Ladies, Let Your Partner Play Video Games!

[Anonymous]

There are so many women posting online in general that they can't get their boyfriend off gaming or they are actively trying to get them to stop playing so they can give them attention. When a partner games a lot, I can understand how it may affect a relationship, but I believe in most cases, the relationship isn't being affected; the woman simply wants more attention and doesn't respect their interests.

Most people who play video games did so as a young child and it is, in essence, a hobby and sometimes even a life style. They often make friends who play games and some friends are online who they enjoy spending time with. As a gamer myself, I would not appreciate having a partner trying to draw me away from something I've enjoyed since I was little. Playing video games is their leisure time, their time to wind down. If your partner goes on for a few hours in the evening every so often, then it's not an issue. You wouldn't tell your partner to stop any other hobby, such as golf or going to the gym, would you? I'm sure you wouldn't like your partner to stop you from doing a hobby of yours. Stopping your partner from doing anything they enjoy is simply unhealthy!

This goes to everyone in general - your partner is their own person. They had a life before you and if you enter the picture, they're under no obligation to change anything for you.

This goes to everyone in general - your partner is their own person. They had a life before you and if you enter the picture, they're under no obligation to change anything for you. Just because you're their partner, it doesn't mean they only have to spend time with you!

When does gaming become a problem in a relationship?

If your partner's attitude towards you changes negatively whilst they're playing their video game, if they seem distracted and focused only on gaming when you're out of the house/away from the game and they do not try to invest some quality time in your relationship, then that could be deemed a problem. This would be a good time to discuss the problem civilly together where you can let them know how it's making you feel and tell them that if they do not wish to invest time in the relationship anymore, then neither will you. You need to respect yourself and when you know you're not getting what you deserve, even after you've tried to salvage the relationship, then step away.

If this doesn't sound like your partner, then you should ask yourself why exactly you're wanting them to quit their hobby for you. Feeling like you're being ignored is a perfectly relevant feeling and it should be discussed, but the solution may be communication and a compromise - they get to continue playing their game, but they put in less hours and give you more attention. If you're finding yourself trying to control everything he's doing, right down to when he can see his friends, then that's really not healthy and the issue probably lies in you, not him.

A message to the gamers

Gaming can be addictive and takes up a lot of time. If your partner has expressed that they're feeling excluded or ignored, it doesn't mean you must stop your hobby entirely. It simply means playing a little less or paying attention to them whilst playing your game if they're talking to you. It's easy to zone out or even retaliate when you're focused on a game, resulting in a negative experience for your partner and feelings of hostility! Be quick to apologise if you do end up speaking unnecessarily angrily towards your partner and be aware of how you are coming across to others.

Make a compromise together and pay attention to the feelings of each other. Learn a little about games or the one he is playing so you can discuss it. Realising that online games can't be paused is also a helpful tip. ;) Get involved and play! Gamers, if your partner is showing interest in your hobby, let them get involved too - it works both ways. And look at the plus side, for those with trust issues, at least your partner is at home and you know where he is!

[Nexovous]

My sisters husband is a gamer and he spends a good deal of time on it when he's not working. She complains to me often and asks for advice. One day i was like "Alright bitch! We're making you an account and we're all three playing together". Before we knew it she was spending more time on that shit then he did. It seemed to become a fun thing they did together and funny enough he actually started becoming more distant with his games and played on occasion but wanted to do other things outside the house and whatnot with my sister. It actually helped the relationship for her to try it out and show interest. He's much more willing to show interest in her interests and try them out now too.

[myTake Owner]

Great example of how things can work out when you pay attention to your partner's interests and hobbies rather than dismissing it and working against them. :)

[Anonymous]

Fabulous. Thanks.

My partner games at least 6 hours every night and at weekends it’s about 14 hours per day. I barely speak to him because he’s gaming and if I ask him to stop I’m “interfering with down time”. What am I doing? Cooking for him, changing beds for his friends. And people like you encourage him because his girlfriend asked him to stop.

Don’t open with statements like that because many girls are fighting the opposite problem. I like to game time to time but I’m not going to write a mytake saying that. It’s ljke saying “I like a glass of wine but when you get to 3 boxes a night it’s an issue”

It’s an issue before then.

[myTake Owner]

If you read the entire myTake, I cover this. I'd say 6 hours every night and him getting angry at you when you try to get him off it is a problem. He should limit the amount he plays and change his attitude.

[Nexovous]

I'm hopping in late here. I agree with you entirely. Moderation and emotional control is a must. If you get worked up over a game go for a walk or walk away from the computer. Sometimes you just have shitty days and you log in to find all your 232 hours worth of base building and dino taming on ark to be completely raided and destroyed while your entire tribe was ffline. That is ultra rage mode, the thing is you have to relise that's the name of the game and what happened is you lost. Just build up again. Something i realized is the less you care in the game the easier things tend to be. In wow i play a rogue and a misstep could be my death so it sucks to mess up and lose ranking for my entire team because my own issue. Things add up and at times logging out for the day is the best choice. I had a hard time moderating my gaming time and i loved gaming so i didn't want to stop. I found an alternative of an equal value if not more to my gaming addiction.

[Nexovous]

I got a motorcycle and it acts as my cool down time if i get frustrated sometimes. The thing is logging out is the hardest thing to do but once you log out willingly it feels like a burden was lifted and you tend to forget the games losses or issues and makes it easier to moderate it. If you moderate your game time it also is easier to control your mood and gaming habits because you start to use the limited time you have to play as a planned efficiency time frame so you do what you need to in that time frame. Sometimes the best thing you can do is dunk that xbox in the garbage and not look back. I played my xbox every waking hour i wasn't at work two years ago. After i got my motorcycle i felt almost trapped in the xbox as if it was choking me and one day i just took it and legit dunked it in the dumpster next to my apartment complex. It was surprisingly satisfying to do. I now play pc only and it's easier to pick up something and drop it as well.

[lumos]

Unfortunately, in my personal experience, when I've seen girls complain about their men gaming too much, the majority of the time it actually is quite serious and has affected their relationship. I've heard girls ask if it's ok that their boyfriend is totally hooked to their video game, even when they made plans and are supposed to be spending time together. Like the girl will walk over to his place because the both of them decided to hang out, but when she got there it took him an hour or two to stop playing video games. In my book, that's not something a good partner does. If you promise your partner that you'll spend time with them, your partner shouldn't have to wait an hour or two extra just so that you can finish leveling up or defeat the boss.
I understand gaming is a hobby just like any other, but like I said, most of the cases I've heard of or witnessed aren't just about "the girl wanting more attention", it's literally the guy prioritizing games over her on numerous occasions and making promises he cannot keep. Like if you can't stop playing even though you made a promise to your partner that you would spend time with them at date and time x, then you clearly have a problem.
"or paying attention to them whilst playing your game if they're talking to you"
If you're talking about face to face interaction, I would not appreciate having my boyfriend play a game at the same time as we're hanging out. I would compare it to someone being on their phone constantly when you're trying to talk to them. To me it doesn't matter if they're playing flappy bird/candy crush or Skyrim/CS, if someone continuously makes the decision to do something else when I'm there just to spend time with them, I'll take it as a massive sign as them not prioritizing me.
I'm a gamer myself. I love playing games on my Nintendo DS nowadays, since it's so easy to just pick up. But I would neeeeever randomly pick up my DS while I'm with my partner just to start gaming for an hour or two.
I would compare this to being detached in any other conversation with anyone else. Like if someone was constantly on their phone, snapchatting, instagramming and updating their facebook, I'm pretty sure 99% of people would find it rude and disrespectful. But somehow with gaming, it seems like this behavior is almost excused, and unhappy girlfriends are just labeled as too needy, too clingy, or wanting too much attention that they somehow don't deserve.

[lumos]

I also just want to highlight that I'm of course not saying every gamer is like this, nor is every girlfriend always super understanding of gaming as a hobby. It's just that in my personal experience, the gaming has been less of a hobby for the guy and more of an addiction, which has affected the relationship due to the guy neglecting his partner and not being able to keep his promises.

[D_Bone_Steak]

In my relationship, she's was an attention whore and felt entitled to excessive amounts of attention. So how did I fix it?

I pushed her to develop some hobbies and interests of her own. I think the problem a lot of men face with women that are too heavy on the 'attention seeking' side, she's a boring person with no interest or hobbies of her own outside of... activities to find or receive male attention.

So my dudes, take note if your chick only does things like getting her hair/nails/makeup done, shopping for that outfit, or going to events, bars/clubs, casinos or whatever... why? because all those activities are for making themselves more attractive for or to find/get male attention.

Oh but she's got you now right? well, if she simply didn't have any hobbies or interests outside of this type of 'preen and seek male attention' behaviors, expect she will feel like a succubus, draining you of life, and probably to the point of trying to find time for yourself. At which she may even feel ignored and use as an excuse to seek it out elsewhere. And all because she, herself, is a boreig cun* with no hobbies or interests outside of... male attention. If any of this sounds familiar... you dealt/deal with a boring *unt.

I finally got my woman to completely back off when I developed another hobby. Politics... which involves heavy amounts of news intake and youtube commentators. She literally now begs me to just play some video games instead. I beat her boring with my boring perhaps.

[Halligan]

I am a gamer. My husband is a gamer. Sometimes we play together, sometimes we play different games, but are right next to eachother. We take turns making runs to the kitchen, checking on the kids, taking care of the animals.

It was an issue in my first marriage because there was no compromise. He refused to help me with the kids, he’d say he couldn’t pause the game, there was always a cutscene. He’d tell me to schedule times to play my MMOs so he could watch the kids, I’d still have to take care of them letting the groups wipe (I was the healer). I have since quit all MMOs.

There are good gamers and there are crappy selfish gamers.

[TaliBear]

I've dated two types of gamers. The one that had a full and active social life with me and friends and went to school full time. played an hour or two every other night. fine. fun. And the other one that ended up neglecting me, housework, school, and finding a job because of the games. Its all about balance, any hobby can become unhealthy if you overdo it. The guy i'm dating now never plays, and sometimes complains about how much I play haha. everyone is different.

[myTake Owner]

I think the balance is important and I agree that a hobby can become unhealthy.

[Astoriana]

In my experience, it’s not people who only play occasionally that have their partners try to get them to quit gaming.

I had a boyfriend who was super into MMORPGs. That’s fine. What wasn’t fine was that we never spent any time together that didn’t involve MMORPGs. He would play all the time (on the internet that I paid for - and bad to upgrade to as business account because he went so far over our download limit), and when he wasn’t playing, he would watch other people playing. Because he was studying computer engineering, he would lie and say it was “research.” No, dude. You’re in the hardware track. Can’t fool me.

So, in this instance, I did compromise - he just didn’t want to do anything else.

And somehow he found the time to cheat on me. Lord knows how.

[lostgirl_searching]

I'm a gamer myself and it was " Destiny " ( lol a corny side joke ) that gave me the opportunity to meet my boyfriend online. So before I met my boyfriend, I'm not the type that likes to go out unless I have to, other than that it's work, nature parks, home and at the mall to go to Gamestop. But bars or clubs are not my type of thing and the guys I met looked at it as immature. So I was glad to meet boyfriend when I was playing Destiny.
We will play together which is always fun but he knows I like watching anime and my shows on Netflix and after gaming together we will have a little date night before bed. Even though playing video games together it's like a special bond and I love that but it's still nice to just relax and watch anime or a movie on Netflix.
Awesome Mytake by the way.

[Avallach]

The reason under all those talks about gaming is that videogames are like drugs - they give fast endorphines and "turn off" reality. There are problems connected to the each effect - it creates addiction and it is unconscious.
I believe that without any moral and physical bounds society provides most of us would have already turned into cave men as we dont control ourselves, fear to be shamed, physical needs etc bounds us
Judging from my experience, no fucking talks affect the gamer as he or she is not controlling themselves - if you find partner too addicted and want them to cut down on time they spend on games you must create motivation or even fear that will control him or her because they usually ignore the fact or dont even know the extent games affect them. Your mind is not possessed with temptation. Apparently...

[Anonymous]

just play video games together. because you never know until you've tried it. just don't get too carried away and play it nonstop where it becomes a health hazard. take breaks. games that are lengthy like mmorpgs or most online games can be very addictive and hard to pull away from even after it for hours straight. you have to have a balance and keep things in check where they are giving you adequate amounts of attention.

[sharkman154]

This can be applied to many things on both sides. I have always loved fishing but the past year I have decided to fish at least every weekend and to grow my YouTube channel and it has made my fiance feel like she is getting less attention but I spend the entire week with her after work and at one of the weekend day

[Namkrow]

Indeed. I am a gamer and will not stop completely for anybody. If I had a girlfriend, I would play less to spend time with her as gaming isn't all I do, but I for one would like it if she either started showing interest in the games I play so I could teach her or was herself a gamer.

[jellyroo]

Nice MyTake!
I've never seen the point in being with someone if you want to "change" or reduce their hobbies (unless they take the hobby to exaggerated lengths, as mentioned in the take).

If I don't share a hobby with my SO I see it as an opportunity to learn and look into a different world, rather than see it as a burden that's taking away the spotlight from ME, or what I'D prefer to do with my time.

[CubsterShura]

I did not even know that gaming is an issue until I read this.

[myTake Owner]

I guess any hobby can become an issue in a relationship, like when men spend hundreds on their hobby, hiding it from their partner. It can cause financial and relationship issues.

[CubsterShura]

yeah true

[MScifiwriter]

What I find strange is that people have come to think of gaming as addictive and unhealthy. Yet there are people who spend each and everyday with their nose in a book and no one says anything at all about that. Not nearly as much as gaming.

[worldshabby]

I would like to know why woman and girls hate it when their partner plays a game? Do they get not enough attention. Anyway it is their problem they both should solve. Pray to God is the best thing to do in any case if people have a problem. Do those man and woman believe in God in the first place? Let them as personal such question if they want an answer from girls ask guys.

[Anonymous]

Obviously if someone wants there partner to stop playing or play less there is a problem that is going to affect the relationship. The person that's not playing is feeling annoyed and/or neglected. So of course something has to be done. If there wasn't a problem they wouldn't ask them to stop playing anyway.

[Daisy007]

Thank you for putting that out there as I'm a gamer myself so I can relate when my boyfriend wants to play bc I do the same.

[Anonymous]

There are guys who are addicted to video games and play them way too much, but most gamer guys are not like that, and most girls who try to get their guys to stop gaming are just insecure, immature, self centered little girls who are unwittingly going down a path toward losing their boyfriends.

[Anonymous]

Considering that it's the woman who is far far more likely to try changing her partner, telling them that the issue probably lies with them, is not going to be popular with the girls.

[NoBullsh1t]

It's just like any other hobby - if it gets in the way, it's a problem. But people should "live and let live" - our hobbies are good for us to recharge, and that applies to both men and women.

[Ellie-V]

I can't stand it when my guy is asking me to play with him instead of just listening to me when i suggest he should play less. I have played video games before... WHEN I WAS A CHILD. I can go in the liquor store and get me damn drink (i don't do alcohol, i'm js), so NO i do not want to play a fucking game with you. I'm not going to tell him to stop, but is it so bad that i'd want him to grow up a little?

[Bbabb12]

I don't think playing video games should be considered as being childish, I mean you can find some pretty deep stuff in video games (it deprends on the genre of course). It's like saying fantasy books are just for children.
Generally to me playing has always felt more like watching a movie where i can be the main character

[RamptUp]

A videogame takes years to make... by adults. I am confused though, are you saying that you want him to play less or stop altogether? Which one means he's "grown up a little"?

[myTake Owner]

The gaming industry is massive for a reason and adult women are the biggest group who play video games. Why do you think there are so many games only made for adults? Children don't have the time (school and being told not to play by parents) or money to invest in gaming so adults are the ones who play most.

[Ellie-V]

@Bbabb12 I don't think playing video games is childish until you start doing it all the time. I understand why people like it. I liked it once. I'm js, that kind of thing should only be a hobby, not a big chunk of who you are... that's just my opinion. Unless you're doing something productive that involves gaming, like creating video games. I can definitely roll with that. Still not gonna try to play with the dude, but I'd respect him more if he wasn't just being a bum on the couch.

[Ellie-V]

I have no respect for any adult who lets video games consume their life. I don't mind that my guy likes them. I understand why people in general like playing that stuff. I love me a good game of Uno but I'm not gonna spend all day doing nothing but diddling with some cards.

[Ellie-V]

@RamptUp I specifically said I'm not gonna tell him to stop. And what i meant by 'grow up a little' is be an adult and get your life in order. Pay a bill. Go to work. Feed a homeless person... ANYTHING that is productive. He just plays games a lot, and i don't respect it because that's not spending your time wisely. I'm definitely not an attention-seeking girlfriend trying to spend more time with him or whatever, I just want him to actually do something with his life that doesn't involve being on a couch with a controller in his hand.

[RamptUp]

I get you Ellie, I think you're saying there's a time and place to play video games, but if playtime exceeds those limitations then it is inappropriate. "Moderation in all things", am I right?

[Ellie-V]

@RamptUp bingo