, people who work in banks are bankers, people who ate human flesh while under drug influence is a cannibal none the less. Or would you not call him a cannibal? Would you still potentially be friends with them?
Get out of your dream world, hun. You made a wrong choice. Now you have to live with the labrl. Welcome to life.
Once you betray someone's trust, how can you expect to ever get that trust back? Cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone you say you care about. if you really truly cared about them, you wouldn't have done it.
I decided to give my ex a second chance, but no matter how much time went by I was still hurt by what he did. I thought we could work on the problems, and that eventually we would be a happy couple again. I gave my ex a second chance, and you know what he did? He turned around and cheated on me with the same woman again. They are together now, and now I'm left with insecurities stacked on top of insecurities.
I think it was no ones fault!! You didn't make a mistake by doing anything.. You just got seduced, a girl isn't a possession of her significant other.. She has the rite to be independent... That friend of yours also didn't make a mistake.. He was in a relation which he decided not be dropped, it was you who was left behind, but not helpless.. You went to your SO with a so called mistake to commit yourself to other person.. He thought hard, it was good, that he did so.. He gave another chance, another good thing, but he DECIDED not to trust you, a bad thing... If ( I say if) he knew your mindset, you would have been married by now,..
Although i am in the position to only say that you (anybody) is always rite in their own perspectives and views which makes everybody perfect in their own sense.. This mytake gives a better understanding, so thanks a lot for posting this myTake @militarygirl509.. and you seem to have a good understanding :)
Thank you xxx
Dude... Nobody is perfect. I bet you've never been cheated before or are a cheater as well
"Fault" and "mistake" are not interchangable. Cheating is NOT a "mistake", it's a CHOICE. You, ma'am, ARE a cheater. You have cheated on your boyfriend KNOWINGLY and WILLINGLY. Wrond choices are not "mistakes".
Ugh, when are people gonna learn to take the consequences of their own conscious and willing decisions.
I'm very thrilled that you think you know everything about life!! Groundbreaking arguments you're displaying... xx
I didn't say anything about life, except for "grow up" and "take te consequences of your actions". Plus, they weren't even arguements, they were definitions.
Astonishing! xx
You are a fucking cheater and you deserve to be labeled as a cheater.
There is no excuse for cheating (except maybe alcohol) so you cheating on him was not a mistake. It was a choice you made and you knew this would happen. Also knowing you can be seduced so easily by anyone who is handsome is a worrying factor that tells me you will do it again.
Accidentally up voted before I saw the "except for alcohol."
A drunk person won't do something they haven't at least considered sober. Alcohol is not an excuse.
I dont drink myself but I can understand people that do bad stuff while drunk.. kinda..
Hun, if you cheated that makes you a cheater.
Whether you regret what you did or not. Even if you wish to not define yourself as that, your still a cheater. You can't call yourself a virgin if you had sex, you can't not call a murderer a murderer.
Its just a plain fact.
You fucked up.
All you can do now is live with it.
Honestly finding out that guy was gay is karma.
Just don't do it again. and next time if you find someone else and your not happy, break up. because cheating makes ur life worse
I agree you shouldn't be labeled as a cheater. people are fallible and thus prone to mistakes. people are also capable of change and thus can change their behavior.
I'm glad you acknowledge the pain you caused your partner because that is probably the worst feeling a person can have in a relationship. having been cheated on twice I can say that it doesn't get easier having a person you love or trust totally betray that trust. that moment where things you believe suddenly turn feels like a house crumbling down around you. it stays with you for years and unfortunately means that every future relationship suffers a bit because you have a lingering sense of distrust in a partner
I feel sorry for the guy. Send him my way and I'll show him what a real woman is, but unfortunately, I'd have to contend with the paranoia and worries he'd have, caused by YOU and your selfish actions. It's a domino affect for both you and him.
Wow... I applaud your stance on this. Not putting yourself in that box is very liberating, because you know a lot of other people will try to. We are all human and we are all susceptible to failure, to err.
I think the important thing to do at this point is forgive yourself, which seems to be what you have done, and commit yourself not to do this again. You've realised what steps have led you to that decision.
I couldn't berate you on your actions, as I have done the same thing myself in the past... not something I'm proud of, but something I have learned from.
Great Take!
Thank you very much for the support. It wasn't easy to write, as it brought back many memories. It seems that many people on here aren't understanding the purpose of this myTake, and they are trying to make me feel like a shitty person all over again. I've owned up to my mistake, and I've learned my lesson. Thanks for commenting xx
No problem... I can sympathise. You're a brave young lady :-)
Thanks sweetheart xx
Your courage to post something you knew would cause others to judge and criticize you (he who is without sin, cast the first stone) is inspiring. And you are so young! Yes you hurt someone, you made a mistake and you took responsibility for it. You told your significant other about it, you didn't even have to. That took a lot of courage as well and I am sure you have learned from your mistake. Sharing with others is good, because you can help others not make the same mistakes you did.
She didn't even have to tell her SO? Wtf? So you stab someone in the back and then don't even have the decency to tell them? A cheater is an awful person, but a cheater that hides it is even worse.
@AleDeEurope Exactly, I have heard so many stories about people cheating and just never telling their wives. :( It was hard to do, but the right thing to do.
@AleDeEurope Exactly. The "what they don't know won't hurt me" mentality only makes things much, much worse.
@Craig2 I have even seen tv shows where not telling your SO is glorified as the strong thing to do because you are putting the other person's happiness (from not knowing) above your own guilt. I couldn't believe it. Honesty is always the best.
I have to admit she made the best out of the worst situation...
Finally. A Take that is real. People are so quick to say "Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater". I was in your position at one time and I did cheat on my boyfriend and guess what GaGers? I never did it again. After the pain I put him through... He loved me SO much to give it another try. 2 years Later we are still together and are thinking about marriage. Yes, I did cheat and I still feel bad to this day. He forgave me and put it behind us. Now, I dont get tempted or even think about being with another guy. If I ever do think about it... It takes me back to the moment I told my boyfriend everything. I don't ever want to do that to him or anyone else. I do love him. And their are no fuckin saints in this world. So no, it does not define me. So calm yourselves down. 💁
You know that feeling you get when you remember the sadness in the persons eyes for cheating on them that feeling is karma tell me does it feel good? If not that means that what you did is wrong and your behavior needs to be changed. As to the act defining you unless you can redeem yourself by being with someone for as long as the relationship lasts without even thinking about cheating then you can take the label off till then it does define you actions have consequences one of which is social labels and prejudices not that they are OK but they are a defense mechanism people use to not get as hurt as your previous boyfriend.