Dealing With A Partner Who Smokes Marijuana

Dealing With A Partner Who Smokes Marijuana

I am 27 years old, and I have a long history with drugs. However, I have never been a drug user myself. Starting when I was a kid, I have watched family members start off with marijuana and then go into harder stuff, such as cocaine. My own sister even had drug issues growing up and she is now 37 years old and now just starting to get her life together. I have even watched friends of mine from high school start off with weed and they would start doing bad in school or come to class high and it would ultimately reflect badly on them. Hell, I even knew a kid who started off with marijuana in high school. A couple years after high school, I saw his obituary in the paper. He apparently went to harder stuff and died from crystal meth overdose.

Do all people who smoke weed go into hard drugs? No! Is weed harmful for you? No! Will marijuana kill you? No! I am well aware of some of the health benefits of marijuana, and I am well aware that is it becoming decriminalized in certain states. If you want to smoke marijuana, that's cool... but I don't find it sexy when people smoke it. Smoking marijuana, in my opinion, is just as unsexy as smoking a cigarette. I also don't think it makes women look attractive when they smoke. Basically, the act of smoking anything is not sexy in my opinion, and weed smoke is not a pleasant smell at all.

Dealing With A Partner Who Smokes Marijuana

When it comes to women, I have never had good luck with them. I typically go for the women that are established, don't do drugs and keep in shape (because I am that way), but I typically attract women that are the opposite. I always seem to attract women who want to sit on their ass, not do anything, snack all day and smoke weed. Imagine getting on Snap Chat and seeing a bunch of women spend most of their time partying and smoking weed on their snaps. That is what I saw everyday, and it was so annoying.

Dealing With A Partner Who Smokes Marijuana

Last January, I met this girl from Tinder. Albeit, she was 22 at the time, but she was very mature for her age. She was finishing up college, had a good job, was goal oriented, was going for her Masters in clinical psychology and shared many of the same viewpoint as me. Only flaw about her is that she didn't have a car, because her car recently died... and she wasn't big on working out, but she wanted to become healthier and lead a healthier lifestyle. Having a car wasn't a big deal to me and I supported her decision to want to get healthier, so I decided to date her. A couple months into our relationship, I found out that she smokes weed.

Dealing With A Partner Who Smokes Marijuana

When she told me she smoked weed, she asked me what I felt about it. I told her about my past with people who smoke weed and told her that I, myself, am not a fan of it. She understood and she told me that she is cutting down on smoking weed and she will stop for me. After she disclosed this with me, a week later, she told me that she stopped smoking weed and she started eating healthier, drinking more water, going to the gym more often and we started spending a lot of time at the gym. We went to the gym together everyday, inspired each other to eat healthy and I noticed she started losing weight and her skin started clearing up and I was really proud of her.

However, 3 months into this healthy lifestyle, she told me that her best friends (all females) were planning a trip to Houston to visit their family (she and her friends are from Houston). She then asked me if it would be okay with me if she can smoke this one time while on vacation with her friends and then never again. She said that she has been craving a smoke for the past 3 months, but she has been really dedicated to living a healthier lifestyle, but she promised me this would be the last time she smoked. I told her she could, just to get it out of her system and then no more, and she agreed.

Dealing With A Partner Who Smokes Marijuana

After the trip, it seems like things were back to normal with us. We were going out a lot on dates, working out together, eating healthy together and things were pretty good. She then mentioned to me that her best friend Rachel is celebrating her 23 birthday and asked if I would have a problem going out with her friends. I told her to go have fun, as we have been spending basically every weekend and a couple of weekdays together. A couple weeks after that party, she disclosed to me that she smoked weed again with her friends. I then told her about the promise she made to me and she apologized for it and said she couldn't help it sometimes, but she wanted to be upfront with what she was doing.

Then a couple weeks later, while I was on Twitter, I saw a post by her saying that she was in her room watching TV and smoking a blunt. I then slyly confronted her about it. I asked her how it has been not smoking, and then she disclosed to me about smoking weed in her bed a couple weeks ago. I also started to notice her gain weight again and she stopped going to the gym regularly.

Dealing With A Partner Who Smokes Marijuana

Then a couple weeks ago, a new roommate moved into her apartment. She has one roommate (female) who HATES marijuana and does not smoke it. However, she got another new roommate (female as well), who is extremely 420 friendly and smokes all the time. This new roommate also has a brother who stays with her from time to time and he sells marijuana.

Dealing With A Partner Who Smokes Marijuana

Last week, my girlfriend finally had enough money to buy a car, so I drove all around the area with her to find her a nice car, and we finally found one at a good price, so she got a new car. After getting her the car, we went to Wal-Mart to get some car supplies. However, I noticed that she picked up an ashtray for her car. When I questioned her about it, she told me that it was for her friend Rachel. After getting her car supplies, later that night, she left my apartment and went to hang out with Rachel. When she came back to my apartment a couple hours later and we kissed, her breath tasted funny, but I didn't think much of it.

Dealing With A Partner Who Smokes Marijuana

Then, yesterday, I was placing a new cabin air filter in her car and the car had a strange smell in it and I noticed ashes scattered throughout the car. The ashes weren't that noticeable, but you can see them if you looked close enough. Next, I put something in her trunk, and I noticed that ashtray was in the trunk and it has blunts inside of it.

Dealing With A Partner Who Smokes Marijuana

After I found all of that, I confronted her about it, because she lied to me about the ashtray. She confessed that the ashtray was really for her, but her and Rachel did smoke from it in her car. She also confessed to me that she occasionally smokes weed and drives because it relaxes her. She also confessed that she has been smoking 3-4 times a week for the past few months because it really helps her relax, especially when she is stressed. She also mentioned that she has been smoking more of it because her roommate's brother sells it and she is able to buy it from him when he comes over. She tells me she can't help it, because weed helps her to relax and it helps think better when she is stressed, and the only reason she lied to me about it is because she didn't want me to be disappointed in her.

How do you guys feel about your partner smoking marijuana? Does it bother you? Do you care it at all? Do you think my girlfriend is addicted to it?

Dealing With A Partner Who Smokes Marijuana
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Anonymous
    I have a problem if my husband smokes too. Mostly because he was irresponsible with it. He would do it before, during, and after work. Lied often about it every time. Even though it was very obvious. I found him unattractive when high. Kissing him was gross, the smell and the texture of his saliva. yuck. He was so stupid when he smoked. He couldn't go a day without it. He started smoking cigarets, which is also a huge disgust for me. He was hiding that. He started doing pain killers. He never wen't through withdrawal for the pills surprisingly when he finally stopped but it was bad for a while. After having our first baby and he stole my painkillers and made it seem like I misplaced them. He was spending our money on pills/ pot/ cigarets when we needed diapers and other important things. We were just making it by living paycheck to paycheck back then.
    I grew up very similar to the way you described. Although I never hated or had a problem with someone I dated occasionally smoking. I mean like once or twice a year. I have a huge issue with it now.
    He did stop because he joined the military. He's in his second enlistment and he hasn't done anything wrong but smoking cigarets. He still quits and starts all the time. He still tries to hide it from me and lies about that So far it's been almost a year since he's smoked cigarets... that I know of. If he is it's the longest he's ever been able to go without getting caught.
    He's been clean for 6 years. I worry about him going back to the way he was when he gets out of the military. He says he's grown up since then. I guess, I'll just have to wait and see what happens.
    I don't think you can be addicted to pot in the sense of having to withdraw from it but there are people that love the feeling it brings them more than they love their partner.
    Is this still revelant?
    • I believe that pot has it's own form of withdrawal. I knew people who were perfectly well adjusted and content before pot but who started it up because their friends were into it. Nowadays they smoke it routinely and claim all kinds of emotional, mental, psychological distress without it. Not much has changed in their life aside from the addition of pot. They'll claim that their anxiety goes through the roof when they try to quit it & that they need it to cope. I think it's kind of like starting up sleep aides when you don't really need them and eventually your body decides to slow down it's production of melatonin. Once your body gets used to weed calming you down, it forgets how to calm itself down for a while.

    • I'm sorry to hear about your situation. That sounds really lonely.

    • Anonymous

      @estoydorado1 That makes a lot of sense. Yeah my brother says he needs it too. He's very irritable if he doesn't smoke. So I can see where the withdrawal in that is. I wasn't thinking of it like that.
      It was lonely. He's amazing now but back then It was lonely and I was constantly angry with him. Hopefully he really was just young and dumb back then. We were 19 and it was my older brother corrupting him.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • winterfox10
    To me, smoking Pot is indicative of personal weakness and generally poor decision making. Do edibles instead or something.

    Your girlfriend is DEFINITELY addicted to it. She's addicted to the lifestyle, even if the Pot itself isn't addictive. I'm pretty close to the same as you. I've seen a whole lot of people piss their lives away because of drugs, and I hate pretty much everything about drug culture. Pot may not be a gateway drug, or even a traditional drug, but you can see the evidence of people who use it. Everything in a Pot Smoker's apartment is always dirty.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • samhradh_leannan
    It doesn’t sound like she was ever truly committed to quitting. I think it’s really hard for people to quit something for another person. They have to want it for themselves. Otherwise it will be a constant struggle of them feeling controlled by you, and you feeling disappointed in them.
    • Exactly. In the beginning of a relationship, we sometimes have big aspirations to make resolutions to live in a more "healthy way" for our partner. However that almost always quickly fades and we settled back into our comfort zones. Truly breaking out of a comfort zone requires self-discipline. The only thing a person can do in this situation is be supportive, but trying to always hold a person accountable when they can't do it for themselves is a recipe for resentment.

    • @freakyzeaky Yeah. They really need to be quitting for themselves, not for someone else. I helped my current boyfriend quit smoking (cigarettes) and it was definitely something I wanted him to do, but it was also totally his own choice and something he really wanted for himself as well. I never would have been successful in helping him quit if it wasn’t already something he really wanted.

    • Yup. Same goes for any other major change. I also believe that part of being supportive is allowing your partner to be weak and to fail. Often times when we try to quit tobacco use, cut back on drinking alcohol, lose weight, start an exercise regimen, we fail multiple times before we finally "get it". I have seen people get fed up with their partners because they had some lapses and feel like they must be liars, or have poor willpower, or simply didn't have any desire to quit, but that isn't always the case.

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  • damnwinter
    ''Only flaw about her is that she didn't have a car'' ?
    How in the world is that a flaw?

    Get off her case, it's weed, not heroin. And if she is not your type, then go for your type, instead of entertaining this pattern you seem to have, of starting relationships with women you only want to change.
    • Anonymous

      LOL XD!

  • molonski2
    Its a MASSIVE problem to be honest and just an horrendous habit.
    Many many years ago , I had a time of surfing and sailing , the whole beach culture thing , I was hanging around with some super fit guys , they would never touch a durrie , but boy did they love to Bong on , so for maybe 2 years or so it was most days. Trying various mixes to try and get that same high as first , usual stuff etc etc. I never really liked the feeling it gave and when I surfed stoned , I like the feel of the water but always expected a White pointer shark to stick its head out of the surf , no pills or other options in these times , no access to coke or LSD , hence I figured this was a really stupid pastime.
    Then I had nearly stopped I met this stunning girl who was red hot against it and that suited me ,
    but one night she turned up unannounced , some friends had turned up and we had had a bong or two , when she walked in I was with a female friend ( completely non sexual , but it looked dodgy ) they were all laughing as I sprinted after this girl in my jocks only in the freezing cold.
    Although she never gave me another chance , I said to myself that's it , no joints , no bongs , no drugs full stop , except liquor , that was long time ago.
    I had another girlfriend in that time , and she would have one before she went to work , she was constantly stoned , probably dead now , who knows.
    Motivation is just destroyed , it does lead to other things , and it never does you any good , make it extremely clear to your girl that you don't like it , and you don't want a smart , intelligent girl to ruin her body and life.
  • lilaqua
    All that matters is to the extent to which they smoke. I dated someone who was "Mr Wake and Bake" I think I only saw him sober once in the entire time we were together. I would never date someone like that again. Then my second boyfriend smoked only when out with friends or with me. This was perfectly fine and ideally i'd like someone like this more than a completely straight person.
    • Yeah I can’t stand the people who feel like they can’t function or go anywhere without smoking. I used to smoke weed a lot, and I still do but I cut down. Personally, I prefer smoking weed either at my place or with a few friends. Now these days, I find that weed makes me wanna pass out in social situations and I don’t have fun at that point.

  • Wwwyzzerdd
    Obviously you've never smelled a dab or some dank, cannabis shares terpenes with fruit and pine. You honestly sound completely overbearing about a lifestyle choice she chooses to partake in. I hear a lot of stuck up opinions based on nothing but assumptions.
  • estoydorado1
    I hope she's not driving around high, that would be really reckless and inconsiderate.

    An addiction is an addiction is an addiction. I've seen the same exact patterns as you in people who start with weed. I agree that it's not a gateway drug (when the user is reasonably mentally healthy) but a lot of people like to escape reality to the point where weed isn't enough after a certain point. The lying, craving, sneaking are compulsive behaviours that indicate she's not in control. She herself told you that she wanted and planned to stop and then lied to your face again & again. That's just 1 of my concerns with people who use. Sorry you had to get dragged into that again, I'm sorry about your family and acquaintances. That's rough.
    • Anonymous

      "I hope she's not driving around high, that would be really reckless and inconsiderate."

      Since getting that car, she does -_-. She came clean to me when I confronted her about it. As I mentioned before, she is getting a degree in clinical psychology. All she needs is is to get pulled over, have the cop search her and get a drug charge and her career of ever wanting to go into the psych field is over.

    • Even if the it wasn't illegal in most places, its effect on our motor skills and focus make it nearly as bad alcohol. Notice a lot of over the counter drugs that make you drowsy advise people not to drive or operate heavy machinery while they're taking them. Your girlfriend is definitely addicted and being irrational. The fact that she's this close to the career of her dreams and she's willing throw it away because she wants to cruise the town high is dumb if you ask me. I mean a least do it in the privacy of your home where you can't potentially get people killed.

    • cipher42

      Lmao it's definitely not "nearly as bad as alcohol", especially not as far as motor skills go. It impairs focus certainly, especially for those with low tolerance, but it doesn't fuck with shit (especially not motor coordination) nearly to the extent that alcohol does. Basically, it's still not necessarily responsible, but I wouldn't consider it more irresponsible than driving while very tired.

  • doogo
    LMAO I didn't even need to finish reading this.
    Very simple, she is someone who smokes and that will never change. She was smoking before you got with her so you should expect it while dating. I know she promised not to do it but all of us smokers say that just to make things easier in the relationship. So you have two options, either deal with it or move on. When people have a routine going it's hard to break that especially for for someone with the same routine for years. Really she didn't even have to lie to you about it, I get why you would be upset for her not being honest instead of telling you it's what she does. I have been smoking weed for 14 years now and tried other things but I never got hooked on those things. I got the job I want, got a nice house, and I own my car so really it depends how strong someone's mental state is to reject drugs when needed. I have friends who did coke before studying and now a college grad and happily married with a good job. We could all say I'm addicted to weed and happily am. This whole time smoking weed has never got in the way of anything I wanted to pursue in life.
  • bloodmountain1990
    As someone who smokes weed as well, I could care less as long as they don't let it get in the way of their priorities or feel that they can't function with it.

    That goes for alcohol too. I've cut off friends because they became alcoholics or they just couldn't handle themselves and you had to babysit them every time they drank. That shit gets annoying.
  • Browneye57
    She likes it. You don't. Quit being a controlling asshole.
    Either get over it or dump her. But don't judge - let her be who she's gonna be. If you can't deal with that then move on.

    You actually sound more like a girl than a guy. Quit your whining.
    Guys get with girls hoping they'll never change. (the norm)
    Girls get with guys thinking if they bug the shit out of them for long enough they'll change into someone they can stand to be around. (your scenario)
    • Anonymous

      LOL. You said:
      Guys get with girls hoping they'll never change. (the norm)
      Girls get with guys thinking if they bug the shit out of them for long enough they'll change into someone they can stand to be around.

      True. It seems our situation is the reversed. Se said she doesn't want me to change. She said she has spent her entire life dating assholes, cheaters, men who don't have jobs and men who don't have a college education... and she is happy that I am a college educated man with a job and goals in life and that I treat her well and went the best for her.

      She is my first girlfriend, so I guess I always had it in my head of having the "perfect girlfriend," but there is no such thing as perfect. I do want her to stop smoking, but I'll let her come to that decision on her own.

    • Browneye57

      You're a catch, never forget that. OTOH, if you've found a loyal and honest girl that worships you, consider that an occasional puff on some pot is the least of your worries. And expect that over the years she will gain weight - it's inevitable. And her skin will wrinkle, her boobs will sag, and her hair will turn gray. DAMHIK LOL

      So in the big picture of things, don't sweat the small stuff. :)

  • bubble_tea
    My partner doesn't smoke, neither do I. But I'm not a fan of his sugar/chocolate addiction and it does bother me when he keeps telling me he knows it's bad (he often has migraines), but stuffs his face with it the next moment.
    I'd say your girlfriend is addicted, if she wants to quit but can't. It's also addiction if you don't want to quit, yet can't even make yourself not to smoke when you have to drive.
  • MissyZ
    It doesn't bother me (I don't smoke pot) but that's besides the point. It does nother you. But you knew she smoked from very early on in the relationship. I understand your concerns because of the negative experiences you associate with marijuana, however, you said yourself that not everyone who smokes pot turns to hard drugs. Just like not everyone who drinks alcohol becomes an alcoholic. What if she told you that you could never have a beer or glass of wine again but it was something you enjoyed socially sometimes? Would that be fair? I get that it bothers you but if I'm being honest, I think you're projecting your fears and not giving her enough credit as a responsible adult to make her own decisions. She should quit only if she actually wants to for herself, not because she's pressured and afraid of disappointing you.
  • BaileyisDarcy
    If its something to "deal with" then its a breakup offense. I wouldn't date a druggy. For their sake and mine.
    • cipher42

      What constitutes a druggy? Do people who drink alcohol a few times a week count? How about coffee or other caffinated beverages?

    • @cipher42 people who take recreational and illegal drugs.
      People who drink alcohol are either alcoholics or in slang, alcos. Not considered druggys. Though if they are a druggy too then the drinking becomes unimportant, drugs are a greater offense.
      This is Australia after all. Weve a culture invented around alcohol.
      Coffee doesn't even cause a blimp on the radar.

    • cipher42

      Why does illegality=druggie? Were people who drank alcohol during prohbition times in the US druggies? What about if people drink coffee somewhere it's illegal?

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  • CrazyyChick
    She is addicted yeah, and I know it's harsh and that I am young and everything but she won't stop there if you forgive her and move on.
    You should end things with her if you are ready because drug addicts are super toxic and no good.
    Get out of there
  • Barrabus_the_Free
    Dump her. Not only is she a pothead, she has lied to you numerous times.

    The FIRST time you catch a bitch in a lie, you show her the door and never speak to her again.

    I don't do relationshits, so it's kind of a non-issue. But I also won't knowingly try to fuck a girl that I know smokes weed, or does any other drugs. I won't fuck one that's had even one toke or one drink that night. Too easy for a bitch to come back later and say she was raped, and the legal system will agree because she had ONE beer or ONE toke off a joint.

    Fuck this system, fuck this society.
  • DodgersGM
    I'd rather date someone who smoked cannabis once in a while than someone who's super uptight.
  • oksurething

    Drug driving is extremely dangerous.
    • that ad must have been influenced by reefer madness. Not encouraging driving under the influence of weed or anything, but that ad is one hell of an exaggeration.

    • @bloodmountain1990 No, it's not. It's true and legitimate.

    • Besides, this is an extreme case. Not everyone who smokes weed gets behind the wheel. You can do it responsibly and not drive, just like alcohol.

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  • Sabretooth
    don't kid yourself-pot has many dangers-many studies mirror what the other says
  • Kiran04
    "Health benefits" is just what the weed advocates tell you so they can sleep at night. There isn't a pot smoker I know who wouldn't be better off without it. How do you deal with dating someone who smokes weed? You don't. I tell all my girlfriends the same thing. You don't smoke in my house and I don't kiss ash trays. If you want to 420 blaze it, do it with a different boyfriend. Never mind I don't want that stuff near me (because it's, you know, illegal. I'm not going to jail for someone else's possession), imagine if you had a kid together. I don't want that anywhere near my kids.
    • I kind of agree with you, but I also know people who use pot for issues like anxiety and it actually really helps them. It just depends on the situation and the person. There definitely ARE pot smokers who use that as an excuse and might be better off without it, but that’s definitely not every single situation.

    Don't you enjoy the really great sex after?
  • jacquesvol
    No problem: that girl wouldn't become my partner.
  • Naydyonov
    I care, wouldn't date a drug user.
  • ILikeToParty
    but how are her blowjob skills?
  • SmokeOh
    won't date a girl who smokes let alone do drugs
  • DanFlingwing
  • Anonymous
    either you gtfo and leave her bro, or get high as fuck with them. it would have been a dealbreaker to me, maybe I'd bang her a few more times and then split. otherwise get high as fuck together before sex lol
  • Anonymous
    i wouldn't date anyone who smokes anything