I have cheated. However, I am not a cheater!

[militarygirl509]

I will not be defined by my mistake.

I have cheated on my significant other in the past. However, I am not a cheater. I will not be defined by a mistake that I have made.

We were dating for about a year and a half, and things were going downhill very quickly. I was realizing that we both wanted different things in life. He's a farmer, and worked on three different dairy farms at the time. As a result, he could only see me for a few hours a week. "Some time is better than no time," some people may say. Maybe for some people, but not for me. I love being around my significant other, and feel quite lonely when they can't make time for me.

Anyways, when my boyfriend and I were inbetween fighting and bickering, I met a really charming man on an app called "Whisper". He was three years older than me, 20, and he was very mature and intriguing. Him and I skyped every night and we became good friends. He lived about 45 minutes away from me, and we both decided that we wanted to set up a time and hangout.

One Wednesday night, he drove to my house and picked me up. We drove around my town and through the country roads, just talking about the purpose of life and also about different conspiracy theories. Things started to get heated when he put his hand on my thigh and started rubbing over my leg. Long story short, he ended up pulling over to the side of a dark, country road and we started making out and we got to third base.

He dropped me off at home, and not three minutes later did I receive a text message of him confessing his secret. I knew he was too good to be true. Apparently, he was in a relationship with another guy, and I was a mistake. Hanging out with me was a mistake. This didn't upset me, because he made it very clear to me that we will only ever be friends, nothing more.

I told my significant other what happened, and he thought long and hard about it. He decided to give the relationship another chance, but we ended up breaking things off permanently about a month after our two year anniversary. He had major trust issues, because of what I had done, and it just wasn't working out.

I regret what I did to hurt my past boyfriend, and I own up to it. I was definitely in a vulnerable state, and having a very handsome and charming man seduce me definitely wasn't helping any. However, it was my fault. I cheated. I made the mistake.

I definitely wouldn't recommend cheating on your significant other. Not only will it give your boyfriend or girlfriend major trust issues and low self-esteem, but you will also have the heavy cloud put over you labelled "cheater". You'll feel like shit, honestly, and you'll never forget the sadness in your partner's eyes once you tell them the truth. It'll be engraved into your mind every time you see this person, every time you start to miss them. It's a horrible feeling and I don't think I will ever be able to get over it.

However, like I said, I refuse to be defined by my mistakes. If future suitors decide that they want nothing to do with me because I have cheated in my past, I firmly believe that is their loss. I am a woman of substance. I am funny, I am caring, I am compassionate. I would do anything to help a friend in need.

We are humans, and nobody is perfect.

[Anonymous]

No need to mince words.

If you lie, you're a liar. If you cheat, you're a cheater. If you rape, you're a rapist. If you murder, you're a murderer.

I get what you're saying. People make mistakes. People can and do change. But you can't erase what you've done. It's not going away.

I don't think you're doing yourself any favors by ignoring reality. You cheated. That makes you a cheater. What you choose to do from there is up to you.
You can deny it, and start living in your fantasy world.
You can accept it and resign yourself to it.
Or You can accept it and resolve to change it.

If you choose the 3rd, and you truly change (believe me it's gonna take more work than just self-proclaiming yourself as a non-cheater and say "ok from now on, i'll never do it again"), if you truly introspect and fix your issues, when you live the rest of your life without having ever cheated again you'll be able to say "I'm not a cheater anymore" and take pride in it. Sure everyone will judge you based on your past. But that's what comes with these kinds of bad choices in life.

[militarygirl509]

Thank you for commenting, love. xx I appreciate what you're saying.

[Opinion Owner]

The silver lining is you can grow to be a better person, know what you truly value, what you want, what you can take, your limits, what's right and wrong from experience. And hopefully you'll have better relationships for it and won't ever feel the desire to do something like that again. Good luck :)

[militarygirl509]

Thanks, sweetie. xxx

[Roostah]

"a man could build a thousand bridges and suck one cock. He will be know as a cock sucker, not a bridge builder"

[lumos]

You say you've taken responsibility for it yet here you are, telling yourself and everyone on gag that you're not a cheater.
If your ex had chatted up a girl on whisper, gotten to know her, met up with her and had sex with her, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have had any problem with calling him a cheater. You cheated, and therefore you are a cheater. A part of taking responsibility for it is being capable of admitting that to yourself and others. It's good that you won't let this one incident define you and that you're trying to learn from it. However, that doesn't change the fact that it happened and that you are, by definition, a cheater. Trying to be evasive won't make it go away.

[militarygirl509]

I definitely appreciate what you're saying, however I swear I've read these exact words about 10 times already on this thread... I'm not trying to make it go away, I'm not trying to rid it. Thank you so much for taking your time to comment, lumos! Keep being awesome xx

[lumos]

If you didn't try to make it go away, then you'd have no problem with admitting that you're a cheater :/

[militarygirl509]

I don't like labels, and frankly, I don't have to explain myself to random people on the internet. This was meant to share my story xx

[lumos]

Except that you just did try to explain yourself to random people on the internet with this mytake. Instead of giving snarky replies to those who give you some cold truth, try to find the strength within yourself to accept the fact that you're a cheater. Doesn't matter if you don't like labels, that's just how it is. I get that it might be tiresome to hear at this point since your mytake already has over 85 opinions, but a fact is a fact. You could show some maturity by accepting this truth instead of being sarcastic and trying to brush people's opinions off. You did share it on a platform so other people's opinions are to be expected.

[militarygirl509]

Listen, I'm not here to argue, so I'd appreciate if you'd stop trying to turn it into one. I'm just getting tired of hearing the same comments over and over again. I get it, I was immature and it wasn't the right thing to do. Can we stop bringing up the same points? xx

[Battooot]

"I have killed someone, but i am not a killer". How does that sound to you?
or "I have raped someone but i am not a raper".

Now i'm not here to give you shyt. Because you obviously know what shyt you put yourself into. But let me help you think of it better.

Instead of saying i have cheated but i'm not a cheater, let it be; i have cheated but i will never do it again.

Cheating on someone is the worst thing ever especially if they loved you, when i imagine the love of my life cheating on me especially if she was my Wife; i have so much emotions running through my head all at once and my heart starts pumping hard (and that's just imagining). After all the things i would have done for her, and after waiting all my life and savoring myself for her (i'm saving myself for a special person), and all the LOVE i give her, and she ends up doing THAT?
I can't even explain the feelings at all i really can't, but it's something that i hope never ever ever happens to me and if it ever does i really hope i have the strength to control myself and not do something really bad, especially if i caught them right in the middle of the act (Omg just imagining this... holyfkingshyt...).

I hope you understand now how bad this can be and how largely it can affect people, the more they love you the more they are hurt and affected.

[CuteCupcakes]

Rapist*

[Battooot]

@CuteCupcakes that^

[militarygirl509]

You hope I understand now? Really? I've understood the moment it happened, and that's why I wrote this myTake. Thank you for your input xx

[Battooot]

yes but now you know how it feels to the other party in more details. Especially if they love u

[MaskedSanity]

"I have cheated on my significant other in the past. However, I am not a cheater."

vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/.../...enius-meme.png

"I have stolen shit from people, but I'm not a thief."
"I have punched my girlfriend, but I'm not abusive."
"I serve tables at a restaurant, but I'm not a waiter."

Christ, do you even understand how stupid your statement is? Cheater means you cheated. There's no pussyfooting around that fact.

You don't need to have your shitty actions define your whole life, but being in denial will not help you in any way. Sounds like you're just having a hard time accepting being called what you are.

But to be honest, the fact that you were so easily swayed to fuck another bloke reveals far more about your character than you'd like to admit. Why were you on this app in the first place?

You were on the lookout, so claiming it was a mistake is dishonest. You didn't mistakenly download a dating app, accidentally set up a profile, oops flirted with the guy and fell on his dick in the car. It was deliberate, every step.

It doesn't really sound like it takes a lot for you to stray and that's what you should be addressing, not being butthurt over getting labeled by a word you don't particularly like.

[WhatTheHellAmy]

"I serve tables at a restaurant, but I'm not a waiter."

that one doesn't work lol you can help a friend or your family or something, I don't know lol

[militarygirl509]

I appreciate your response. xx :) However, just so we're clear, it wasn't a dating app, and meeting someone off there wasn't intentional. It happened and I am not proud. You're right though, about a lot of things. Thank you for your comment :) xx

[MaskedSanity]

@WhatTheHellAmy

Even if you just helped in a restaurant, the title waiter will still be pinned on you and people will say you are or were a waiter.

[Riggers]

'' I am a woman of substance. I am funny, I am caring, I am compassionate. ''

You forgot to list ''I am a cheating hoe''.

Haha, What a stupid opening to this take ''I have cheated but im not a cheater''. Hahaha. So basically, The hole point of this take was, You cheated on a guy (Who even after you were a dick still was nice to you) but you turned him down, And then, YOU are now trying to play innocent by filling your brain with some fucking retarded illogical idea that you aren't a cheating, But instead some ''woman with pride'' who can't be ''defined'' by her actions?

Look, You gone fucked up, Accept it, Embrace it, Deal with it... Dont come out with shit like ''It won't define me'', Because... well... it will... If your the type of person who cheats, Your a cheater, Thats your character and you have proven it.

Jesus christ, Take some responsibility for your actions.

The hole, ''We are humans, And nobody is perfect'' Applies to things like... I don't know... breaking something by accident, Or... Getting a question wrong, Not fucking spending prolonged periods of time actively chatting to someone else whilst in a relationship, Then having sex with said individual.

There is a difference between a mistake and cheating... Here, Have some pictures to illustrate my point

36.media.tumblr.com/...livkgkEERa1qi4l9lo1_500.jpg

adsoftheworld.com/.../mtv_backseat.jpg

[Albinoninja66]

Preach it!

[EmiliaRose2355]

Love those illustrations! And well done for telling this girl how things actually are. She needs to wake up and take responsibility.

[hellionthesage]

"I own up to it. I was definitely in a vulnerable state, and having a very handsome and charming man seduce me definitely wasn't helping any." Obviously you are not owning it since you just shifted the blame to him instead of yourself. You chose to talk to this guy, you chose to meet with him you chose to kiss and so on and so forth. You did it, not him. We all make mistakes that is true but what makes cheating so wrong is that it isn't just a mistake, its many many choices over the course of time. If you are shifting blame to him in order to protect your self then you really haven't learned your lesson and are more then likely going to do it again. You made the many choices that lead you to that "single" mistake, not your boyfriends so called negligence, not some "hansome guy seducing you", you. I don't believe in punishing people for mistakes for the rest of their lives but this doesn't sound like you are taking responsibility and are going to ensure it never happens again, it sounds like you acknowledge your part in this but are down playing your role in it as being far more passive then it was. Thats what makes this difficult to believe.

[militarygirl509]

I did not intend to shift the blame. I was sharing my story, and my thoughts and emotions in that timeframe. I'm sorry that you misinterpreted myTake! Thanks for commenting xx

[theccanyon]

"I feel lonely when *THEY* "can't" make time for me."

Yeah... @hellionthesage was right on the money. The only one misinterpreting your views is you, @asker.

[heavensgift2girls]

"I will not be defined by a mistake that I have made." It may not be how you define yourself, but it will be how others define you. You can pretend it didn't happen or even forgive yourself, but anyone that finds out will instantly judge you based on your past. Even if you really have changed, the fact is scumbags pull the "It was a mistake, I am not that person anymore" card all the time, because of that no one is going to believe you have really changed. Especially over such a short amount of time were you really haven't had a chance to mature.

The most accurate way to judge someone is from their past actions. It is the only way to weed out all the people that pretend to have changed, but haven't really. Those that have been cheated on will hate you. Those that have cheated on others will applaud you because you are also defending them when you speak.

If you really have learned your lesson, then my advice is to never bring it up again so that you aren't judged for it in the future. Also stop calling it a mistake. It wasn't a mistake, it was a bad choice, but it wasn't a mistake. Claiming it was a mistake makes it sound like you really haven't fully accepted responsibility even if you have. The moment you call it a mistake you sound like you haven't learned anything as it directly goes against everything else you wrote.

[militarygirl509]

You're right. It was a choice. A very poor, hurtful choice. However, this was a mistake.
mis·take
məˈstāk/
noun
1.
an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong.

My choice was wrong, and I regret it deeply. It was the biggest mistake I've made, and I hope my ex boyfriend can move on and find himself in a loving and honest relationship. Thank you for commenting xx

[heavensgift2girls]

Wrong as incorrect, not wrong as immoral. If someone asks you are question and you give an answer that is misguided or wrong do to your ignorance, that is a mistake. You already knew better than to cheat and did it anyway. Therefore is was not a mistake. Your decision to purposely betray your man was not misguided or incorrect. It was a decision and not a mistake. Saying it was a mistake implies you didn't know any better.

[militarygirl509]

Listen, you are not me. You have your own completely different set of views and morals. You can not call someone "immoral" because morals are completely subjective and they differentiate between each and every person on Earth. I may call my experience what I'd like, whether you think it's the right word or not. xx

[heavensgift2girls]

"You can not call someone immoral" Actually the reason you gave for why I can't, is exactly why I can. Since we all have our own set of views and morals we all get to decide what is and isn't moral for ourselves. In fact trying to convince me that I can't call someone immoral, is really just you trying to push your own sense of morality on me. Anyway I didn't call you immoral. I said that you need to stop calling it a mistake and that people will judge based on the decisions you have made.

I understand you made a bad choice and that you want to move past it. However calling it a mistake is going to lump you in with every other dirt bag that cheated and expected to be forgiven on the grounds we all make mistakes, when really the only thing they are sorry about was people finding out. Even if you really are serious and will never cheat again, you sound just like the people that do.

[heavensgift2girls]

Luckily the judgement others will give you over this isn't for life. Just work on yourself so that it doesn't happen again, and eventually people will see you matured into a person that wouldn't make that choice again. Right now you are a kid that makes bad decisions when your emotions get the best of you. You need to work on becoming a lady that has greater self control even when emotionally taxed the way you were when it happened. I don't think you are "immoral" or a slut, or whatever you think I might think of you. It is just that in this instance you did something that is considered immoral.

We all judge one another. Even I am being judged right now by everyone that reads these words. It is their right to judge me. That is just the way the world works. We are all judging and being judged all the time.

[HookingSwan]

I can see what you mean to say. Yes, past mistakes shouldn't define you forever.

However, you have to see that at the time you did put yourself in a precarious position. You did set yourself up to cheat. Becuse someone who is in a relationsip knows that it is just plain wrong let alone to see yourself faling for a guy that you are speaking with every night. I mean, people know deep down what they are doing, but somehow choose to deny it.

And the problem was that even after that you agreed to meet up (and that was the real mistake). Had you discussed this previously with your boyfriend, you would have seen what a mistake it was to hang out with another man, who wasn't even your friend from a very long time, alone.

I mean, you created the circunsatnces to cheat and didn't stop yourself when you saw things were going downhill.

I sincerely hope you learn from this experience and don't put anyone you love through that again. It's the worse form of betrayal and anyone that loves someone truly, wouldn't be able to do that to them, no matter how hard things were in the relationship at a defined point in time.

Don't do to others what you don't wish anyone did to you is also a good way to see it. If you feel tempted to cheat, next time just talk it out with your SO or straight out break up before making a mistake.

I am sorry if I am sounding harsh.

Anyways, it is good that you told your ex about it and tried to own up to your mistake.

I hope that when you enter your next relationship that you make this experience a full disclosure thing to your next SO. It's something they deserve to know and too big of a secret to keep from them. Honesty is the best policy.

[HookingSwan]

I should also add that i am proud of you for owning up to it. This is something that sometimes has a big weight on ppl's opinions of you and you not being afraid to own up to it is quite admirable.

[militarygirl509]

Thank you for your comment. I appreciate the fact that you are sharing your opinion on myTake without calling me names or being cruel. <3 Thank you. I have definitely learned, and I'm growing from this terrible decision I made. I agree, I set myself up for this. I wish I hadn't, but I did. This is something I will never do again, and I will definitely disclose this to any future partners I have. I agree they deserve to know. Thank you again, and have an amazing night xx

[HookingSwan]

Thank you. My day is starting though xD

And you don't deserve to be put down for something you clearly regret. Everyone makes mistakes, so I can't exactly have the moral high ground here, can I? It would be hypocritical of me.

Wish you a nice night <3

[militarygirl509]

I guess you're right. Thank you again, so much. You're a great person. <3 Have an awesome day, then, haha. I'm off to bed! Thanks, love. Nighty night. xox

[HookingSwan]

aw good night

[singlebee]

I HAVE

1.) Yes you will be judged on your past actions... especially when being judged is not in your hands!

2..) Not trusting your SO because of being cheating on by your SO is NOT called "HAVING TRUST ISSUES", (get yourself some education!!)\

3.) You have no right to to call your cheating as "A MISTAKE" cause it was a "CHOICE" you clearly and completely made...

4.) By this post of yours and what you mention and how to mentioned i will say that no man should ever trust you or give you his heart cause you don't TAKE RESPONSIBILITY especially because of calling your decisions as mistakes for your actions and you also come off as a cold bitch!

5.) "We are humans, and nobody is perfect." nice saying but that more like hiding like a coward and not taking responsibility for your actions and wanting to continue your disgusting actions and using it to get away with it... We may not be perfect but we still have A CHOICE every time we do something...

6.) You are not a real women and real men need real women SO FUCK OFF!!

[loveisbeautiful]

I read your take and read everyone's comments to your take. I will say there were some harsh comments, especially given your age. Not that being a teenager makes it better but I think when you're young you don't get the full scope of relationships and it's probably a little easier to succumb to temptation. That being said, I don't think cheating is right at any age but I also don't think your a bad person for what you did. I also don't feel that cheating once necessary means you'll do it again and I think a persons willingness to admit to there wrong doing or not says a lot about who they are and if they will likely do it again.

You told him right away, that means you knew morally and ethically that what you did was wrong and you wanted to fess up to it instead of sweeping it under the rug. That's a good thing, that means you know right from wrong. So, it's good you owned up to it and it's good you know it was wrong. However, given that past indiscretion I think people are wondering if those same circumstances arise if your next relationship of you feeling vulnerable and neglected by your significant other. If you then encounter another charming guy who gives you the attention you feel you deserve, if you would then give into temptation once again.

So, though it may be poorly said by everyone on here. I think given the title and some details of your take, they want make sure you understand that everything that led up to that encounter was done so by series choices that you decided to make due to feeling unappreciated in your relationship. For you to understand it wasn't so much mistake of the accidental kind, as it was a conscious choice you made because of how you were feeling in your relationship. Because, there is a difference between a mistake we make by accident and a conscious choice we make in the moment due to how we're feeling. And, I think they want to make sure you know the difference. Does that make sense?

[loveisbeautiful]

Also, I think they want you to understand that no relationship is perfect and you may once again feel neglected and you need to be able to deal with it the right way instead of the wrong way. Like, you need to understand yourself and what you need and do what you can to make yourself a stronger person. So, when you feel this way again you'll be strong enough to handle it and won't feel the need to get attention from another that you're not getting from the one you're with. I tend to ramble, so does that make sense in the slightest?

[loveisbeautiful]

One more thing, I know you feel being called a cheater is people thinking that's who you are as a person but I see the word cheater not as label, as much as a describtive word to describe your action. Does that make sense? Like, the act of being unfaithful is called cheating and the person who committed that act is called a cheater. However, that doesn't mean you're forever a cheater. There's two types of cheaters, the happened one time made a bad choice but feel majorly guilty about it type and the can't stay faithful doesn't feel there doing anything wrong and keeps doing it because they'll never get caught type. So, basically there's a cheater and serial cheater. You're just a girl who made a bad choice but doesn't mean you'll do it again. Though you're defined or called a cheater, that's just something you did but necessarily who you'll turn out to be. Does that make sense? you see the difference in the way I described things?

[kingofkong]

Everyone makes mistakes that's true, and nobody is perfect. I hope you have learnt your lesson. Cheating once doesn't make you a cheater, just like drinking once doesn't make you an alcoholic.

However, you still did cheat and you are owning up to it. I think what you need to focus on is why you cheated, because every relationship have their ups and downs. I have noticed that woman usually cheat when they don't feel like are getting what they deserve from the relationship. That their missing out on something their entitled too.

You need to communicate that to your partner first. That's something wrong and that you need some space to think for yourself. Cheating has always been the symptom and not the disease. And it only makes the disease works and fixes nothing. As you have seen.

I hope you don't make the same mistake the next time a relationship is not going how you like, because I promise you every one will test you the way this one did. And you learned a big lesson. Which is part of growing up.

[somedude88]

So you cheated. It happens. If you don't want to be defined by it, accept the fact that you did. Make a commitment to yourself in the next relationship that if you feel you're not getting what you want out of it, communicate that with your partner and break it off. A lack of honest heartfelt communication is what kills everything. I'm going through a break up now after I was cheated on. I was totally blindsided by it. I never had a reason to suspect that she would cheat. We had extremely good chemistry and I was always there for her, but she cheated anyway. My feeling with the situation was I wish she could have just been honest with me and said she didn't want to do this anymore instead of leading me on while she was with someone at the same time. I can understand your situation. When you want to be with someone and they can't give you time, even if it's something that's out of their control, you have to do what's best for you. Now of course this wasn't the best way to do it, but you learn from your mistakes. I'd say instead of thinking about that label, just promise yourself that next time, you should communicate deeper before doing something extreme.

[militarygirl509]

I'm sorry you went through that situation, nobody ever should. I am deeply sorry for my actions to my ex boyfriend and I regret it more than anything. You deserve a relationship that's honest and truthful, as does everyone else. Thank you for commenting, sweetheart xx

[NormalUser]

Let's reconfigure anonymous's guy opinion :D, You can be a cheater because you've cheated, yes we are all usually defined by our actions due to people who can't think as far as some does.

"I have killed because if I don't, the killer would kill hundreds more, I refuse to be defined by my 'mistake', because worse could happen"

"I have raped my girlfriend because I thought she told me that she's just not ready, but I felt that she is ready just that she's afraid, I just wanted to let her feel that it's ok to do so, I refuse to be defined by my 'mistake' of being disrespectful"

"I have committed war crimes because by law I am not supposed to kill people who are evil although they needed to be punished, but the truth is that these people won't be punished as they are rich and will be able to bribe people, so I needed to take actions against these people, I refuse to be defined by my 'mistake' of having proper humane reaction"

You'll never know. I'll still calls white lie liers good people :P

[GreatnessPersonified]

Thing is most children won't understand. They still think cheating is the worst possible thing a SO can do. Like violence, emotional and sexual abuse, and general disrespect is ok, as long as they don't sleep around.

The core reason is "why?" Why did it happen? Here are some theories I'm working on.

Physical: You found someone hotter than your SO, and have lower resilience due to alcohol, but in reality, you're using alcohol as a excuse/motivator to do what you wanted anyway. Also, most young people are full of horny, with little maturity.

Emotional: Someone is wrong with the relationship, and feeling start to wander.
Depending on the relationship, It's usually takes time and frustration of something important not being given by the other.

Other reasons: Mental illness and emotional abuse can create promiscuity in a person. Without treatment and therapy, sufferers usually try to self medicate with drugs, alcohol and physical gratification (sex)

Lastly, I don't consider non-marital relationships serious. You both have not binding yourself to each other in the eyes of the law or God, so you're just freelancing.
Honestly, if you don't see yourself getting married to your SO, do you really want a life with them, or is it just comfortable?

[Hang10]

Yeah I'm not so sure why this seems to bring the worst out of people but you not a "cheater for life" or anything.

Everyone is using the 'once a rapest always a rapest' example and that's a total stretch!

Flip that lunacy example in the other direction, when you stole a cool toy from your friends house or something when younger, are you a thief for life? Even in the court of law, a charged felon can get his record Expunged. Literally purged from all databases. If that can happen, why can't you redeem yourself, your 17.

In your previous relationship, after the "event", you were then guilty until proven innocent; but that doesn't follow you into a new relationship. That's the whole point, a NEW chance to make right and you'll forever be INNOCENT until proven guilty, just don't fuck it up, obviously lol

I would not be surprised the least bit if the majority of people who blasted you have cheated to a degree themselves.

Your young-ish, and sometimes it takes learning the hard way to have a change of lifestyle. No doubt you have learned a lesson from this.

Every little thing is gonna be okay! - Marley

Stay cool!

[militarygirl509]

Thanks, sweetie!!! I appreciate it. xoxox

[ShepherdOfFire99]

I'm sorry, but you're still a cheater. There is NO excuse!
My ex boyfriend raped me. He felt like shit after. He apologized, after he raped me I laid with him through the night, he was crying into me, saying, "I'm sorry baby I'm sorry..." But he still did it. Should he not be branded as a rapist?
No, he should be. Because. He. Still. Did. It. I was the one left feeling empty and destroyed because he had stolen my virginity. I was left with the nightmares. I was left with the depression, the heart ache, the inability to trust for so long. HE did that to me-- he deserves the label. And so do you.
Do you understand this concept? Next time, stay away from someone who isn't your man.

[militarygirl509]

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I hope you have or one day can life in peace <3 You're not alone and nobody should have to go through that. Thank you for commenting xx

[kaylaS91]

You are a cheater though. Deny it and sugar-coat it all you want, but you can't erase what happened. Your betraying your boyfriend's trust and still not taking full blame for what happened.

If you knew that you would need more time with your boyfriend to be fully satisfied and not feel lonely, why didn't you bring that up with him before using it as justification for your behaviour? Or even breaking up with him because you wanted different things?

Why did you even meet up with the other guy you cheated with after meeting on an app? What did you think would happen, you'd just watch a movie and chat platonically?

You're a cheater, regardless of how you look at it. You can be a reformed cheater, not letting it define who you are as a person in the future, but you can't deny what you did.

[militarygirl509]

I'm not denying what I've done, and I've taken full responsibility for it. I'm glad you all assume that I haven't spoken to my exboyfriend about my feelings before I cheated.. I did, many times. Thank you for commenting, and thank you for being an awesome gager! xx

[asiag299]

If you spoke to him about your feelings and he wasn't willing to compromise why not just take a break and figure stuff out you know like a responsible person.

[Roostah]

Your question kind of remind me of this:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1771358-smashed-a-girl-with-a-boyfriend-of-9-years-a-kid-gag-please-get-me

Girl is in 9 year relationship with boyfriend and has a child. Cheats on boyfriend while he's basically juggling night school, and working during the day to improve family life with someone she meets at the gym. Has the nerve to convince to the guy she is not a cheater and justifies her action by saying "Well all my girlfriends do it to their boyfriend, and men do it too".

https://i.imgur.com/BBEqymt.png?1

[militarygirl509]

Yeah... Except I'm not married with a kid, and I'm 17. Nice try, though.

[Roostah]

that wasn't the focal point:

(It was the part where she was saying she was not a cheater in the text and waas asking for more sex behind her boyfriend back who she eventually wants to marry.

[militarygirl509]

Yes, except she's not owning up to her actions. Yes, I fucking cheated on my boyfriend. Yes, I hurt him deeply. Yes, I betrayed his trust. But I am not sitting here pretending like I didn't, and I'm not doing it again. So that whole thing is irrelevant.

[TheDevilInside]

That's what cheaters always say : i'll never do that again. But most do repeat their "mistakes".

[TickleMeForFun]

Glad you dont judge killers and child molesters by their mistakes. I pray for any guy that considers dating you because you will run off the first time things get difficult. Instead of being real with the guy and telling him things are not working for you, and breaking it off before jumping on the new guy. Imagine how you would feel if he did what you did. "Hey, I only see her a couple of hours a week and it's not really working. I found this hot chick to bang, so I did it!" I honestly think the dairy farmer guy who is a hard worker, is much better off without you in his life. He deserves someone who respects him and his work ethic. Being as shallow as you are, it does not look well on a female. May you find depth to your life and not live your whole life in the shallow end of the pool!

[militarygirl509]

I think it's quite juvenile to compare what I did at 16 to a child molester... I don't know if you've read the whole take or not, but the reason why we broke up is because he deserves better. I don't understand why you're trying to put some new information into my mind by calling me shallow and stuff. I know what I did was wrong, and I regret it very much. "It does not look well on a female", well I'm glad you think so. I'm great you think I've lived my life to please the 27 year old male on GAG who poses with his shirt off. :/ Thanks for commenting, have a blessed day xx

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

Wow, people here are really piling on the hate. Which is not really useful since you already know what happened was wrong, that mistakes were made. That was the whole point of this Take, right? It was brave to come clean to your boyfriend, then write about it with such honesty and put your username out there. You're right - no one is perfect and there is always redemption. You've taken the first steps by trying to warn people of how it can happen and the awful feelings that will result, both for you and the person you cheated on. Hopefully this experience with cheating will make you less likely to do it again.

So is Whisper any good? lol. Just wondering.

[militarygirl509]

Thanks sweetheart xx It's alright :)

[ccp16]

Maybe if this was a one night boozed up thing I could see your point. This was a full on affair with emotional and physical cheating that was planned out and you knowingly went into.

I see this as weakness and immaturity to not break up with your boyfriend before your date.

I am not saying you can not change or have not grown up since this, but it is still a huge sign of your past which is a huge part of who you are still. While I agree you should not be permanently labeled a cheater if you truly learned form this, but you also can't hide from it and sweep it under the rug...

[militarygirl509]

I haven't ignored it or swept it under the rug, which is why I told my boyfriend, and which is why I've owned up to it. It was definitely immaturity, and it was weak and unacceptable for me to do--you're right. I have lots of growing up to do, I'm only 17 and I'm learning. This was a poor choice and it has hurt me and others around me greatly, and definitely NOT something I'd ever do again. Thank you for the comment xx

[ccp16]

Well if you have truly learned from it, than that is great- and you are still young.

You just need to find a guy who will accept you and your past, which is admittedly tough as I know I would still be questioning you myself- but not impossible.

[asiag299]

It's not their loss you're a cheater what the heck. If you were all the things you said you were you wouldn't have cheated period. All this vulnerability is a load of crap too you should have went to your boyfriend if you had a problem or stated that you needed a break if you aren't feeling it anymore end the relationship duh. No one forced you to continue making out with him. No one forced you to get in the car. No one forced you to meet him so the blame falls on you. A respectable girlfriend would have removed his hand from her thigh. This is all your fault the only way it wouldn't be is if he forced his self on you which he didn't from what you've written. -_-

[Victoria963]

Exactly. If they don't date her because she's a cheater, they dodged a bullet.

[asiag299]

@Victoria963 That's how I feel too :)

[militarygirl509]

Thank you for telling me everything I needed to know! I knew I was missing a piece of this puzzle...

[asiag299]

You're very welcome :)