Thinking that Men only want Sex is Dehumanizing to Men.

[iskg679]

I think it is time that I address this stereotype because I keep seeing questions regarding this stereotype on this website.

As a guy, I am constantly told by society to have sex. Society doesn't encourage men to want relationships. In the instance that a guy like me wants a relationship, many women don't believe that a guy can experience emotion that reflects wanting a relationship. Many women believe that many men are only after sex. Granted, many men do only want sex. I understand that many women have been lied to before by their past boyfriends, and many other men in their lives.

I get that. However, I am writing this mytake to voice my opinion that it is definitely very possible for men to feel emotions and want to have meaningful relationships. Whenever a woman says that men are only looking for sex that translates to, ''you aren't human. You have no emotions. You are incapable of loving someone. I am holding you to a standard of wanting to have sex, and if you deviate from my internalized idea of what men should be, you are lying.'' Some guys are genuinely also looking for friends.

I am at the point in my life in which I am dating a man, and I am just looking for friends. It is hard to find genuine friends that truly care about who you are. I really want friends that I am genuinely close to and that would have my back in tough situations because those friends are very hard to find. People that truly care about you are rare. I really miss being emotionally close to people.

Please understand that some men really do want meaningful relationships.

[inlovesince092111]

Thank you for standing up for yourself and for all the other great men out there. Someone close to me once said although we are all created equal we are all formed into who we are from our past experiences, role models, and relationships. It just takes one jerk to ruin it for everyone else. Women cannot assume men only want one thing just like men cannot assume women only want one thing. I just wish people can take the time to get to know someone before writing them off as a stereotype.

[DollySummers]

Here is my honest opinion to that. Men are the same as women in this topic. Yet even most women will deny it, and say men are selfish, and just don’t get it. But that’s a lie.

Both genders love sex. Both genders are confused about relationships even when in one. Unless they truly become in sync with a partner.

[iskg679]

I agree with this.

[Partywithtom]

You beat me to it. Men and women both behave the same sexually towards one another. It's how we socially construct the views if the opposite gender that skews everyone's perception

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Exactly and I heard of girls who gets turned off because their boyfriends don't want to or too busy to have sex with them. Girls have all the reasons to break up (hyperbole).

[Aiko_E_Lara]

And also denying that one. And I mean lots of girls.

[OpenWine]

dude.. who put the onions in here

[Anonymous]

Thank you for sharing this.

[Genie23]

I don't think every guy wants just sex. I know many guys actually wants to have something meaningful. Many guys want long term relationship. Many just wants pure friendship. I have had some really bad experiences with men but I also met some truly amazing guys who made me see that not all guys are jerks and think of women as sex object. I am in a relationship with a guy who made it pretty clear to me that he wants a long term relationship with me. I know some awesome guys that I proudly call my friends. So, yes, it's not fair to make generalization.

[Genie23]

Great Take :)

[Dause]

Men dehumanize men, women also dehumanize men. Women also act inhuman towards men. If you tell someone they are or are not something enough times, usually they will begin to believe it and act as such.

Very few people are altruistic enough to continuously behave like a human when repeatedly told they aren't despite their efforts.

I've met plenty of guys who used something similar to that to 'justify' their actions. People treated them horribly first, so it is okay to treat other people horribly.

It is bullshit, but plenty of people still believe in it because it is convenient. And also because it is more painful/difficult to live life in a humane manner than not. People are even more accepting of others when they act inhumane towards other people.

Both men and women who actually care about the feelings of others are a rarity, and go against the flow of society.

Women often act as though they care on the surface because that is the norm, but from a women's actions and such you can tell whether she is doing so out of social obligation or not.

A woman can easily say nice things and make friends, while backstabbing, lying and overall doing wrong to others without remorse, if it offers her the slightest benefit, and it is 'justified' normally. That is also inhumane.

[Ellie-V]

Selfishness, deception, and cruelty is a huge part of human nature actually. Open a history book. It’s all there.

[crazy8000]

Someone that have begun to see some small parts of how thing's really are :)

[Xoxocutekitty]

good take, but I will argue that most men WILL expect proof of good sex before even CONSIDERING that they would want something long term. I believe that guys do want relationships, but they won't lead with things like values, personality, moral integrity or the kind of stuff that actually makes relationship in the end. They'll just fuck around (and not really deal with "insignificant" partners feelings) until they find someone with whom the sex is better than whatever they've had before. so in short, most men aren't really choosing lasting relationships, they are just going with whatever will get them the most or best sex and comfort now. As the couple spends more time, they'll either wake the heck up and talk about "feeling caged" when their female partner wants the time and energy to be labeled as something or they'll wake the heck up and realize that she deserves more than some guy who thinks about his own sexual complacency. The thing is good sex can be taught and learned and men need to be more willing to put in the effort and be willing to overlook "sexual dysfunctions" their partners. Because guess what? if you have kids, all that sexy fun time is going to go away for a little while.
Men want meaningful relationships, but the way they approach relationships is often backwards, and when they "wake up" it often hurts women who have been actively trying to make relationships happen. If Men know what they want and are willing to give, teach, and be labeled, rather than just "be along for the ride, taking whatever they can get," they will get more respect, and have much more filling relationships.

[Asad1ONE1]

Lol you just described what many men think of women lol hypocrite 🤡

[MrOracle]

No question that a majority of men EVENTUALLY want a real relationship.

BUT, it's also true that many, if not most, go through a period - usually from late teens to mid-20s - where all they really want is sex and freedom. AND, it's true that, of the women they meet, men only want a relationship with a small percentage, but they want sex (and ONLY sex) from a much larger percentage.

The reason those facts get mentioned so often here is that a ton of women aren't aware of them, or are in denial. That's because women are very different - most women would prefer to have sex only within a relationship (even if they do sometimes have casual sexl, and they also still want to be friends with many guys that they have no desire to date. Most guys do not (unless they are already in a relationship and getting laid regularly).

Women who assume that men want what woman want are going to make a lot of bad decisions and get hurt when if they really understood how men really work, they would do much better.

[TacocaT6969]

Many if not all women have had many bad experiences with overly sexual men and that tends to make them paint a broad picture of the male gender.

I grew up on the opposite side if the fence as compared to most women. I idolized my father and all of his friends to the point of practically being raised by them. I learned a lot from them.

[iskg679]

Your comment made me realize that I grew up with a great father. My father and mother have been married for 25 years now.

[CubsterShura]

You see, I try to believe that men are humans that do want more than sex then I come across stuff, shit happens and then I be like, ehh NVM what was I even thinking... 😅

There are men who do want meaningful relationships, but not many. Plenty of guys who say that they want meaningful relationships aren't really meaning it, pun intended I guess. This gets frustrating. Plus, plenty of men themselves say those kinda stuff too!

It is de-humanizing to women as well! Like I could be going places in life kicking ass, developing new skills and earning new achievements... And at that stage when a woman is told that all men care about is sex and only want them to look good, almost in a way that none of their hard work or skills matter, that's heavily objectifying. Believe me when I say this, women don't like it either. We LOVE the idea of men who want meaningful relationships.

[backdoorman]

I didn't expect you to stoop this low, CubsterShura. Sad.

[CubsterShura]

@backdoorman I'm just being honest lol. I have no reason to unnecessarily crap on the opposite gender

[Asad1ONE1]

Who's "we"?

[Asad1ONE1]

You mean "you". Don't apply your perverse ideologies on the entire female gender. Besides, it seems you sound jealous that good looking women get the sex and attention, because most women would love nothing more than to be adored by their looks and for men to want sex with them.

If anything, you just hate that isn't you.

[Kurαȷ]

You know what, I have to say I disagree with this one.

I don't personally feel dehumanized by this stereotype.
Partly because my ego doesn't really feel threatened by stereotypes that do not represent me, and partly because I believe this stereotype to be so overwhelmingly true that I would feel like I'm insulting a woman's intelligence by trying to disprove it.

When a stereotype represents the majority of cases, I think it is not unfair to blame people for being wary of it.
I personally don't mind the burden of responsibility resting on me in this particular case.

[malegender]

great comment

[tlrmrs]

I agree with this completely. Society should not force men into feeling like they have to only crave sex and only sex, and people in general should not go into relationships with other people assuming something about the other person based on gender. A lot of guys DO want relationships, and it really isn't that hard to find a nice person as long as you look in the right spots and have honest, open conversations in the beginning of the relationship to find out what you both expect out of it.

[nonratracereality]

This is true. We as human beings have the ability to decide all the answers to the questions proposed. We all have needs and wants. Being emotional and the ability to utilize your intelligence thrown into the mix adds to the stigma that men as well as women can be without being intimate. But its normal to desire but to be able to be real and disclose your feelings not that's guts and faith. Intimacy is the greatest feeling alive and when all feelings in every aspect are thrown into the mix then you have to understand there can be differences amongst us that can motivate us to feel how we feel. there's what we can accept what we think we can accept what we must accept and what we can't accept.

[ChurchOfIron]

Lol. Come on bro. "I'm constantly told by society to have sex." No. Your dick constantly tells you to have sex. This is not a societal influence thing. It's a nature thing. There's sperm, and there's eggs. Eggs are most efficient when used sparingly with high quality sperm. Sperm is most beneficial biologically when it's used as much as possible.

You're genetically tailored to want to bang as much as possible.

Yes, it's true that men don't usually *only* want sex. But sex is the top priority. I know you might not want to face that, but it's the truth.

When comparing men and women, men want sex significantly more than women do; and, women want that "connection" significantly more than men do. We all want the same things. But we certainly have different priorities.

[Reggieray]

I would agree men fall into very different categories.

However...

>I am at the point in my life in which I am dating a man

You realize that's a major point of divergence from the bulk of the male population, right? Usually, when a person uses the phrase, "I'm at the point in my life..." it's a common point that occurs for the overwhelming majority of a given population. Sorry, it's not common among regular dudes to go, "Hey, there comes a point in every man's life when he just wants to start banging dudes."

I think most women already know that gay dudes want female friends and are not looking for sex.

[Amanda269]

I think guys have a harder time showing their in words. Movies usually shows guys love and care through thoughts and touch, while women talk about it and put it into words. My boyfriend speak his love through touch and it took me some time to figure it out. Sometimes love is not shouting from the rooftops but cuddle at night.

[Asad1ONE1]

Huh? Actually I've noticed it's the other way around: women love to touch and cuddle while men talk it out.

[Anonymous]

Agree. Stereotypes are a crutch, and always have been. While they can be useful (and were developed for a purpose), it needs to be understood that often they are only very poor generalisations.
I am not sure whether this is a new trend, but currently it seems that people want others to fit inside their bikes and labels, and are not accepting of things which go outside those.
There is a denial of the complexity of the individual, and that labels and appearances are often only starting points, not descriptions of someone's entire existence.
This leads to situations like that described.

[Opinion Owner]

* bikes -> boxes

[sockandshoes]

thank you for saying this!! this is REAL equality. off topic i believe female pedophiles and rapists need to be held accountable just like men, i believe in this “macho man” stigma that society likes to force on boys, that they’re not allowed to cry or express their feelings. its such horse shit. its bad for young boys to be pressured into sex and that if you’re a male virgin, you’re a loser

[Anonymous]

Amazing how so many well rounded sweet innocent guys end up in this one post., its got to be a new world record! 😂
I think the reality is most men, especially online men want sex and only sex. Download whisper for a week and come back and redo this take. We're animals, I mean, when we're young we're even worse... yeah, there's a few good guys, but in general how can you blame anyone for stereotyping us as anything but sex hungry cavemen when it's true. Someone in the comments keeps saying all guys care about is looks, that's bullshit... girls care about looks way more... it's shallow af. Trust me most Guys will fuck anything.

[iskg679]

I really wish that wasn't true though.

[Athena374]

You’re right.

[DocilexElle]

Is it possible that a man tells you that he only wants sex--BUT actually wants a relationship? Do you think people in general are afraid to say they truly want a connection with you? I wholeheartedly believe men DO want to love, but some are afraid just like women are afraid. Not every guy is dead inside... and I even believe my guy LOVED his first girlfriend... just like I LOVED my first boyfriend. We're both afraid to open our hearts again. :'( <3

[hellacray]

I've been wanting something real for a long time. Lots of kid films and movies have definitely fooled me for a long time. You know be yourself, there's plenty of fish in the sea, and living happily ever after.

Then you start realizing women in the world isn't really worth as much effort as what they show in the movies. Sometimes where even the main protagonist would die saving the girl he loved.

So... Like you said there's plenty of guys out there that do want relationships. Hell pretty much all my guy friends have never slept around. There's plenty of break ups cause things are working out, but we never sleep around.

It really is a miracle that some women always get bad guys. I mean awell tough luck.

[KileyLongbuttt]

I want to believe in it but just can't do it. After I've discovered about my exes cheating, I can't believe the guys can care, be reflective and truly emotional.
Imagine, he is a programmist and he developed a firewall to secure chatting with hookers. When I lost trust to him, I've broken it with ininja. org and the painful truth has opened for me.
Just can't believe now.

[iskg679]

You will heal with time. I think you are just hurt from the last relationship.

[Adrianna7868]

Yes yes exactly! No one should have to feel this way, and it honestly sickens me how many women here are perpetuating that stereotype. It's basically the equivalent to saying "All women care about is a big dick". Both are equally as dehumanizing in my opinion, and should be looked down upon.

[iskg679]

I think part of it comes from fear. Some women are scared to get hurt by a guy in a relationship that only want sex.

[navyrobin]

@iskg679 Not really. It’s like saying I’m going to buy a computer at a certain store but they only sell candy. I mean, yum, I guess.

[Athena374]

Dehumanizing? A lot of you do want that. Guys have even said that they need sex. Guys give girls these ideas. So I guess men are “dehumanizing” men the most.

[Deathwishking2]

Some cases you are right we have to admit we have some dumb fucks on our side who eat and just want there Primal intent of reproduction butttt... We do get it a lot its just like how some assume that girls are one sided in arguments. While some are the overall image is made out to be that small percentage.

[Athena374]

Exactly. I don't know why you guys are disliking this tho it’s the truth. Women don’t say these things for no reason.

[hype105]

It's not the truth at all though. There are plenty of guys who aren't looking for sex but meaningful relationships. Personally I don't wanna have sex until I'm married and there are lots of guys who aren't looking for sex.

Girls are given this idea by a vocal minority and by the societial standard that we didn't set. I mean it's like saying all blonde hair women are dopey. It's not true, it's an unfair stereotype

[latinabutterfly96]

I’m sorry for all the men who are offended by this post but it is actually true. 90% of people who claim that they mostly want sex happen to be men.

[Athena374]

@hype it’s 100% the truth.

[Asad1ONE1]

@latinabutterfly96 That is because more women than men want more sex and so they are jealous that men get to express themselves in a way that they feel they can't.

Women are more sexual than men, but they are afraid that men can't match up with them, and so they attempt to shame us for it.

[Asad1ONE1]

Yes guys "say" that. But women are more on the secretive side and Happen to be less vocal and more insecure than men.