Relationships

Foundations for Love

Foundations for Love

I've had several friends whose relationships fell apart, or who were desperate to have a relationship. I knew a girl who had gone through twelve boyfriends over the course of one summer. It got me thinking. What do we base our relationships on? Why are we so desperate to be in one?

More often than not, our motivation for liking someone starts with their appearance, and by extension, many relationships are based on a mutual attraction. In other words, many relationships begin as two people finding the other attractive, and then develop as the two get to know each other . The interesting thing is that their romantic relationship is made the basis for their friendship. The entire reason behind getting to know the other person is because you are attracted to them. This means that, if the couple ever breaks up, they will have very little reason to continue being friends. I believe this to be the reason so many people have bad relationships with their exes, and in some cases, disassociate with them completely.

However, there is another category for couples, and it's those that have had their friendship grow into romantic relationships. Best friends, have a way of dealing with each other that is very different from the way recent friends deal with each other. Best friends have learned how to resolve their conflicts. They know each other, what the each of them likes and dislikes. The point being, when best friends turn their friendship into a romantic relationship, they are building on what is already there. They are giving new depth and meaning to their friendship. It's a way of making the friendship stronger, instead of being the reason for friendship. Relationships that are based off friendship often last longer. If at any point they decide to break it off, they are far more likely to remain friends, perhaps even better friends than they were before, because they've grown together as people. And assuming they actually love each other (as friends or otherwise) they are far more likely to want what's best for the other person, and to put the other's happiness before their own.

When I was younger my mom always told me to marry my best friend. It seemed obvious to me at the time. Why would I care about someone if I knew nothing about them? In hind sight, I see just how needed that advice is for so many. So often we see happy couples and wish we had what they have. We look for someone to notice us, someone to care about us as more than a friend. And because we're looking for something more than friendship, we can ignore those around us who already care deeply about us. Because of the way we treat romance and couples, we see being in a relationship as something different from a friendship. We go looking for a relationship rather than seeing ways of growing the friendships we already have.

I'll admit I don't have a lot of life experience. I'm only 17, and yet I've had enough friends who were truly desperate for relationships and fell for whoever would give them attention. In a way it tore them apart and they got hurt because of it. So many relationships that ended in broken hearts could have been avoided, had the people involved known each other better beforehand. I don't want to see others make the same mistake.

Foundations for Love
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