"Why Can't I Find a Boyfriend/Girlfriend?"

[Cccgala]

"Why can't I find a girlfriend/boyfriend?"

I've seen this question asked multiple times and to be totally honest with you all, I used to be annoyed when I see questions like that because I used to perceive them as if they're desperate and overly egotistical. The fact that someone's asking a personal question without imparting all pertinent information we ought to know is somewhat sickening.

Furthermore, questions that are either phrased exactly the same as structured above or similarly are open to misconceptions. Technically speaking, I used to think that we can all find boyfriends and girlfriends basically everywhere because many people are in relationships. Therefore, it's not that tedious for the most of us to scour for boyfriends and girlfriends.

Let me rephrase the question with this:

Why can't I find someone who can agree on being my boyfriend/girlfriend?

In my opinion, that's how the question of interest should be constructed to avoid misconceptions.

I would like to share answers I hear from other people which I find vague and faulty when confronted with this question.

Others' Answers:

1. "You're not hot enough."

Is it even a prerequisite to be "hot?" I don't think so.

I think attraction is a more solid prerequisite than that one.

2. "You're not interesting to others."

Yes, this is partly true. After all, interest would be best fostered from the start of every interaction.

The vague aspect of this response lies whether it speaks about the retention of the interest and not merely for initial captivation.

3. "You might be socializing with the wrong people."

"Wrong?"

Does that mean that someone's whole life is a lie?

I don't know about others, but labeling people as "right" and "wrong" people for me suggests that there really are leagues and zones that dictate the boundaries between people. Cliquish behavior is the antithesis of social interaction.

Furthermore, if someone ever tells this to me, then I'd be in the verse of giving up. This seems to be discouraging for the people who have done their best finding the best partners for them.

4. "Someone special is destined for you. Just wait."

I don't get how certain and reassuring people can be when imparting this advice. People mistake patience as the acceptable virtue and it will be hard to be patient without self-doubting.

For some reason, this is cringeworthy and just... irrational.

Want to know my answers? I have pondered upon these and tailored them realistically as I've put them.

My Answers:

1. You might have a bad reputation.

Oftentimes, you may not realize that behind those smiles flashed unto you, people might be feasting on your identity for their gossip meal.

People generally conform and follow the crowd very often; so if one happens to hate you for some reason, the news will propagate and will make its way to everyone's knowledge and preferences. Little do people know that reputation can initially make or break your chances and potential of being a partner.

With conformity brainwashing them, people will be more hesitant in regarding you as a potential mate, let alone getting to know you firsthand.

Talk about the omnipresence of word of mouth.

2. You may have not taken the extra mile...

...yet.

A lot of people should have had their hardwork paid off if they were to be more persevering and more aligned with taking risks in attaining their goal in the first place. This includes the lofty task of asking someone out without giving up.

If you give up at any rate, then you are not worthy of the 3 P's: the prize, the privilege, and the pleasure.

However, I don't equate the hesitance of taking risks with a person's tendencies of being a shy/nice girl/guy. For the most part, that isn't accurate at all.

3. Preferences are often considered by many but not all.

Ah, yes. Preferences do play roles in attraction and the eventual selection of mates in the world of dating. This is when people come off as "stand outs" and simultaneously, this is when others come off as "mediocre" and "sore losers". Such terms exist when people employ favoritism and preference.

With favoritism at hand, competition may exist and the odds may happen to be not with your favor for most people.

4. You happen to exude traits/ harbor ideas most people dislike/oppose.

We call these "deal breakers," another preferential matter people taken into consideration when looking for mates.

For instance, being unhygienic IS be a turn off for all people and you can be disturbingly prominent when My Answer #1 ever happens.

[Unit1]

https://i.imgur.com/5HJOHjI.png

I suppose so.
I pretty much don't try to force it but let it happen when it happens.
Until then I will keep doing what I am doing.

"Someone special is destined for you. Just wait."
I always found this laughable. Some people are destined to be without a relationship and I think I am part of it but I do not complain about it. I accept whatever future I have since I can do so little about it.

https://i.imgur.com/2Up5F4M.png

[ebbyeb]

Lovely MyTake as always! An enjoyable read! I love all your societal corrections haha it's great! And yes this is definitely something that people need to read who constantly ask that or think like that! Great work as always GB! 😘🙊

[CubsterShura]

Aha yes! I'm intelligent, get good grades, skilled in some stuff, look good and also have a good voice yet I never really had ANY guy liking me. Never even got catcalled. :v

It's because I read a lot and the school already believes I'm a bookish nerd. I'm very talkative which is a deal breaker here and I'm also loud and got some heat which makes people think I'm rude.

The first one is partially true. I'm bookish but I have a good sense of humour. And I'm not rude at all in fact I don't even know how to be rude.

[martyfellow]

#1 is a bad reputation online. We usually don't know about this ourselves, but as you say, all it takes is one person with a grudge go systematicallly spead rumors, or repeat some actual mistake you made ONE time... to make a lot of people avoid you, without telling you why.

Most people don't admit it when they are just following Internet rumors, since they know they may be playing into the hands of trolls.

[Jody89]

Great take on the absence of grammatically correct questions. You are right, to get a proper response one should ask the query in a manner that will give the desired results. At times, I resemble your answer number four, as I have developed an abrasive personality most people dislike.

[coolbreeze]

Nice mytake and very great and excellent points. I think a lot of people are to picky and require a lot. Which can cause a lot of issues when finding somebody.

[coachTanthony]

I liked it... good take!