Thinking that Men only want Sex is Dehumanizing to Men.

I think it is time that I address this stereotype because I keep seeing questions regarding this stereotype on this website.

Thinking that Men only want Sex is Dehumanizing to Men.

As a guy, I am constantly told by society to have sex. Society doesn't encourage men to want relationships. In the instance that a guy like me wants a relationship, many women don't believe that a guy can experience emotion that reflects wanting a relationship. Many women believe that many men are only after sex. Granted, many men do only want sex. I understand that many women have been lied to before by their past boyfriends, and many other men in their lives.

I get that. However, I am writing this mytake to voice my opinion that it is definitely very possible for men to feel emotions and want to have meaningful relationships. Whenever a woman says that men are only looking for sex that translates to, ''you aren't human. You have no emotions. You are incapable of loving someone. I am holding you to a standard of wanting to have sex, and if you deviate from my internalized idea of what men should be, you are lying.'' Some guys are genuinely also looking for friends.

I am at the point in my life in which I am dating a man, and I am just looking for friends. It is hard to find genuine friends that truly care about who you are. I really want friends that I am genuinely close to and that would have my back in tough situations because those friends are very hard to find. People that truly care about you are rare. I really miss being emotionally close to people.

Please understand that some men really do want meaningful relationships.


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Most Helpful Girls

  • Thank you for standing up for yourself and for all the other great men out there. Someone close to me once said although we are all created equal we are all formed into who we are from our past experiences, role models, and relationships. It just takes one jerk to ruin it for everyone else. Women cannot assume men only want one thing just like men cannot assume women only want one thing. I just wish people can take the time to get to know someone before writing them off as a stereotype.

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  • Here is my honest opinion to that. Men are the same as women in this topic. Yet even most women will deny it, and say men are selfish, and just don’t get it. But that’s a lie.

    Both genders love sex. Both genders are confused about relationships even when in one. Unless they truly become in sync with a partner.

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    • I agree with this.

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    • Exactly and I heard of girls who gets turned off because their boyfriends don't want to or too busy to have sex with them. Girls have all the reasons to break up (hyperbole).

    • And also denying that one. And I mean lots of girls.

Most Helpful Guys

  • dude.. who put the onions in here

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  • Thank you for sharing this.

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What Girls Said 29

  • Thank you for sharing this.

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  • Many if not all women have had many bad experiences with overly sexual men and that tends to make them paint a broad picture of the male gender.

    I grew up on the opposite side if the fence as compared to most women. I idolized my father and all of his friends to the point of practically being raised by them. I learned a lot from them.

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    • Your comment made me realize that I grew up with a great father. My father and mother have been married for 25 years now.

  • I agree. It's much too sweeping a statement to be true. I think men cultivate the image though, not just women.

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  • I agree with this completely. Society should not force men into feeling like they have to only crave sex and only sex, and people in general should not go into relationships with other people assuming something about the other person based on gender. A lot of guys DO want relationships, and it really isn't that hard to find a nice person as long as you look in the right spots and have honest, open conversations in the beginning of the relationship to find out what you both expect out of it.

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  • thank you for saying this!! this is REAL equality. off topic i believe female pedophiles and rapists need to be held accountable just like men, i believe in this “macho man” stigma that society likes to force on boys, that they’re not allowed to cry or express their feelings. its such horse shit. its bad for young boys to be pressured into sex and that if you’re a male virgin, you’re a loser

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  • Yes yes exactly! No one should have to feel this way, and it honestly sickens me how many women here are perpetuating that stereotype. It's basically the equivalent to saying "All women care about is a big dick". Both are equally as dehumanizing in my opinion, and should be looked down upon.

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    • I think part of it comes from fear. Some women are scared to get hurt by a guy in a relationship that only want sex.

    • @iskg679 Not really. It’s like saying I’m going to buy a computer at a certain store but they only sell candy. I mean, yum, I guess.

  • I want to believe in it but just can't do it. After I've discovered about my exes cheating, I can't believe the guys can care, be reflective and truly emotional.
    Imagine, he is a programmist and he developed a firewall to secure chatting with hookers. When I lost trust to him, I've broken it with ininja. org and the painful truth has opened for me.
    Just can't believe now.

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    • You will heal with time. I think you are just hurt from the last relationship.

  • good take, but I will argue that most men WILL expect proof of good sex before even CONSIDERING that they would want something long term. I believe that guys do want relationships, but they won't lead with things like values, personality, moral integrity or the kind of stuff that actually makes relationship in the end. They'll just fuck around (and not really deal with "insignificant" partners feelings) until they find someone with whom the sex is better than whatever they've had before. so in short, most men aren't really choosing lasting relationships, they are just going with whatever will get them the most or best sex and comfort now. As the couple spends more time, they'll either wake the heck up and talk about "feeling caged" when their female partner wants the time and energy to be labeled as something or they'll wake the heck up and realize that she deserves more than some guy who thinks about his own sexual complacency. The thing is good sex can be taught and learned and men need to be more willing to put in the effort and be willing to overlook "sexual dysfunctions" their partners. Because guess what? if you have kids, all that sexy fun time is going to go away for a little while.
    Men want meaningful relationships, but the way they approach relationships is often backwards, and when they "wake up" it often hurts women who have been actively trying to make relationships happen. If Men know what they want and are willing to give, teach, and be labeled, rather than just "be along for the ride, taking whatever they can get," they will get more respect, and have much more filling relationships.

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  • I think guys have a harder time showing their in words. Movies usually shows guys love and care through thoughts and touch, while women talk about it and put it into words. My boyfriend speak his love through touch and it took me some time to figure it out. Sometimes love is not shouting from the rooftops but cuddle at night.

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  • Dehumanizing? A lot of you do want that. Guys have even said that they need sex. Guys give girls these ideas. So I guess men are “dehumanizing” men the most.

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    • Some cases you are right we have to admit we have some dumb fucks on our side who eat and just want there Primal intent of reproduction butttt... We do get it a lot its just like how some assume that girls are one sided in arguments. While some are the overall image is made out to be that small percentage.

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    • I’m sorry for all the men who are offended by this post but it is actually true. 90% of people who claim that they mostly want sex happen to be men.

    • @hype it’s 100% the truth.

  • If your need for sex is greater than your need for a relationship then yes, that’s really the only thing you want (unless you are capable of having a sexless partnership)—applies to both men and women.

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  • Is it possible that a man tells you that he only wants sex--BUT actually wants a relationship? Do you think people in general are afraid to say they truly want a connection with you? I wholeheartedly believe men DO want to love, but some are afraid just like women are afraid. Not every guy is dead inside... and I even believe my guy LOVED his first girlfriend... just like I LOVED my first boyfriend. We're both afraid to open our hearts again. :'( <3

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  • You do know that mostly men are the ones who say this right? 😆

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  • thanks for sharing. i’d love for advice on my last post. u seem like a guy that could help me

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  • You see, I try to believe that men are humans that do want more than sex then I come across stuff, shit happens and then I be like, ehh NVM what was I even thinking... 😅

    There are men who do want meaningful relationships, but not many. Plenty of guys who say that they want meaningful relationships aren't really meaning it, pun intended I guess. This gets frustrating. Plus, plenty of men themselves say those kinda stuff too!

    It is de-humanizing to women as well! Like I could be going places in life kicking ass, developing new skills and earning new achievements... And at that stage when a woman is told that all men care about is sex and only want them to look good, almost in a way that none of their hard work or skills matter, that's heavily objectifying. Believe me when I say this, women don't like it either. We LOVE the idea of men who want meaningful relationships.

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  • I don't think every guy wants just sex. I know many guys actually wants to have something meaningful. Many guys want long term relationship. Many just wants pure friendship. I have had some really bad experiences with men but I also met some truly amazing guys who made me see that not all guys are jerks and think of women as sex object. I am in a relationship with a guy who made it pretty clear to me that he wants a long term relationship with me. I know some awesome guys that I proudly call my friends. So, yes, it's not fair to make generalization.

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  • Dehumanizing, yes. But the evidence speaks for itself.

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  • ฅ (๑⊙д⊙๑) ฅ!!

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  • Good take

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  • Interesting

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  • I don't think men just want sex

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  • Lol then stop acting like hypersexual animals and we will believe it

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  • I know there are men out there that want relationships but it's hard to find them, especially when the guys that just want sex are the only ones that approach me /:

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    • Maybe your perception are screwed or maybe you only want the one who are there for the meat.

  • yeah but you aren´t straight, so you are a bit closer to girls point of view. I don´t say ALL straight men only want sex, mabe 80% only want sex, but sure 100% want sex and if they talk to a girl 99% that is to try to fuck her

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    • I agree with the being closer to a woman's point of view, but I genuinely believe that there are more men that want relationships out there.

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    • @AllThatSweetJazz maybe with 27 yo, being 21 ask any boy from my age and they will tell you they just care about hook ups

    • I didn't want just hookups at 21. In my experience most guys don't just want hookups. And I don't really see guys changing their mind with time. All my friends basically want the same things they've always wanted. Most guys will probably say yes to a hookup if the opportunity presented but that not the same as only wanting hookups.

  • Men do not only want sex but it is a large share interest in why men get with women. The main motive for men is sex when it comes to being with women. Hence, why so many men these days move on when you do every other girlfriend activity with them other than drop your panties within 3 months of knowing them.

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    • Disagree guys usely that are goid want a relationship first some 1 they can share moments with an time together it fills a part of. Each guys an girls if you look at the, norm most people rather be in a goid relationship even if it. doesn't have much sex ever than in 1 just about sex

    • Naaa. I agree. The only difference is whether or not the guy deludes himself into thinking it's not about sex. Which a lot of guys do, because they know that women are skittish about sex; and, they learn early on, usually, that the only way they're getting laid is if they pretend that that's not the main thing they're looking for.

      That said, men and women want the same things. We just have different priorities. It's just nature. Women want comfort and security; men want sex most. But, men still enjoy comfort and connection and all that bullshit; and, women still enjoy sex. Reversed priorities.

  • Hey it goes both ways dude. Thinking women only want money is dehumanizing women.

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    • I love how men are the ones who make up these stereotypes and then complain about the stereotype

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    • In other words**

    • @CubsterShura Right. Reasonable. And most guys want reasonable amounts of sex, as well, and are satisfied with that. My point was in regards to whatserface saying "as long as movies and songs claim women are gold diggers, they'll think that about us women."

      I was saying it stems from very real things, not just songs. Money being a sexual characteristic to women--and some women being gold diggers--is what convinces men that women want money. Because some women only want a guy's bank account numbers. Just like some men only want a woman's pussy.

      My point was just that it's based on real shit. But also that, yeah, most people are reasonable with their expectations.

  • I’ve never heard of a woman say this because they know it’s bs. Men are the ones who dehumanize themselves.

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  • Most guys only care about looks.. Personality is irrelevant about them
    When they say they want a woman with a nice personality, they mean that they want someone who doesn't challenge their authority

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    • I'll take "loads of horseshit for $1200 Alex"

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    • I thumbs up this opinion, i agree it's true and freely admit it,

    • @malegender Under your circumstances

  • Men think with their dicks. That’s just a fact.

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    • Well said. They only care about looks

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    • @ChurchOfIron There's gonna be lots of denials that women love dicks as much as guys wanting to fuck. But they won't do it because of pregnancy. We don't do it as well because of law.

    • Big dicks are a big deal. But like, it’s really taboo for a girl to say that lol. I hate how it’s unacceptable for women to have appearance standards but men can have them if they want. But that doesn’t mean men are more shalllw.

What Guys Said 46

  • Men dehumanize men, women also dehumanize men. Women also act inhuman towards men. If you tell someone they are or are not something enough times, usually they will begin to believe it and act as such.

    Very few people are altruistic enough to continuously behave like a human when repeatedly told they aren't despite their efforts.

    I've met plenty of guys who used something similar to that to 'justify' their actions. People treated them horribly first, so it is okay to treat other people horribly.

    It is bullshit, but plenty of people still believe in it because it is convenient. And also because it is more painful/difficult to live life in a humane manner than not. People are even more accepting of others when they act inhumane towards other people.

    Both men and women who actually care about the feelings of others are a rarity, and go against the flow of society.

    Women often act as though they care on the surface because that is the norm, but from a women's actions and such you can tell whether she is doing so out of social obligation or not.

    A woman can easily say nice things and make friends, while backstabbing, lying and overall doing wrong to others without remorse, if it offers her the slightest benefit, and it is 'justified' normally. That is also inhumane.

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    • Selfishness, deception, and cruelty is a huge part of human nature actually. Open a history book. It’s all there.

    • Someone that have begun to see some small parts of how thing's really are :)

  • No question that a majority of men EVENTUALLY want a real relationship.

    BUT, it's also true that many, if not most, go through a period - usually from late teens to mid-20s - where all they really want is sex and freedom. AND, it's true that, of the women they meet, men only want a relationship with a small percentage, but they want sex (and ONLY sex) from a much larger percentage.

    The reason those facts get mentioned so often here is that a ton of women aren't aware of them, or are in denial. That's because women are very different - most women would prefer to have sex only within a relationship (even if they do sometimes have casual sexl, and they also still want to be friends with many guys that they have no desire to date. Most guys do not (unless they are already in a relationship and getting laid regularly).

    Women who assume that men want what woman want are going to make a lot of bad decisions and get hurt when if they really understood how men really work, they would do much better.

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  • Well most of time these types of comments are made with huge generalization, which is a common mistake made regardless of gender. I do agree that it is dehumanizing a bit, because somehow this notion goes hand in hand of the other unfair social perspective on men.

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    • I do think that generalizations play a role in the misinterpretations.

  • Well even for guys who want just sex. Some can be callous, but I think women can mistake and think guys don't care if they hurt the women they have sex with or all are just conceited jerks. There can be so many layers to why a man does things, and doesn't want a woman to feel used, but feels he's in a catch 22 in his life.

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  • I find it extremely ironic that the same feminist man hating pinks on here that are accusing “men only want sex” are the same ones that spew the most sexual content on here and by far the biggest perverts. Look, the one’s that say this don’t even qualify as decent-human themselves and are by far the biggest damn hypocrites in existence so you should pay no mind to a damn thing they say. The hypocrite feminist man haters have the social skills of a two yo so just treat them that way.

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  • Most women are clueless about what men want. You can see 1000's of examples of that on this site especially from females under the age of 25. They just assume most guys just want sex and like most assumptions it is often totally wrong.

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  • the amount of guys I see that only care about sex is pretty ridiculous obviously it's not all men and people know this but I'd say it is the majority. Obviously I don't know every guy but I see it a lot and you can't deny that you don't see it either which is why this stereotype exists.
    Guys that just want relationships exist I mean I'm one of them but women are constantly objectified by guys just wanting to use them which is again why this stereotype exists because of the mass of experiences.

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    • All men want relationships but won’t reject a hot girl for sex. That’s different than ONLY wanting sex from women. People just confuse these two.

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    • It’s weird but you’re a guy so you see guys behave this way more often. I don’t. Seriously. I see this more in women. I get along with both guys and girls and the guys keep telling me that this girl was randomly grabbing his dick (oh wait that was MY EX). But the fact is that he told me about it and that is harassment. But people don’t take it seriously and ignore it and females downright deny it ever happened so that’s why you don’t hear of females doing this as often

    • And many other instances where the girl randomly sends nudes or asks for a dick pic but they don’t TELL their friends or anyone. The only one who knows about this is the recipient

  • It's a terrible narrative and ridiculous double standard - women want sex as much if not more. And by the way - neither gender should be shamed for wanting sex. Of course you want sex! You're a fucking human being! Aside from our survival instinct (need for food, shelter, etc.), your sex drive is the most powerful biological force you experience.

    And you're right - particularly for the guys who are very relationship oriented which is MOST. MOST men want families.

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  • What’s most dehumanizing is double standards. It sends the message that men and women are not people, they are just men and women.

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  • we do want to be emotionally involved. to love, and care. yet we are very sexual in nature. one is not mutually exclusive to the other. if our partner shows little interest in sex this is usually a major letdown.

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  • 7d

    Thanks as I do miss a platonic relationship with a women or wemen! I think most people need love and the ones that don't are a kinda: in denial an hurt, or something; I think!

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  • This is true. We as human beings have the ability to decide all the answers to the questions proposed. We all have needs and wants. Being emotional and the ability to utilize your intelligence thrown into the mix adds to the stigma that men as well as women can be without being intimate. But its normal to desire but to be able to be real and disclose your feelings not that's guts and faith. Intimacy is the greatest feeling alive and when all feelings in every aspect are thrown into the mix then you have to understand there can be differences amongst us that can motivate us to feel how we feel. there's what we can accept what we think we can accept what we must accept and what we can't accept.

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  • Lol. Come on bro. "I'm constantly told by society to have sex." No. Your dick constantly tells you to have sex. This is not a societal influence thing. It's a nature thing. There's sperm, and there's eggs. Eggs are most efficient when used sparingly with high quality sperm. Sperm is most beneficial biologically when it's used as much as possible.

    You're genetically tailored to want to bang as much as possible.

    Yes, it's true that men don't usually *only* want sex. But sex is the top priority. I know you might not want to face that, but it's the truth.

    When comparing men and women, men want sex significantly more than women do; and, women want that "connection" significantly more than men do. We all want the same things. But we certainly have different priorities.

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  • I mean you're essentially right but..

    Since when do women care about the dehuminization or suffering of men? Not like that is going to change anytime soon.

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  • Girls like sex as much as guys do, guy sometimes have a different approach and it can be confusing but guys and girl are more similar than a lot of people think

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  • You know what, I have to say I disagree with this one.

    I don't personally feel dehumanized by this stereotype.
    Partly because my ego doesn't really feel threatened by stereotypes that do not represent me, and partly because I believe this stereotype to be so overwhelmingly true that I would feel like I'm insulting a woman's intelligence by trying to disprove it.

    When a stereotype represents the majority of cases, I think it is not unfair to blame people for being wary of it.
    I personally don't mind the burden of responsibility resting on me in this particular case.

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  • obviously men want more than just sex but just sex is sometimes all they can get so yeah. lack of choices.

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  • I think most good guys do want a relationship but it's girls who Beleive he won't stay if they dont give sex right away then they set them selfs up for heart break an excellent post

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  • That’s all I want cause that’s all modern women are good for and at least half aren’t even good at that.

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  • Well, a lot men and women do for their reasons, so what? Sometimes the urge to have sex is overwhelming and I struggle with tuning it out. We're still human at the end of the day

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  • All stereotypes dehumanize people by trying to characterize them as one-dimensional beings rather than the complex individuals that they truly are.

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  • It annoys me thar girls think this because I'm not like that

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  • well we are labeled because of bad seeds. We need to show that we are good people.

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  • Thank god someone said it.
    And it’s stereotypical.

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  • I would agree men fall into very different categories.

    However...

    >I am at the point in my life in which I am dating a man

    You realize that's a major point of divergence from the bulk of the male population, right? Usually, when a person uses the phrase, "I'm at the point in my life..." it's a common point that occurs for the overwhelming majority of a given population. Sorry, it's not common among regular dudes to go, "Hey, there comes a point in every man's life when he just wants to start banging dudes."

    I think most women already know that gay dudes want female friends and are not looking for sex.

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  • Amen broham

    I love sex sure but when someone assumes it does dehumanize us same thing when the shoes on the other side

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  • I agree. I'm tired of being told that i just want to fuck.

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  • Good take. Anyway we don't only want sex. We also want sandwiches.

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  • Well I've given up personally dude, but thanks man... it's not just the being lied to, life it's self... school yard rules.

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  • I am a man who only wants sex and I find this offensive.

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