Someone once said to me that jealousy is the best compliment. I always thought of that person as an idiot.
So, you're at the bar, party or another type of social gathering, and you see your significant other (SO) over there talking to someone. It might seem a bit flirtatious to you, it might actually be flirting. So, maybe you're the type who doesn't want to show it, because you don't like confrontation, or because you are trying to show you trust that person; but on the inside, you're burning up. Or, perhaps you wear your emotions on your sleeve. You have no problem walking up to your SO and person of interest, and giving them a piece of your mind; hopefully not a piece of your fist, though there are plenty of those types, too. Regardless, the jealousy is strong in this one. I have a few words for you that might help you in this situation: Chill out, go sit back down and finish your drink. Seriously, though, don't sweat it.
Okay, admittedly, this might be easier said than done, but I contend that it doesn't have to be. Here are few things to think about the next time you fidget in your seat as he or she talks to someone at the bar.
1. You need to have trust in order for the relationship to work.
If you're starting a new relationship, and the other person so far has given you no reason to mistrust him, then trust'em. If you have so much distrust left over from the previous relationship, then you're probably not ready to be in one. All you're going to do is put stress on the relationship for you both.
2. It's not healthy at all.
In fact, it sounds exhausting. Constantly wanting to see their texts, finding out and collaborating where they are and who they are with, their every movement; I'm tired just thinking about it.
3. Especially when you're under the radar for no reason, continually being accused or questioned for no reason erodes at a bond.
Even if the person is fine initially reassuring you, eventually, it is going to get old, stressful, and build up a resentful relationship.
4. Perhaps the most important thing to realize though, regardless of your trust issues, is this: You cannot control another person's behavior--at all.
You are with another human being who has independent thoughts, independent needs, and independent desires. Regardless of what you think those all should be, you have no domain over any of it; and if you think you can control a person, then there's a larger issue at play that would take up an entirely different myTake. You don't want to be that person. It never leads to a fruitful and fulfilling relationship.
And there are plenty of horror stories of that jealous lover out there. Perhaps you've experienced one: the stalker, the harasser, and in the most extreme cases, the killer. Any type of emotion that can elicit these kinds of reactions should be kept in check. Not bottled up, mind you, but dealt with in healthy ways, to include professional help if need be.
And no one likes to break up with someone, especially if you've invested a lot of years with a person. However, if that person truly has done something to break your trust, such as cheating, then instead of playing the forgiveness card with stipulations, like checking his phone and outright monitoring the person, end it. You're a grown person with your own things to deal with. Life is stressful enough without having to wonder if the person you're supposed to love and trust can be trustworthy once more. Finish it, take some time to recover, and find that next person who might be the one to blow your socks off with little else to worry about besides what you're having for dinner.
To wrap up, spare yourself a lot of grief. If you find yourself in a position where you can't trust the person you're with, for whatever reason, get rid of him or her. You don't need that negativity in your life, and ultimately, you're not going to stop someone from doing what they want. Find someone new, and move on. If you got out of a relationship where you were cheated on, don't get back to him or her, and don't get into one until you think you can start clean. Don't let jealousy hamper your future. It will only make you closed off and distrustful where you need to be available in all facets of your life for someone else. So, just do you, and don't sweat it.
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