Who Really Has The Upper Hand In A Relationship?

[Anonymous]

Hello people, it's me again.

Today I decided to speak about a pretty important topic especially in teenager interactions. The upper hand in relationships.

By deifiniton :

Usually in a relationship the one who cares the most has the least power.For example if you are so in love with her that you are paralyzed by the fear of losing her and she knows she will not lose you and that you will do anything she wants,meaning you'll put up with any behaviour. She will have the control and power in the relationship.

From what we can understand having the upper hand in a relationship has it's props, right?

You are able to take control/manipulate the other person easier without being affected, you have a lot of power over their feelings, their mood, etc while they have very little, compared to theirs, over you.

...But who has the upper hand in a relationship?

Guys says girls.

Girls says guys.

What is the right answer?

None of the 2.

It isn't a gender-characteristic, it's based completely on a personality trait and the circumstances that the relatationships is under. It can be both genders.

And now that I think about it, maybe in the future I'll make a MyTake about how you can gain the upper hand in every relationship without losing yourself and becoming any of these 3 types of people.

But for today I am to tell you,

Who Really Has The Upper Hand In A Relationship

1. The one who feels less than the other.

This is a pretty obvious one. When someone cares less it's easier to control and/or affect someone that cares more. This isn't actually uncommon at all,in most relationships not both people's feelings are equally strong making their positions more defined.

♦ Why's that?

♦ When your feelings aren't that strong for someone,small things like your messages being answered late or not being called as many times as you would like or not seeing the other person as much it would be ideal to doesn't bother or hurt you as much as it would if you were madly in love.

Also in arguments the other person can mostly hurt your ego not your feelings. That can make you see things more clear and more logical,fact that will help you take control of the situation.

2. The more confident one.

Knowing your worth always makes you mentally stronger. When someone isn't desperate for attention or confirmation that they are enough or scared that they won't find anyone else in this world that may likes them,makes the other person replacable.

♦What does that mean?

♦ It means that not matter how much it may hurt them if you guys break up,they won't ever feel the need of you.

They will get over you/move on faster because they know that you are not the only person in this world that wants them or are able to make them feel this way.

Confident people that aren't conceited or/and deluded are actually extremely hard to deceive.

They won't let you lower them no matter what.

3. The 'colder' one.

Without a doubt, you've probably had the experience of interacting with someone who was expressionless, harsh, cold-hearted, and not at all open or friendly with you nor others, they seemed to hold everyone at a distance. And let me guess even if you tried to be nothing but kind to them, their behaviour pretty much destroyed all your efforts. In romantic relationships 'colder' people always seem to have the upper hand.

♦ Why?

♦ Because they make you believe they are emotionless.As much as you shout,as much as you cry,as much as you may try to control them,you won't get your desired reaction from them.

They know how to play and they know how or/when when to control their emotions.

They are an ace in taking control of situations just because of other people's feelings.

-END

AngelicSin

[ChurchOfIron]

I agree with the 3 reasons, though: Thing is, women usually feel less than the guy, do they not? Unless the guy is high quality, or if the guy has really good skills with women. On average, though, I'd say the woman cares less. Women will always have more options. They got like at least 2 dudes nipping at their heels, most of the time. Whereas, most guys feel like they're in the desert, so when they get a woman, they latch on hard. Because it takes a lot more effort to nab a woman than it does a man.

Women may feel it is men, because when they *do* get attached, they tend to get attached hard. But also because they prolly disregard the other males who were latched onto them hard and just completely forget about them, I feel. But women are slower to fall in love. So they usually have more power, due to more desireability, thus options, as you say.

Though, a decent amount of guys still have options or are secure in their ability to attract women, like me. But, that's not the norm. Not as much as women.

[Oram52]

What happens if other partner tires of other having the upper hand, and feel its one sided. Unbalanced relationships or one sides relationships are good for no one. Power struggle simply destryos relationships. I don't think anyone should strive for upper hand.

But you're right the characteristics mentioned can result in one of the partner outting more effort in. But that partner can also get tired and simply move on to find someone who would appreciate instead.

Sex can also make a huge difference. Its a big one for guys. That's how many wives are able to control their husbands. But begging to be intimate with their partners doesn't help either. Many do tire once they've had enough and end it.

Best is simply to recognize any signs if the relationship is one sides and you're being played/controlled/manipulated. In that case cut your loses and move on.

[bethshepherd]

IF the woman relies on the man for "love" or money he has the upper hand. If the man relies on the woman for sex she does. http://www.webclairvoyant.com/zodiac-readings

[kaylaS91]

Very true.
+whoever has lower interest in sexual activities, which will usually leave the other one pining to do whatever it takes to get some action.

[Logorithim]

Good points, but I've seen great variability in relationships as to where the "upper hand" lay, and often it was the more emotional person manipulating or otherwise intimidating the less emotional one, who was pyschologically weaker despite being the cool customer in terms of personality.

[Desconhecida]

Interesting mytake. Although the 1st type is similar to the 3rd.

[ScaryCool]

Are they really though? Because I get this underlying feeling that once somebody has gotten to that point, they actually are deeply depressed because they've now faked themselves as well as part of their relationship all the while the other person at the very least will have been living a genuine life.
Not to say I don't agree with you, I just think that's a good additional note.

[Anpu23]

Socially perhaps, but legally women have every advantage, especially after marriage. Once a woman has married a man she has absolute power in the relationship, the divorce courts and family courts have so much case law and legal precedent that a man is lucky if he walks away with anything of value at all, including things that he brought into the relationship.

[winterfox10]

Only an insecure person would think that the person who cares less in a relationship has the power... insecurity, of course means that someone isn't confident. Which leaves number 3. I guess I would agree with #3 in concept. In practice though, the woman is colder, and therefore has the power. She knows that he has chased after her, and she only gave him love when he proved he was worthy. If he stops being worthy, she can just leave.

[Anonymous]

after reading the mytake, it does seems like i have the upper hand since i do think 1, 2, and 3 applies to me. but then again i think back to all those times that she beat me up over petty arguments and because i don't want to hit her back, all i could do was hide helplessly under the blankets on our bed or floor, while she's pummeling me with 1,000 fist of fury per minute.

[frontyer]

The one who loves the other the msot have the least power. It can be both genders, but usually the guy becasue women always have other options and are not as afraid, becasue they know they can find a new girl.

[passinby]

It seems like I always wind up with the upper hand after we break up. Always so far.

[Anonymous]

If you even think 1 then you're not 2 by definition. Only insecure people think about 1. Same with 3 when it's usually done to accomplish 1.

I can care a lot about a girl and be wild about her but that doesn't mean I'll put up with shitty behavior. If she uses my attraction to her as leverage I'd leave in a heartbeat.

[debi2622]

Read the headline question and had my answer immediately. Clicked and see the content you posted is exactly as I would answer. The one that is not as involved emotionally in the relationship has the upper hand.

[Hurlyburly]

I agree with you. It really depends on the personalities of the people involved, not on their genders. I guess the "caring less" is the most common factor here. Already been on both ends and both kind of sucked to me.

[lporter]

When did relationships become about having the “upper” hand? Isn’t it about caring about one another and mutual love and respect?
In other words - isn’t a real relationship the total opposite of this myTake?

[brocklee]

There is a whole power struggle stage in relationships where the upper hand can switch back and forth. I am wondering now if that continues on to some degree through the years.

[LittleSally]

The one who's less in love I guess has more power... but the one who's more in love gets more out of it emotionally I'd say... So depends on your perspective I guess.

[Phoenix98]

I would say that depends entirely on the individuals involved.

Though it should be important to note that if you view your relationship in that manner that isn't the most healthy view and you should probably get some help.

[FatherJack]

When married I became No 1 , as my ex decomposed into a lazy slob , that endlessly complained , hence I got rid of her. I admit I am a bit No 3 , not harsh , but keep myself at a distance from most others.

[levantine99]

so its all about ego not love. glad you realised that.

[MrMysteryMan]

Once they start playing bullshit games, they have no hand and lost the pot!

[Shadow44]

Also to throw it out there, the one who has more options than the other.

[Alexandrianaleigh]

Maybe they don't want to be seen as weak, so they let the other person, who cares less, take control