How to Get Him to Commit? The Answers You Need to Know!

[sally421]

I'm sure many girls around the world wonder: "Why doesn't he want something serious with me?", "Am I not good enough for him?" , so did I as well for many years. I've met many guys in my life, dated some of them, received comments as "Wow you're so attractive.." etc., but yet I never made it to something longer than three months.

That is, up until last year when I moved to another country. I met a guy through a mutual friend. He was this type of open-minded, extrovert, full of life and many different interests. Shortly after we met we started dating and so did we for three months. After that time he broke up with me, saying he was losing his feelings. Although I was hurt at that time, we both moved on with our lives, but somehow we stayed friends and never stopped meeting. That story went for almost a year. In that time we were both dating other people so I never tried to impress him, I was just myself and when we were hanging out I slowly began to show him some of my interests and hobbies, he did as well. We got to know each other on a really deep level, we became super close friends, sharing not only the happy moments, but also the not-so-good ones.

All that had its reflection on him and his feelings started to grow back. He said he didn't believe in the second chance (and he's the most honest person I know), but yet he gave in to his feelings. Three months ago we started dating again and everything was at a whole new level. We understood each other so well, we talked even more, the sex has always been great, I won't lie about that, so it just added up to the rest.

But what was so different this time? Why is he seeing more in me now? I'm still me...he's still him.

Many girls, when they find themselves liking someone want all their attention and time, they don't let the guy miss them, and a GUY FALLS IN LOVE with your absence, NOT your presence. So this time when we started everything again I took it not so seriously. I didn't texted him that often, I let him chill with the guys, not making him feel like he needed to go earlier so he could spend time with me.

In one word I was CHILL about everything. We went to a birthday party once and instead of sticking all the time to him, what I did was I went and talked to new people and had lots of fun. That way you're showing that the guy is not your source of happiness, YOU ARE. By giving him freedom I made myself stand out from the other women he met. I was also very supportive and showed interest in the things he's interested in.

And here we are three months later I got this amazing guy to ask me to be his girl, a guy who didn't believe in the second chance gave me one. I did all of this subconsciously, but after I read and watched videos from dating coaches I found out that that was the exact way of making a guy commit.

As last tips to everyone who finds themselves in my situation:

1. Put yourself FIRST. Don't leave your friends, hobbies or activities behind to be available 100% of the time. Guys LOVE girls who are busy and enjoy life at its fullest.

2. Be passionate about life.

3. Don't be blinded by a guy, if he doesn't meet your standards - LEAVE. Move on and the right one for you will come.

4. When you finally find someone worthy of your attention, give him freedom. You'll be surprised by the result.

5. Notice his ACTS, NOT his WORDS!

This is my story and with it I just hope to help everyone who's stuck in my situation. <3

And last, but not least - YOU ARE WORTH IT! YOU ARE ENOUGH JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! .. if you feel like you are not, then you haven't found the RIGHT guy yet. xxx

[cherryphi82]

To a degree I agree that giving someone freedom/ the chance to miss you is a great idea. But that alone will not get a guy to commit. Even if this has happened to you, much more goes into that than just missing someone. I miss a lot of my exes, but I still don't want to get back together with them. Personally, I think guys choose whomever they want to. It is who fits their needs at the time and you cannot mold yourself into someone else if they've already decided you don't fit their needs. Definitely agree with your advice to cultivate hobbies and friendships outside of your relationship though.

[sally421]

Of course only freedom itself won't get the guy. It worked out for me, because we shared the same interest, family values and lifestyle as well, which are very important when it comes to choosing a partner. But I pointed my view on the freedom, because that was the reason he stepped back the first time.

[cherryphi82]

Right, right. Sharing those values makes a big difference though! Good for you :)

[OlderAndWiser]

You were fortunate that things progressed as they did and that is probably because you both had enough confidence to allow things to happen rather than trying to force things to happen. But. . . you can't MAKE a guy commit to you. If he doesn't want it, then it's not going to happen. You need to screen out the guys who aren't serious very quickly. There shouldn't be a third date with a non-committer if you are looking for a LTR.

[sally421]

True. I never said that this makes EVERY guy commit. The guy I'm with searched for something serious. He just saw in me the relationship material that he didn't see in the other girls. So yeah if the guy doesn't want to settle you CAN'T do anything, but if he does.. he'll definitely pick a girl who meets his standards.

[Logorithim]

Not all guys are commitment material (nor are all women, for that matter).

Good advice not to change your life for him. No one needs to do that.

[Goodwifie]

How to get a guy to commit.
Meet one that's ready to commit 👍

[Browneye57]

Reasonable. But now 'how you get a guy to commit'. That takes the right guy and you simply cannot negotiate attraction or desire - it has to come from THEM!
So you create that attraction and desire by being the best YOU that you can be - developing your worth as an individual, becoming someone of value.
So, can you articulate what you bring to a relationship that would be considered 'high value'? Cuz you need to, a high value guy will expect it. Too many think it's their golden vagina and the guy will provide everything else. And then wonder why they can't get one to commit!

[sally421]

Exactly! It's about being a high value guy/woman. I try to give some tips to how to achieve that.

[Browneye57]

It's all self focused though. This is not what creates high-value.
Most young people are inward focused, their attention span is at navel level - all they see is themselves - their looks, their job, their interests, what they do, who they are. And they think that love is all about what it means to THEM, and what they are going to get out of it - all of the expectations, requirments, standards. That's what you hear women talk about, it's surely not about what they have to offer, to give. So we have a lot of disappointment and expectations that are not met.
No, love is about being a place in your life where you're ready to GIVE your love to someone - where you're focused on giving, not getting. It's about an over abundance of life force that you share. Not what you're going to get out of it.
And that's why he chooses one over the other.
We see it here over and over - what is a guy most attracted to in a woman- and that answer is her level of attraction and desire for HIM!

[HereIbe]

Yeah, no. A lot of men see that kind of crap and don't like to be played. How did my wife "get me to commit"? She started her online profile with "A man who finds a wife finds a good thing." THAT got my serious attention from the very first moment. She wasn't a typical lying, two-faced, back-stabbing, sneaky, manipulative woman. She was a very UNUSUAL woman--she was honest and up-front, from the very beginning. She was looking for a husband and made it plain that she would accept nothing less than a man who was also looking for something just as serious. THAT hooked me.

[sally421]

Exactly what I meant. With her words she made the marriage look like something good, and it is of course. I'm talking exactly about women like your wife. You're lucky to have her.

[HereIbe]

The difference is that she did it FROM THE BEGINNING. What you advocate is dishonest and sneaky--hook a guy for something casual then manipulate him emotionally. Only trash does that.

[sally421]

No it's not, because I never intended to "get" anyone. I believe that the way you behave attracts people in your life who wants the same as you.

[Jmcmanning]

You 5 tips are true for everyday life but a guy has to have a geniune interest in you to take it further and if what he's looking for isn't there - these 5 tips are not going to matter. This is coming from a person whose shortest relationship has been 3 years and I was the one that ended it. Either you click or you don't click, there is nothing you can do change that, if you are not being yourself - he will see through it and move on. Being yourself, shows him if you are the one he wants to get to know ore more. The most importantly - never try to get a guy to commit. It has to happen naturally on its own.

[sally421]

I agree with you. It's really important to click.

[Pearl85]

Good points. I would summarise this as by letting a man be a man, allowing him to pursue you and not being afraid to loose him is how you get him to commit.

[sally421]

Exactly!

[winterfox10]

You're on the right track, but you are wrong about absence, and leaving out 2 extremely important points:

1. CONSISTENT POSITIVE INTERACTION with the guy. You were "chill," but that isn't what worked for you here, what worked for you was repeated, low stress, non committed interactions with him. You and he did not think of those interactions as dating, so there was no stress, you just enjoyed each other.

2. A woman who enjoys life is attractive, but the reason has nothing to do with the fact she isn't constantly accessible, it's because she is genuinely happy. You could see the guy tomorrow, and it wouldn't throw your life into a tailspin.

[findingdreamland-1]

I like freedom part a lot. You are right. We girls , wants to control everything. Just let him live his life. He will come eventually.

[sally421]

Yeah! And I realized this after I dated a guy who was obsessed with me and every time did what I wanted and was available when I wanted.. so I got bored even annoyed and lost completely my interest... so I thought "if I don't like this, the guys won't like it either" .

[findingdreamland-1]

so true!

[I_Do_Mind]

Guys, is this true? Would you really commit if I took this advice? Thus far I am willing to try anything I can't even get a guy to ask me out on a date and so many guys want to be players or a "free" guy for as long as they can now a days, don't see the point in marriage.

[sally421]

Sweetie, don't take this advice and wait for it to happen. It usually happens unexpected. But if you have a cool, chilled personality and you're confident in yourself the guys are going to notice. Plus you look pretty.. put a sexy dress on and rock!

[I_Do_Mind]

Thanks I will for sure. :)

[Anonymous]

*You* can't make a Guy commit! It only depends on the guy!

And one more thing: guys are not afraid of commitment but are afraid of it's consequences, for them commitment is something that will change things for them, so basically they go for it when they had all the fun and enjoyed their life and wants to settle with someone with whom they feel the best.

[sally421]

Basically I said that you both have to have your own lives. I, just like a guy, don't want to lose my freedom after I commit. By freedom I mean still having girls nights, shopping days.. etc. I never said that it's a magical way to get a guy. If he's already decided to commit , there are some particular traits that he searches in a woman and THAT is what I talked about.

[GinaTina]

A guy will commit if he chooses to commit... no one can force someone to do something... if its forced, then the efforts and emotional investments will go in vain because both parties will end up miserable

[sally421]

True.. what I wrote was about the guy who wants to commit. But let's be honest even if a guy is ready for a relationship he won't start it with a girl, who he doesn't see as a relationship material.

[sally421]

Also you should NEVER invest more that what he invests in you! And this is the mistakes many girls make. They "try their best" and end up disappointed. If you see that the guy is not investing as much as you.. it's simple - leave.

[GinaTina]

Yup! I completely agree... Its not something that girls should think about too much or try to understand why he's "so dry" or "was having a bad day" or justifying why a guy didn't/won't talk to them... often times, its just that the guy isn't interested in them

[Heythere2013]

If someone doesn't want to commit, there is nothing you can do to change their mind, believe me. I've been on the receiving end of it and nothing matters, but what they want. W/these people, just let them go and find someone who will commit.

[sally421]

This is what I meant with "if they don't meet your standards - leave"

[Heythere2013]

Ah ok true

[Harsh_5299]

It's kinda ironic when mostly the single people write these myTakes
Why they refuse to acknowledge their own mistakes and always blame the guy is beyond me... even after being in multiple relationships to prove it
(But I'm not implying you're currently single, but if you are... then too bad😂)

[sally421]

Your answer shows that you haven't read it... because I've said there that I have a guy.

[Harsh_5299]

@sally421 then it means you haven't understood my statement... him getting his feelings back was just a coincidence and he was just suppressing it the last time he broke up, it was not some techniques or actions on your part that made him re-commit to you (cuz if someone breaks up, they won't come back so easily... unless they broke up due to reasons other than disliking you, which is the rarer case so your tips of making a guy commit will not apply to the majority, particularly if it's just an act to make him commit)

[LoloWaye]

Yes! This is the best thing I've read on this site. Congratulations!

[sally421]

I'm glad you liked it :)

[DanoMR98]

Every man in the thread, listen to this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvIVkZl_HNE

[HOAAH]

he will never marry her because he already is having his cake and eating it too, so why does he need to marry her?

[DanoMR98]

@HOAAH Exactly. Tom Leykis is a frickin genius.

[RichardBandit]

Sorry ladies. The numbers favor us guys now. There really are not enough single men. I'm like average at best and even I can get laid by diff chicks with ZERO commitment.

Women are taking over the world which is cool, but it comes at a cost. That cost is the number of manwhores has skyrocketed.

[wolfcat87]

Actually, it depends on the area. Some areas have more women, and some have more men. Also, as a friend tells me, all a woman needs to get laid is a vagina... Her looks don't really matter past that. Spread them and they will come. XD Men have to work a bit harder. So, the world still favors women.

[rjroy3]

Doesn't sound like you "got" him to commit per se. More so he was ready to commit to someone and saw you as a good option.

[rjroy3]

Cool that you have the guy tho. I hope you're happy

[sally421]

Yeah, of course he was ready. But then even though a guy is ready he searches for some of those qualities in a girl.

[rjroy3]

Absolutely true. I know for me in terms of looking at a possible girlfriend. I look to see if she has her own life. I was speaking more to the title, in respect to the story itself.

[Meninist]

If a girl tried to do what you did I wouldn’t be so quick to jump back with her.

This had worked for you, great, but it’s not the overarching rules dating.

[sally421]

A huge role for me played that we had many common interests.. like we're both studying Architecture, we both play tennis.. etc. Having the same family values.. giving the guy freedom and understanding just adds up. It was no magic recipe or whatsoever.

[Hungry_Shark]

No sane guy will commit to a slut.
I'm sorry but that's reality.

[sally421]

That's valid for both genders. Being a slut/ fuckboy is a personal choice, but I didn't share the article for that reason.

[Henrietta1999]

Trying to make a guy change for you is likely to lead to disappointment.

[sally421]

My point was NOT to change or to try to change. I wouldn't want to change anyone.