So growing up I think we all create lists of things that make up your "dream" partner. Whether it's in-depth, written down, or just quick thoughts we have if anyone ever asks us what we look for in a person.
I suppose my list looks a little like:
Super intelligent
Just someone who could always keep me on my toes, someone who's as logical and analytical as I am and enjoys bantering.
Always well groomed
Nice clothes (e.g. suits/jeans and dress shirts etc).
CAT PERSON
I like dogs, don't get me wrong, but cats are just so squishy and cuddly.
Similar tastes in music/movies
Accent
Love me an Irish or Scottish Accent. Ryan Reynolds, if you were Scottish, I think I'd melt.
Confident
Romantic
Great cook
Not forgetful
I always dreamed some big romantic scene where I'd meet my future boyfriend on the street and he'd come up to me and say this sweet line; not a pick-up line, but still obvious that it's a flirt and he'd make me feel special.
And a little controversial I guess, but I always dreamed I'd date a black guy.
But, you know who my partner really is?
He's intelligent but,
Not in the ways I always imagined. He doesn't banter really, he isn't as logical as me. He is book smart (but in a different field from me), but he's a lot more technical smart (automotive, building etc). And I'm not.
He dresses in jeans and casual band shirts
He's allergic to cats!
(Blasphemy)
Complete opposite tastes in music and movies!
Love me some Sia and his favourite band is Guns n Roses (although I was the amazing girlfriend that got him 2 premium tickets to see them!)
And in saying that, he doesn't even like movies that much, and movies and shows are like my hobby.
No accent
Great Cook?
Lol, his specialty is goon pasta (spaghetti bologna with wine from a box - bleugh), or he cooks up some chicken burger patties.
He's confident but,
Again, never how I imagined, he could kiss me on the first date and be forward, but he isn't all social with 100 friends.
He is not that romantic
But I have trained him to like cuddles.
He forgets everything!
He's white (well, he's well tanned in summer!)
Know how we met? ONLINE.
There was no opening line, no compliments, no feeling like the most special girl because it was simply a match on a website and we started talking. I didn't even know what he looked/sounded like!
And you know what, I don't even care!
My dream guy was nothing how I imagined. My boyfriend has messy curly hair, dressing up means jeans and unwillingly wearing a nice shirt ha, all of the things I've mentioned (and many many more because let's face it we could all rattle off probably 10 more things each year as we get older).
But I am still happier with him than anyone else. He is nothing I thought I wanted, but in the end, he really has everything.
And maybe in that long list of things you have about a future partner, and the moment you realize he lacks an accent, or is an inch too short, or he hasn't read your favourite book... You're losing someone who could be the best thing to happen in your life.
Having standards in behavior in regards to what you want in sexual history, or someone who's clingy vs someone who can send one text per week and that's too many for them, certain kinds of humor etc. These are things that are understandably what you "require" in a partner to click together. I like talking ever day, others hate that, so I click with someone who likes that.
But rejecting them because they haven't read a certain number of books or like your bands? It doesn't mean you won't work, it doesn't mean they aren't good enough, it doesn't mean they can't read that book yet or try to appreciate your hobby.
I love my boyfriend, I see a future and more importantly, I want that future. I never regret the day I accepted his match on that website even though our profiles were quite different and he wasn't normally what I'd accept. If you don't feel a spark between yourself and someone, that's one thing, but if you think you like someone but your reason for leaving them is something to do with your ideal list? You may be making a mistake. Your list could be the reason your single, not "protecting/saving yourself".
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