If You've Never Felt Love, This is What You're Missing!

A few years ago, I saw a myTake in which a young user said "I don't know what love is." That comment got my attention. By the time you get to be my age, you will have seen and heard so many things that very little will shock or even surprise you, but that comment made me stop and think.

If you've never felt love, this is what you're missing!

(This is NOT me! I am much more handsome than this . . . really! :) :) :) )

Many young people today are disillusioned about romance, love, and marriage. I get it. Hollywood issues movies about people betraying their love or their marriage and it is treated as a minor infraction that should be accepted as the norm. That is so incredibly wrong!

Many girls think that most guys just want a girl with big boobs for making boom-boom once or twice, and then they will move on to their next victim. And guys seem even more poisoned about love and romance. Frankly, I am disgusted with MGTOW and the absolute hostility these guys have towards women. I want their grandmas to pull their pants down and give them a damned good spanking because they are acting like spoiled little brats.

If you want to be bitter for the rest of your life, I won’t try to talk you out of your misery, but . . . I’ve known love and I’ve known heartbreak and, in my life, I’d rather take a chance to find romance than crawl into a cave to avoid heartbreak.

So, if you are one of these people who does not know what love is, I have written this myTake for you because . . . I know what love is and I hope that you will want to look for love in your life.

There is a woman I know. She’s not perfect but’s she’s very close to exactly what I want. I feel excited knowing that I will be seeing her again soon. I feel happy when I am with her. I know that I can live without her . . . but I don't want to. Our relationship may not last, but I hope it does. When she is happy, I share in her joy. When she is sad, I want to console her. If she cries, I want her head to be on my shoulder. I want to be the one who she knows will always be there for her. I try to be a better person for her.

Her birthday is February 14.

When she talks about herself, I am not impatiently waiting for my next opportunity to talk, but I am actually listening to her; when she says something about her likes or dislikes, I remember because I want to give her things that she likes and I want to shield her from things that she dislikes.

Since I met her, its seems as if it has been raining less and, recently, I feel younger.

I want to get in bed, whisper something sweet in her ear, and go to sleep with my arms around her. I want to see her face when I wake up in the morning. She is 65 years old and she never entered a beauty contest but I know she is beautiful.

I don't have her on a pedestal, I know that she has faults, but I adore her anyway. Every time I look at her, I smile. When she reaches for my hand and wraps her fingers around mine, I feel special. When I have my arms around her, the rest of the world does not exist. Every time we kiss, I feel excited. Whenever I think about my future, I see her standing by my side.

This is not just lust, infatuation, puppy love, addiction, or anything else; this is love. I know because I am in love and love feels great. “Love’s the finest thing around,” according to Mr. James Taylor, and he’s right!

Sadly, sometimes love is unrequited.

Sometimes, you love someone and they don’t feel the same way about you. When you really, really love someone, you aren’t possessive. You want what is best for them. If the best thing you can do for your partner is to set them free, then you give them a kiss for luck and you hide your tears until they're gone. When they are far away, you cry like a mother wolf who has lost her pups. You scream like your arms have been ripped off. You wail and sob and mourn the loss in your life. Even a few years later, you may occasionally shed a few years . . . but you move forward with your life and eventually, you start dating and you look for another partner because once you know love, you will always want it in your life.

It is easy to say nice things about love, but I don’t want you to think that all it takes is love. I would be failing you if I gave you that impression. Love, by itself, is NOT enough to make a relationship work. There are other necessary building blocks. This is where people get on the wrong path. They think “All we need is love.” They are wrong! Dead wrong!

Being in a successful long term relationship requires four things: love, trust, respect, and work. Love is an absolutely essential ingredient. You’ve got to have it. But you’ve also got to have trust, respect, and you must both be willing to work to keep your relationship alive.

My grandmother often said, “Being married is the toughest job you will ever have,” and she was right. In the next few weeks, I will be posting myTakes about trust, respect, and working on relationships.

We’ll talk again soon!

-- OlderAndWiser

OlderAndWiser is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Girl

  • @Love, by itself, is NOT enough to make a relationship work. There are other necessary building blocks.

    @Being in a successful long term relationship requires four things: love, trust, respect, and work. Love is an absolutely essential ingredient. We got to have it. But we’ve also got to have trust, respect, and both be willing to work to keep your relationship alive.

    Precisely, love is a verb. Love is just like plants which need a constant supply of air, water and nutrients otherwise they wither and die.

    • Thank you :-)

      And relationships die because people ALLOW it.

    • i think that sacrifice can be true word instead of work. also, loyalty.
      "Precisely, love is a verb. Love is just like plants which need a constant supply of air, water and nutrients otherwise they wither and die." How nice did you say..

    • I actually think when the love is real, trust respect and work are only natural. Though. We may make mistakes of course. But what i mean is when love is real hardly respect or trust are absent...

Most Helpful Guy

  • The vast majority of people do not know what love is, because they do not know what it is to truly love themselves. To do so can take an eternity, and it never ends.

    It takes an understanding of where you come from, the different layers beneath your exterior, the ego, your life purpose, full self acceptance. It also means going through the pain of facing yourself within stillness, changing things about yourself you can only know exist through stillness and mindfulness, and then seeking another, not to see what you can gain, but because you have so much to give, that you wish to share it with someone else, that does not necessarily need another.

    Love always begins within and today's society barely touches on the surface of what it is. The warm sparkling lake, is so overflowing with life force, that it could sustain itself for ever. But eventually It has no choice but to temper this life force by sharing it with another.

    • I love this comment! So true that you have to love yourself first and be able to give. That last part is really sweet too

Join the discussion

What Girls Said 6

  • Great take! I am not sure if I can actually say I've never been in love. There's been lots of times that my younger self felt it was the real deal, (I was a pretty dumb 14 year old.) but I later found it wasn't real. Which is just part of growing up. So maybe in the moment it felt like love. I just haven't found anything real enough for me. Which is fine. I like being single because I'm not tied to anyone. For now, I'm going to do my own thing. I'm trying to get into Nursing school while working as a CNA. I also want to move out and spread my wings. Also I want to get a dog. Which it will be hard but I'll make it work because my future means a lot. I'm going to try to get into the hospital I really want to work at because they support all employees furthering their education. So much so they will reimburse me for education costs and don't make you work when you have school. If I found someone while chasing my dreams whomiserfect and I'm not tied to him because he wants to do these things with me, then its beautiful.

  • This Take was so nice to read, i really enjoyed! When you started describing how you felt about your wife it made me get all emotional lol coz its so beautiful how much you love her. I look up to couples who still are in true love after so many years and after their hair is grey.
    #Goals right there 😍

  • "My grandmother often said, “Being married is the toughest job you will ever have,” and she was right."

    ^^ With all due respect, in my experience this is totally, completely wrong.

    If yr grandmother is **really** talking about RAISING CHILDREN, then, I can see why she would say that.
    Raising children is easiER if certain ground rules are in place from day one, and if the parents are 100% consistent about supporting each other's decisions in front of the kids (and having any disagreements in private) -- but, yeah, it's still a challenge.


    But, marriage itself? Shouldn't be "hard". Not on a regular basis, at least.
    Honestly, if someone DOES think that marriage is "hard", then, I submit that AT LEAST one of the following -- and maybe more than one -- must be true: The person who finds marriage "hard"
    1/ Chose the wrong partner,
    2/ Lacks empathy,
    3/ Is excessively conflict-avoidant, and basically sucks at conflict resolution.

    About #1 -- LOTS of people, when they're thinking about a long-term partner, put significant weight on things that honestly don't matter much at all.
    The chief offender here is "common interests" -- which, in all honesty, are pretty much irrelevant to a good relationship. That's why you have FRIENDS... not to mention that a couple with significantly DIFFERENT interests will be able to expose their children to a greater diversity of pastimes/skills/etc.
    Also, on the flipside, lots of people don't pay ANY attention to **hugely** important things that will destroy ANY relationship. For instance -- is one partner a neat freak, while the other is a slob? In that case, forget it, that relationship will NEVER work in the long term, no matter how seemingly perfect the two people are for each other in every other way.

    And as far as #3... Way too many people -- especially guys, but, people of both sexes -- seem to think that the "ideal" relationship involves ZERO conflict.
    Like, what the fuck?
    A "relationship" with NO conflict is emotionally dead. If that's the case, then, there just isn't enough investment. That kind of thing doesn't even deserve to be called a "relationship" in the first place.
    People need to work on their conflict-resolution skills, and need to stop being afraid of approaching -- and getting THROUGH -- disagreements. Because a relationship doesn't GROW or DEEPEN unless you have conflicts, work through them, and come away with a deeper understanding of each other as a result.

  • This is great. I have felt love for someone but never had it returned so I guess I am someone who doesn't know what love feels like. At least not in the receiving sense...

  • That is felt tbh
    I really enjoyed reading this
    I don't think I know what love is cause I'm too young to know but I think I know something about it
    Love is about giving and expecting nothing in return. Just like the mother gives and gives and gives since we're born until one dies and even if we don't give back she will still give.

  • Great Take!


What Guys Said 20

  • Marriage and relationships aren't guaranteed to happen for everyone on the planet. It's not for everyone. It matters to some people, others simply just don't care or have already given up, depending upon what a person's goals and objectives in their life is. "If" they desire marriage or relationships, then it has importance, value, meaning, purpose and matters to them, otherwise what is the point? One advantage for those that don't care is that if they have nobody then they have nobody to lose, as it really doesn't affect them in any way at all. They don't seek relationships, and learn not to be jealous about others that are in relationships, nor blaming the other gender for their problems. Because if they're like me, meh, what guarantees are there that any relationships or even marriage are going to last or last long, much less till the day either partner dies? Unexpected shit can happen that are beyond people's control anyway. Seek it, chase it go after it, BUT ONLY IF IT MATTERS TO YOU, or IF YOU WANT IT TO MATTER.

    Love, trust, respect, and work. You're right about one thing. It does take more than just "love" to make any relationship work. I have to agree with the trust and work, if both partners aren't willing to trust each other, respect each other, and work together then what is the point of the relationship?

    I don't have trust for anybody and will never be willing to trust anybody, at least not fully. Been lied to and had been fucked over too many times by people I really thought were my friends in the past, and it has more if not everything to do with money.

    I don't really see or believe love is anything other than a safe guard measure built into any living species' DNA to prevent them from dying out and never reproducing or avoiding reproduction altogether, thus that's why attraction even happens at all in the first place. But that's just me. Besides I think it's harder for the childfree and single crowd, and I think most people that are single and childfree aren't likely ever going to find a partner they can be with as easily compared to those that are in the the crowd that do want kids and a family of their own. If both partners are childfree and they found each other and are happy together, then they are lucky AF.

    I didn't exactly miss any of those things you had mentioned since I never exactly had them nor desired them, nor did I felt that they really mattered at all to me, maybe a long time ago it might had mattered, but not anymore.

    • To me, that is a sad report.

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    • @Unit1 It only has meaning, value, importance, etc. for as long as you believe it does, feel it does, think it does, want it to have them, otherwise what is the point? Delusions, fallacies. We are all bound and limited and restricted by desires for this or for that, to have to this or to have that. Not everyone is still desiring or have the will, desire, determination, etc. to continue to pursue, or to chase after and find "love" or relationships. Some never even had it and never even bothered to, as they never felt it mattered at all to them, thus they never even cared for a bit and not at all, so can anybody explain that?

    • "Some never even had it and never even bothered to, as they never felt it mattered at all to them, thus they never even cared for a bit and not at all, so can anybody explain that?"

      You just explained it yourself.

      But quite often I feel hollow and I contain the cold void and dark emptiness inside myself. I wish there were ways to ease this feeling even if it recurs often - in your words it is called the coping mechanism. Getting materialistic things doesn't excite me as much as it did before since I felt, that I deserved it even before I had it ("Finally I have this item! I thought I'd never get it."). I reckon the same may happen when I - although extremely unlikely - find a good woman...

      ... only to get pulled back after some time into the cold void and dark emptiness again.

  • My theory is that the internet turns people bitter. It allows them to express and communicate their frustrated opinions and beliefs anonymously, so what you have are feminists often expressing prejudice against men and MGTOW doing the same towards women. You won't see this nearly as often in public, because if a guy dislikes women or vice versa, they're typically going to avoid them. The more people are involved in the online culture, the more they might slowly convince themselves that men are evil or that women are evil from all the stuff they read. For the case of young feminists, they're already taught by society that men are potential predators anyway and this belief follows them online where they create blogs about it on websites like Tumblr. At least boys are not growing up in households or being told by their teachers that inequality is exclusive to them like many women believe themselves. I think much of the misogyny you might see online comes from a male's personal experiences through life, whereas misandry from women is either manifested through personal experiences or simply what they were taught to believe, i. e., if a man looks at you, you should watch your back because he might be a rapist.

    In reality, if people stepped outside and observed the men and women around them, actually talked to people of the opposite sex, and tried being a decent human-being, these radical feminists would see that hey, there isn't actually a rape culture. Men would see that hey, women aren't evil witches who want to trick them into financial slavery or accuse them of falsely raping her. They might meet somebody who is genuinely interested in them, so long as they can keep their political crap to themselves.

  • "Being in a successful long term relationship requires four things: love, trust, respect, and work."

    Sadly many people are NOT relationship material. Love nowadays is being abused a lot in order to extract benefits from it rather than making it work bidirectional (sex for men and money for women).

    The only thing, that I know what you describe love is:
    "Every time I look at her, I smile. When she reaches for my hand and wraps her fingers around mine, I feel special. When I have my arms around her, the rest of the world does not exist. Every time we kiss, I feel excited. Whenever I think about my future, I see her standing by my side."
    Is when I have an orgasm during and after masturbation/pillow humping.
    But nothing else comes closer to my mind than that.

    Or I love my dog. This is the other type of love I know, which is NOT romantically/sexually. Is platonic love the correct term for it?

    That is all I know and felt.
    I'm a kissless virgin, who never had a girlfriend and never interested the opposite sex!

    But how can I actually miss something, that I never had? Stupid question - I know.
    At times singlehood does feel like dark emptiness and cold void but that is most of the times temporary and reoccuring. I mean no relationship is actually meant to last forever. I see plenty of relationships failing and I see myself not being part of that common thing.

  • Well, I have never been in love and I don't want to be in love either. However this is a good post.

  • I felt love for someone once.
    I was aged 20-21.
    She broke my heart so badly that I was left psychologically incapable of feeling romantic love for a woman again.

  • she has the same birthday as me

  • I don't know what love is

  • That was really great especially thay part that love isn't the only thing to make a relationship works
    Because I have a friend whose boyfriend hurts her emotionally and when I tell her to leave thay prick she's like " I love him " .
    Great take

  • But what if you can't find love because you're crazy? No one wants to date someone who is as mad as a goddamn hatter, no matter how many drugs they take or therapy they go to.

    • I know crazy people who have found mates. Usually it is someone else equally crazy.

    • Lol. Some girl just married Charles Manson in prison. If someone can marry someone that crazy, really anybody's got a chance, including you

      @OlderAndWiser This is a decent Take by the way. I like what you said at the ending the best

  • Men who are MGTOW are usually just against marriage. Whether or not they still have long term relationships is up to them. The only "tenet" of MGTOW is that you reject marriage and living with women, that's it. You can still identify with the group and be happily in love. The personal attacks are not an argument. I get it, you're entitled to your opinion but to insult a group rather than actually give arguments for why you disagree with them is simply childish. People do not have to be married to be in love and maintain a happy and healthy relationship. I think to suggest otherwise is wrong and actually harmful.

    • You are talking about MGTOW as it make theoretically be defined, but I am talking about MGTOW as I have experienced it on this site. They are a bunch of whiny babies who once got hurt and now want to call all women names. That is the real face of MGTOW and it is ugly.

      The purpose of the myTake was not to address the "beliefs" of MGTOW but I will consider that for another myTake.

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    • The Family Law Act even has a clause that excludes prenuptial agreements.
      Here, men are screwed. . . big time.
      I will offer a former colleague as an example.
      He went home early from work one day and found the mother of his three children in bed with a stranger.
      She got the house (to which she had contributed nothing), custody of the children and a child-support order that left him with $20 per week less than if he had been on welfare.
      Obviously, he reached the conclusion that he was working his guts out for nothing, so he asked the company to fire him and he went on the unemployment benefit, which also subsidised his rent. This meant that he was about $100 per week better of by not working and he had the satisfaction of knowing that he was not subsidising the lifestyle of his former wife and her boyfriend.
      I could tell an even more outrageous, but true, story about what happened to a male relative in the Family Court.

    • @cth96190 There are millions of people getting divorced every year and you will always find an example of a horrible judge in a bad mood who decided to screw some poor slob guy. . . but you don't evaluate the quality of the judicial system by anecdotal accounts.

  • You're missing nothing. Having never felt love is a lot like having never drank beer with a leprechaun, or having never had a unicorn in your corral, or having never killed a vampire.

  • it's a whole nother life.

  • Nope, I don't feel like I'm missing out on this. All of this sounds cringe to me. This is what regular people are missing out on because regular people want this stuff.

  • Not missing much.

  • It's not just Hollywood movies who give negative perceptions of relationship with infidelity and cheating etc. Real life relationships offer the same issues and hurdles. I've had family members (male and female) who've been cheated on and have cheated on others. I've got friends who have absolutely no morals and don't care about the girl/guy they're with. But I'm not going to allow it to make me bitter or jaded. I know that doesn't have to be my life.

    I loved this mytake though. Good job! 👍

  • Many good points and I agree.

    But for me the issue is I HAVE taken risk and I HAVE put myself out there. I've worked on myself, I've taken breaks, I try to improve my self on a daily basis, not blame others and all the rest of the well meaning advice their is.

    And you know what? It doesn't work. I've been taken advantage up, lied to, hurt, robbed, physically attacked and a whole host of other bad shit without one iota of basic human decency or respect.

    I've been trying over and over again for over a decade. I honestly wish I just killed myself in my teens and just spared me from any of this.

  • I never felt a lot of way I don't see any point of it

  • Love is dead. Forever.

  • Being married is tough, I agree, but nothing in my life has been more worth the effort. You nailed it.

  • That's your experience and you are just sharing it with us. Not everyone deserves or even wants to be in love like that. I think we all want trust and respect, but not everyone wants a relationship with the opposite sex. And there is nothing wrong about mgtow. It's men standing up for themselves and showing that you can live a happy and fulfilling life without love. And I think that's that's a positive step. Better than sitting in the streets with no desire to do anything in life.

    • The exposure I have had to MGTOW on this site is not men being happy; it is men acting butthurt and calling women names. What I have seen is not a positive step. I will acknowledge that people who identify themselves as MGTOW on this site may not be representative of the entire group. I can only respond to that which I have experienced.

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    • @Unit1 When the chips are down and when the shit finally hits the fan and they all get a very rude awakening to a totally horrible chaotic cataclysmic catastrophic nightmare. And then they'll finally might just understand how futile and pointless that it all is to keep this perpetual cycle of suffering and misery going, but right now things are still just too easy, still too comfortable, and feels all too "normal", way to normal. Many have that normalcy bias, that everything is always going to fine and that nothing can ever go wrong and that nothing horrible and horribly tragic can ever go wrong.

      The reality is that the life we all know, all this stuff that we take for granted, it's NOT going to last forever.

    • @JudgmentDay
      "When the chips are down and when the shit finally hits the fan and they all get a very rude awakening to a totally horrible chaotic cataclysmic catastrophic nightmare."

      I think it will be more like the eventually degenerated living becomes so common, that it will turn into the new "norm". Norm =/= alright. We will keep living with it.