The Psychology of Men Who Are Racially Black Having to Proclaim Their Refusal to Date "Black" Women

The Psychology of Men Who Are Racially Black Having to Proclaim Their Refusal to Date "Black" Women

If you meet a black male, who refuses to date "Black" women, it is time to run like the Road Runner.

The Psychology of Men Who Are Racially Black Having to Proclaim Their Refusal to Date "Black" Women

I just want to reiterate. Interracial relations are cool. I have dated non-"Black" women myself. And if a black guy does not want to date "Black" women, I get it. But why do you have to constantly proclaim your preference? And on top of that insult the sexuality of "Black" women?

Well, I just wanted to get this "Take" out there. You guys know I am always pushing the boundaries and people's buttons but this has bothered me since I first arrived at GaG. And that is the number of "takes", "questions", etc. started by men who I guess racially define themselves as black, to exclaim their preference for "White" or non-"Black" women.

Having been a "Black" man who has dealt with issues of self-hatred, I want to explain to the people here at GaG how these issues work in the mind of a typical guy who has reached this conclusion. And also warn women who date black men.

Most "Black" women usually think the reasons why these men would be so adamant about their preferences has to do with some combination of the following;

1. Legacy of slavery contributed to African-American male idealization of white women as forbidden fruit and status symbols.
2. As slaves, black women were raped as the property of white men and have ongoing aversions of white men as a result.
3. Because black men have been oppressed by white men, black women are taught to have "stand by your man at all costs" loyalty to them.
4. Evolutionary mate selection theorists say height, hairiness, and larger penises are associated with greater masculinity. Petiteness and long hair are associated with femininity. Asian men are shorter and less hairy (on average) than black or white men. Black women have shorter natural hair and have slightly greater muscle and bone density (on average) than other women. So Asian men are viewed as less masculine than others and black women are viewed as less feminine than others. Black and Asian penis size myths are perpetuated even though they have been debunked in various scientific studies (link is external).
5. Stereotypes about Asian submissiveness and black aggressiveness fuel assumptions about what partners will be most "masculine" and "feminine", and who will be the bad boy and good girl.
6. White standards of beauty devalue black women and Asian men and our media embrace these standards.

This list while okay, really does not get to the psychology behind what "Black" men are thinking. Nor does it appear to be aware of what the society itself values for "Black" men. Most of GaG is full of young folks. So most of you do not know that the first dose of interracial relationships we ever see on screen involving "Black" people were films like "Guess Who is Coming to Dinner".

The Psychology of Men Who Are Racially Black Having to Proclaim Their Refusal to Date "Black" Women

This was not the only film. Sidney Poitier also starred in another movie called "A Patch of Blue".

The Psychology of Men Who Are Racially Black Having to Proclaim Their Refusal to Date "Black" Women

But there were films like "My baby is Black", "I Spit on your Graves", "One Potato, Two Potato", "Island in the Sun", etc.

Now let me put this in context. We are talking about films made almost 70 years ago. The first films about interracial relations involving African-Americans basically were about light-skinned "Black" women who married or had sex with "White" guys. Movies like "Pinky" or "Shadows". And of course before that all movies with interracial relations involved solely "White" men and Asian/American Indian women.

I use this to point out that long before we start talking about the internalized hatred that "Black" men have for their culture. There was already this view that the great goal of race relations would be achieved when "Black" men finally had the opportunity to marry a "White" woman. It is the way it was presented in every major film made in America that talked about race, back in the 60s/70s and into the 80s.

"White" women were supposed to be a crowning achievement not just for "Black" men but for the entire "Black" community. It was this symbol that all race relations problems were solved.

So it is from this foundation, we talk about the current psychology of "Black" men.

So taking apart the common consensus for why some men who are racially black need to make this proclamation, this is not due to the legacy of slavery. Nor does this have anything to do with "White" men having unfettered access to the "Black" women who were slaves. "Black" women may have some animus towards "White" men, but that still has nothing to with the psychology of "Black" men. The racial stereotypes listed are just nonsense. There isn't a single "White" or non-"Black" woman on GaG who would profess to liking "Black" men because of some mythology about our sexual prowess.

But beauty standards do come into play. And with that, I will start to explain exactly what is going through the minds of these men.

1. He has been told "White" women are the crowning achievement of his life constantly.

This should be the goal of every "Black" man. We have been told this in film after film, in the media, books, magazines, etc.

2. We are constantly told that having interracial sex/marriage is the best way to destroy racism.

The weird thing is that these men believe in the worst stereotypes about "Black" women and "Black" women's sexuality, but they actually believe they are the furthest thing from being racist, while embracing racism.

3. It is well known the negative stereotypes of "Black" culture(s) or more accurately African-descended cutlure(s).

These men need a way to absolve themselves of these negative behaviors/beliefs. Marrying a "White" women the quickest way to rid themselves of that negativity.

4. These men always think of themselves as "exceptions".

They are not like other "Black" people. The weird thing here is their definition of themselves and their "people". Because they are talking about behaviors and beliefs. Note the next point;


This is the most amazing thing about them. They are defined by race, yet they define other "Blacks" by the negative beliefs and behaviors they claim "Blacks" engage in. So in other words, they are just as insane as any KKK member, David Duke supporter or fruitcake "White" supremacist. They use the same belief system. They simply exempt themselves from it. "Black" negativity applies to all "Blacks" especially "Black" women, yet it somehow missed them. It is the same stupid conversation as to whether people are defined by the color of their skin or the culture that they participate in.

6. Their definition of themselves is tied up in the woman they are married to or intimate with.

And this is the most important part. Because these men are not confident in being "Black" since being "Black" is the most negative thing they can think of. The way they have any positive image of themselves comes from their mate who has to be "White" or at least not "Black". So when you. . .a non-"Black" woman is with them, you have to understand, you are carrying their insecurities wherever you go. That's why these men are prone to be more jealous than average men, more controlling, more insecure in their masculinity, since at least part of their sense of being a confident male comes from their ability to attract a non-"Black" mate. That's why when things go south, they are awful hard to get rid of. They tend to not be able to process the breakup like a normal male.

7. Of course, you are a trophy.

So if you are a non-"Black" woman, you can bet the first thing out of your "Black" male's partner's mouth to his friends and acquaintances is your race or ethnic group. They are very loud about it.

8. Which leads to their constant proclamations. "I am not attracted to "Black" women...

...even though I am "Black" and was raised by "Black" women, taught by "Black" women, and loved by "Black" women." "My girlfriend or wife is x race or ethnic group! So please see me as an acceptable human being." They make the proclamations because it matters very much to them. The fact that they have had sex or are in a relationship with a woman who is not "Black". If it didn't matter, they wouldn't utter a word. But when you have this negative racial definition, you are constantly looking for support and verification that you are okay. His non-"Black" woman is like his stamp of approval. It is like in the old days when people had to make sure they had proper identification on them at all times.

The Psychology of Men Who Are Racially Black Having to Proclaim Their Refusal to Date "Black" Women

So he that's why he makes sure he mentions his non-"Black" woman wherever he goes. To make sure that people understand that he is an okay kind of a black guy.

So if you are going to date a "Black" man, make sure he is really "Black" and confident in his skin and in his culture. Because if he isn't you are going to be in for a truly miserable time.

Thanks for reading.

RolandCuthbert is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Girl

  • A lot to process, and a lot of thoughts I have on this. I know we had this discussion and I see some of the things you are saying. But this is what gets me: If everything you're saying is true, I see an individual in dire need of help. It's like certain individuals, depending on their personal proclivities, once they are dubbed self-haters or anathema, neither the white nor the black community as a whole want to touch them with a ten foot pole. They are free floating with nowhere to go. I'm not saying people don't bear responsibility for themselves, but it seems like this kind of branding is not going to heal their hate, only stigmatize them more. I have talked to a quite a few black men. Some have had exactly the reasons you stated for dating white women, some made an exception for me because they actually prefer black women, and most of them were a mix of all of this. There's something that gets me about branding someone a self-hater and letting them to figure it all out for themselves. Only having a small experience with being in that position, I know how shitty it can be. If I as a person can make only the smallest amount of difference in the life of such a person, be it so that the initial reason for them going for me is my whiteness, I will do so. It doesn't mean I'm obtuse or ignoring the pitfalls. This is every individual's choice to deal with such a thing. But what I can freely say is that I'm willing to deal with another persons' ugliness/messiness if they are willing to deal with mine. If I'm not, then I'm only perpetuating the status quo which requires that a person has to be "the whole package" in order to be eligible at all. People are broken. I think Black men who are broken deserve to be forgiven and given a chance like anybody else.

    • I have not forgotten you Cherry. You post will take some time to digest. I want to give you a response that is worthwhile.

      Thank you.

    • Show All
    • @SeattlesSmoothJazz That's the thing that is crazy about this conversation. These men automatically run to the defense of "well you are just against interracial relationships." Of course that is not the issue. These men profess dating choices that are exclusively non-"Black" women. And they do it under the cover that they are just pursuing happiness and fruitful relationships.

      Call it what it is.

      And I should be honest. Some do. They hate "Black" women and they fully admit it. I have a certain amount of respect for those guys. But for those who try to excuse or lie about their motivations, I just have disdain.

      I hope that most "Black" people will get to a point where they can stop having so much hatred for "Black" culture, the "Black" experience and other "Black" people. But that will take a lot of work. And we won't be getting much help from the larger society. Only "we" can make this happen.

    • Ugh, ignore @dothejohnwall97 . I’m not sure if he’s a troll or just plain moronic, he always feels the need to personally attack women on GaG from what I’ve seen.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm a black man as well. I actually grew up in a 98% white state, and all my past girlfriends were white, all my friends were white, all my teachers were white, all my classmates were white... you get the picture. If you actually did see black people, they never stayed long. If you saw black kids at school, they were usually adopted by white families. My family (all of us are black), were the only black family in our entire town.

    Anyway... I moved to Texas in 2009. Since then, I have dated Latina women, Asian women and black women. I'm currently 27 years old, and I'm dating a black girl. I actually found that I am more attracted to black women than any other race. Would I still date other races? Yes! However, I prefer black women, and I am currently dating one.

    I honestly don't mind interracial relationships. I always say date who makes you happy. It's the simple. Even though I don't interracial relationships, I DO MIND how people go about them.

    Since living in Texas, I have met black women who only date white men because they say white men are better than black men, treat them better than black men and want more than just sex unlike black men.

    Same with black men here. I have met black men here who say that they prefer white women because white women don't have attitudes, aren't after your money and know how to treat black men.

    I also blame the media for those types of stereotypes, because on TV, when you see black people together, they are always arguing. However, when you see black/white couples together, it seems like the perfect union. Also, TV seems to really be pushing the black/white couple these days, which is kind of getting old. I don't mind seeing them, but it makes black/white couples seem perfect, and they are not always perfect.

    As a black man who has dated all sorts of women, I can say that white women are not better than black women and black women are not better than white women. Race has nothing to do with how you will act in a relationship. Where and how you were raised determines how you act.

    I respect interracial couples.. I just don't respect people who get into those relationships because they don't like their own race.

    • The main issue with the black race is that we take a giant shit on each other everyday for everything. Even in my own personal experience, going deeper than what I have already said:

      -i have met ghetto black women who work factory jobs and have 4 kids (online dating tends to give you the bottom of the barrel) that wanted to be with me, but I turned them down.

      -On the flip side, I have met black women who are highly successful and only care about their career and achievement rather than dating and can be condensing at times... or they go after white men.

      Some of my black male friends who are successful (future lawyers, doctors, engineers, etc...) have told me that is why they date white women. They told me that the white women they date are successful, loving, fun to be around, raise their man instead of putting him down and support him.

    • We have talked before. I think we have had agreement. And I agree with most of what you said. I won't bother to point out small differences of opinion.

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What Girls Said 23

  • I've had the misfortune of encountering these individuals through most of my life. It caused all lot of damage to my self image as a black woman. Took years to finally love myself. I had a Caucasian friend who only dated black guys who just happened to loudly refuse to date black women or hated them. Every dude she dated would beat on her.

    I'm not saying every "black" male who refuses/hates his kind is like this but in my friend's case & couple of other people I know the men were beating on them. I know its just one of those weird coincidences I just kept hearing & witnessing in my life. Yet I tell her there are much better real black men out there, if that's what u prefer.

    I won't lie when I met my boyfriend online who told me he had only dated causcsian women til me, I got worried. I had a tazer for his ass but he turned out to be sweetest thing u ever want to meet. He just never met a black girl who has all the same nerdish hobbies as him.

    It was eye opening for me. I use to think all black men who only dated Caucasian women were self hating, or abusive. My boyfriend isn't like that & I know now a couple of other black men like him who r real sweet. There r those who have their preference, & everyone is free to mix it up but the ones who self hate & bash their people are some sick twisted individuals.

    • Isn't it weird? "Black" men have these weird crazed racist stereotypes of the very women who raised them, loved them, and cherished them. I hear "Black" guys here talk about how "Black" women don't share our nerdy quirks, views or interests. Yet the greatest facebook thread known to mankind is "The Extraordinary Journey of a Black Nerd". It is filled with some of the most beautiful, weirdest, most wonderful, nerdiest, quirk "Black" women in the universe.

    • Show All
    • Nice to see spiderwoman updated her outfit. I only remember her 1972 outfit. My mother bought me & my sister the vhs tape of it like, 16 years ago. In definitely following that facebook profile now. Thanks for showing me but yea I get "you play videogames like Devil May Cry!" I also read comics/manga, watch anime, buy figurines and I collect them to the point I have two bookshelves full of them and need a third in my room. They're always shocked, mostly cuz I'm a girl, sometimes because I'm a black girl.

    • Yes, it is the greatest facebook group in the world.

      There was a brother who did cosplay. . . went as a "Prince" PowerRanger.


  • I have never seen this behavior and I have to disagree with a majority of this, unless the people you speak of see race as a thing, my family could careless, they just see a person as a person, you are only as special as your personality is. Intelligence is the one thing we may admire beyond the norm.

  • Interesting take. I think people who ONLY date within a certain racial group are missing out. But that also goes for people who only date outside their racial group. There are smart, attractive, great people in all races why anyone would willingly miss out on that is beyond me. I prefer brown hair that doesn't mean I'll never date a blond.

    • But that is the thing. How can you grow up in a community, being raised by "Black" women, taught by them, loved by them, to come to the conclusion that they are undesirable as mates?

      I can understand if that person did not see people of the opposite gender outside of their community as desirable. And madam, I am talking about culture. Not "race".

      We know that certain communities put a lot of pressure on their young people to marry within their culture. I know an Arab gentlemen who had to deal with his family and arranged marriages. He married a "Black" woman. But he had to deal with this tremendous pressure from his family.

      It isn't right. But it isn't wrong. It is just a human thing.

      Have you seen Kumail's movie?

      It deals with this issue in a very respectful, loving, caring, and funny way.

      His actual wife.

    • I don't really understand it either. I'm not saying that people have to date outside their community. There are lots of reasons why someone would want to stay within their own culture. Shared religion, understanding, culture and interests are all valid reasons for forming a romantic relationship. And if those things are important to you of course you are going to be primarily interested in those who share those things. I'm just against people claiming that only one group is "attractive". I think people across all spectrums can be attractive, great people.

    • Understood. My take was just to address this phenomenon of these men who just have to let everyone know.

  • Ohmigosh I live way too close to this. My mentality is if a guy asks me out to a safe public date, I don't care where he is from, I will go out with him at least once if he shows respect to me.
    I hate the stereotypes that black women are "crazy bitches" because AHEM I KNOW PLENTY CRAZIER BLONDES (as an example). Give people a chance and let their behavior make the decision.

  • A lot of this is fairly accurate.

    That being said... Numbers 4 and 5 on your first list are just plain wrong. Most of the world has never preferred larger penis sizes. Ancient Greece is an example. Large penis sizes were considered grotesque and malformed. The reason why the average male penis size is only barely 5 inches is because most of the world does not, and has never, preferred larger penises. Also, Asian men are not considered weak to anyone who is not racist... It was a really rude and racist sounding set of paragraphs to make.

    Also, looking at number 2 on your second list, interracial children and marriages are an excellent fast track way to patch up racism. They've been helping quite a bit so far.

    3,4, and 5 on the second list seem to be very skewed ways of viewing things. Many black stereotypes are not stereotypes so much as proven statistics. I don't see anything wrong with a black man trying to break the cycle that so many black people choose to remain in. Would you rather he keep things exactly as is? In the name of proving his blackness? If any person wants to jump ship and join a new culture, they have the right to. People have been doing it since the dawn of humanity. It doesn't make him racist or KKK. Really? Connecting walking away with white power hate groups that lynched and murdered people? Dramatic much? If that doesn't illustrate how biased and exaggerating this take is, I don't know what will. These comments make it hard to take the rest as seriously even when some of it is spot on.

    ... Unable to process a break up like a normal male? 3 billion males on this planet, and you think there's a set normal way to handle a break up? No, honey. I've dated jealous, insecure and controlling men in every color and from many countries. It's pretty normal male behavior. Confident people in general are not the rule either.

    If people want to date a black man, it's for them to decide if he's the type of black man they want. It's not for you to decide what makes a "real" black man. This is just so petty.

  • There’s one blue account who makes it well-known how much he hates black women. Was this perhaps directed at him?

    • There were actually several. But yes, I think I know who you are speaking of.

    • Hmm, dime a dozen really. Such a tiresome perspective. I do wish they would become self-aware.

    • Well, we can wish. But in truth, we know it probably won't happen. It is a wonder after all "Black" people have been through, that we have any awareness at all.

      "When the great novel of the American Indian is finally written, all of the "White" people will be American Indians. . . and all the American Indians will be ghosts."

      Sherman Alexie

  • Well thought out MyTake, how it will be received in this environment...
    I know some black guys who only date white women, and I agree with the stamp of approval as basically the broad gist of it..
    Again, anyone who says x people aren't attractive to them, I don't get it. Everyone has different features and personalities, even the skin color is different with a group. So, it really is just singling out x group for whatever reason and deciding they're all not dateable which is lowkey racism.
    Also, have you seen this study that just came out, it's particularly about black men in America.

    • Yeah, but we all know why. And I was trying to explain to this ultra-ignorant black male earlier in this thread. We all know that "Black" men have to stand up in our communities and be more vocal, be better leaders and better role models.

      The problem is we all want to be individuals too. Many of us hate that burden of being "Black". It is heavy. Being "Black", especially a "Black" male is too tough. The community asks too much.

      But ignoramus black guy started screaming at me about individuality and his personal decision blah, blah, blah.

      I was only saying as you have pointed out. We have a big problem with "Black" males. And all the tools for solving it are in our reach.

      Either we will fix it or we won't. But if we don't fix it, it is no one else's fault.

    • Show All
    • I don't like to tell people about my life. He considerably brought issues from my response thread over to hear to tate me as a "Ultra-Ignorant black male". Otherwise, i wouldn't have said anything.

    • @Nexovous Well you can go ahead and admit that you have pretended to be "Black" on GaG before.

  • Almost every black guy i met on here aside from Jdavid seems to never want to date a black woman. I always tell them i’ll never understand how you can't be attracted to your own. Like i get if you prefer to date outside of your race for good reasons but when they say they wouldn't date us cause we’re loud, gold diggers, heavyset, etc i have no respect for them. Not all of us black women are alike and i make it a point to stay away from any race who would NEVER date their own race, idgaf what race they are. Self-hatred is seriously crazy

    • Yes little one, it is. And it is worse when they deny it. I don't think we could ever get these men to see that "Black" women are worthy, beautiful and vibrant. . . because I don't think we could ever get them to see their culture or history as something positive.

      I just wanted to get this "take" out there because there is this mythology that interracial relationships are the answer to racism. How can they be if they reasons for the having the relationships are based upon racist stereotypes?

    • Show All
    • I read up until #3 about black women feeling we should have our mans back. Then i skipped down to the bold number points u made. I have a headache (not from this) so yea

    • Okay little one. When you get a chance, read it, think about it, then please tell me what you have concluded.


  • I finally stopping taking it personal a few years ago when I realized that most of those guys grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood.

    So maybe that's who they feel more comfortable with esp if they were adopted.

    • I don't know about that. I know some that grew up in "Black" communities. I really think it is due to a lack of effort put into how "Black" men deal with negative racial stereotypes and the negative view of "Black" culture from the greater society.

    • Show All
    • Lol which is a lie, anyone could get another race as long as there's an opportunity. Then again not too many people want the trailer trash type

    • Lol which is a lie, anyone could get another race as long as there's an opportunity. Then again not too many people want the trailer trash type

  • I really don’t have much to say other than I agree 😂👍🏾

    • I did this take such a long time ago. And a lot of "Black" men here. . . or maybe I should say black men, have blocked me here at GaG.

      But that is to be expected.

    • Well... no one likes to be exposed I guess 😂
      You were very on the nose, in summary it’s just a lot of self hate low sense of worth

  • Black guys hit on me all the time, they are really into white girls for some reason. Then black girls give you the stink eye!

    • I don't have an issue with "Black" men hitting on you. The point of my "take" is that there are some "Black" men who do not date "Black" women at all because of self-esteem issues, self-confidence issues, or because of negative racist stereotypes of "Black" women and/or "Black" culture.

      You can choose to date "Black" men or dismiss us. That's your problem. But if you do choose to date a "Black" man, date one who is confident in himself and his culture. Be sure he isn't trying to use you as some symbol of status, etc. because that could lead to some real issues in your relationship.

      As for "Black" women giving you the stink eye, could that just be your imagination? I have "hit" on "White" women before and I can say I didn't notice "White" men staring at me.

  • My question is Y? Y one black discriminating another the n what should I think when white does it.

    • I am not really sure I understand your question. But I guess you are asking if "Blacks" discriminate against themselves, why is it such a big deal when "Whites" do it?

      From my perspective it isn't.

      I have never claimed that "Whites" or non-"Blacks" should like or respect me or even my culture. That's their decision. I only claim the right to like and respect my own culture free from interference.

    • @opurba Thankyou. That is exactly the same thing I was telling him.

  • Thanks for finally clarifying this. Of course people can have their preferences. But I always feel a bit put out when a guy says that he is interested in dating only white women. I feel as though they are seeing the clour of the skin as some kind of "trophy" as you put it. We are not people, but trophies to them.

    Of course not everyone is like this. I am just saying I sometimes feel that may be the case when I hear that.

    I can't understand how someone would not be open to dating someone of their own race.

  • Nice take

  • Interesting take. 👍

  • Very well written, good take

  • Wow this was amazing and very well thought out

  • I had rum cream today, I might fart loud tomorrow.

  • Everyone sucks. The end :(

  • A lot of black men I've talked to about dating white women told me it's because of how much better white women treat them in the relationship. They may be on to something, I know a lot of black American women with seriously bad attitudes towards men that mistreat and abuse them. My fellow Nigerian women have absolutely no problem getting and keeping a good black man mostly because we've more to offer and treat them better.

    • Well, I have dated a lot of African-American women. And I just don't believe "Black" men who talk about "Black" women in this way. Because I have never run into a "Black" man making a distinction about African vs African-American women. It seems they actually believe in racist nonsense. That the skin color of the woman affects her beliefs/behaviors.

      I have dated very few African women. And yes, I would say the experience is completely different. But no, it is not necessarily better or worse.

    • Well I dont believe it's to do with racism. I think if African American women treated their men better they wouldn't chase after an easier life with white women.

    • I totally disagree. Again, the "Black" men I have talked to make no distinction between African-American women and other groups from the African diaspora. They simply look at the skin color of the woman, and then claim to have knowledge about how she will behavior, how she will talk or treat them.

      And it is astonishing and breathtaking every single time I witness it.

  • I gave up on dating black men since we all are loud, fat, uneducated, stud looking bitches to them.

    • I have tried to tell "Black" men about how much it hurts for them to voice these negative stereotypes but most here at GaG don't seem to understand.

      I tried. . . really, really hard.

    • Show All
    • SO? what about the stereotypes Indian man have

    • @Boband I can't speak to Indian male stereotypes. I can only get an understanding of that situation when Indian males stand up and talk about the stereotypes they have to deal with.

      You see, I am not a person capable of representing every culture. I can only represent one. . . African-American Culture. Why not create a "Take" talking about this subject? No one else can make this argument for Indian males.

      The problem with Apu. . .

  • Whatever.

  • Interesting


What Guys Said 44

  • As a black man there are several reasons why I have never had a relationship with a black woman.

    1. Cultural: I am a black man but I grew up in an interracial family. Therefore, based purely on cultural ambiance, ways of communication, interests... I typically date and am attracted to white women.

    2. Disrespect: I am an educated black man. I am polite and respectful. For whatever reason the black women I have met are not attracted to that. They want a "thug" and not a nice guy. As a matter of fact, the nicer you are as a black man the MORE DISRESPECT you get from black women. I have seen black women give me disrespect and attitude. Straight.

    3. Stereotypes: Not all stereotypes are true. But some are. I live in a large city and I ride the city bus. I see black women slapping men, slapping their children, cussing at their children, yelling, getting into people's faces, screaming. I will NOT put up with that shit. I have seen soooo man black women be abuse to their men and their children. I date middle class white women because many of them deal with problems in a respectful and adult manner. With the girl I am with right now who is white we sit down and talk while cuddling. I can't stand the black women I see on the bus at 7am screaming in their cell phones about the gossip of the day. Its 7 in the morning!

    I think that black women are beautiful just like any other. Believe it or not I have dated black women and I am friends with them. I do not reject someone I am attracted to based on race. But... are black women the first thing I see at a party or a club? NO. I instinctively go to the women who seem like they are brought up CLASSY and not negative all the time!

    4. Its Sexy and Erotic: One last thing. Another reason why interracial relationships and sex have an appeal is because of the differences. The differences are sexy in the bedroom. The beauty of two completely different skin tones meshed as one. It more of a human evolution type of thing.

    • 1. That is totally understandable. You were raised in a different culture with different cultural norms. You don't find them attractive because your culture does not find "Blackness" attractive.

      2. And now we enter the twilight zone. No, nothing you post here is true nor is it understandable. It is just the whole friendzone, nice guys finish last thing all over again. There are plenty of "Black" women who love, date, "Black" men who are smart and successful.

      3. This is basically number two. I don't know why you separated them. In fact, 1, 2, 3. are all the same. Honestly, it made a whole lot of sense to just say you are not into "Black" cultural norms When you go racial, you lose me. There isn't any other way to put it. It is the same confusion all people who believe in race exhibit. Are you talking about culture or race? Do you know the difference? Are "Black" people bound by their beliefs/behaviors? Or by their skin color? Choose one.

      4. That one is just plain weird.

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    • Haha! Just look at your backwards insane racist logic. "They" are not dating thugs. Many "Black" women are going it alone. I encourage most "Black" women to include Asian men in their dating pool, since racist stereotyping affects them almost as much as it affects "Black" women.

      And it is funny, you talk about "Black" women dating thugs, yet you don't comment on the "Black" men who are thugs? Why are they thugs? Where are the "Black" men in the community standing up, voicing to young "Black" men everywhere about what it means to be a "Black" man. Where are the "Black" men who mentor young "Black" males and tell them about our history and our culture?

      Oh. . . they are dating "White" women and becoming as cultureless as possible. They are not "Black" in any sense of the word. Because in their estimation, being "Black" culturally is the worst thing they could imagine.


    • @wolfcat87 Yep. . . everyone everywhere is an African now.


      Wolfcat, you shouldn't be here trying to debate race and culture. . . two subjects which you know little about. You should take your show on the road and just become a comedy act.

      I recommend Vegas. You could go on before Penn and Teller!

  • My wife has seen this over and over. What really annoyed her is that these selfsame men would criticize her for dating white men (and even more for marrying one).

    • I don't know if they would. But one thing that is hilarious. You do have the type that are actually mad when a "White" women refuses to date them. . .


      That is absolutely hilarious!

    • My wife has a friend who will never date white guys. Doesn't offend me.

      As for "if they would", yes, my wife did encounter that. Black men who wanted nothing to do with Black women but were offended when Black women might want to date or marry a White man...

    • Like I said, I have not encountered that type. I can only point out the type I met here and in life. I cannot give you experiences I never had. The "Black" men I met who dated out exclusively only had issues with "White" women who refused to date them because they were "Black".

      Like @manonfire.

      He can explain it to you.

      This is close to the type of "Black" guy I met in real life who dates out exclusively.

  • This is very interesting.. A nice perspective to look from really. You always goin hard Roland.. LOL..

    • Haha! I can't explain it. Why am I like this?

      I just can't keep a lid on it like most other folks. I just have to open my mouth.

      Dude, I got into it with a "White" lady at the bar just the other week arguing over race and culture.

      When I hear something I disagree with, I can't shut up.

    • Aw yeah, I feel you.. I'm the same way.. LOL.. Like sometimes I just feel compelled to challenge that point of view.. Except a lot of times I keep my mouth shut..

  • i think the psychology of anyone who proclaims not to date people due to their race should be questioned

    • Why, Mr. Mad?

      Explain yourself, young sir.

      Culture Dictates the Standard of Beauty

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    • Sorry you are right. I omitted the word "proclaims".

      I think we have reached an understanding.

      Gotta go to lunch.

      Thanks man.

    • enjoy... thought we were in agreement.

  • Or, it could just be that white women are better. I've seen black women on TV, they all treat their husbands disrespectfully, I don't blame black men for only fancy in white girls, the problem is, if a black man steals my girl I'll have to marry some horrible black woman.

    • Really? You have seen "Black" women on the picture box?

      I guess that statement kind of says it all.

      Between 2009 and 2010, black women earned 68 per cent of associate's degrees, 66 per cent of bachelor's degrees, 71 per cent of master's degrees and 65 per cent of all doctorate degrees awarded to black students.

      The percentage of black students attending college has increased from 10 per cent to 15 per cent from 1976 to 2012, while the percentage of white students fell from 84 to 60 per cent.

      By both race and gender, a higher percentage of black women (9.7 per cent) is enrolled in college than any other group, including Asian women (8.7 per cent), white women (7.1 per cent) and white men (6.1 per cent).

  • Or maybe it's just that black women far too often act like they have a chip on their shoulder and act openly hostile to just about everyone around them. Yea, maybe that it's and not your novel of a post. Just saved everyone 15 minutes of their life.

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    • I didn't make up a straw man. I exposed yours.

    • Really you trot out a bunch of racist stereotypes listed at any "White" supremacist freakshow website and you exposed me?


  • I agree with most of what you said. Sometimes it's difficult to fight your own prejudices but at the end of the day you like who you like.

    There are people who just refuse to date within their own race because they just want something different. I notice that in the Asian community, Asian women want white men and in the black community the athletes all want white women or anything non-black. In my opinion, the only racial community that sticks most with their race is probably middle eastern.

    • Okay. I am not here claiming that we can rid ourselves of self-hatred or these influences. And of course, there are people who may honestly have preferences. But there is something totally different about a "Black" man who claims to not like "Black" women, then instead of going about his business, needs to create a thread, a blog, a video, etc. justifying his choices.

      This is as disrespectful as they come.

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    • Cultural differences rather than personal preferences.

    • @wolfcat87 What does that even mean?

      My point to you is that you are the one who said "Black" culture is among the most racist, negative, and backwards cultures you have ever seen.'

      So why would you now claim that "Black" men who refuse to date any "Black" women teach that same negative "Black" culture and history?

  • A+ bro.

    The thing that I hate most about some black men which are in the minority is how they go on YouTube and create Facebook pages just to humiliate and embrass their own black sisters before the world with negative stereotypes which they themselves have but act like they don't as a means to distant themselves of black women and the black community.

    Lastly, on your point of insecurity or lack of love of one self, you were so correct on that point.

    Insecurity no matter how much one tries to hide it or brush it under the rug eventually will slip out and show it's ugly head destroying the person themself and the person they are with.

  • Omg this "Black" guy actually wrote out a Take trying to justify why he has a problem with black men who date women of other races. To me it shows a lot of your own insecurity to be this focused on it. And the only people who agree with you are black women who are also bothered by these relationships and white women who don't like black men. So what box does that place all of you in? Because you show a racial intolerance of your own.

    These relationships aren't going to stop regardless of how you or anyone else would want to explain it, and indicates nothing but your own inner issues to be so critical of it. Makes me wonder what issues you think people have who DON'T want to date anyone else besides their own race because of their narrow perceptions of other races.

    • You are absolutely. . .




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    • @RolandCuthbert Dude, you are not anywhere near as educated and intelligent as you think you are as a black man. Pandering to black women is all you got, while you empower and encourage racist white men who already hate interracial relationships, and help the white women justify themselves for hating them too. You think you're doing some kind of justice as a black man when you really just encourage more racial hate and make a joke of yourself. Like a reverse Marcus Garvey or something.

    • I am so sorry. I did not even see this confused mess of a post.

      I am not enabling racist stereotypes. That is you.

      I do not even believe in your concept of race. I am a member of a culture. It is called African-American Culture. I don't pander to "Black" women. That is a racist notion in itself. Because it implies that "Black" women need someone to pander to them. As though they are not already intelligent, beautiful, and sophisticated and should be respected for that.

      You and your silly colorblind crowd think you are fighting against racism but everything you do is based upon the concept that one race of women is inferior other races.

      It is hilarious that a black man with a race fetish thinks his race fetish does anything but promote racism.

      Its like you are a grown black man. . . still in your mother's womb. Do you remember the first 60 seconds of the move "Baby Boy"?

  • I did not even read all the crap. I just smell a race baited.

    • Yeah, it isn't race baiting to say "Black" women are not attractive and/or that I don't date them. . . even though I was raised and loved by them.

  • Most black men that date black women want a light skinned black woman. Black men love the mixed race girls with light skin and will claim them as black. Look at Tyrese.

    • Nah that comment makes no sense. Tyrese is one messed up brother. He needs professional help. "Black" is "Black", light-skinned or not. I have met light-skinned people who think they are a special kind of "Black" person. I have met light-skinned people who think they are not "Black" enough.

      It is a mixed bag. I think "Black" folks need to stop throwing stones at each other. We are all "Black" none of us are "better" than the other. We are just different shades and express our "Blackness" in different ways.

  • Well as a white guy, this was an interesting and valuable glimpse into this specific perspective. However, you barely touched on the behaviour aspect of the choice of partner. Almost every black woman I have met had VERY strong personalities. They are the boss usually. Hispanic women are tough, and still not as tough as black women. Are you certain that isn't why these men prefer to date other ethnic groups? Because that is the main reason I have never dated a black woman. I would like to hear your thoughts on that.

    • I can't speak for the type of "Black" woman you have met. My ex did not have a strong personality. Her voice was as gentle as an angel's. Of course she could manipulate me because of that. She could make a sad face and speak in that voice and I would do anything she asked.

      After that, I dated a mixed bag. One younger lady I dated for a couple of years was very gentle. One college professor I dated for six years was a boss.

      But she was a scientist working for the U. S. government, what else was she going to be?

      So no, I don't believe this is why "Black" men choose not to date or marry "Black" women. Men who date outside the community exclusively, do so because they have projected positive beliefs and behaviors onto "Black" women, and positive beliefs and behaviors on non-"Black" women.

      And I submit, if you talk to these men, their dislike of the "Black" community goes far beyond "Black" women.

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    • Yeah, I really wish we had some "Black" Canadians here. I would be interested in what they would actually say about that article.

    • We will have to wait see who trolls along. Nice chatting with you Roland 👍

  • Black women are loud angry and nasty attitudes. Many are very pretty but even those have mental issues.

    • And of course "Black" women don't have "nasty" attitudes. It is weird that you can still say that many are pretty.

      I don't think I have ever heard of any person saying that before.

  • I've seen that a few times in college and it left me scratching my head.

  • Every single point was off. Trash take. I do not need someone explaining to me my preference. Nice try by the way.

    • You didn't read the take. Because everyone has preferences. Why do I have to know about a "Black" man's issues dating "Black" women? If you don't date them, if you think they are ugly, etc. keep that to yourself.

      I mean, aren't you guys the ones who say your preferences are not a big deal?

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    • You really snitched on me to GaG in order to get my comment deleted. Sad 😂

      Did you think I wouldn't post it again? I can simply censor the foul words. You reporting me proved everything I wanted to expose of you. You're a scared white knight running on a false narrative. Goodbye ✌️

    • haha! You just keep lying to yourself. NOBODY IS PUSHING YOU TO GET ANSWERS. That is just your guilty conscience bothering you.

      You see the thing that is amazing about you guys is that you claim that the most important things are personality, love, honesty, etc. but it is all a lie. A racial one. Because you can only find these supposed deep connections and emotions based on a woman's "race". It is hilarious actually. I will admit that some of you just admit to being superficial and don't play that idiotic game. But most of you have deep, deep issues.

      I don't have to give you any links to what is happening on my take. If you don't know how to use a web browser and scroll down, you have bigger problems than I first imagined.

      And again with the insults. Well, I want you to know how much I am so deeply hurt.

      Let me express myself Eddie Griffin style.

      Sniff, sniff. . .

  • Well being in actual relationships simply don't appeal to masses any more , its more for sex and boredom, and most of it is as simple as the black women they've met there's something about them that they can't stand about them, especially the ones of their own generation, this applies to every woman but they've likely had the most exposure to black women being black themselves, and the grass always looks greener on the other side sub-conciously, and these men are too far gone to ever not expect certain things from a black woman, through media and overall exposure

  • Yeah.. You make some good points, but the whole "because racism/slavery" is pretty wrong.

    The fact that you never addressed the possibility of black women being the least attractive race makes it seem like you're making excuses for them.

    Socioeconomically, they're statistically the worst group to date. They often have foul attitudes. They're the most obese and generally least attractive. There's of course exceptions to these rules, but this is true for the most part.

    If overnight black women suddenly became petite, educated, stable, healthy, and had friendly demeanors, men would flock to them at the same rate as white women with the same traits.

    • You didn't read the take. I dismantled that argument first. I wanted to rebut common misconceptions of these men.

      And no, I don't accept the possibility that "Black" women are the least attractive. If you do, that's on you. I am not pretending social norms have "Black" women at the top in terms of beauty. I am explaining the psychology of "Black" men who proclaim their dating choices that exclude "Black" women.

      These men who talk about these standards of beauty or negative behaviors/beliefs are just fooling themselves. And I am not trying to tell them they can't exercise their "freedoms". I am just offering up my rebuttal because the non-"Black" women who engage these type of men need to know they are mentally unstable.

  • "Black women" must straighten scalp hair, pluck body hair, utilise feminine hygiene lubes/sprays.
    Black men love the light skinned female, and lust for the pink color omnipresent "European" female.
    Black men wholly desire to inseminate white women subliminally for ultimate conquest.
    Black men boast a white mate.
    White women "think" - have been brainwashed to believe black males desire them for their minds... I call bullshit.
    Now, before you call racist (you are programmed to shame the TRUTH) I dated more than one black, aka african-american female and lovemaking wasn't pleasurable universally - just acknowledging my humble experiment. The engagement was taboo, and somewhat curious, plus mutual friends seemed uncomfortable (possibly due to their own cultural mores' but I digress)
    Love is Love.
    The relationship with the love of my life - culturally diverse Asian descent (now you are really looking at established "racism" in the culture) and I do not give a damn.

    • And I don't care that you don't care. You can't make up a bunch of silly racist nonsense and claim this is why "Black" men don't date "Black" women. "Black" women don't have to "straighten" their hair. My last girlfriend wore her hair natural. She was cute. Now, I won't claim that she was beautiful. Because her looks are not what attracted me. We met online. And she was simply the most brilliant mind I had ever been exposed to.

      When we met, I found out why. She worked as a senate staff to the late great Paul Wellstone.

      She helped to write his speeches. Her IQ was 157. She was a scientist at the University of Maryland.

      And I only am talking about the black men who claim they cannot date "Black" women at all. Interracial dating is fine. Like you. . . I have done it myself.

    • This was certainly a bunch of mindless, racist drivel. XD Black women don't have to do anything that white women don't do. I'm not programmed to shame any truth, but this was ridiculously far from any truth. Also, no matter what color woman you date, lovemaking will not be the same from woman to woman. How silly. Same for dating men.

  • Do you think this is/could be a regional thing OP? Certainly black culture from New England, Appalachia, The Midwest, The South, The Great Plains, The Mountains, Texas, The Southwest, Cali and Cascadia must all be different. Some of the things you mentioned seem to be mostly specific to the American south.

    Overall though, this was a really well thought out take. Good sociology present here.

    • Well, I am in the mid-west. And I have traveled a great deal around the U. S.

      But I want to make something perfectly clear. I am not talking about the majority of "Black" men. I am talking about a tiny loud fraction. Most "Black" men have no issues including "Black" women in their dating pool. In fact, most "Black" men believe "Black" women are the standard for feminine beauty.

      I am not even talking about the majority of "Black" men who date outside of the community. Even I have done that.

      I am talking about a fraction of specific minority. The "Black" men who date out exclusively and who have to make sure everyone knows that and knows why.

      Usually that why has to do with a bunch of nonsensical racist bull.

  • What if they just don't estethically like black women? I have a white friend who exclusively dates black women.

    • I am sure "White" women would care less, since they are the crowning goal of males of every culture.

      But again, this isn't just about the "Black" males who date out exclusively. There is a psychology for those who need to make sure that everyone knows they have a "White" woman.

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    • of black servants history here, so that rule wouldn't apply to him either way.

    • I don't think my "take" is about "Black" guys who are more into "White" women.

      Or "Black" guys who date women from varied cultures and backgrounds.

  • Wow that's a lot to read. I read through most and skimmed through some.

    I think I can simplify why black men who choose to date outside their race choose to do so. This is from what I've been told by nearly every black guy I know who prefers white women. These may not and probably don't apply to all.

    1: They are not a fan of the culture predominantly associated with black people.

    2: Black women are too much to handle and apparently are too much work.

    3: White girls are just prettier on average.

    4: "Cause I can, what you don't want me dating white girls? You afraid we gone steal them away from you?

    • But this take isn't simply talking about why certain "Black" men choose to date out exclusively. Why do they feel the need to shame "Black" women in public. How many times have "Black" women created a "take" to tell everyone about their dating choices?

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    • It is just not factually accurate 24% of "Black" American males engage in intermarriage. The percentage is higher when you look at dating habits.

      But that's not what we are talking about.

      What is up with the some of the men who have to proclaim their dating exclusively non-"Black" dating choices. That's what my take addresses.

      I am not trying to get sympathy from you.

      But I won't pretend this is not an issue anymore.

    • You might be right, they might be jumping on a bandwagon. And the bandwagon is denouncing black women as viable suitors for men.

  • I honestly didn't read it all and i have to adress real life problems right now though i did want to remark on my opinion of the first few lines. There's nothing wrong with wanting to date only a specific color or race i suppose though i do agree that feeling the need to consistently proclaim it like it's a new verse of the gospel is just ridiculous and frankly a personal issue for anyone who feels the need to do so. I personally have no issue with dating a black woman though i find myself to be much more picky when it comes to physical attraction though i love the attitude they can have and seek it sometimes as it is a challenge and can keep things fun and interesting because i'm rather cunning and always have a sly remark to play around with. These are preferences and that said i haven't actually been on a dating basis with one though i love to have them as friends or accomplices for days out.

    • And this is the question for you young folks. What happens when you have a daughter?

      I am only using you as an example. So a man who happens to have dark skin, proclaims that he can only date the women who do not look like him. He only dates women he considers not to be black. Then he marries the most nordic looking woman he possibly can.

      What happens if he has a daughter?

      It is a well-documented that a little girl's first crush is her father. And the example of her father sets, weighs heavily in terms of the types of men she will engage as she grows older.

      And I get it. A lot of "Black" people especially "Black" men do not like this burden. I don't have any issues with folks understanding the issues within the "Black" community and saying they want to give up and just live for themselves. I can't challenge your choices. But let's at least be honest about the issues.

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    • Lol, you haven't won your side or pushed me to agree with your ideal. So now you are just ignoring me and giving me shit. That's cute, it also proves my point of having a weak mind. Congratulations.

    • You seem to thrive off attention. We are going to talk about things of substance in this take. So be proud that you will be the first and only person that I block.

  • Haha they're missing out. I've heard about this though. About how black hookers complain about black men not wanting them.
    I see it differnetly though. I met this girl once her parents was from The Gambia and she was a beautiful creature god blessed this world when he gave us her (I don't really believe in god, but that's how amazing she was). You know nakia from black panther? she looked a lot like her except her eyes were bigger and she had beautiful braids and amazing lips. I wish she had loved me as much as I loved her, but ironically she had a thing for a white guy, and I couldn't trust her anymore.

    I like blacks/latinas the most, but then again i love white chicks, koreans, afghans, everything. niggas love every type of snatch LMAO

  • Yeah I don't understand it.

    • You don't understand hating yourself or your culture?

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    • I don't even get preferences. I have none. I've had sex with oriental girls, black girls, white girls, mixed girls, and Latin girls.

    • Hey, I have no hate for what you do. Good job!

  • This is an American thing...

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    • @RolandCuthbert Self hate in Africa is huge too. It's why there's a booming skin bleaching industry over there. You forget they had to deal with colonization and they also consume quite a bit of American media. Some of my family member on my moms side are from Ghana and they tell me about the constant ads they see to convince them to brighten their skin, and how quite a few guys want to go abroad to get with a white girl. It's honestly sad.

    • @xXiTacoXx Well, I have run into some of this before. There is a Nigerian here who is not at all comfortable in his own skin.

      But I run into some African immigrants here in the States. And one thing is for certain, they are more at peace with themselves and with their culture than most African-Americans.

  • It's hard to understand, not being American, the mentality seems to hard to believe.

    • It is only something "Black" men have been subjected to for centuries. In America, pretty much most non-"White" people struggle with self-hatred. Because most view their cultures through a lens of negativity. I became acutely aware of my own issues, while studying the effect among American Indians.

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    • Hey I think we got wires crossed, and totally confused, I was not judging you nore any other black person, but in Australia indigenous people have suffered a lot, the hang ups you have talked about in your my take I have never heard before. We have many people of African decent in Oz, they won't have the issues that you guys have suffered, because they have migrated here post civil rights movement. Like many Australians they came here for more opportunities. All I was saying is that if you learn a little bit about the Australian aborigines, you will learn more about how tribal /indigenous cultures have survived post the Imperial expansion of the European powers, and the industrial revolution. I'm not American so what happens up there is all new to me.

    • Dude, why did you even post me? Nothing you post has anything to do with the topic or this conversation. You hit me with your baggage about aborigines. I tell you I can't judge you. Then you tell me that you are not judging me.


      This take is about the "African-American" who feel the need to proclaim their dating preferences which are exclusively non "Black" women.

      I cannot speak to indigenous cultures. I cannot speak to the Aborigine experience. I created this take to represent my own.

      If you wish to talk about Aborigine culture. Great. But please create your own "take", I will participate and I will try to learn.

  • interesting and very well articulated

  • You forgot the most obvious 1

    • And what would that be sir.

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    • I honestly never noticed... or more likely forgot considering how much I dick around on here and stopped paying attention and haven’t been on that much recently

      Also, I honestly don’t give a shit about the race argument thing.

    • In light of your revelation about how much you care about these topics, I will make sure to give your comments proper consideration in my next "take".

  • Yeah they like white girls

  • Interesting

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