Maybe we were meant to be with our first love, but we humans fucked it up. Thoughts?

[dimples123]

I mean. Science and many articles say that our first love is unforgettable. It is the very first time that we love purely and with all our soul. We don't hold back. And how we never forget that person and often times compare them to our other significant others. How we can never love others as fiercely and immensely as our first love.

So if that is true, then maybe we were destined to be with out first loves. Maybe, it was a written thing but as humans, we fuck everything up that it doesn't end that way.

[Stacyzee]

Generally so to speak,

Often times our "first experiences" with anything are unforgettable.
There's nothing like the first.
It doesn't mean was great, or it is more worthy.
It's just that it gave us our first hand experience.

I think believing your first love you are meant to be with your first love, is fairy tale thinking. ((Sure it's true in some peoples cases, but not every one))
We are humans and our minds are complex.
We are more complicated than happy fairy tales make love and relationships out to be.
Love can be beautiful.
Love can be ugly.
Love doesn't always work.
Love doesn't always last.
That's the reality of it.

[dimples123]

You are completely right! Thanks

[Stacyzee]

No problem <3

[Agrojag]

In my experience, I'd definitely agree. Everything was pushing us together, everyone around us thought we had that spark and we became very close. Ultimately she said she wasn't looking for a relationship but that I was a great guy and she wanted us to stay friends. It didn't work out of course but almost everyday I wonder what we could've been together. Needless to say, I haven't felt that same connection or anything close to it since. It's been over 2 years and I don't see myself falling for anyone anytime soon.

[dimples123]

Aww that is sweet yet sour. Have you tried reaching out to her? Maybe there was a reason why you guys couldn't be together back then

[Agrojag]

No, I had lost a family member recently on top of being absolutely crushed by her only wanting to be my friend. We had an argument over something I started -- I had all this built of pain and resentment -- and she never forgave me even though I tried very, very hard to make amends. I'd like to reach out to her but at this point, I don't see a way in which I could do it with any hope of a positive outcome.

[dimples123]

Maybe you should just email her and message her saying how sorry you are and how you are dealing with personal matters that had you on edge. Invite her to meet over coffee or something like that

[Agrojag]

I don't have her number and she doesn't have social media accounts I know of. I tried saying that countless times and she just totally shut me out. She never gave me the chance to sit down and talk with her even though I tried reaching out to her, giving her a card, even a make-up present. She has some anxiety issues with guys based on her dad being physically abusive when she was young. I think that's probably an unnavigable block. She works at my school and it's likely I'll see her after over a year or more next week but I don't know what I could say that I haven't said already or tried to at this point.

[dimples123]

Just tell her that you respect her if she doesn't want anything to do with you but you feel ill-ly for what went down. And that words can not express how sorry you are. And if you could make it up to her you would like the opportunity. be it over coffee

[Agrojag]

I guess I'll let you know what happens.

[dimples123]

Good Luck!

[redeyemindtricks]

There's a name for this. It's called "infatuation". Hope that helps.

Thinking that our "first loves" were actual LOVES is, frankly, just sort of ridiculous. It kinda just falls into that whole teenagers-are-invincible-and-know-everything bucket, tbh.

People tend to whitewash memories and remember them positively. This is a universal trait, all the way right down even to things that are mathematical in nature. (If someone shoots 100 free throws and hits 30 of them, he/she will "remember" making substantially more than 30.)

But, really, this is just infatuation. Are we meant to be with our first infatuators forever? Nope. (:

[dimples123]

They were first loves because if they weren't we would have felt anything for them. Growing up, we LIKE someone, a crush. But we never LOVE them. I can say "I like that flower"and I can say "I love my mom". There is a great difference weighted upon both. We experience and feel new emotions that we have never felt before with our first love, something that can be repeated with someone else. But not as intensely and consumingly. To be "infatuated" with someone is short-lived. If we were infatuated with our first love then we wouldn't have pictured a future or eternity with them. We wouldn't have given up our virginities to them knowing it would be short lived. Would we do all of that?

[redeyemindtricks]

Oh, of course we would do all that. Some people STILL do all that when they are infatuated with someone, even if they are 45 years old twice-divorcées with children. Absolutely yes you betcha.

[Bluemax]

Well, I am skeptical. My first love was when I was fourteen. I don't know if we would have much in common these days. If I were with my first love, I wouldn't have married my wife... and I am heartly glad I married my wife.

If you mean the first love as adults, I would still say probably not, seeing as how she didn't love me in return.

[dimples123]

Aww :( sorry to hear that. Well I am glad you are happily married

[Bluemax]

Thank you. I was happily married. Alas, my wife passed away.

[abundantlyrich]

This is a a very narrow perspective. Sounds like what some people do.. here... OMG, we knew each other since high school... we are going to be foREVER EVER true love... Therefore i must love him or her if she's a drug addict or how bad he or she treats me...

[theinternet]

Very cool/interesting theory. I never thought about it like that!

[dimples123]

Thank you!

[aficionado]

This so-called 'first love' is overhyped. And it's utterly false that we can never love anyone else as much as our first love. No one is destined to be with anyone, it's all how we make it out to be.

[Sabretooth]

shouldn't even need to be a first love.

[Sabretooth]

Dating isn't some sport.