Don't Try To Impress On A First Date

[SirenDep]

When we go out on a first date, it's common to obsess on how to impress the person we'll go out with. We give a lot of thought in our appearance, in our manners, on what to say in order to come off as an interesting and sociable person who has hobbies, interests, knowledge, a nice job, generally on being someone of interest to the other person. Though, this way of thinking is problematic.

Actually, if we are very concerned about how we are being perceived, we focus so much on ourselves, on how we look and how we act, so we don't pay attention to our date, making him believe we're socially awkward, shallow, boring or too self absorbed. Also, we miss what the other person is saying about himself, his life, his interests, his beliefs. So we miss the real purpose of a first date, to get to know the other person, to see how much we can communicate and if that outward attraction we feel can also run in a deeper level. In the end, we won't even have a good time.

Another worrisome fact, is that we are putting forth so much effort to impress, that we we stop being ourselves and we adopt a persona, a role. Subsequently, this leads to the other person having a wrong idea about us. So, if he's impressed with us, it will actually be our fake persona that impressed him. This puts us in a hard place, where either we 'll have to keep pretending in all our future dates in order to live up to his expectations, or to admit that we were lying about who we are. Most peple don't like liars, though. And what if the other person stays unimpressed by our persona, while he might have liked our real self? We harm ourselves, by denying ourselves the potential to find a person who will accept us and love us as we are, what we all deserve.

In conclusion, when you go on a date be yourself. Of course you should dress well and show your positive traits, but in the way and the degree you like, and you feel comfortable to. Don't fake it to impress. In example, if you're a girl who doesn't wear heels and feels sexier in combat boots, don't feel like you have to wear heels to impress your date. if you're a man, you don't have to wear a suit if that's not your thing. You don't have to pretend you have a lot of money, if you don't, or that you're a social butterfly, if you're an introvert. Nobody's perfect after all. The point is how compatible we are with the other person, and we can only see that if we pay attention to him and are ourselves.

[mikemx55]

I really liked the lying thing.
But it's almost always like that. We somehow wear a mask and do things that we think the other will like. We try to please the other (not necessarily with lies) by sometimes being someone a tiny bit different than what we really are. Now I need to ask : is that part of the "the other has to accept me for who I am, but so do I for him, so we better both adapt a little and meet half way"
OR is it just like a mask and then like you said, you either live acting your whole life, or you have to come clean and reveal the true you?

Did you understand my question?

[SirenDep]

Accepting each other and doing some mutual compromises is how a healthy relationship should be. I warned against the second case, where thinking what to do to please the other goes into extremes, to the point someone pretends to be a totally different person than they are.

[mikemx55]

Thanks!

[SirenDep]

You're welcome!

[takumii]

Nope, I know myself.. I'd worry too much about it and try to make it perfect, try to act cool and all. That's why I don't go on 'dates' , I'd rather call someone to do what I am doing in an environment I am comfortable in.

[SirenDep]

Not a bad idea! When you want everything to be perfect you set the standards too high and in the end your anxiety ruins it

[Dylanguest1989]

The only thing i try to do at a first meeting is be myself and hopefully she'll like me enough to wanna hang out again. one time the girl told me within 5 mins that she knew we were gonna hang out again. it went swimmingly til she cheated on me lol.

[UncagedAgent]

"Be yourself" lol thanks bro

[SirenDep]

Why lol?

[UncagedAgent]

Cause its funny how you wrote this really high quality mytake, and then repeated the most popular piece of advice. I just thought the transition from very personal advice to not personal advice was funny.

[SirenDep]

There's more into 'being yourself' actually. Maybe I should do another take about it. To be yourself, you should know who you are, have a personal identity, which people start to form as teens and complete as young adults (but not everyone matures, some stay teens). And of course you should aim to become your better self, by improving your appearance and more importantly, your character. Though, you do this not to adapt to the society standards or appeal to others, but for your own benefits. Some people need to do more work to improve than others definitely. In regards to that, teens aren't ready mentally to date, because they don't have formed their identity completely.