How to Leave Toxic People Behind Even Though You Love Them

[CrazyyChick]

Everyone has been there.....Or at least most of us. We all had a person,maybe a partner that we deeply cared and loved but he/she kept hurting us. We stayed not because we were able to tolerate the pain, but because we thought that letting them go would hurt even more or/and that we would regret it after.

Letting go of someone you care about is definitely a difficult thing to do after all, isn't it? But there is a point when you have to let go, at the beggining things might get worse before they get better but they will always get better. And this is how you should leave toxic people behind.

1.) Put yourself first.

Remember who you are. Remember how you were before. Realize that right now you have to do something cause you deserve better than this.You deserve to be loved. And not with the kind of “love” you think you have now. You deserve real love and affection. You maybe think that is too late to fight or that there isn't anything to fight for...But there is,and this is you!

2.) Stop expecting for him/her to change because she won't. People do not change, they just wear different masks to achieve different things.

You already know this but you just do not want to believe it. Because after all hope does last. You have to accept that the only person you control in this world is yourself and no one else. If he/she really do not want to change himself/herself he/she won't. Be careful though, even if he/she decided to change do not wait there just to see what will happen, because possibly the person won't change the way you want them to, or in the time you want them to.

3.) Know that it will hurt,and it will hurt a lot.

You have to accept that it will hurt. And probably even more than what you thought, but thankfully for you time is a friend, not an enemy today. Remember that you are hurting a little part of yourself to save the rest. It is better that way.

4.) Do not change your mind.

At some moment you may feel regret or that you miss him/her. Face the reality and stand by your decision. Remember what made you do this.

5.) Take some time alone.

You just got out of a relationship, you don't need to start everything again right away. Take a break.
Stay home, cry if you need to, eat ice cream, watch old disney movies, scream in your pillow, burn old photos and etc. Dance like nobody's watching, enjoy being alone and free. Also congratulate yourself, because you did something extremely hard.

6.) When you are ready, meet with people that you know will make you feel better.

This is a moment when your friends or/and family will be needed. Meet them, do stupid things together, remember that life can still be nice without....you know who. Ask them for help, if they are real they will stay with you and help you stand on your feet again! Be careful though, YOU must do the most of the work.

7.) Do not let him/her communicate with you till you are over them.

Toxic people are really manipulative and while the wound is open you MUST stay away, because the game must not go ON again. You will be really vulnerable during this time. If you need to, ask for help from your friends and family, if you do not have them power to delete or block his/her contact/number, but you have to do it.

8.) Move on

Move on! You have a life to live! A life full of adventure, happiness, real love and most importantly positivity. Well....Okay life isn't only that,but is ALSO that. Do not let anyone make decisions for you, make you sad or make you believe that you need him/her to survive. You do not need anyone but yourself, you are strong enough to do anything.

And who knows, love may come again sooner than you think, because after all love is unpredictable, right?

I felt relieved and happy today after making clear some stuff and yeah this is the result. Hope you like it.

[Halucinator]

Woah girl!
That was a hell of a mytake!!
Loved it🔥🔥

I wrote something related to that some time ago
5 Good Things You Can Do After a Breakup ↗

[CrazyyChick]

Thank you

[Halucinator]

no problem😊

[Halucinator]

Thanks alott for MHI😊

[ghostqueen]

Love this take. I should probably bookmark it lol.

[CrazyyChick]

Aw I feel flattered

[Jan_Classic]

This article is mostly wrong
1) Don't put yourself first. Just make wise priorities: your family (parents, kids if any) your business, your best friends, all the kind of people, not excluding yourself ofc. Lower the priority of the toxic b1tch.
2) People do change. Mostly after you change and hurt them (make them jealous).
3) People or feelings don't hurt you (in relationships, not meaning physically). Your reaction to them creates all the mess. That means with a good willpower it can be under control.
4) It's ok to change your mind, there are many factors, but you need to be outside the romantic or toxic stage for that.
5) Being alone is arguable. It can be a waste of time, especially when the time is money. It's better to have a quick advise from a smarter person.
6) Meet the people who can help you asap. Don't wait for the crap to boil (depending on your personality)
7) It's completely OK to communicate with him in calm and formal manner. Well at least, you are to tell him about the things that you feel sorry for. And that you expected more from that relationship. Well the last talk is a cornerstone for the breakup. Don't talk much, don't get nervous or call names or offend anybody, make it an elegant goodbye (without saying the word). It will save you a lot of time and nerves.
8) Move on must be the whole life strategy. You move one regardless your partner/spouse/beloved one. If he/she is the one, he (she)'ll stay near all the time.

And as a resume I need to say that all the strategy is just too many words. The short and elegant (and 100% working solution is simple and is in one photo):

[CrazyyChick]

1) You know I think that if yourself isn't okay how are you supposed to help others?
2) I said that they can change if they want too, but you must not wait for them to do it
3) I disagree
4) In this case, I just said that is better to stay loyal to the reasons that made you take this decisions
5) Having time for yourself is NEVER a waste of time
6) it really depends on the person
7) I just said that because the wound is still open , you should wait a bit to get over him.
8) Moving on is actually the only solution so..

[Cheetah23]

"3) People or feelings don't hurt you (in relationships, not meaning physically). Your reaction to them creates all the mess. That means with a good willpower it can be under control."
Anything you said before & after is fine, but this one is ridiculous & i hope you dont give this advice to people. So anyone can be a dick to you as long as you have good willpower? It's the fault of the person taking the abuse & not the one giving it? Woww👏

[Jan_Classic]

@Cheetah23 I mean it's not people or someone's feelings, it's you hurt yourself and it can be under control.

[Jan_Classic]

@CrazyChick, when you are 16, these things are normal to you, but they are wrong.

[Cheetah23]

That is exactly what you said before, you did not elaborate at all.
My reply/point still stands.

[Jan_Classic]

@Cheetah23 no, it's your own emotions stresses and stuff. Once you stop givin a fock to what people tell you, your life becomes much easier.

[Cheetah23]

True, but that's merely a defense mechanism. NOT having this doesn't make the person in the wrong. If a murderer went and killed a poor bastard, would you say the victim should've been more careful? No, right? Of course not. I know that's a drastic example, but I'm just using this hyperbole to show you what I'm saying. You're better than that, in both cases, you gotta know it's not the person on the receiving end's fault.
Emotions are CAUSED by the abuser's action.
A closer example would be physical abuse. Would you reaally say the victim's emotions is just getting ahead and they're hurting themselves. No. Come on, you know better.

[Jan_Classic]

@Cheetah23 well the life is cruel, especially if you look at the animals, when a lion ate a zebra. How about the feelings and hopes and dreams of poor zebra? U care? Anybody? Obviously you have no troubles like poverty, diseases or war at your country. And a lot of time to blame the others for your depression.

It's like an old joke: a sparrow was walking and a horse did a big pile of shit on his head. Then the sparrow started to cry and a cat came and ate him. Morals: the enemy is not the one who put you in shit. It's the one who took you out of that shit. The first one just does not give a shit about you. And once you get in shit don't cry and dig your way out.

[Cheetah23]

Ofc i would care, that shit would be nasty lmao. But there's a difference between humans behaving properly and humans acting like animals.
"a lot of time to blame the others for your depression" - Depression is not what you'd (need to) have to be bothered by abuse. How are in the wrong for blaming someone who is IN FACT abusing you?
Ome more time; if someone is beating up their partner, is the partner in the wrong for crying? Or if someone ganged up on ypu in the streets and beat you up? Honestly, that joke was a terrible moral to teach..

[Cheetah23]

Never even heard of such a moral/joke.

[Jan_Classic]

@Cheetah23 well u need some combat training to win the fights. And first of all, try to avoid that kind of people.

[Cheetah23]

You can't always avoid people, especially if it's a random hit and run.
No, really, you should stop blaming the victim.

[Jan_Classic]

@Cheetah23 I'm not offending anybody, but living with an azz-ole and complaining isn't a proper strategy. After all it's your choice - a guy who's harrassing you. There are plenty of other guys who can protect you and even governmental service and all the laws for that.

[Cheetah23]

My example was strangers on the street.. but ill play along.
Assholes work a particular way, at least from my friends experience, not all, but: they can seem so nice ay first and lure you in, and then suddenly attack you when they dont have something their way. Now how could that be the victim's fault? Should they have seen into the future of this supposedly polite guy?
I do believe you have a couple valid points, i really do, but on the most part it seems like you're trying too hard to always put the blame on the victim and never the abuser. Way too hard, no matter what situation.

[Wollu]

I do not agree with all that's been outlined here. Foremost the notion, that people don't change. This is simply wrong and most often used as a self-deception to make the break-up work easier. I know from myself and the people that I know for 30+ years, that my current personality is not the one compared to my former self. All people do change in order to make themselves fit into a an ever changing environment. Growing experience does the rest. Nobody who's in posession of a working brain can remain the same on the long run. We are learning - constantly.
We break up much too early. We don't give each other time enough to learn what have to be changed to make the relationship work. This seems to come out of the fallacy of "self-protection". The motto is "stay who you are", despite the fact that you won't stay who are anyway.
We have no patience. That's why so many marriages and relationships are dysfunctional and going to waste. In order to adapt to each other 3-5 years are minimum. If you think it's worth it, you should not break up. You should try to keep it until you can say for sure, that some major issues can't be solved.

[CrazyyChick]

I said that people DO change only when they want to.

[Wollu]

Sorry, in the message that I've read a day ago contained "people don't change". Anyway., most of the personality changes we're going through are happening involuntary. We are "learning". Your personality is dynamic and a result of chemistry, experience and a tiny bit of willpower. People do change, whether they like it or not, whether they want it or not. Think of it. Is all that you are because you "wanted" it? Or do you have properties that you don't want? Where are they from?

[lost_girl2000]

I've been through the same thing only it was with my best friend. She didn't treat me very well and after a certain event, I felt like it was the last straw, so I decided to move on and leave her and her toxicity behind me. It was hard at first. I missed having a best friend. I wanted her back. But, I realized that I wanted her back only because I wanted a friend. I never really had a lot of friends in my life, so I didn't want to lose that. But, for that reason and that reason alone I decided that I shouldn't change my mind. Time is a friend... and a healer. It made me see our "friendship" clearly. I gave more to her than she ever gave to me. I loved that person. She hurt me. I cried. I hurt. And now I've moved on.

[CrazyyChick]

I am happy that you made it

[lost_girl2000]

@CrazyyChick Thank you! :-)

[Jamie1865]

Agreed. You have to cut them dead. Explain first (not on the phone!) that you don't think you're good for each other, and you have to stick to your guns. If that means laying off the booze for a few weeks so you don't 'drink n' dial' then so be it. Find something else to do, and other people to spend time with, take up a sport (serotonin boost for the brain, makes you feel better too) go swimming (lose weight/tone up) so you feel better, just don't sit and procrastinate!
If you're even asking yourself the question "Is my relationship toxic" then it probably is. Short term pain, long term gain!

[CrazyyChick]

Exactly

[PecanPie]

I dealt with a toxic person. He had seriois problems with his head. I don't know if an ex messed him up like he said happened or what. But people dont chang. They change if they want to change not for anyone. I was made to think he ignored me because I did something wrong. I thought everything was wrong because of something I did. He lied constantly. He wanted his ego boosted. He was just a mess and it ended up hurting me. I wasted time on him and knew it wouldn't get better. I had to let him go and I didn't want to. I lost myself and had to be alone for awhile.

[Wollu]

Normal people change. Otherwise they would stuck in a one year old mind. Obviously they don't. Nobody knows what the future holds and the past is a merfe memory. If you are with a person who suffers from a severe personality disorder, then you are right. E. g. a borderline personality disorder is often rooted in traumata. Those people really do not change easily. That's part of their illness. But normal people do change a lot.

[MysteriousDarkness]

You contradicted yourself by saying people don't change then saying people change if they want to. Either nobody changes or there are people that do change. Which do you think it is?

[Wollu]

@MysteriousDarkness As I pointed out. Normal people change. I would say constantly, depending on the experience they have to make. People with some particular personality disorder (like BPD) do not change. That's why they are considered to be "disordered". So the norm is to change whereas the abnormal is to remain static.

[PecanPie]

@MysteriousDarkness People don't change for anyone or anything. They change for themselves if THEY WANT. Sorry, my bad..

[Wollu]

Yes of course. In order for you to be in a relationship with a person you change yourself in your own interest. What else? They change for their own good and when they want good. If they want it bad, they don't change. They are stubborn and fail. Simple as that. People who do the same all of the time and expect a different result are crazy.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@PecanPie You contradicted yourself again by saying people don't change for anyone or anything but they chanhe for themself. Not changing for anyone would include themself. Either they change for nobody else but themselves or they do not change.

[Douma]

What if the toxic people are always friends with your parents since that is also always that case and that makes things even more complecated.
To leave toxic people is not complecated by the way.
More complecated is for the toxic people to leave you.
Because they want something from you and do things behind your back with your family they do not tell you. That is why you never hear about evil parents and evil family members. But they do exist. So then what would you do if you knew all about that?

[MysteriousDarkness]

Not all toxic people are friends with your parents. Just because someone is toxic does not mean they will always want to do do stuff with your family behind your back. People do mention things about a family member being toxic.

[Douma]

@MysteriousDarkness Then why do they not fear your family and do as they do without fear and without shame?

[Plumy]

I was having bad experiences with some friends and at some point it was so bad (because there was no dialogue anymore) that my thinking was similar to this kind described, it is important to remember self and take care of self, because if can't take care of self first then can't take care of others especially the dearest ones who really love you...

Everyone take care ❤

[CrazyyChick]

I agree with you.

[torken]

I think that it is just important to be true to yourself the the projection you are trying to take your life. If toxic people want to stay in your life, that is fine, but you best believe its gonna be pretty passively received by you

[CrazyyChick]

True

[Anonymous]

I'm currently going through this situation and it's extremely hard. I love him with every ounce of my being but it doesn't seem to be reciprocated. In the beginning he used to show me a lot of attention & was very considerate but eventually I was the only person who seemed to care about our relationship. He has taken a backseat and doesn't put in the effort anymore. As much as it shouldn't matter, I want him to initiate conversations first sometimes & show me love. I want to get compliments & feel appreciated. It's very upsetting because I have ex boyfriends who give more attention and appreciation to me than he does :( He's not a toxic person but he plays with my emotions a lot and makes me sad without even realizing it. I'm putting some distance between us because I want him to treat me better than he has been. Hopefully I won't end up heartbroken and depressed :( It hurts so much

[SEntertainment]

Definitely wish I would have made myself do this so many times before. No idea what to do at this point.

[CrazyyChick]

Yes it's difficult to think clearly

[SEntertainment]

Exactly. Thank you for sharing. I hope you are able to make the best decisions going forward. :)

[Browneye57]

Reasonable. But so much emotion built into it - if they're toxic you don't owe them anything - friend or relative, parent, whatever - just cut them out of your life - you just don't need that shit.

[CrazyyChick]

True, but sometimes it's just seems hard

[Anonymous]

It's so sad when loved one go through this. As long as they have their friends and family, it can hurt a little less but this is necessary pain. People need to know this pain and leave difficult partners.

[CrazyyChick]

Yes, exactly

[Being_a_good_Indian]

s13.postimg.org/.../Pics_Art_12-26-07.03.56.jpg

[Wolframium]

I'll leave everyone, who takes the term “toxic people” seriously. It's pathetic. I also leave every single of those constantly positive and only-good-news people.
I am hydrargyrum, neptunium and oganesson.
And I “like” the condescension of those positive people. Look at this. “Do not change your mind.” Sure. Why would you change your mind? You know everything the best.
And block people. Sure. For weak-minded.
There are not many people, who say things, like they are. Because, apparently, reporting on reality as it is, is a crime. Only the good stuff. Yeah…sure.
There are some points, which, oddly enough, I agree with you. It comes down to “if you don’t get along, get apart”. Sure. That’s just normal, healthy thing to do.
Do you know, what I find really good? Cynicism, sarcasm, stupidity mocking and things like that. I can only imagine, that these things give people like you radiation poisoning. Really bad one. And you know what? You’re welcome, it’s been pleasure. :-)

[CrazyyChick]

"Toxic people" is actually a term that is used in psychology and psychiatry, if you don't agree with this is your choice but you can't call people that believe in it "pathetic". And none is positive ALL the time , but you know happiness can be temporary and it's still equally important.
And seriously if you think that a person that has the power to stay away form people that has actually strong feelings for by blocking them or just ingoring them is "weak-minded" you were taught wrong and I am sorry for you.
Reality has actually many different points of view, so you do not report the reality, you just say the way YOU see things that's pretty negative by the way and from that I can understand that things in your life aren't going well.
And I would really like for you since you so aggresive to understand that you don't know me, so "people like me" is a term that you used wrong.
It's been also a pleasure to answer to you :)

[Arabian911]

i always had this amazing ability to split in a second, so toxic people try to avoid me, i'm just not worth it

Good Take.

[Cuintan]

"…things might get worse before they get better but they will always get better…"
With toxic relationships things only get worse. They only get better when the ties are cut once and for all and forever.

[CrazyyChick]

That's what I said

[Cuintan]

I misread you. After midnight here. I plead fatigue.

[love_conquers_lust]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg00YEETFzg

Good luck finding a guy cucked enough to build a life with someone who pursued abusive partners.

[Guanfei]

I had to do that a few times, and it was always a terrible pain. What's worse is when you get rid ofsomeone you love, but you have no one to take her place.
Not only you lost someone but she left a huge void and nothing can fill it.

[scooogy]

I hate that I have to leave a quite cute girl behind, even though she seemed to be interested in me, because she's just too quiet. Girls need to be interesting to me, otherwise there's no chance.

[Wollu]

She might have to get some time to let herself be the way she is. How long have you been together?

[scooogy]

@Wollu We haven't even been together, none of us ever dared asking the other out

[Wollu]

So you have "left" her without being with her? Oh damn. You should have tried. Where I live we have a saying. Literally translated: Still waters run deep.
The quiet ones are often the best.

[scooogy]

@Wollu The thing is that i didn't know what to do if she didn't talk back

[Wollu]

You are right. This is a tricky one.
I'm old school. Don't know if this would be feasible today, but it's maybe so outdated, that it would appear exotic: I would buy her flowers. Hand them over to her. Not saying anything. Sitting next to her and just casually having a look around me. Letting her space to think about what just hapened. She is in a trap. She have to say something. At least "Thank you" or "why do I deserve this?". If she is still quiet after a minute, look in her face. Don't say anything. Take her hand, kiss it, give her a smile and walk away.

[scooogy]

@Wollu I did stick around her because we had issues. She called me a stalker afterwards

[Wollu]

WTF? So you are better off without her. Be happy.

[elhof]

That's true, we are responsible only for ourselves and can't change other people. Even if we love them. They have their own will.

[Wollu]

It's not about changing the OTHER. It's about adapting YOURSELF to a life situation that is unique. You must not impose your will on anybody. But you shouldn't fall for the wrong idea either. A relationship is not unilateral and you can't stay as you are. A relationship is a contract. A deal. You have to approach the other as the other approaches you. Without consensus there is no relationship. If there is too much incompatibility, you should of course walk off.