If you meet a black male, who refuses to date "Black" women, it is time to run like the Road Runner.
I just want to reiterate. Interracial relations are cool. I have dated non-"Black" women myself. And if a black guy does not want to date "Black" women, I get it. But why do you have to constantly proclaim your preference? And on top of that insult the sexuality of "Black" women?
Well, I just wanted to get this "Take" out there. You guys know I am always pushing the boundaries and people's buttons but this has bothered me since I first arrived at GaG. And that is the number of "takes", "questions", etc. started by men who I guess racially define themselves as black, to exclaim their preference for "White" or non-"Black" women.
Having been a "Black" man who has dealt with issues of self-hatred, I want to explain to the people here at GaG how these issues work in the mind of a typical guy who has reached this conclusion. And also warn women who date black men.
Most "Black" women usually think the reasons why these men would be so adamant about their preferences has to do with some combination of the following;
1. Legacy of slavery contributed to African-American male idealization of white women as forbidden fruit and status symbols.
2. As slaves, black women were raped as the property of white men and have ongoing aversions of white men as a result.
3. Because black men have been oppressed by white men, black women are taught to have "stand by your man at all costs" loyalty to them.
4. Evolutionary mate selection theorists say height, hairiness, and larger penises are associated with greater masculinity. Petiteness and long hair are associated with femininity. Asian men are shorter and less hairy (on average) than black or white men. Black women have shorter natural hair and have slightly greater muscle and bone density (on average) than other women. So Asian men are viewed as less masculine than others and black women are viewed as less feminine than others. Black and Asian penis size myths are perpetuated even though they have been debunked in various scientific studies (link is external).
5. Stereotypes about Asian submissiveness and black aggressiveness fuel assumptions about what partners will be most "masculine" and "feminine", and who will be the bad boy and good girl.
6. White standards of beauty devalue black women and Asian men and our media embrace these standards.
This list while okay, really does not get to the psychology behind what "Black" men are thinking. Nor does it appear to be aware of what the society itself values for "Black" men. Most of GaG is full of young folks. So most of you do not know that the first dose of interracial relationships we ever see on screen involving "Black" people were films like "Guess Who is Coming to Dinner".
This was not the only film. Sidney Poitier also starred in another movie called "A Patch of Blue".
But there were films like "My baby is Black", "I Spit on your Graves", "One Potato, Two Potato", "Island in the Sun", etc.
Now let me put this in context. We are talking about films made almost 70 years ago. The first films about interracial relations involving African-Americans basically were about light-skinned "Black" women who married or had sex with "White" guys. Movies like "Pinky" or "Shadows". And of course before that all movies with interracial relations involved solely "White" men and Asian/American Indian women.
I use this to point out that long before we start talking about the internalized hatred that "Black" men have for their culture. There was already this view that the great goal of race relations would be achieved when "Black" men finally had the opportunity to marry a "White" woman. It is the way it was presented in every major film made in America that talked about race, back in the 60s/70s and into the 80s.
"White" women were supposed to be a crowning achievement not just for "Black" men but for the entire "Black" community. It was this symbol that all race relations problems were solved.
So it is from this foundation, we talk about the current psychology of "Black" men.
So taking apart the common consensus for why some men who are racially black need to make this proclamation, this is not due to the legacy of slavery. Nor does this have anything to do with "White" men having unfettered access to the "Black" women who were slaves. "Black" women may have some animus towards "White" men, but that still has nothing to with the psychology of "Black" men. The racial stereotypes listed are just nonsense. There isn't a single "White" or non-"Black" woman on GaG who would profess to liking "Black" men because of some mythology about our sexual prowess.
But beauty standards do come into play. And with that, I will start to explain exactly what is going through the minds of these men.
1. He has been told "White" women are the crowning achievement of his life constantly.
This should be the goal of every "Black" man. We have been told this in film after film, in the media, books, magazines, etc.
2. We are constantly told that having interracial sex/marriage is the best way to destroy racism.
The weird thing is that these men believe in the worst stereotypes about "Black" women and "Black" women's sexuality, but they actually believe they are the furthest thing from being racist, while embracing racism.
3. It is well known the negative stereotypes of "Black" culture(s) or more accurately African-descended cutlure(s).
These men need a way to absolve themselves of these negative behaviors/beliefs. Marrying a "White" women the quickest way to rid themselves of that negativity.
4. These men always think of themselves as "exceptions".
They are not like other "Black" people. The weird thing here is their definition of themselves and their "people". Because they are talking about behaviors and beliefs. Note the next point;
5. THEY ARE DEFINED BY RACE.
This is the most amazing thing about them. They are defined by race, yet they define other "Blacks" by the negative beliefs and behaviors they claim "Blacks" engage in. So in other words, they are just as insane as any KKK member, David Duke supporter or fruitcake "White" supremacist. They use the same belief system. They simply exempt themselves from it. "Black" negativity applies to all "Blacks" especially "Black" women, yet it somehow missed them. It is the same stupid conversation as to whether people are defined by the color of their skin or the culture that they participate in.
6. Their definition of themselves is tied up in the woman they are married to or intimate with.
And this is the most important part. Because these men are not confident in being "Black" since being "Black" is the most negative thing they can think of. The way they have any positive image of themselves comes from their mate who has to be "White" or at least not "Black". So when you. . .a non-"Black" woman is with them, you have to understand, you are carrying their insecurities wherever you go. That's why these men are prone to be more jealous than average men, more controlling, more insecure in their masculinity, since at least part of their sense of being a confident male comes from their ability to attract a non-"Black" mate. That's why when things go south, they are awful hard to get rid of. They tend to not be able to process the breakup like a normal male.
7. Of course, you are a trophy.
So if you are a non-"Black" woman, you can bet the first thing out of your "Black" male's partner's mouth to his friends and acquaintances is your race or ethnic group. They are very loud about it.
8. Which leads to their constant proclamations. "I am not attracted to "Black" women...
...even though I am "Black" and was raised by "Black" women, taught by "Black" women, and loved by "Black" women." "My girlfriend or wife is x race or ethnic group! So please see me as an acceptable human being." They make the proclamations because it matters very much to them. The fact that they have had sex or are in a relationship with a woman who is not "Black". If it didn't matter, they wouldn't utter a word. But when you have this negative racial definition, you are constantly looking for support and verification that you are okay. His non-"Black" woman is like his stamp of approval. It is like in the old days when people had to make sure they had proper identification on them at all times.
So he that's why he makes sure he mentions his non-"Black" woman wherever he goes. To make sure that people understand that he is an okay kind of a black guy.
So if you are going to date a "Black" man, make sure he is really "Black" and confident in his skin and in his culture. Because if he isn't you are going to be in for a truly miserable time.
Thanks for reading.