Most people at one point in their lives dream about finding the one. That one special snowflake that will turn their lives upside down and will give them their happily ever after. Or to some, love just happens when they least want or expected it. But just cause you found that one amazing person that fits your checklist and puts that big ass smile on your face, doesn't mean you got your happily ever after.
Long distance relationships aren't what most people would consider a happily ever after. Lots of people have either heard bad stories where one partner ends up cheating on the other or simply experienced it themselves, wasting months or even years on a relationship that was never meant to last. So yeah, the consensus on LDR is pretty negative and when you are considering doing one or eventually end up in one, you already know some people are going to condemn your choice.
However, contrary to popular belief, a LDR doesn't have to be something negative. Unlike a lot of the stories that circulate, a lot of people make it work. And as an ode to that I present to you:
Your LDR guide for a happily ever after ;P
1. It takes 2 to tango!
Both need to be fully committed to the relationship, just as in any regular relationship. If either is uncertain about it, be aware this might not work. In a LDR, the effects of an unstable relationship tend to be more noticeable (unless he or she is a good liar and manipulator) and little obstacles can become mountains when you're apart.
2. Clear and open communication is key
I cannot stress this enough but you've got to be completely and utterly honest with each other. Something people in a LDR face a lot is not knowing where their partner is or what they're doing. Doubt can easily trouble one’s mind if you don`t know for sure if you can trust them. When you notice them not telling you minor things that bother them or that happened, it often results in a loss of trust in the long run.
After all, if they keep something so small from you, they can easily hide other things. Again, every small ripple will end up getting bigger because of the distance. Unlike a couple that sees each other daily and spends time with each other on a regular basis, all people in a LDR have are the texts, phone calls and Skype sessions. You just have to show each other there is absolutely no reason to be in doubt.
3. No matter the distance stay involved in each other’s lives
You might never see that coworker she talks about often, or that one friend that gets on his nerves from time to time, but it`s still important to show interest in his or her everyday life. Not only will it make him or her feel good that someone listens, it will also make you feel good that you know what is going on in their lives, and that even though there is x amount of distance in between you ARE part of their life. It also makes things easier when you do meet up again, as it won`t be as hard to pick up where you both left off. It makes it so you two don`t become estranged from each other, which obviously is lethal for any relationship.
4. Plan, plan, plan
Plan a future, take small steps to try and meet up again, give the both of you something to work on. No LDR can survive, no matter how strongly the two people feel about each other, if they don`t plan to meet up again. It might take weeks, months, perhaps even a year or more, but you just need that goal. You need to know you will be seeing each other again. That all this trouble will be worth it in the end when you can finally have them in your arms once more. Again, both need to put in maximum effort to establish this; otherwise, the relationship is doomed to fail.
5. Have trust in each other and the relationship
Now I guess this is the tricky part. The general believe is that people in a LDR will cheat a lot easier because of the distance. Having that gap, not seeing each other would make it easier to go out and cheat because he or she won`t find out, anyways! But that is only partially true. Yes, cheaters will cheat, but that goes for any regular relationship. People in a LDR aren't more likely to cheat on each other because of the distance, they either cheat because they are douchebags with low morals or because the relationship is failing and, well, that also makes `em assholes.
But regardless, being in a LDR doesn't mean you cannot trust your partner! In fact, in my experience, if you do follow the previous things I mentioned it will give you complete trust in your partner. Don`t get too jealous or doubtful when your SO hasn't given you any reason to; that negativity is harmful to the relationship.
6. Do whatever you can to stay in touch
Kinda comes back to what I said before, both putting in just as much effort to keep the relationship a good and healthy one. Call regularly, Skype every day if you can, text, write letters, send them perfumed emails, send them presents...whatever! Just keep that communication going. I have found that me and my partner have gotten so emotionally and mentally close because of this. It is one of the upsides of a LDR: you will get to know your partner so well on a short amount of time, because all you can do is communicate with words (and body language if you can video chat). When the time comes and we can finally start our lives, I know we won`t have any issue communicating our feelings and wants.
Something that me and my partner really like to do is go to bed while we stay on the phone. It might sound hella creepy but it's so comforting to hear them breath and move around, and after all its better than nothing.
7. Keep that sexual chemistry flowing
You can have some sort of sex life even if your SO lives far away...you just have to be creative ;). Send them some spicy pics of you in your new lingerie, or if you are comfortable with it, send some nudes. Do Skype dates, you could even play some strip poker together, masturbate together on cam., send spicy texts, whatever you both are comfortable with. Just never pressure your partner into doing something they`re not comfortable with. Play around and have fun with it. Sex is a very important part of a relationship, so you gotta try and keep each other interested even when you physically cannot be together.
This is probably the biggest downside of a LDR: not just missing the sex but overall not being able to hold their hand, hug nor kiss them, not being there physically when they need you the most. That does truly suck, there is only so much you can do from behind a screen.
BUT when you are finally together it`s amazing! Honeymoon phase all over again. ;). You simply can`t get enough of each other, you feel yourself falling in love all over again. Even doing the smallest things together; going grocery shopping, going out to a bar, etc, feel like heaven because you're by their side. All the little things mean so much more!
8. Don`t let other people influence your decisions
Do not let other people stand in the way of a good relationship. There will be people telling you it isn't going to work because they have seen it happen before and, "trust them, it didn't end well." Good thing they do not know a single thing about your SO and your relationship. If you feel like you have a good thing going don`t let anyone change that! Don`t listen to their negative advice; every relationship is different and it might work, or it might not. But that is something you both need to figure out for yourselves. You gotta learn in life and sometimes it's worth it to take the less safe path than to never risk anything and end up losing an amazing person.
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A long distance relationship can really suck but if that person is worth it, go for it! it can provide so much more to your life and the amount of respect, trust and love you develop over time is insanely strong. It CAN work and know that once you get past the distance you will have an amazing bond, because you two survived all the extra hardships you had to deal with.
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