You People Really Don't Understand What "Poly" Means

[Anonymous]

"Being poly" has nothing to do with sex, or how many sex partners you have.

"Ployamorous" mean that you are capable of feeling romantic love for more than one person at a time. You are either capable of this, or you're not. Ultimately, sex is a part of expressing love between adults, so the two are intertwined, but not mutually exclusive.

Being in a polyamorous relationship means that at least one person is allowed to express their polyamourous nature, either by having a fully committed relationship with other people, or by having an intimate and close friends with benefits relationship with other people.

Not everyone within a poly relationship is poly themselves, nor does everyone within a poly relationship date/sleep with multiple people, nor do they all date/sleep with each other.

Yes, there are poly relationship groups out there do share communal sex and love, but this is not an accurate example of all.

Having sex outside of your relationship is not "being poly". Unless you're feeling love for both people, romantic love, not limerence or infatuation from the sex, then you're not poly.

Polyamory is not a valid excuse for cheating. Cheaters are acting selfishly, without love, when they cheat. But this does not mean that polyamorous people aren't capable, only that they should take responsibility for their choices.

Polyamory is not an excuse to "play the field", or avoid commitment. Truly polyamourous individuals are committed in some way to each and every one of their partners, as they feel genuine romantic love for all of them.

Non-Monogamous individuals do not attach through sex, polyamorous individuals attach before sex, and usually form strong bonds before sex, the same as monogamous couples. To a non-monogamist, sex is just a physical act. It's not romantic, or spiritual, it just feels good, and maybe they want to try out someone new once in a while. There are no emotions involved, whatsoever.

Non-Monogamists do form romantic attachments, just not through sex. They fall in love through bonding behaviors and displays of affection, just like monogamous couples.

Polyamory and Non-Monogamy are not a choice, they are part of who you are. For many reasons, someone might simply choose to remain single and have multiple sex partners or an endless pool of dates to call up and take out as arm candy.

You can be completely monogamous, and still be in an open relationship.

If you are monogamous by your own choice, allowing your partner to go outside of the relationship doesn't change you, as you are not sleeping with, or dating other people, yourself.

[SirRexington]

I fucking hate apologists... Let's dive in and dismantle your Take shall we?

1: Being poly has everything or mostly to do with sex as yourself confirm several times throughout this Take. Even in that point, you bring up friends with benefits relationships which are solely based around sex. Hence the "benefit".

2: If you don't date or sleep around in a supposed poly relationship then you aren't polyamorous. by the way, communual sex? I'm pretty sure that is called an orgy. Maybe you've heard of it.

3: Having sex outside of the relationship is not inherently polyamorous but that's a big part of it, you don't feel satisfied sexually by your partner but still love them emotionally so you fuck other people and use your partner instead of communicating with your partner.

4: Polyamory isn't an excuse for cheating, it is cheating. You talk about taking responsibility yet that's what polyamory is, lack of responsibility intead opting to make your rounds and do what you want instead if what's smart. I'm all for doing what you want, but just because you can or want to do something doesn't mean you should.

5: Again, that's exactly what polyamory is. It's lack of commitment as they don't want to be held down by one person.

6: Non monogamous? You mean polyamorous? Just stick with that...
First you mentioned how not just polys have strong bonds develop first before sex and how monogamous people are the same way. Which means everyone bonds emotionally first as you are either one or the other.
Then you say, "to a non monogamist, sex is a physical activity. Not romantic or spiritual, it just feels good. Or maybe they they just want to try out someone new everyonce in a while." So not only did you contradict yourself there, but you again contradict your original premise. And you just defined "slut" the literal definition of slut.

7: Now you're saying they do fall in love. Just not through sex. People are supposed to fall in love and then have sex anyway... That's the point, we methodically observe and choose a partner we been worthy of one day carrying our offspring before deciding to engage in the act that can create offspring. But since we have condoms and birth control, the landscape has evolved.
However, can I add that sex is the embodiment of a bonding behavior that is expressed through displays of affection. It seals the deal, forges the bond and wraps it. Commemoration of each others bond.

8: I can agree that some people may have a natural tendency towards one or the b

[SirRexington]

Continued...
Based on the brain structure or environmental factors. However, it's still ultimately a decision you have to make for yourself.

9: you can not be monogamous in a polygamist relationship. That is a contradiction. Unless one is a no good cuck.

[hellionthesagereborn]

"Non-Monogamous individuals do not attach through sex" when you have sex your brain floods with oxytocin which is responsible for creating emotional bonds and creating neural pathways that create reward circuits in your brain when with that individual so yes, non monogamous people do in fact bond through sex, that is just part of our biology. Monogamous people and non monogamous people may not bond exclusively through sex, which should be a given, but they definitely do bond through it in addition to other means.

Monogamy and polyamory are a choice because its a behavior, every one can become attached to multiple people, its not like some kind of magical thing occurs that once your with one person you suddenly stop finding others physically or mentally attractive, the difference is monogamous people realize this and do things to ensure they don't develop a bond with these individuals because they realize that, 1: it can endanger their relationship with their significant other and do harm to them (either because it would be cheating or in the case of polyamory by introducing added stresses like having to divide your time and affection up between multiple people which itself can exacerbate any issues that may come up driving a wedge between them and their original partner or create jealousy) 2: that it would create instability in a family unit when children are present (having a third parent, as they say having to many cooks in the kitchen, as well as conflicting messages as children use their parents as a guide to behavior and if they have three one of them is going to inevitably conflict). 3: that its not sustainable and will require so much effort for no real payoff and high risk. 4: that its is likely an excuse to search for fulfillment outside of the relationship you currently have because you don't have the courage to confront the problems within your current relationship. Polyamory is in fact a choice as is monogamy. if that's what you want to do with your life fine, but again, do not act as if its not something you choose, this is not homosexuality or transgenderism where we have data showing conclusively that their is brain structure differences that cause these effects, this is what every person experiences its just some of us review the possible consequences of the act and realize that its not worth it.

[LegateLanius]

Exactly

[hellionthesagereborn]

@LegateLanius thank you

[Dreamweaver671]

I was with you right up to the last sentence. There is nothing wrong with having multiple adults in the home. We see it all the time with different labels. But to say that a polygamy relation ship is not worth it is paramount to saying dads are not worth being in the family. It is purely a selfish statement. Speaking of... Poly is by all means the absence of selfishness. Ownership is not a verb in the poly world.

[hellionthesagereborn]

@Dreamweaver671 What I stated is accurate. We know that traditional homes are better for all parties involved, study after study shows this. I don't care if this is what you choose to do with your life, its your life, but I do care if you try to claim that what we know to be true is not. You can use what ever cute catch phrases you want to justify your behavior, they can be inaccurate even (it is selfish, you want more then one person ergo you are willing to compromise others well being to do it, that's just a fact), its still not going to change what we know to be true. So again, you can say what ever you want, your not selfish, you can quite when ever you want, its not hurting anybody so whats the harm etc. etc. but again, data shows otherwise. Live however you feel like it, but don't try and spread ignorance about it, we know exactly what it does.

[heyyyyy123]

I feel like I have a different outlook on polyamory. And sorry my opinion is not for polyamory, its just the way I see it as a negative is a little different.
A lot of people see it as "cheating" or "excuse for whoring around", I disagree actually. If anything thats kind of the opposite for what it stands for.
If I will give anything to polyamory is that they aren't lying or cheating on their partners, they are pretty honest with them and it seems there's a lot of trust going on in their relationships which is interesting I guess.
But here's my opinion on polyamory and why I don't agree with it.
I even consider myself a very open minded person, very few things make me disagree or uncomfortable. (AND let me state that when I say I don't agree, I am saying that I just don't agree with it for myself and my lifestyle)
Anyways, I think that it is just so odd and deceptive to love multiple people. Whenever I think of my boyfriend now loving another woman other than me makes me cringe and making me emotional. I usually don't get those kind of emotions on just hypothetical thoughts, but that would really fuck me up mentally honestly.
I think once you start mixing romantic feelings with multiple people, thing start to get weird. I have always been the person to say that there will always be favorites in any kind of scenario where there is multiple people to pick from. And thats just not something I would ever want to be involved in. I don't understand how one person can have the time or energy to love so many people and provide enough attention and affection for multiple people equally. Its just not possible in my opinion. And don't get me started on when children become involved. Of course there are many monogamous relationships that are very dysfunctional and not good for children, but that doesn't erase the fact that there will be so much confusion for the child. Thats all I really have to say, honestly if children were never involved I would have no problem with people close to me having that type of relationship in their life. I am very open minded and nonjudgmental, its just not the lifestyle for me.

[Dreamweaver671]

Poly is not for everyone as some people are insecure and selfish. In your case I see that you are conditioned to the social definition of marriage in that you just feel more comfortable having one mate to deal with. And I have no intentions of saying that you are wrong. Fact is I find your stance the more educated among the naysayers. You have earned my respect

[Dreamweaver671]

I agree with most of what you say but let me point out some flaws. First your boyfriend. Saying you cringe when you think of your boyfriend loving another is pure selfishness. I noticed you never refer to you having love for your past relationships. I bet there is another person from your life that you could say you love and still love them. In a nutshell, poly is openly admitting that there are others whom are in your heart.

Second. Dysfunctional family unit. Here I play devils advocate by simply bring up same sex marriage. Would you be bias or a hypocrite? What is the difference from poly and society in mommy calling Uncle Fred when Fred is not a blood relative... And later Daddy finds out that Uncle Fred I'd actually Sister Cindy's father? The difference is there is no lie in the poly relationship.

Third. Not a flaw but a fact. I am happy that at least you are well educated on the practice. You stated it is not for you and thus this can not be argued.

[heyyyyy123]

@Dreamweaver671 I'm glad I earned your respect and that I didn't offend too much, because that was not my intention at all. And actually I have only ever had this one boyfriend I have now so I can't say I know the feeling of loving more the non person at a time or longing for another person from my past, so I wouldn't know that feeling. And I don't think its very selfish to not let my boyfriend love someone else, and this is coming from someone who lets my boyfriend have sex with other girls because I don't want him to feel trapped. But loving another person and having a relationship with them is not okay with me. I personally don't have sex with other people, that is only something he does, and he doesn't do it very often honestly. Just if he goes out which is not very often anymore. I just think I am very aware of people who play favorites and have grown up around that sort of atmosphere.

[Angelina25]

I'm sure it's not about sex.
But it's also about sex.

[Allie_Oops]

It's not that people don't know. People don't care lol

[demonics]

Theory and practice. Say it with me THEORY and PRACTICE.

Ex: "Just because I'm bi doesn't mean..." Haaa NOPE, had an ex that showed me the light! Wanted a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time. Her 'bisexuality entitled her to both." We all know poly is code for male orbiters who all have a specific job and place in the relationship. Its the classic, "tell your gf's (other) boyfriend to have dinner ready at 6."

[Riggers]

This just justifying thottery and whoring using stupidly un-needed terms...

People like this are fucking lame.

[Goddess_Lexii]

You are so naive and arrogant it makes me sick.
Sex is not ultimately about “expressing love”...
it’s about reproduction of the human race, to create offspring, and carry on our evolution.

To be perfectly clear, it’s people like you who are the reason why the world hates Americans. Your arrogance, and lack of intelligence will get you nowhere in life.

[Jimmy33]

Well I won't say what everone said above but we are humans flawed. Np matter how hard you try to justifiy your cause at the end one of your said main partner will be replaced. You will like someone more than him better than him and then at somepoint he will become smaller in your eye. He may stay as a partner but you found a one you like more who will become tha main partner now

[Berethor]

Ya, it's not about sex with multiple people, it's about "making love" with multiple people, a big difference right? not really, promiscuity usually includes sex with multiple people, and in the end of the day, it's usually what counts the most.

[Berethor]

I mean polyamory, not promiscuity, even though it's quite similar.

[Heythere2013]

Do what you do, I don't really care. I'm just a person who wants their partner to themselves in every respect when it comes to love and intimate things.

[Prankster13]

WAIT-- one question!

"Polyamory and Non-Monogamy are not a choice...
If you are monogamous by your own choice,"

I'm confused. Explain please? ? ?

[Dreamweaver671]

You know your stuff. Every word is fact. And poly is not a curse nor abnormal. Everybody eventually admits they love more than just one person.!!

[Catholicgirl22]

Yeah it's not for me. Loyalty is everything to me in a relationship.

[Kabluie]

I know what Poly means, and I'm sure I'm quite capable of it.

[cloudyheadedchloe]

I think you have a bad title. You say this as if you're the only person on the internet who understands the sexual spectrum.

Sorry to break your bubble babe, but your not. (even if a LOT of people are stupid about it)

[Dreamweaver671]

I don't think the author was claiming to be omnipotent in this subject but merely pointing out the ignorance of the mass population.

[mrArcher]

Bullshit. Nobody buys this. Anyone who puts up with this is a whore or a cuck. No way you can justify this.

[Benedek38]

Polyamory is an excuse for whoring around.

[ovoxo_]

Poly is still an excuse for cheating and "playing the field"/avoiding commitment. Nice try :)

[zagor]

Meh, Poly wants a crack whore.

[Trollfather]

Sounds like a passport to whoring.

[lazermazer]

Poly means many. That’s all i care.

[BOUNTYGUY9]

polly put the kettle on